Quizzes

Stacks

Shows

Podcasts

Newsletters

Naira Life

Love Life

Hustleprint

Love Currency

Sunken Ships

What She Said

My Bro

So You Don’t Have To

Interview With…

Zikoko Memes

Jollof Road

Cholera Outbreak Update

Follow our socials

  • Develop an accent

    Your Nigerian accent is too razz for the level of wealth you’re trying to project. You need to develop an accent, preferably British, to give off enough old-money energy.

    Wear a boubou/kaftan everywhere

    This needs to become your uniform. Inside, outside, everywhere you go. Also, make sure you always have dark shades on to stay mysterious.

    Image credit: Afrikrea

    “Do you know who I am?”

    It’s important to respond to every random situation with this question because people do, in fact, need to know who you are — a rich Nigerian.

    Carry a portable fan everywhere

    Heat might be killing everyone else in the country but certainly not you. You’re rich, so of course, you can’t be suffering like a common man. To make your statement even clearer, use one of those uncommon designs.

    Also, use a cab service to go everywhere

    You can never catch a rich man sweating inside a danfo. So why would you be taking public transportation? No, that’s off-brand.

    Invest all your money in perfumes

    You need to have all your bases covered, and one way to do that is by smelling expensive.

    Or spend it all on skin and self-care

    Sunburn is for the poor, my dear. It also doesn’t matter that you’ll be spending twice your monthly income on a new wig. Self-care is important, and your account balance shouldn’t get in the way of it.

    And expensive designer items

    Made in Aba or gotten off AliExpress; designer items are designer items. As long as they didn’t write Cavlin Rlein on that shirt, buy it.

    Have like one million debit cards

    It doesn’t matter if your entire net worth is ₦‎5k. Having many debit cards is a signal to people paying attention that your money is long.

    Your car key must always be in your hands

    It doesn’t matter that you have a pocket or keychain to hang it on. Have people seen your Benz that’s not really your Benz? That’s the main question, and it’s why your car key needs to be in your hands at all times. In fact, jiggle it to catch even more attention.

    Burn all your savings on club memberships

    Lagos Polo Club? Ikoyi Club? Join them all. Don’t mind the huge membership fees because it’s all an investment. By the time you start rubbing shoulders with actual rich people, your cosplay is complete. What’s remaining after that?

    NEXT READ: 8 Ways To Manifest Wealth

  • Times are changing, but we all still need to make money. Because some people seem to figure out how to cash out faster than others, we’ve gone out of our way to find and question them. They told us these seven careers are sure money spinners.

    Prayer warrior

    Don’t you know that prayers work wonders, and it can be a full-time job? If you had a new naira note for every time a rich Nigerian answered “Na God” after being asked for the source of their wealth, you’d be rich too.

    Content creator

    How many Instagram posts of content creators buying Benz and houses do you need to see before you know you should drop your 9-5 and start making skits?

    Political influencer 

    This one will feed you, your family and your village people. The only thing you have to give in exchange is your conscience. Small price to pay.

    POS attendant

    Tech bros have nothing on POS attendants now. The one and only bureau de change that deals in naira to naira and takes a huge cut. How can you not respect their name?

    Being in a relationship

    Relationships are lucrative right now, but you can’t have a vanilla label like boyfriend or girlfriend. That’s too basic. You either want to be a glucose boy or a soft babe. Who wants to work for money when someone else can pay you to date them?

    Hard work

    Ask every single Nigerian billionaire what they did, and they’ll tell you they worked hard. Maybe it’s time you started working hard too.

    Gift vendor

    We heard they made bank on Valentine’s Day, but that’s not all. They make bank every day of the year. People want to impress their partners with gifts and need vendors. Step in and get the bag.

    Owambe hypeman

    Who wouldn’t want to praise people at a party? They’d spray you with loads of cool cash just to hype them up while they dance away their savings. Why would anyone choose a regular 9 to 5 over this.

    NEXT READ: 7 Ways To Make Money Without Working For It

  • There’s money, and there’s bastard money. Urgent ₦2k is money, but bastard money is money you’ll make, and you really can’t even believe you made it.

    You’d be looking at your account balance like:

    That’s the kind of money we want to teach you how to make. Take notes.

