A day will come in the life of most students when they’ll go and withdraw money and the ATM will read ‘insufficient funds’. That doesn’t have to be your portion.
First of all pack everything you can from your parents’ house whenever you go home.
Toothpaste, toilet roll, detergent, these things are cost in the market.
All those Uncles and Aunties that have been asking you so when will you enter school, call all of them.
I’m in school now o come and fund my life.
If the accomodation situation in your school is flexible don’t form ‘I like my personal space’. Better get yourself a roommate or two.
Anything you are buying for your room will be split between two or three people instead of just you.
Don’t finish your money eating in canteens, buy pots and a hot plate or camp gas and cook.
Do you know how long a pot of beans can last?
If you are in a Nigerian Federal Uni look out for your state’s annual bursary funds.
Some states give as much as 150k, better don’t dull it.
Sit down in your room on Friday nights, it’s not every weekend you must turn up.
Only go where you know the food and drinks will be free, you are still a student, please.
It’s not by force to buy every single book your lecturers say you should buy.
Buy only the most necessary books, if you aren’t sure what to buy ask people who were in that level just before you.
Even the necessary books you still don’t need to buy all of them. Check your school’s libraries for the books they have and just buy the one’s they don’t.
At least if you use in the library you’ll actually read it, instead of leaving it on your table to be gathering dust.
Do you really need to eat more than one meal a day? Especially that week before your pocket money enters your account.
Pata pata you only need to eat two. Uni isn’t the place to be eating breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Anywhere you see their sharing free food you better enter and collect your own.
All those school talks and seminars where they’ll share food or small chops at the end sign up for all of them. Who are you forming for?
If you have a very high CGPA, first of all congrats. Second all hope you’ve applied for all the scholarships you can find in this Nigeria?
From scholarships sponsored by Shell or Chevron to the ones sponsored by Morning Fresh, apply for all of them.
If you can manage it, start a side hustle. It could be as simple as being a social media influencer or buying sunglasses from Balogun, packaging it and reselling.
Don’t start anything that won’t let you face your books o.
The last one is not for you but for your parents and guardians. Please dears go to class and read your books don’t waste the school fees they are paying.
If you ever get stopped from entering the kingdom of heaven we are here to tell you that the number one reason would be because of all the lies you told yourself and your parents in Uni. And if you didn’t tell yourself any of these lies, are you sure you passed through Uni?
That you were going to graduate with a first class and make you and your parents proud.
Even after your CGPA hit 1.5 you were still lying to yourself.
Asked your parents for money for books or handouts that didn’t exist.
“Daddy, they said we should buy this 5k handout if not we won’t write exam”. Sound familiar?
That you will still be able to pass that test even if you just start reading for it the night before.
You’ll now start trying to read for the whole course overnight. Who overnight don epp?
Told a lecturer that your aunty, uncle, grandma or grandpa died that’s why you couldn’t do your assignment.
Do you even have the fear of God?
Told your parents that you are doing very well in school.
When you knew you had three carryovers.
That you’ll start reading for your exams before the timetable comes out.
Two weeks after it comes out you’ll still be going up and down looking for handout to photocopy.
That you’d revise what you had learned after every class.
Did you even go for the classes?
That once you enter Uni you’ll party until you drop.
Instead, you spent all your time, eating, sleeping and lying to your lecturers about why you didn’t do your assignment.
At the beginning of every semester you’ll tell yourself that it’s the semester you were going to work hard to get your 5.0 GP
But you won’t go to class or do any of your assignments.
That even though you came back from the club at 5a.m you’ll still go for that 8 a.m class.
If you actually made it for those classes you are the real MVP.
Lied to your parents when you failed a course that it was the whole class that failed because the lecturer is wicked.
When you know you are the only one who carried over the course in your class.
Told your parents that you got admission to study Medicine when it’s Microbiology they gave you.
You’ll now start lying to yourself that you’ll get a 5.0 CGPA and change to Medicine.
That studying in your room was better than studying in the library. That the library was distracting.
5 minutes into your so-called studying in your room you would have slept.
That you won’t go out on a Friday night even though all your friends are going out.
Next thing you know it’s 3 am and you are in the middle of a club giving them shaku shaku.
What else did you guys lie about in Uni?
Calling on all UNILAG Alumni and current students, I stand to be corrected but I’m pretty sure these are the top 5 places to eat in UNILAG.
Bet you didn’t know Shop 10 is just a nickname and Glamos Rarebits is the real name of this legendary food place, From when it was known as Shop 2 in Red Bricks, to when it became known as Shop 10 behind Jaja Hostel, Glamos is most famous for one thing – it’s Jollof rice which is arguably one of the best in Lagos.
Mavise
For many people, Mavise was considered to be Shop 10’s number one rival. Although I personally thought Shop 10 served the best jollof rice, Mavise fans would beg to differ.
