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  • Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. To avoid tweeting “What do you give someone who has everything?” yet again, we’ve gone out of our way to bring you a few unconventional gift ideas they definitely won’t see coming.

    Feeding bottle

    You already call them baby every day. So, why not?

    Table mat

    If your partner always asks what you bring to the table, buy them a set of table mats so they can prepare for the things you’re bringing.

    Washing machine

    Who has the energy to wash clothes after a stressful week at work? Certainly not your partner. Buy them a washing machine so they know you care about them.

    Or pay for their dry cleaning

    Using a washing machine can still be work though so just pay for a year’s worth of laundry service, and they’ll remember you everytime they see their fresh clothes.

    Serve them breakfast

    Food is the best gift you can give someone you love, and it’s best served in bed. Try it and see. You’ll thank us later.

    Gym subscription

    How do you expect things to work out between you two if you don’t workout together? 

    Crypto

    If money is your partner’s love language, just buy them crypto on the Luno app and send to them. It’ll show that you care about their finances. Crypto is cheap right now and the process is simple. Just download the app and sign up, and you’re good to go.

  • Let me guess. You’ve also muted your family group chat, right? If you have, it’s probably because these seven people were stressing your life.

    The oversabi uncle/aunty

    They’re always trying to advise everybody on how to live their lives, even though theirs is somehow. But you can’t say anything because you don’t want them to hold a family meeting because of you, but you’re patiently waiting for the day they’ll get dragged.

    That overly religious uncle

    They’re always turning every good morning message into a mini-prayer session. Aunty, even God rested.

    The good examples

    This is that cousin that always has something good going on in his life. If he’s not getting promoted at work, they are giving him a scholarship for his PhD, and your folks won’t shut up about it.

    The black sheep

    They’re always the genesis of every family fight and it eventually starts looking like they get a high from it.

    The ones abroad

    These ones somehow managed to japa and will make sure they remind you every time you have a conversation with them.

    The uncle who’s always upset

    One day we’ll figure out why this person can’t just calm down because they’re always angry and trying to report someone for something they did to them.

    The ones who only share BCs

    These ones have too much money and think data is free because why are you sending 20 100mb videos to a group chat? 

    The one that can embarrass you on live TV

    These ones will take what you told them in private to the village square, especially when you mistakenly vex them. You’ll be wise to not annoy them too often because one day, they might shade you on a show like Family Feud Nigeria.

    In the end, we can’t help but have a hate-love relationship with your family group chat. Because as annoying as it gets, nothing feels better than being able to connect with the whole family easily. That’s why MTN Nigeria wants you to showcase your family chemistry and funny moments by participating in Season 2 of Family Feud Nigeria.  

    To apply for Family Feud Nigeria, text “FF” and Your Name’ to 205 from an MTN Line OR Call 205 from an MTN Line, choose the CONTESTANT option and follow the voice prompt to the end. 

    Be sure to save your unique identifier and visit https://ultima.ng/familyfeud  to complete your application.

  • Valentine’s Day might be over, but we can’t get over how people in relationships graced our screens with cute pictures and gifts. In case you missed it, here’s a compilation of the cutest Valentine’s Day gifts we saw this year.

    Forget what they say about love being a scam. It’s actually sweet.

    Because why are people turning to Shakespeare and writing beautiful messages to each other if not out of love. And it’s not just the words. The gifts themselves are…giving!

    It all started with Adesua shouting Banke out very early in the morning

    What Banky W did exactly, we’ve not found out till today. But Adesua set the tone for the day.

    Someone got tickets to Beyonce’s tour

    And we’re totally jealous.

    Someone said the winner of Valentine olympics has come for her crown

    The owner of Valentine’s Day gave everybody else time to make their case so she can step in with the perfect closer.

    Someone got an animated book of their love story

    This is the kind of feel-good stuff we’re here for.

    This  lady was gifted a whole experience 

    https://twitter.com/Inzaghi1/status/1625531009960759296?s=20

    The cutest scented candle ever

    Someone got himself a car for Valentine’s Day

    Talk about self-love.

    And let’s not forget the biggest cheerleader of all

    Malta Guinness curated a unique experience for their customers by offering them a chance to showcase their love expression skills via letter writing. Lovers of the drink made handwritten letters using buzz words from the past like XOXO, ditto, doxology and golden pen, in a bid to share goodness with their loved ones. 

  • They don’t own Bitcoin or Ethereum

    They’re the kind to think Bitcoin is for old and boring people who don’t want to take any risks with their money.

    They’re always looking for crazy returns

    Not even MMM can give these people the kinds of returns they want. They want to see a 100x return on their money and they want it before the weekend.

    Their life savings are in crypto

    This wouldn’t be so bad if they put all of their money in Bitcoin or USDT and not a coin they expect to do 1000x in two market days. 

    They’re at constant risk of being homeless

    They’ve risked so much that they’re always anxious about losing everything. Why would you even do that to yourself? Don’t you like peace?

    They don’t do their own research

    That’s how you know they don’t really care about their money like that. They just want to make the quick bucks, so they’ll follow other people’s lead instead. Always do your own research.

    They don’t use Luno

    How can you take someone who says they do crypto seriously when they don’t use a safe and secure crypto exchange like Luno? It’s just wrong.

    Don’t be like these people. You don’t have to live dangerously to make money with crypto. Use Luno and have your crypto transactions happen quickly and safely. The app lets you buy, sell, and store cryptocurrencies like Bitcoin, Ethereum, and Litecoin. All you have to do is download the app and sign up.

