06-01-2020. Lagos, Nigeria.

It’s only been a few days into the new year, but you are beginning to realise just how fucked your finances are. And how helpless that makes you.

Remember how you were excited about December and all the fun it promised? Yeah, the enthusiasm that kept building up in the days leading to the rocks. You probably slowed down for a bit to think about how much it was going to cost you and the aftermath of it all, but the thought evaporated as soon as it came. Why? Because you were going to cross the bridge when you got there.

Now, you’re at this bridge, but it’s been burned down, and you have no idea how to get to the other side. Suddenly, the memory of everything you did last month leaves a dry taste in your mouth.

We’re not judging you, though. You are most of us. To show you that we get it; we have decided to compile some of the ways you could survive the horrors of this month. Not to get ahead of ourselves, but you’re welcome.

Make your kitchen work again

dance dancing GIF by theblock

These are the famous words a certain president rode on to victory. It worked for him, so it might just work for you too.

See, that a lot of thought went into including a kitchen as a part of your house’s structure. Now is the time you need it to do more – to be more than a glorified store. Simply put; as the month run its slow, agonising course, you have to renew your love for cooking. This is the time to become your mum and always remember that there is rice at home.

Limit your internet usage

Oh No Internet GIF by Loof and Timmy

Sure, the news of an impending war might be interesting enough to send you off on a wild chase to consume all related and unrelated content. All good, but can you really afford to renew your subscription every week this month? Think long and hard about this, and you will have your answer.

Remember that there were other options before Uber and Taxify became a thing

Image result for danfo keke and okada"

This wasn’t something you worried about last month, even when Uber and Taxify went on a madness with the spike thing. Now, that everything has calmed down, you still want to save by limiting the frequency of which you use any car-hailing service. Luckily, danfos, okadas, and kekes are still at your service. Use them. It’s the ultimate ghetto, but this is your reality for now. Ra-ta-ta-ta.

Gatecrash Owambes if you can (?)

Image result for owambe food"

Notice that this comes with a big question mark. Don’t try this if you’re not adventurous because a lot of things could go wrong. But if you think you’ve got what it takes to pull this off, scout your area for parties, clean yourself up, go there with confidence, and find yourself a good seat. This works best if you can rally another broke friend to your cause. Someone will serve you if you’re in luck. It may seem embarrassing on the surface, but hey, the end justifies the means.

However, let your instincts be your guide. Make of that what you will.

Stay in your house

home sweet home GIF

Maybe I should have led with this, but will you die if you spend more time at home with your thoughts? Your house is your haven and you need it now more than ever. Besides, no one will miss you if they don’t see you for a couple of weeks. You’re not that important, to be honest.

We are done here. See you on the other side.

P.S: At the moment, it doesn’t seem like there will be another public holiday until April. Whuuut?!


Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.