9 Reasons Why Nigerian Men Must Never Wash Their Bum-Bum

May 29, 2021

Dear Nigerian men (and men in the world everywhere), the matter of bum-bum washing is an important one. The agenda that men should wash their bum-bum or even take special note of their hygiene is being spread and must be abolished immediately.

Here are the reasons:

1. First of all, women will want to peg you.

sex_life_-_pegging_03-01 | Zikoko!

Women of this generation are woke to evil things. They can identify a clean bum-bum from miles away. The moment they identify you as a possessor of a washed bum-bum, they will start chasing you about with a dildo. Refuse to fall into that trap.

2. What if you get turned on and discover that you are gay?

Suddenly, you will be looking for men to romance you. You that you have sworn that homophobia will keep you in this country. You better wear your boxers after shitting. Clean bum-bum where? God forbid, it’s not your portion.

3. Next thing you know, you will be shaking bum-bum on the streets.

All because soap and water passed through that bum-bum. I rebuke it for you oh. Anything that will cause your bum-bum to shake, may it vanish from your life. Even when you want to bathe, shoot out your bum-bum so water will not touch it.

4. Your buttocks will automatically begin to draw the attention of woke men.

The same way we have woke women is how we have woke men. Refuse to clean your bum-bum and you will be safe from them.

5. You’ll probably want to start shaving the hair there.

Na from clap, dance dey start. You that the hair between your ass crack is enough to make a double drawn Peruvian wig complete with eyelashes. You better keep it that way.

6. Next thing you know, you are changing your toothbrush after three months.

Toothbrush that you usually use for one year or six months.

7. Next thing you know, you are applying roll-on under your arms.

You that you usually go out smelling like you bathed in ponmo water. They want to deprive you of your natural fragrance. You better refuse it.

8. Next thing you know, you are wearing lingerie.

And that begins your fall as a manly man. All because you washed your bum-bum.

9. Next thing you know, you are looking for someone to grab your bum-bum because it suddenly feels soft.

And that, my dear man, is the end of your life. So, keep your life. Absolutely refuse to wash your bum-bum. Why did God even give you bum-bum sef, when He could easily have given you more audacity.

You better carry skid marks on your boxer shorts. Go about smelling the way you do. A king and more.

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

Watch

Now on Zikoko

September 25, 2022

Simi and Taofeeqat became best friends in SS2. Before adulthood came between them, they gave each other cheesy love letters and long hugs. In this #LettertoHER, Simi wants Taofeeqat to know she misses her.

Recommended Quizzes

November 22, 2019

It can be very stressful when you’re trying to find the love of your life, but you only keep meeting people that are exactly like your yeye ex. To help you be more aware of that problem, we’ve created a quiz that lets you know the kind of people you are attracting. Take it to […]

October 10, 2019

2019 is certainly Burna Boy’s year, but, if we are being honest, so was 2018. Since his transcendent mixtape, Outside, the afro-fusion star has refused to get his foot of our necks — dropping a string of fantastic singles and then capping it all off with his career-best album, African Giant.  So, in a bid […]

how much of an ajebutter
February 12, 2020

Are you an ajebutter or not? Well, if you’ve gone through life blissfully unaware of its harshness, then you probably are. Now, we want to know just how high you rank on that ajebutter scale, using your food preferences as a (very accurate) measure. Take to find out:

November 4, 2019

After successfully predicting when y’all are getting married (please, email any complaints to noneofourbusiness@nayousabi.com), we are back to tell you how much is currently in your account. How, you might ask? By using your taste in Nollywood, of course. Shhh. No questions. Just take it already:

More from Inside Life

September 23, 2022

We know some of these plots happen in real life, but we’re tired of seeing them in Nollywood movies. At this point, once you see some signs, it becomes very easy to predict how the movie would end. Please, what happened to suspense in our movies?

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

September 13, 2022
Vs The World is a Zikoko original video series that follows best friends Astor and Hassan as they take on the world.
August 23, 2022
Zikoko Ships is a Zikoko Original series where we invite two people who share a relationship to play the Zikoko card games
December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X