  • AC Milan

    They might not be hot now, but they were blazing back in the day. Everyone’s favourite names once wore the AC jersey. Ronaldinho, Kaka, Seedorf, everybody.

    Liverpool

    They were what Man City currently thinks they are. They were clearing league titles at the end of every season. It was glorious.

    Man Utd

    Almost every Nigerian kid had a Manchester United phase. It’s how we have so many staunch Ronaldo fans today. You either grow out of it, or you’re stuck with them for life.

    Arsenal

    It’s hard to blame Arsenal fans for sticking too long with a club that’s shown them nothing but shege. Once upon a time, they were the hottest thing around. Don’t believe us? Just search “Thierry Henry” on YouTube.

    Inter Milan

    They were AC Milan’s less feisty rival. Fans of the two Milans had a similar dynamic to what Chelsea and Arsenal fans have today.

    Barcelona

    This is where we all discovered Messi and fell in love with football’s greatest player ever.

    Chelsea

    Was Chelsea ever great? Of course, they were. Just look at their 2007 lineup.

    Forget flashbacks for a second. We have the FA Cup Finals coming up this weekend. Are you ready for it? If you are, then we’re sure you already have your DSTV subscription set for the match. If you haven’t, fix up! It only costs as low as ₦‎3,500.

  • When was the last time you heard someone say “We move!”? Did they really go anywhere after that? Nigerians are very hopeful people; even when something is out of their control, they’ll still fake it like they’re on top of it. So we say a lot of things that sound good but that’s all they’re for – to make us feel good. 

    You’ll see someone in a dire situation and they’ll dust it off and say “God go run am”, when in fact they have no clue what they’re doing. 

    Another one is the less hopeless “any way na way”. You don’t know what to do, but you’ll still do something in hopes that it works. To be fair, we respect the hustling spirit, but sometimes, a plan is necessary.

    The funniest one is the famous “It is well” when all is unwell. Hope is good, but what does “It is well” solve? Nothing. But then, you still have to console yourself when things aren’t good, right?

    The funniest part is that it doesn’t only affect the bad times. Even in the lighthearted social connections we have, this happens. When was the last time you told someone “I’ll get back to you” when you’re in fact just telling them farewell forever? Or when they say “Let me know when you’re around” and you nod in agreement but you both know it’s not happening.

    Another hilarious moment is when someone tells you “We gather dey” but you know deep down that you’re very much alone.

    The truth is, we’re all running on vibes. But we can only take it so far before it starts to get bad. There are certain that just don’t work with vibes. Being Nigerian can be very chaotic, and you need to always have a plan. That’s why you need health insurance for yourself and the people you love. 

    MyCoverGenius lets you buy health insurance for yourself, your business, and the people in your life. For as little as ₦2,500 a month, you can access up to ₦1million in medical coverage, and all you need to do is sign up on their website to get started.

  • NGMI: Not Gonna Make It

    This is crypto speak for you “You no go make am”.

    WAGMI: We’re All Gonna Make It

    This roughly translates to “One day, e go better”.

    FUD: Fear, Uncertainty, Doubt

    This is crypto Twitter’s fancy way of calling someone a bad belle. They’ll usually use it when someone is trying to spread fear about something.

    GM: Good Morning

    In crypto, there’s really no morning. Whenever you wake up is your own morning. But when you do, this is how you greet everyone.

    HODL: Hold

    It’s their own twisted way of saying “Hold on to something with your life”.

    FOMO: Fear Of Missing Out

    This is what happens when you start feeling like you might miss out on the thing that finally takes you out of the trenches. It’s not only limited to crypto, but they’ve decided to hijack the slang for themselves.

    Rekt: Wrecked

    This simply means your own has “finished” and you’re going back to your village.

    Whale

    This is crypto speak for “big man”. 

    When Lambo?

    This is how crypto folks say “God when?”

    Lambo

    This is how crypto folks say “I don hammer”.

    Are you still confused? You can easily trade crypto on the Luno app without having to learn any slang. Download the app and sign up to start trading cryptocurrencies like Bitcoin, Ethereum and Litecoin, so you can also “lambo”.

  • Have you ever wondered what a booless party would be like? Well, Captain Morgan decided we’d had enough of relationships folks stealing the show every February 14th, and so he threw a kickass party for everyone instead. Here’s how it went.

    First, you can expect the ambience to pop…

    Just take a look at the location. Isn’t it enough to put anyone in the mood for a fun time?

    …and for the people to understand the assignment

    The party got off to a beautiful start with people arriving in groups. Look at the fits! You can tell they knew how much fun they were coming to have that night.

    Good music

    Remember how we’ve all been threatening to call Rexxie for months? Well, Captain Morgan called him and he showed up at the party to give the people a night to remember. Chike, the boo of the booless also gave the people a show at the party. It’s a booless party, so it’s only right that the people get a boo for the night.

    And lots of fun

    As if having two performers for the night wasn’t enough, Captain Morgan brought Segun Johnson to hype people up for the night and make them lose the last bits of home training they thought they had.

    And even more fun

    That’s not all. There were more fun things to do at the party like card games, trivia games, word plays and photo booths all designed to make the people who came to the party have the best time ever.

    Then a dinner experience to top it all up

    In the end, it turned out that the Booless Party was all just round one, and a dinner party themed “Love Like the Captain” happened later that night to top it all up. This one featured lots of tasty meals, delicious cocktails, chills, and vibes all courtesy of Captain Morgan. 

  • Are you watching enough TV or you’re just a tired 40+ Nigerian? Your score on this quiz will tell us.

    Choose all that apply: