Yes, you have a crush, but are you your crush’s crush? These are the questions. To catch your crush’s attention, you have to be different and think outside the box, because many people are doing the same thing you’re doing. Here are 5 easy ways to enrapture your crush.
1. Be rich
You thought it was going to be easy? Better get to work.
2. Dress sharply
You have to dress the way you want to be addressed.
3. Have a famous surname
Your surname is not famous? Change it so that they think you’re that senator’s younger sister’s son.
Sometimes, people shoot their shots at you. Which is nice and all, but they are not your spec and you’re not exactly interested. You want to dodge the shot but you don’t want to seem like an asshole. You also don’t want it to end in tears for them, because you’re nice. What do you do?
1. Tell them you’re impotent
This is sure to have them running away from you.
2. Say you’re battling spiritual issues
Because who wants to sleep with somebody possessed by legion?
3. Mention that you’re treating an STD
Just say it casually during a conversation. If they still stay, it means they truly love you.
4. Tell them your pastor said you should not date
Although they might come away thinking you don’t have sense.
5. Tell them you’ll soon relocate abroad
And you can’t do long-distance. Maybe God will hear your lie and answer your prayers.
Last week, you, the viewers voted which contestants had to go. Sadly, the rest had to leave. Contestants were faced by two doors that decide their fates: the purple door which meant the contestant had to leave and the yellow door, which meant they still had a chance of winning the competition.
Davewills, G-Isaac, Melody and Uzezi were up for eviction. G-Isaac was saved and went through the coveted yellow door. Unfortunately, we had to say goodbye to the remaining four contestants.
However…
There was a big surprise coming. The evicted contestants were given a chance to continue their certification program with the prestigious Berklee College of Music, New York and Henley Business School, UK. Needless to say, all the evicted contestants jumped at the opportunity.
The contestants points from the previous weeks were all leveled, meaning that they would have to rack up even more points.
Week 4 started off with contestants giving us sweet tunes all the way from the West Indies.
We saw some really powerful and moving reggae performances from the contestants but at the end of the day, their fates were up to the judges to determine which contestants were up for eviction.
The Sunday show kicked off with powerful R&B performances from the remaining ten contestants.
They performed iconic songs from singers like James Brown, Celine Dion, T-Jan, Marvin Gaye Calvin Harris and Sam Smith.
Despite giving it their all, the contestants with the lowest cumulative scores were up for eviction, determined by the panel of judges comprising of Omwaunmi, Banky W and guest judge, Olisa. This week, your favourite contestant needs your vote to stay in the competition, or else, you’ll have to welcome them home.
To vote for Jesse, Oiza and Meyi, Storm, G-Isaac and David Garland, text “VOTE 006”, “VOTE 014”, “VOTE 007”, “VOTE 001” “VOTE 010” to 50061 respectively on MTN and 9MOBILE networks at N30 naira per text.
When Adam and Eve sinned against God, he was so pissed that he decided to burden humans with some crackheads called children for the rest of our lives.
First, you are forever attached to your children, from birth till you die. For the first two years of their lives, you have to constantly take care of them and wipe their butts when they leave smelly gifts inside diapers for you. After that, they just generally stress you for the next six to seven years. It doesn’t have to be this way. We can fight back against these little menaces. Here are a few ways you can fight back against them
1. Chain them to a chair
These little people have insane amounts of energy and you and your 30+ back cannot keep up with them. Just chain them to a table till they sleep.
2. If they bite you, bite them back
God gave all of us teeth for a reason.
3. When you go out, handcuff them to your hand
They are notoriously good at getting missing in public spaces. They can’t runaway if they’re handcuffed to you.
4. Feed them eba for breakfast
This way, they can sleep all day and give you peace of mind.
5. Put them on top of the cupboard
Let them rest there for a few hours.
6. Give them chores
They can’t stress your life after a long day mopping the compound.
7. Cry and beg them
If all of these fail, you have no choice but to cry and beg them to give you small peace of mind.
[donation]
Yesterday, many parts of Nigeria experienced a complete blackout. Someone that knows someone that knows someone said it was the national grid that collapsed for the482819th time. We don’t know why this happens all the time. It just does. So we made a list of things you should do while you’re waiting for them to fix the thing that went “pau” yesterday.
1. Reintroduce yourself to your family
Since you’re always pressing phone and laptop in your room, your family might have forgotten what you look like. This is a great opportunity to meet them before they forget about your existence.
2. Play ludo
Since there’s no light and your devices are down, you can be playing ludo while you’re waiting for light.
3. Clean your house
Be honest. Look at your house. Are you proud of it?
4. Do your masters
Since we don’t know when they’ll bring light, might as well use that time to do a professional course.
5. Do your introduction
Unless you don’t have a love of your life. In which case, you have bigger problems than the national grid collapsing.
[donation]
It’s when you drink that all your inner personalities come to the front. Take this quiz and find out what type of drunk you are.
While you were off sleeping when your mates were out painting the town red, contestants of reality TV show MTN Y’ello Star were turning up the volume at the craziest party. Sponsored by Music Time, the party featured celebrity DJ Kaywise and tons of fun. Here are our favourite moments from the party.
1. The contestants showing off their dancing skills
We knew the contestants could sing but we didn’t know they could burst out fire dancing moves as well!
2. The contestants dancing around in a circle
These contestants sure do know how to have fun. While the DJ was spinning hits, the contestants danced around in a circle. Vibes!
3. DJ Kaywise spinning the wheels with skill
DJ Kaywise kept giving us those hits back to back, there wasn’t a dull moment. We spent so much time dancing, we didn’t even get a chance to rest.
4. Plenty of drinks to go round
The drinks were flowing endlessly. With a fully stocked bar, the contestants had no shortage of drinks going around.
Be sure to catch the next episode on MTN Y’ello Star this weekend. Don’t miss it!
In Nigeria, a generator could be the difference between life and death. In a country where power supply is a matter of chance and luck, having a generator is non-negotiable. Even then, your generating set can choose to call it quits at any time, most often the worst possible times. Here are five instances your generator can drive you to tears.
1. When doctors are operating on you
If the gen decides to fuck up after they’ve sliced your tummy and the doctor uses his 3310 torchlight to continue the surgery, just be saying your last prayers.
2. When you want to watch ball
You’re about to watch your team get whooped again but you that doesn’t matter. You have to still watch it. Suddenly, NEPA carries light and generator has said it is on vacation.
3. When you have a Zoom interview
The Zoom interview is about to start. You’ve worn shirt and tie (but no trousers) and you’re ready to start the interview. Na so NEPA carry light. I’ll advise you to use rechargeable lamp so they can see your face.
4. On hot nights
Thanks to all your fornication, God has decided to punish all of us with a massive heat wave. As NEPA has carried light, you want to use your remaining fuel to run gen so you can sleep. That’s how gen said “I’m not on seat.”
5. When you have a guest over
The babe that you’ve been in talking stage with for six months has finally decided to visit you. You’ve cleaned your house, mopped the gutter and swept the bed. Everything is set. There’s no light so you sharply buy 1k fuel. As your guest is coming in, the gen starts to make some demonic noises. I suggest you buy two hand fans, one for you, one for her.
6. When you need to work
After procrastinating for seven years, you finally decide to start working on the night before the deadline, thinking that you will run it. As you’re starting, NEPA showed you who’s boss. You think “no wahala now. There’s gen.” You pull the gen once, e no answer. Pull 12 times, nothing. That’s how you know your village people have tabled your matter in the meeting.
Tucked deep in the south-west, you’ve probably passed through Osun state on your way to other places in Nigeria. You probably didn’t spare the state another glance. Apart from playing host to Obafemi Awolowo University, arguably the best federal university in Nigeria (haters will say it’s a lie), Osun state is also home to a number of world-class attractions. Here’s a couple of them.
1. Osun Osogbo Sacred Grove
In the early 20th Century, every town in Yorubaland had a sacred grove. Sadly, many of these groves have been abandoned. Osun-Osogbo was founded about 400 years ago in Osogbo, the state’s capital and hosts the largest and last remaining major sacred grove.
In the sanctuary, there are numerous sculptures and artworks in honour of the goddess Osun and other Yoruba deities. It also hosts two palaces, five sacred places and nine worship points along the banks of the River Osun.
2. Opa Oranmiyan (Oranmiyan’s staff)
This site, whose name translates to Oranmiyan’s staff (no, not that kind, get your mind out of the gutter) is an obelisk situated in Ile-Ife, Osun State. The 5.5 metre high edifice is thin granite column and was said to have been constructed in the year 1300. It also has a pretty interesting origin story.
3. Erin-Ijesha Waterfalls
It is said that the pristine waterfalls were discovered by a daughter of Ododuwa in 1140 AD (almost 1000 years ago). Other accounts claim it was discovered by hunters in the same year. Whichever account you believe, one thing is clear: Erin Ijesha is one of the most beautiful natural attractions in Nigeria. A collection of cascades, this 7-part waterfall paints the most idyllic scene. If you’re feeling adventurous, you can even climb all seven levels of the waterfall.
4. Oduduwa Shrine and Grove
Many people believe that the Oduduwa World Temple and Grove is the hsitroical site where Oduduwa, the progenitor of the Yoruba race arrived in Ile-Ife. It’s also said to be where he’s buried. The site features a life-sized statue of Oduduwa, his legendary chain and staff and a map of Africa carved in stone.
Women are often overlooked in conversations about marital infidelity due to the misconception that they are less inclined to cheat on their spouses. I spoke to six married women who had engaged in relationships without their husbands’ knowledge, and they shared some intriguing stories of infidelity.
Editorial note: This article was updated to include Chidinma’s entry which was omitted in error.
Betty
Before I got married, I discovered that my fiance was a liar and a cheat. The feeling I felt, omo, I swore never to let myself feel that way ever again. I went on to marry him less than a year ago. Sounds strange, but the discovery killed any true love I had for him, but I didn’t want to start over with someone who would end up breaking my trust again. With this clarity, I began to flirt with some guys. So far, all I’ve had is phone sex with one of them. I actually plan to have sex with this new guy next year lol. By then, I’ll have lost some weight so the unveiling will be bomb as fuck. As for my marriage, we go dey alright last last. My previous definition of love ended up being a major scam. I ain’t a sucker for love anymore.
P.S: my new guy is also married. I find they are the best ones to have an affair with because everybody has something to lose, so no long thing.
Omotola
I had been dating for seven years when I met Mr C, who made me feel like I meant the world to him. During this period, I had a feeling my husband (boyfriend at the time) was cheating, so I went through his BBM and sure enough, saw incriminating things. I capitalised and asked for a break to think about things, even though he denied cheating. At this juncture, I started sleeping with Mr C and I felt like I had met my soulmate. I was kinda juggling two men.
I wanted to marry Mr C but I was forced into this marriage eight years ago. I was in such a bad place that, before the wedding, I decided that I would continue sleeping with Mr C. This continued for a year until my husband caught me. He was livid and felt like shit. I didn’t even know he had found out. It took him a while after he found out to bring it up with me. He had suspected I was up to something when I told him I was going to visit a friend for the weekend and followed me and found where I went to. Weirdly, he didn’t say anything the entire weekend even though we were chatting. He confronted me a few weeks later. Oh my, I was sure he was going to ask for a divorce but he didn’t.
That episode really broke him. I know I broke him. He never saw me the same way again, and we had known each other for seven years before we married. After that, I stopped seeing Mr C for about a year but picked up again because, tbh the sex was amazeballs. I eventually called it quits about a year ago when I relocated.
Oyin
I’ve been married for five years. The affair started in a stupid way, really. My ex kept texting me, telling me he missed me. Me I won’t lie, I missed him too, even before he texted me, but I didn’t miss him enough to cheat. He had shown some interest in some properties I was looking to sell so I decided to meet up with him without telling my husband. We met a couple of times but we remained civil. He didn’t know I was married and I opted not to mention it at first, but I told him when we met up. People weren’t aware that I was married; we chose not to announce our legal wedding because it was for relocation purposes. It was a quick wedding, to be honest.
After seeing a couple of times, the emotions became overwhelming. One day, we had sex. I felt really guilty about it but I couldn’t tell my husband the truth. We still needed to work together so it happened again. We used to meet up in the same house he lived when we were dating, which wasn’t a great idea at all. My husband eventually found out through my emails. I was quite absent from our home, so he felt a nudge to look through my emails and he found something incriminating. He was distraught, but he forgave me.
I made up my mind to discipline myself when I saw the hurt I put my husband through. I never went close to my ex again because I set up an accountability structure with my husband and it hasn’t happened since. We even had to change churches because my ex was a member of our church. My husband suggested it to completely eliminate the possibility of running into him, although it’s a big church. Seeing as I had already put him through enough, I couldn’t object. I love him too much to put him through that kind of pain again. I can’t go close to my ex anymore. I have a soft spot for him so I can’t put myself in that position again.
Above all, I’m grateful for my husband. He’s always trying to protect my reputation and has never mentioned it to anyone. I love him to the moon because of this. Overcommunication was key to the healing process. Four years and one child later, we are happy.
Laila
I’ve been married since 2009 and I’ve never been faithful, even when I was on the dating scene. As a married woman, I feel unfulfilled. My husband is wonderful and sweet but he’s not an intellectual and I’m really attracted to intelligence in a man.
I cheat and I’ve always cheated. I can’t admit this publicly but I’ve always found the idea of monogamy unattractive. If I married an adventurous person, maybe I wouldn’t cheat. My husband is stable and all but he’s boring and mundane.
I currently have three boyfriends. I have sex constantly with the first one and almost no sex at home. The second is a friend-with-benefits but he lives in a different part of Nigeria. As for the third, I love him. He’s married too but I think he’s my soulmate. He’s intellectual and sexually adventurous. Of course, I still cheat on him from time to time, especially when he’s busy with work or family but I feel he’s the only one who gets me. I wish I could be with him in a socially-acceptable way.
Moremi
I’m married with kids and my husband and I love each other but I don’t feel like he listens or hears me. He doesn’t spend time with me and I’ve spent years complaining about this. He changes for a few weeks and then reverts to normal. So I needed someone to talk to.
Roi and I started out just talking a few hours every day on life issues, on everything and anything. Now we’ve caught feelings, even though he’s married too. We reconnected a year ago and we’ve seen each other a few times since then. We have very magnetic chemistry. It has taken the grace of God not to have sex for this long, but that grace is no longer sufficient.
He is mindful of me, pays attention and listens to me. He knows me well; he hears what I’m thinking and feeling. We spend endless hours on the phone each week. Because we grew up in the same neighbourhood and he’s a childhood friend, he’s known me all my life. We never dated. He had a crush on me when we were teenagers but he never asked me out.
I feel alive and loved. I feel beautiful. If you ask me, this affair has been great for my marriage. I’ve had more sex with my husband since I reconnected with Roi. Since the desirable is not available, I’ve been initiating sex more. Once I’ve spoken to him for hours, he leaves me with such a warm feeling that everyone who annoys me gets a pass, including my husband, so less fights. We talk about everything, even things we can never tell our spouses. He’s very mature, helpful with my work, kids and even helps settle issues I have with my husband.
If someone told me that I’d ever be in this situation, I’d say never. Neither of us intends to leave our marriages but we intend to be in each other’s lives for the rest of our lives. The affair is currently purely emotional because we are in different countries. It helps that we are in different countries, else we would have been caught. It’s sweet but heartbreaking at the same time, not being with someone you love. Also confusing because we both love our spouses, just not the same way we love each other. I’ve been married for 11 years and him, for 15.
We’ve been fighting the sexual attraction for over a year. We’ve both admitted that we’ve failed. It’s only COVID that’s keeping us apart. I’ll be shocked if we survive another physical date without sex. I am unashamedly looking forward to it and I won’t feel guilty. I’ve decided that I deserve to be happy. We worry about getting caught though. It’s easier to forgive a cheating spouse when it’s just sex. It’ll be difficult for our spouses to find out we share such a bond and connection outside of them.
Chidinma
I got married six years ago and I’ve had two affairs. I met my lover at the bank where I worked back then. I really liked him and I think he liked me too but I never told him I was married. We just connected so well and he was so much fun. I didn’t really have any reason to cheat, I was just bored and I regretted marrying early at 23.
He later found out I was married. I felt bad because he didn’t find out from me. There were many times I wanted to tell him I was married, but I was afraid of what he’d think of me. When he asked why I didn’t tell him about my marriage, I had no real reason. I actually didn’t want him to think of me as a bad girl. We met a few times and we had sex for the last time and never met again. I actually love him and I’m trying really hard to forget him. The last time we spoke, he said “I trusted you.” That broke me. I don’t regret cheating with him. As a matter of fact, if I had met him earlier, I would have married him. He even asked if I was willling but I laughed it off.
The second affair was an ex from the university. This guy made me feel I was unfair to him because while we dated in the university, we never had sex. So I thought “Why not give ourselves closure?” So we had sex once and that was it. This guy really guilt-tripped me into feeling terrible about the past. I did it for closure. I’ve realised it’s not my business what he thinks about me. Whatever it is, let him take it up with Jesus. I’m not the cause of the problems in his life.
He wanted to make it a constant thing but I shut him out. You know what they say about men; give them a rope and they would skip. Sleeping with him was just a really stupid thing to do. To me, it never happened. If I ever see him in public, I am so going to deny knowing him. I hope he responds with the same energy too, so that he can save himself from embarrassment..
I currently have no extramarital affair now and I do not plan to have any in the future. It’s stressful; I can only keep up with so many lies and hiding. Also, I have two kids and can’t continue cheating. I regret cheating on my husband. If he finds out, I don’t know what he’s capable of. He says he loves me, but I don’t think so. I think he just married me because he had to get married as he is nine years older than me. I realised this much later. But then, nothing justifies cheating.
