When the teacher announces that there will be a class assignment
Why everything gotta be an assignment?
But the deadline is still far away so you take your time
You when you realise the deadline is the following day
Then the teacher extends the deadline after you spent the entire night working on it
When you’re given multiple assignments with the same deadline
You waiting for your teacher to forget about the assignment
Please Lord, let the spirit of forgetfulness come over this woman.
When that oversabi classmate decides to remind the teacher about the assignment
You’re dead to me.
When you just find out about an assignment a day to the deadline
What assignment? When? How? Why? Where?
So Google becomes your friend
The only educational tool you need.
1. How to steal meat from the pot without making noise with the lid
2. How to get Lagos babes without spending all the money in your account!
3. All the scopes you can use to avoid policemen when they start asking for something for the weekend
4. Funny how they didn’t actually teach us how to calculate our taxes in school, I mean?
5. The best ways to spot the difference between a Yoruba demon and a little monster
6. The perfect ways to catch the server’s eyes when they’re sharing small chops at weddings
7. The best way to detect who actually farted in class
1. Today is International Women’s Day, and we are very excited!
2. We know many people are going to celebrate important female figures from past and current history and we love that!
3. But today we want to let all the regular ladies know that they deserve celebration too!
4. First of all, we slay hard at school, getting that education and conquering all those textbooks.
5. And we slay hard at work, breaking stereotypes and doing our part (and more) for the growing global economy.
6. Did we mention the millions of women that push out babies every day like it’s nothing.
7. Then go on to be primary caregivers, nurturing young minds and bodies to do and be better than them.
8. There’s also our amazing homemakers, who provide trillions of dollars worth of services for free! Often ignored and derided in society.
9. Not to talk of the women out there combining work, school and motherhood!
10. There are women breaking cultural moulds and doing it quietly, today is for you!
11. Choosing to be more than just an appendage to a man, forging their own path even when nobody approves.
12. And to the women out there that feel under appreciated, worn out, tired and defeated on many days, today is for you!
13. Happy International Women’s Day
1. Crash Course
This channel teaches you biology, chemistry, physics, economics, philosophy and world history. Get to learning!
2. How to adult
This channel focuses on getting you to function like an adult; everything from how to pack for a holiday to how to quit your job is somewhere here!
3. Khan Academy
This is your cheat sheet to anything educational, with the most complex ideas broken down … and broken down again, to help you have an easier learning experience!
4. Sexplanations
This is your guide to sexuality and sexual health. It talks about all those things your mother refused to while giving you that vague and awkward sex talk. It also covers sexual hygiene, consent and a myriad of connected topics.
5. NigeriaCuisine
This is your guide to being a pro in the kitchen! So if your aunties are always acting like they alone have the secrets to wonderful tasting food, come here to burst their bubble!
6. Clean my space
On this channel, you learn to clean any and everything from top to bottom. There’s a method to the madness!
7. AndyAX
If you are a camera and filmmaking lover, this channel will teach you all the hacks you need to know!
1. When you realise it’s almost the end of term.
2. Then you remember you have exams!
3. And student assessments…
4. Now you remember all the times you played instead of listening in class.
5. And how you spent the whole term looking for all your teachers’ trouble.
6. You and your gang of troublemakers are like:
7. Now you have 2 weeks to cram all the notes for all your subjects before you end up disgraced.
8. Meanwhile all the efikos in school are like:
9. And you are following them around and begging them to help you like:
10. Now the school also wants to start doing end of term shows and concerts.
11. And they want you to get involved as if you are not going through personal things.
12. The closer to the end of term, the more desperate you are.
13. Then end of term comes and you almost die of stress and fear but you survived.
14. Then it dawns on you that because of stress, you’e forgotten the most important thing about the end of term; HOLIDAYS!
15. And now you’re like:
1. When you wash and hang your uniform outside and come back to meet just peg.
2. When you check your provisions after visiting day and see everything has reduced by half.
3. When your notes would get “missing” 5 days to exams.
4. When your best friend whose job it was to send messages to your bae stole him from you.
5. When you couldn’t find your maths set the morning of your maths exam.
6. When someone from your hostel copies your assignment and submits it before you.
7. When you turn your head for 3 seconds in the dining hall and your meat disappears.
8. When someone moves your favourite underwear and you don’t know whether to cry or be disgusted.
9. When you forget you pencil case in class and come back to meet only the case.
10. When you wake up to have your bath and can’t find your bucket you suffered to fetch the night before.
1. When you have to run against your best friend for class captain position.
2. When you and your best friend like the same boy.
3. When you have to write the list of noisemakers and your crush is making noise.
4. When you have to choose who will follow you around school to give out cake and drinks on your birthday.
5. When you can’t invite everyone to your birthday party but you still have to go to school on Monday.
6. When your teacher asks you to snitch on your classmates and they just started liking you again.
7. When you like your class teaching assistant more than your class teacher and it’s teachers appreciation day.
8. When you have to choose who will be on your team during PE but your best friend cannot play football.
9. When you have to vote for teacher of the year but you don’t want your class teacher to win.
1. When the teacher makes both of you sit close to each other during a class activity.
2. When they share their snacks with you at break time.
3. When they chase only you when it’s time to play “catcher”
4. When you fight and they write your name on the list of noisemakers and add “times 7”.
5. When they start being friendly with people other than you.
6. When they ask you to help them give out cake and party packs on their birthday.
7. When they call you one of their best friends!
8. When they tell you they like someone else.
1. How you write names of noisemakers even though the teacher did not ask you to.
Because you are a good and dutiful student!
2. When you remind the teacher about your assignment and your classmates are looking at you with evil eyes.
Silly people!
3. When your teacher asks a question nobody is supposed to know the answer to, but you do.
Because I am super intelligent.
4. When your classmates try to make fun of you, you’re like.
You think you are doing me, you people are doing yourselves.
5. When you are chosen as class captain every single year.
Before nko? Who else?
6. When a new oversabi joins the class and tries to dethrone you.
My friend, you better shift back!
7. When you come second for the first time, you’re like:
Is this how I bow out of greatness?
8. When you win less than half of the awards at the end of the school year, you’re like:
Am I now average?
1. How he used to dress every single day.
Does this one think the profession is a joke?
2. When he insists all the students call him one useless nickname like his normal name is not funny enough.
Baba leave this thing alone!
3. How he strolls around the school.
Are you the landlord sir?
4. When he tries to add “efizzy” to his teaching style by adding rap and dance steps to his classes.
Who asked you oh?
5. When he tries to enter students gist by force by fire.
Sir, your mates are in the staff room.
6. When he uses all the information he has gathered by being the friendly teacher, against students.
Judas is that you?
7. When he cracks one of his dry jokes and expects the class to start laughing.
You are not a comedian sir, face mathematics.
8. When his fellow teachers see him coming, they’re like:
Please he should go and look for someone else to disturb.
9. When he finally stops pretending and shows his true colours.
We said it!
10. When after all his shenanigans he becomes the head of department, you’re like:
