12 Nigerians Talk About Their Worst Kissing Experience

June 9, 2021

Kissing is supposed to be enjoyable — just like every other activity involved in the genital bumping experience. But life happens and you might jam someone who will deprive you of the necessary enjoyment. Or you could be the one who does the depriving.

For this post, 12 Nigerians talk about their worst kissing experience.

Lolade

I have a small mouth which makes anyone kissing me dominate. It’s a very enjoyable thing until my churchy boyfriend decided to turn my lips to shaki from a stubborn ram. This guy chewed my lips. His lips are way bigger and he is a fast kisser and so when the kiss happened, I was completely choked. It was a real case of ‘who dey breet’. Imagine putting your lips in a hot hair straightener. That’s just how horrible it was. Of course, I woke up with my lips swollen and sore. When my coursemate saw me, she asked if I kissed a gorilla in my dreams.

Tunbosun.

I once kissed this babe that was packing tongue inside my mouth as if she forgot something there. Maybe she was trying to lick my throat.

Marcos.

I had a brief affair with a woman who thought kissing meant chomping. All she actually did was chew my lips one by one before sucking them again, one after the other. She did the same with my tongue, and for some reason that defies belief, she proceeded to lick my face. My nose, lips, cheeks, even eyes, they all got a baptismal visit from her tongue. I was too stunned (and horny) to protest. All these were accompanied by very loud slurping sounds. Her only redemption was her blow job skills. Thank goodness the affair was brief. I don’t exactly remember how the affair ended, but I was left mildly traumatized.

Jayeola.

He just had really really bad breath.

Amarachi.

He had gap teeth and he kept sucking my tongue as if he wanted to make it pass through the gap teeth.
It was disgusting, and I think it was probably because I didn’t like him.

Linda.

I was very vulnerable that day so I was crying and bros brought mouth to kiss o. I didn’t mind so I said let me clean my catarrh first, but uncle said, “No need, we have been friends for years, catarrh isn’t a problem.” Next thing, bros put mouth on my nose, sucked on it, and catarrh followed. Would you believe he swallowed it and wanted to kiss me again?

Omo I cleaned my eyes, stood up and walked away. He called me tire, I no even look back.

Dooshima.

I did a genital meet and greet with someone. Mans was kissing me like I killed his favourite pet. He kept using his tongue and pouring spit into my mouth. I was disgusted. And it was even more painful because I like foreplay before sex because that’s the only way I cum. But he was already pressing his dick to enter when we had just started and he was getting the kissing wrong. I just stood up and left and for days after, I kept vomiting.

Rebecca.

I once had a stint with this guy in my department. When the kiss eventually happened, I wasn’t that into the idea, but he waas eager and maybe that was the problem. He licked the lipstick off my lips while I sat there with my lips sealed, unwilling to let his saliva enter my mouth. When he was done, I spat repeatedly, bought a sachet of water and rinsed my mouth well. That was the last day I french kissed him.

Ujunwa.

Mine happened recently. The guy literally just sucked my lips, and didn’t even know how to use his tongue, I wasn’t even able to kiss back and the way he held my face, you would think he wanted to swallow my mouth. I stopped the whole nonsense and we tried again, but it was still the same thing. He was making noises like uauhn mewt mewt mewt and I had to move his mouth to my neck because God abeg. The rest of the things that went down that day was good but the kiss was a complete no.

Pauline.

The guy opened his mouth really wide and for a split second, I was confused as to what his intention was. Before I knew it, his lips and tongue were all over my nose and mouth and the corners of my mouth. It was a big turn off. I just stood up, went to wash my face, wore my clothes and left. Now, I hate kissing.

Ajoke.

I was under a blanket with this guy and we were both gisting. The conversation led into him asking for permission to lean in for a kiss, and I said yes. Honestly, I don’t think he’s a bad person but that kiss was so forceful, so much energy expended into an act that was supposed to be tender. When I was ‘released’ I had to ask him, “Is this how you kiss everyone else?” And this guy said yes. We never kissed again.

Hajarat.

It was with this guy I liked him and had been wanting to kiss him for so long. Well, it turned out to be a bad idea.
The guy’s mouth had this awful smell so I tried moving away. But he didn’t even allow me to. He held me there and kept kissing like his life depended on it. He used too much tongue too and there was a lot of saliva pouring and hard biting. See, let’s just say that was the last time I saw him.

Kunle Ologunro

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

May 5, 2020

Any other day, we’d cuss you out for not grabbing life by the balls and making your work spouse into your real-life S.O, but it’s May 5th, the second day of the corona purge and we’re really all for everyone ticking bucket list items and doing all that makes them happy before our inevitable end […]

September 24, 2019

Climate change is real. And that’s just nature’s way of getting back at us. Everyone knows that; everyone is planning — well, except maybe Nigeria. I think that’s because it sounds abstract to us; we have our fair share of problems, but nature doesn’t usually fight us like that, like that in these parts. Well, […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

June 13, 2021

What does it mean to be a man? Surely, it’s not one thing. It’s a series of little moments that add up. Man Like is a weekly Zikoko series documenting these moments to see how it adds up. It’s a series for men by men, talking about men’s issues. We try to understand what it means to […]

June 13, 2021

June 12 Protest: Yesterday, after months of planning, Nigerians took to the streets to protest against bad governance, abuse of human rights, worsening insecurity, and other forms of maladministration and mishandling of democracy in the country. Coincidentally, this protest happened one week after the Nigerian government’s sudden and unconstitutional Twitter ban. Yesterday was also Nigeria’s […]

June 12, 2021

Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians. The subject of today’s Sex Life is a heterosexual 25-year-old man who became obsessed with penises when he realised his penis was small. He talks about how having a small penis affects his […]

Recommended Quizzes

November 20, 2019

Last month, we thoughtfully made a quiz telling you guys exactly when you’ll marry, but some of you claimed that your spouse was nowhere to be found. Well, now we’ve created one that’ll tell you exactly who you’ll be dragging down that aisle. Take and start planning that wedding: 11 Quizzes For Nigerians Who Are […]

November 22, 2019

It can be very stressful when you’re trying to find the love of your life, but you only keep meeting people that are exactly like your yeye ex. To help you be more aware of that problem, we’ve created a quiz that lets you know the kind of people you are attracting. Take it to […]

More from Inside Life

June 12, 2021

Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians. The subject of today’s Sex Life is a heterosexual 25-year-old man who became obsessed with penises when he realised his penis was small. He talks about how having a small penis affects his […]

June 11, 2021

Whether you’re new to the ZiGeng, or you’ve been rocking with Zikoko since forever, there are some pretty valid reasons why giving us all your money (it’s not as if we like money oh, but who are we to say no if you actually decide to go all in?) is worth considering. 1. We make […]

June 11, 2021

After refusing to accept his sexuality in Nigeria, today’s subject on Abroad Life moved to the US in 2015. He talks about how his relationship with God, his parents and church members made him realise that he had to accept his sexuality.  When did you decide that you were going to move to the US? […]

June 9, 2021

Since heaven is the goal, but your body is not firewood, here are some of the best sex positions that won’t ruin your heavenly race. 1) Missionary The people that named this sex position knew what they were doing. It is simple, straight forward and as old as time. People that have sex like this […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X