Bad news: Dubai has suspended Direct Employment Visa for Nigerians.
For emphasis, in case you did not see it the first time: The United Arab Emirates has reportedly suspended Direct Employment Visa for Nigerians. Why? Because of the increasing crime rates involving Nigerians in the Middle-East country.
In other words, if you have suffered for 19 years and you had plans to shake your ass in a thong on a yacht in Dubai, you might want to reconsider so that you will not enter Dubai and land in jail. You that it’s ordinary bum-bum you had plans to shake.
Anyway, we made a list of other places you can shake your ass, now that Dubai has casted.
1. Lekki Phase 1 when the flood comes.
Imagine climbing on top of that signpost and shaking your ass like you are competing in the Twerk Olympics. C’mon, Megan Thee Stallion from Admiralty way. You go, girl!
2. Tarkwa Bay.
Who needs a yacht when you can climb a speedboat and shoot out your bum-bum? If the desirable is not available, you make the available desirable. Aspire to papapa.
3. Eko Atlantic.
It’s kuku greed that is worrying you, honestly. Because why do you want to go to Dubai when you can enter Eko Atlantic? You sef, pronounce the name: EKO ATLANTIC. Omo, the way my bum-bum jiggles of its own accord whenever it hears that name!
4. Bar Beach.
If it’s not for civilization and oversabi, did we not all grow up shaking our asses in Bar Beach? Now that Dubai has suspended Direct Employment Visa for Nigerians, it might be time to return to our roots. This time, you don’t need a yacht. Just climb a horse and when it begins to gallop chukwudi-chukwudi-chukwudi, I am sure your bum-bum will not sit down and look. It will follow it to jiggle.
5. Oniru Beach.
It’s a private beach. You know what that means? YOU CAN EVEN BE NAKED AND NOBODY WILL CATCH YOU!
Why go to Dubai when you can do your business at Jabi Boat Club in Abuja? First of all, you might be lucky and your jiggly derriere might attract a politician. Or a sugar daddy can be caught in the strap of your thong. Even better, you might get
cocaine and oud as a souvenir.
7. Ikeja along.
Let it not be that we are recommending only areas with water for you. There is also Ikeja Along, if you prefer to shake your ass on dry land. A major benefit of this is that you cannot piss a mermaid off or drown by mistake.
8. Or maybe Ghana, since you are not satisfied with the country God put you in.
Just know that if Lai Mohammed hears that you, a bonafide citizen of the UAR, is shaking your God-given UAR ass in Ghana where Twitter is, you are in soup. And walahi talahi, Abike Dabiri-Erewa will look at you and comot eye. That’s the beginning of renewed suffering. Happy ass-shaking.
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