    Become the British Prime Minister

    Don’t think about your qualifications or that you’re still in Nigeria. Just use every means to get there, then you can resign after 45 days. Boom, salary for life.

    Kidnap Elon Musk

    The guy is worth $212 billion. Imagine what 1% of that money as ransom would do in your life. 

    Or marry him

    Just convince him to fall head over heels in love, and your finances will work themselves out. 

    Sell your body parts

    Don’t limit it to your kidney. The liver is valuable, too — anything for the bag.

    Become a Nigerian politician

    The national cake must go round.

    Fast and pray

    Because what God cannot do, doesn’t exist. Amen?

    Sell shoes on Instagram

    Take a page from this the Naira Life of this engineer’s book and open your door of financial wealth.

    Have bastardly rich parents

    If your parents are already poor, you can disown them and go look for your true parents.

    Say it till it happens

    Recite “I have bastard money” in front of your mirror every day at 2.16 a.m. and see if it won’t come to pass.

    Get a glucose guardian

    Start with the ones in Abuja; we heard they have money. Just be careful of the jalabia-and-oud-perfume-wearing ones sha. If you know, you know.

    NEXT READ: 7 Ways To Make Money Without Working For It

  • This is your chance to make a humble brag about how loaded you are. If you can relate to at least eight things on this quiz, you’re definitely rich.

    Pick all the things you can relate to:

  • How much do you have in your account? Let’s expose you:

  • If you have money, then you’ll be listening to songs about money. How well do you know their lyrics?

    Take the quiz:

  • A rich Nigerian auntie doesn’t refer to those aunties from your father’s side that do nothing but comment on your weight and ask you when you’d be getting married.

    The rich Nigerian auntie is an aesthetic bigger than one person — and here’s how to be sure you are one…

    1. You have the dress

    Every other month, there is a dress that they all collectively wear. If you have at least two of them, congratulations, you are a true rich Nigerian auntie.

    2.  You also have the shoe

    Can there be a dress without a shoe? I think not. It can be that square-shaped one that men swear is ugly, but what do they know about fashion?

    3. You have sleek wigs

    None of those synthetic wigs. It must be a full-body weave and expensive as hell. Bonus points if you just style your natural hair now and again.

    If you’re into memes, check out this mind-blowing Nigerian meme site we created. Click Here

    4. Be a femtrepreneur 

    Own a startup or just be a boss at whatever you do, girl boss power. Drop tips when you are in a good mood and be a panellist on at least one women in tech event. 

    5. Be an intersectional feminist 

    For you to be qualified as a rich Nigerian auntie, you must be an intersectional feminist. You can’t stand for women and ignore queer people, disabled people or trans women.

    6. Have clear skin

    When you are unproblematic, you’ll automatically have clear skin. Try minding your business for a month, and watch your skin flourish. This is backed by science.

    7. Host brunch

    Every once in a while, gather your fellow rich Nigerian aunties and host brunch. Don’t forget to serve us looks on every social media platform.

    8. Have a child or less

    Rich Nigerian aunties don’t like stress, they have vacations to plan and designers to wear, where is the time to be having more than 1 child? Just adopt as many cats and dogs as possible, they are less stressful anyway.

    If you’re into memes, check out this mind-blowing Nigerian meme site we created. Click Here

  • Are you among the rich Nigerians geng? Scale this money quiz and we’ll know:

  • Fashion blogger, Temi Otedola, blessed the internet with sauce in this ‘pepper hot’ picture yesterday

    Temi is the 2nd daughter of Nigerian oil magnate and billionaire, Femi Otedola.

    People cannot even get enough of all the ‘Yorubaness’ in this post

    When you want to explain the meaning of ‘pepper dem gang’

    The ‘wife material’ scouts have found their way here again

    https://twitter.com/Tee_blaq/status/841049747829989377

    Freshest pepper

    They said she looked hotter than the pepper

    Yoruba women know pepper is their one true love

    https://twitter.com/amazinglilnas/status/840947917225512967

    We’ve changed our wall papers to this picture

    This bro is taking things way too deep but we get it

    Someone now asked the most important question

    Temi also gave us this one with panla (stock fish)

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BRjJ4dCjUTB/?taken-by=jtofashion