We all have that one friend who’s been around forever and can’t imagine life without. But what happens when that same friend shows you, time and again, that they can’t be trusted?
In this story, six Nigerians talk about complicated friendships that have stood the test of time. They hold these people dear even though they’ve learnt not to trust them.
“He’s dependable in every way — except with money” — Nelson*, 31
Nelson* finds it hard to trust Ike* with money, even though he’s been the most dependable friend in every other way since childhood.
“Everyone needs a ride-or-die friend who always shows up. For me, that’s Ike*. We’ve been close since childhood, and over the years, he’s proven himself reliable in almost every way. If I need someone to come through last-minute, he shows up — no questions asked. But when money is involved? I can’t trust him at all.
He’s always broke because of his sports betting addiction, yet he always makes his needs my problem. I didn’t mind helping him at first, but I noticed he became entitled to my money. These days, if I say I’ve already budgeted my cash, he takes it personally. He doesn’t even consider that I’m married and have other responsibilities.
I was shocked when I found out he’d used a sick mutual friend to lie about surgery money, just to squeeze more money of me because I was ‘stingy’. That crossed a line for me.
But we’ve come a long way, and I’m not ready to cut him off. I’ve learned how to manage and love him for what he is. I just try to keep my boundaries clear.”
“She means well, but I’ve stopped trusting her with anything important” — Lizzy*, 25
Lizzy* learnt the hard way that while Sylvia* may mean well, she’s not someone to count on.
“Sylvia is one of the warmest, kindest people I know. We’ve been best friends since secondary school, and her positive energy is what drew me in. But I learnt early on that she’s unreliable. Too many incidents showed me that.
One time, I had to travel for just three days and asked her feed my dog. I gave her my spare key, and even sent a reminder on the first day. She assured me she had it covered. But when I returned, I found out she only fed him on that first day. A neighbour told me my dog whimpered for almost two days. He could’ve died.
Then, at my 25th birthday party, she lost my bag. Sylvia, being my closest friend, held the bag with all the money that guests had sprayed me. At the end of the party, she claimed she couldn’t find it. That bag held over ₦100k. Some people said she probably stole it, but I believe she truly misplaced it because she’s careless like that.
I’ve just accepted that part of her now. Everyone has their flaws. Sylvia’s heart is good, but I’ve adjusted my expectations accordingly. I don’t trust her with responsibilities anymore.”
“I forgave him, but I’ll never forget what he did” — Solomon*, 28
Solomon* still considers Tunde* a brother, but their friendship changed after Tunde* secretly hooked up with Solomon’s ex.
“My breakup with my ex didn’t end in drama. We agreed we were better apart. Still, I found it weird that my friend, Tunde*, who had known her through me, stayed in contact with her.
He updated me about her life after the breakup, and even though it was annoying , I brushed it off. We were all adults, and I didn’t want to seem like an insecure ex.
But not long after, I found out they’d hooked up. They had a full fling behind my back. I was furious, and we stopped talking for months. For me, it was about the principle. How do you betray a friend like that?
We eventually made up because I didn’t want to lose our friendship over a woman I’d moved on from. Still, that trust didn’t come back. He’s still my guy, but I keep my current girlfriend and female friends far away.”
She talks too much for her own good” — Suleman*, 33
To Suleman*, Unmmi* is like family. But after one too many leaked secrets and exaggerated stories, he no longer confides in her.
“Unmmi is a sweetheart. She’s one of the most present and helpful people in my life. She even matchmade me with my fiancé, and I’ll always be grateful to her. The only problem with our friendship is that she talks too much.
I stopped confiding in her after I heard my private affairs circulating among other people.. The worst was when we gossiped about a mutual acquaintance accused of something serious, and she related everything word for word. I’d only shared whatever I did in confidence. That built a wall between us. I don’t open up to her the same way anymore.
She also exaggerates stories and often gets caught in the web of her lies. One day, she’s telling you version A, and the next day, it’s version B. Despite that, I love her like a sister. I just had to filter what I share.”
Also Read: The Woman Who Found Her Way Back to an Ex After a Bad Marriage
“She once said she wished she married my husband” — Joke*, 29
Joke* can’t cut Mariam* off, but she’s learned the hard way not to share her joy, or wins, too freely.
“Mariam and I have been friends for over ten years. We met during a camp program and immediately clicked. She was soft-spoken, kind, and very different from most people I knew. I didn’t have many friends, so our bond felt special. But with time, I noticed things.
Mariam had a lot of emotional baggage, especially around losing her mum young. I have both my parents, and it always felt like she wanted special treatment because I had something she didn’t.
She also had a habit of putting me down in subtle ways. She made sly remarks, like calling my skin ‘too dark’ or making backhanded comments about my looks. I didn’t realise it back then, but she projected a lot of her insecurities onto me.
We drifted apart for a few years but reconnected when she moved to my area. I was excited at first, but the old patterns crept back in. She always seemed to want what others had. She’s married to a wealthy man, yet still found ways to say, ‘I wish I married your husband’. Hearing that from someone I considered a close friend didn’t sit well with me.
Now, I play it safe with her. We hang out and gossip, but I don’t trust her with my joy or personal plans. I also noticed she doesn’t tell me things. She recently started a business, and I only found out by accident. While I don’t dislike her, it’s best if our friendship stays at the surface level.”
“She’s a sweet friend, but I’ve caught her in too many lies” — Mary*, 24
Mary* feels she constantly shows up for her friend, only to get half-hearted honesty in return.
“Esther* and I used to be flat mates until a job took her to Kano. We were excited to reunite at a conference in Lagos, but she cancelled a few days before because of money. She sounded so helpless, and I felt terrible. I even offered to send part of my savings if she could make up the rest. I was constantly checking in and encouraging her to meet up.
She eventually told me she’d closed a deal at work and managed to come up with money. I was thrilled. She came, and we had a great time. But after the event, a mutual friend casually mentioned that Esther had asked him for a large sum to fund the entire trip. I was stunned. She told me she’d refused his help, claiming she didn’t want to look like she was ‘chopping his money’.
That’s when I realised she lies a lot. When we lived together, she’d buy expensive things and say they came from work bonuses. But I’d find out someone else gave her the money. Recently, a mutual friend living abroad told me he regularly sends her money and tells her to spend part of it on me. She’s never once mentioned it.
It was painful because I always saw her as someone I could trust completely. But these little lies piled up, and it got worse because she loved calling other people out for being dishonest while doing the same herself. Still, I never confronted her. When I lost someone close, she supported me in ways that I’ll never forget. She showed up and stood by me more than anyone else. I still love her even after all the lies. but I’ve made up my mind to never fully trust her again.”
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