Breakfast only comes to those who catch feelings, so we’re here to tell you why you should hate on love at all costs.
Love will make you ignore red flags
You start catching feelings for someone, and suddenly, huge red flags like how they like eating semo won’t matter to you anymore. We’ll warn you but we know you won’t listen. So whatever you see, just take it like that.
Love will eat your money
In the words of the ever-wise lyricist and philosopher Portable, “Make money before you love.”
He didn’t lie, because debit alerts just start chasing you left, right, front and back, once you catch feelings. This is how you’ll look by the third month of choosing love:
You’ll become a mumu
We can make the argument that you only caught feelings in the first place because you’re a mumu. But brace yourself. It’ll only get worse. One day, you’ll wake up and be confused as to why you’re sending them PDF-length texts at 10 p.m. on a Monday night when you should be recovering from capitalism.
Your things will know no safety
Shirts, shorts, sweaters, skin care products, jewellery — nothing, no one is safe. They’ll steal everything.
You have to kiss your personal space goodbye
There’s no “person” in relationship. Only relationship. Your personal space is now their personal space.
You’ll have silly fights that ruin your day
Imagine the kind of fights you used to have when you were in primary two, but then pick the pettiest of those. Yes, you get the idea now. Imagine fighting over why someone replied to a message late or liked someone else’s picture on Instagram. This is 2022 please, there are bigger issues. Love should stay in one place.
You’ll worry about them every time
You haven’t eaten yourself but you’ll still be asking ridiculous questions like, “Have you eaten? Are you awake? Are you asleep?” Focus on yourself, please. Charity begins at home.
You have to indulge their interests
Imagine watching football with your partner because you want to console them after Manchester United loses, even though you don’t give a shit about football. Or listening to them rant about a K-drama show when you’ll rather be sleeping, even though this is the tenth movie with the same storyline.
You’ll marry them and (probably) have kids
So you mean the reward for all these fights and stress is to have a bunch of tiny humans who won’t stop fighting themselves and causing you more stress? Get out of here, please.
NEXT READ: A Case for Catching Feelings