The billionaire boss, the seduced virgin, the playboy king. After years of being shown pepper by the Nigerian dating pool, it might be time to open your eyes and realise that Harlequin and Mills & Boon writers lied to us.

You’re not a rich heiress, so you won’t fall in love with the bodyguard your family hired to protect you

Let’s get that out of the way first.

If any man takes you captive because of your virginity, baby girl, na ritual be that

Country hard, and some men are desperate.

You won’t find a boss who is devastatingly handsome, a billionaire, single, doesn’t date employees, but needs a lady to accompany him to his family as a fake date

Take it from us, you won’t find any boss like this.

If you actually hate a Nigerian man and refer to him as your enemy, there’s no possibility you’ll ever fall in love with him

Abi no be Nigerian men again? Leemao.

Unless you’re a 21st-century Mary, prepare to be thrown out by your family

As for man, nne, forget that one.

Have these people met actual playboys?

Besides, who has time to be taming any playboy? Does he have sugarcane between his thighs?

Girl, wake up

Knights no dey Nigeria.

Can I confess? I’m tempted to read these romance novels all over again.

At least, to suspend my bitter reality.

Have you read this? 12 Things You Can Say During Sex And At A Job Interview