Salado
Like the name might connote, you already know that Salado is all about making great, fresh salads. It’s funny how people found a way to combine their salads with anything they were eating from rice to chips to even beans.
Ewa-agoyin Palace
Eating ewa-agoyin in any other place in UNILAG is unheard of. Ever had ewa-agoyin you don’t even want to eat your mum’s own again? That’s how good it is. In fact, there were many a people who thought she was adding a bit of jazz to the mix.
Iya Moria
Iya Moria started off at Ozolua before expanding to DLI. Anyone who stayed in those areas ate her food on a daily basis.
Olaiya
Even though they only opened their UNILAG branch in 2015, it didn’t take too long for Olaiya to become a household name for UNILAG students. Known for their fire amala and gbegiri, there’s no way you’d pass through UNILAg without stopping for their food.
Korede’s Spaghetti might be the newest kid on the block but anyone who has tried it out will agree that he deserves a place on this list.
Did we leave your favourite place out? Do you think it deserves a place on this list? Let us know!
A lot of people think going to a private university in Nigeria is an easier path to higher education, but it’s really not. While the private university struggles might be different from public universities, they are just as annoying.
Look at these.
When people tell me how ‘lucky’ I am to be going to a private university.
Daily devotion
First of all, you don’t have to wake up everyday at 5am to the blaring noise of a public announcement system and the grating voice of ‘Sister Jane’ shouting at you to “come out for morning devotion!” Don’t angry me.
Church
But of course you still have to go to church like 4 times a week. When you’re not the child of the devil and you don’t want a demerit.
Demerits
Any small thing, the enemies of progress will just be writing your name like… And if you lose enough demerit points, you go on suspension o. There are more possible ‘crimes’ than points sef.
Lights out
Before I entered university, I thought this was just a secondary school stoffs. I was wrong.
Beard gang?
What’s that? My brother you better go and trim your hair and beard low before they wipe it like magic for you.
Monitoring spirits
I also thought monitoring spirits existed just in the supernatural, but this school has shown me that they walk freely among us, bearing titles such as ‘porter’ and ‘security’.
Accidental wardrobe malfunction?
“Give her a demerit! And one for you, and for you…” Could this be life?
Stabbing class
Wanna stab class? You can’t. Don’t even think about it, if you no wan chop punishment.
Parties
The party might have been over before your exeat even comes through. Waste.
Watching your friends flex
This is how you look at your friends’ social media after they’ve finished posting about the mad party that you couldn’t get exeat for.
And finally…
How you look in wonder at all the freedom and life that is outside your school walls when you go home on break.
1. The person that invites their whole village.
This person that invites their entire extended family plus ancestors and somehow, they all turn up!
2. The person that has decided to break the world record for most pictures taken.
We get that it’s a special occasion and you need to make memories but are the approximately 8000 pictures you’ve taken in the last 30 minutes not enough?? Ah Ahn! Kilode?!
3. The person that has come to slay.
That person that is determined to slay on their last day. The fact that most of their outfit will be hidden under the graduation gown will not stop them from pulling out all the stops with their dress/suit.
4. The person that will just be crying anyhow.
This person will just start crying every 5 minutes because they’ve seen a dear friend that they’re going to miss. CALM THE HELL DOWN! It’s not like we’re dying. You can still see anybody you want after today.
5. The person that is definitely hungover.
This is that person that decided to celebrate their last night as a student by getting shit faced drunk, completely forgetting that they had plans to attend their convocation ceremony the next day. They’ll still show up tho, wearing dark shades, walking in slow motion and not speaking.
6. The person that doesn’t even show up at all.
Loool. This person never even cared about school and classes. You really think they’ll give a damn about convocation?
1. So you’ve finally pimped your apartment out, AC chilling, speakers on deck, MTV Cribs has nothing on you
2. Any small thing, have you seen Ayo’s BQ? The place make sense die, you too, this is how your shoulders will start looking after:
3. Next thing you know, boys will start coming to whisper in your ear about one girl they want to sharply package in your room, before you know it, boys will start taking number to use your room
4. That’s how you’ll turn to an outsider in your own room oh, you’ll now be sending texts from outside your door like, ‘please hurry up now, my Indomie is already cold’
5. As if that one isn’t bad enough, boys would turn your wardrobe to their new boutique, you’ll now have to start begging for them to borrow you your own clothes
6. Once there’s any turn up, you already know your room is going to be the assembly point, end up looking like this at the end of the night
7. When frustration hits you, you’ll just vex and send everyone out like this:
Naturally, the picture that comes to mind when a university logo is mentioned should be books, scrolls and all things scholarly.
But imagine our surprise when the logo of Ladoke Akintola University of Technology (LAUTECH) went viral.
Na wa o!
We’re not the only ones that think this logo is unbelievable.
Is that Lautech Logo for real or just some silly joke? 😕
