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Get your money up
You can’t “blow” with crypto in the true sense of it if you don’t have money to put in. So get the bag, stack up your cash, and get ready to lambo. If you don’t know what that means, You’re NGMI.
Learn about it
If you’ll make any money from crypto, you should at least know what it is. Do your research so the money you’re investing doesn’t turn into school fees for not knowing what you should know.
Find friends to invest with
You can’t find all the good stuff alone, so you need your friends to get into crypto with you. Where’s the joy in “blowing” alone anyway?
Have a strong mind
Crypto can be volatile, so you need to be the kind of person who won’t burst into tears after seeing their money drop 50% in one day. Because it can also do a backflip and turn into 100% in one night.
Buy the dip
Things are cheap now, and it’s the best time to get in. You don’t want to start running helter-skelter when people start screaming “To the moon!”.
Wait it out
You’re not going to blow in one day. So after putting money in, you still have to wait for the bull run to carry you “trabaye” like Asake said.
Use a good exchange to keep your coins safe
Safety is the most important thing in crypto. If you lose your coins, you lose everything. You need an exchange that won’t stress your life as you’re trying to lambo, and that’s where Bundle comes in. Bundle allows you to easily buy and trade over 80 cryptocurrencies, from Bitcoin to Ethereum and SHIBA. All you have to do is download the app and sign up to get started.
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Come on, it’s money
First of all, it’s money. You can spend it, save it, invest it, use it to travel, use it to eat, or anything. Why will you choose not to take it if it’s offered in a relationship?
Enjoyment is assured
There’s no medal for suffering in this life and money is the strongest cure for it. So start your relationship based on money so your softness is assured.
It’s another source of income
Everyone needs a side hustle these days, and if your relationship is not filling that income gap, what are you really doing?
The economy is already bad
Everything is expensive in this economy and relationships are not an exception. If you’re entering one without money, you shall see shege.
It can help you prevent see-finish
Just imagine not having vex money when something goes wrong in your relationship. Embarrassing right? See finish will set in and there’ll be nothing you can do. But money solves this very easily.
The relationship is just sweeter with money
Unless your only love language is words of affirmation, your relationship needs money for it to even be sweet at all. Whether it’s a simple gift or a grand romantic gesture, money is involved. See why money should be your number one priority?
And it’s not even limited to romantic relationships
The good part is, it’s not even limited to romance. Even people in the streets need money for their situationships. Friendships and business relationships need money too. And that’s why Carbon wants to start its relationship with you with a ₦30k loan. What’s even better is that it’s only the beginning, you’ll get to enjoy awesome digital banking services and unlock higher loan limits along the way.
Already thinking of how to secure this urgent ₦30k and still get an awesome relationship afterwards? Just download the Carbon app and sign up to get started
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Snapchat
“At least, we’re not OnlyFans”
“You can now cheat in peace”
“Watch your sins disappear”
Twitter
“Leave your happiness at the door”
“We’re all human, but sometimes, we turn some people to Tiger gen”
Facebook
“Where all your parents’ Whatsapp BCs come from”
“We have all your embarrassing throwback pictures”
Pinterest
“Feed your delusions”
“Pretend you’re creative”
“Steal and call it inspiration”
YouTube
“The university that never strikes”
Netflix
“We’re just an excuse to commit sin”
“The chill is silent”
Instagram
“What is real life?”
“You will buy something by force”
WhatsApp
“For family and friends”
TikTok
“The cure for depression”
“You want to be productive? LMAO!”
NEXT READ: Just Imagine: If Nigerian Universities Had Honest Slogans
Don’t leave without getting your ticket to HERtitude 2023!
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Help us talk to inflation
Can you guys help us figure out why the price of a Toyota Corolla is now ₦4 million? If you can invite inflation for a podcast episode, we promise to dash you all the mics you want.
Becoming a millionaire’s side chic
So many people want to enter that line of business and need solid intel. Do it for the good of the community.
Speak to a male ashewo
What are the career prospects? How much do they earn? What is the work culture like? What are the barriers to entry? These are the important questions.
How to make money doing nothing
Nobody likes stress. It’ll be best if you help us figure out how to make money without doing anything, so we can live our best lives.
Sexual health
We all know people won’t stop committing sin. So, why not help us by talking about sexual health on your podcast, so we can make it to hell in good health?
How to get lucky
Some people don’t seem to have village people in this life. They stay winning, just cruising through life with ease and softness. Can’t you find them and tell them to share some secrets with the rest of the population?
How to spend ₦400k
Since podcasters love to settle every issue known to man, they should help us figure out the best way to spend ₦400k. It’s just a suggestion.
NEXT READ: Podcasts Might Be the New Pandemic, But These Are Our Faves
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“Just don’t take me to Lagos”
The first thing ₦400k salary told us is that it’s allergic to Lagos. All its problems seem to start once it enters that city.
“If you must, carry me somewhere cheap”
It specifically mentioned the mainland and Ikorodu.
Treat me with care
You people scream “be kind” every day, but you don’t practice what you preach. Have you thought about its feelings?
I don’t do well with baddies
We stan a salary that knows its boundaries.
“Look at me now. Am I not enough?”
Who knew ₦400k salary also watches BBNaija?
“Half of you guys can’t even afford Chicken Republic refuel max, but you think you can afford me?”
That’s a little classist, but very Nigerian of ₦400k.
“Inflation, you do this one”
To be fair, inflation is who we need to drag like small gen.
“I be Idan too, I be boss”
It might be big for nothing, but it’s still hard to get, please.
“Buhari, you will crumble for this disgrace”
And to that, we say, “Amen!”
NEXT READ: Interview With the Naira: “Just Add a Little Yeast”
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Go back and tie up Lord Lugard
Because why will he decide to go down in history as the architect of everlasting stress? Can he see the mess he made? Does he think it’s funny?
Or at least go back and stop Buhari
If 1914 is too far, we should at least be able to go to 2015 and erase everyone’s memories of the name “Buhari”. Maybe the exchange rate won’t be looking like it’s ascending to heaven today.
Buy dollars before it crashed
We’re definitely going back in time to when $1 was ₦150. No complaints.
Secure a second passport
If those parts of history refuse to change because Nigeria’s destiny has too much strong head, we’ll go back in time and arrange japa for our parents. Let’s prevent life from leading us 1-0 by getting a second passport.
Stop semo from being invented
We have no choice but to find the person who first thought semo was a good idea and give them a dirty slap.
Go back and buy bitcoin
Some people have decided they have dream jobs. They can stay in 2023 and have all the jobs they want. As for us, we do not dream of labour. We’re going back to 2009 to buy Bitcoin for $1. WAGMI in the mighty name of God.
Then come back to 2023 to cash it out with Bundle
What’s the point of going back in time to buy Bitcoin for $1 if we can’t spend it? So, when we’re done, we’re taking the time machine right back to 2023 to sell it all now that it has turned into blood money.
That’s where Bundle comes in. They have over 80 cryptocurrencies from Bitcoin and Ethereum to SHIBA. Even if a time machine never comes, you can trade these cryptocurrencies and get the bag for yourself in 2023. All you have to do is download the app and sign up to get started.
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University of Lagos
“Your graduation year is just a suggestion.”
“For the pursuit of second class upper because A is for God”
University of Ibadan
“We’re older than the Nigeria that’s been showing you shege. What do you think we’ll show you?”
University of Ilorin
“We say ‘Better by far’ but we really mean ‘Better by stress’”
“Struggle to get in; struggle to get out”
“Forget what you heard, we strike harder than thunder”
“Welcome to a life-long abusive partnership”
Obafemi Awolowo University
“For learning and suffering”
“You think you like BDSM? Think again.”
Covenant University
“You think you have rights? LMAO”
“Even if you call us a prison, we’re still the best one”
Lagos State University
“At least, you’re in Lagos”
“Don’t get too attached to your school fees. People change”
Babcock University
“Struggle today, struggle tomorrow, struggle till you graduate”
Crawford University
“Forget the cute name, there’s a church service every day.”
Redeemer’s University
“In God we trust. Everybody else must bring money”
Ahmadu Bello University
“Forget the education. Come for the connections”
University of Port Harcourt
“For those who love living dangerously”
University of Benin
“The peak of your terrible life choices”
“Your life will flash before your eyes”
Unviersity of Nigeria
“Where Nigeria itself learned how to dish out shege”
“F is our favourite letter. It’ll be yours too”
Afe Babalola Univeristy
“For the bragging rights”
Usman Danfodio University, Sokoto
“If the stress doesn’t melt your brain, the sun will”
NEXT READ: 12 Ways Unilorin Will Seriously Frustrate Your Life
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