2. But then you also remember that you are very broke.
Ah!
3. You check your account and it’s even worse than you thought!
But I was supposed to have more than this!
4. Meanwhile your friends and colleagues are expecting you to “do birthday” for them!
Look at these people oh!
5. You find out how much cake is and you’re like:
For sugar and flour?
6. Even small chops are expensive.
Puff puff is now arrogant!
7. People start texting you that they’re coming to your house after work that day:
I am finished oh!
8. And before you know it your own birthday has become a prayer point.
Father Lord do something miraculous in my account!
9. The closer you get to your birthday the more stressed you are.
Why is time moving so fast?
10. Now you are thinking about your big age and lack of money.
God why always me?
11. So you ask for the day off and tell everyone you’re travelling around that period.
“Something impromptu oh! See you people in 3 days!”
12. But you stay at home and beg God not to allow this kind of wretchedness follow you into next year.
This affliction must not arise a second time.
1. So I went for a party a few weeks ago.
Fun times!
2. To catch some fun and dance away my sorrows.
It’s necessary oh!
3. I had just bumped into my ex boyfriend a few days earlier.
Wretched guy!
4. And not only was he looking happy and relaxed, he even had a new girlfriend.
Imagine!
5. Needless to say, I was in need of cheering up!
As a matter of necessity!
6. Anyway, the party was grooving.
Nice one!
7. The music was popping.
The DJ must have studied DJ-ism!
8. The drinks were flowing.
9. My make up was on fleek!
I was too hot to handle!
10. All of a sudden a sexy voice said in my ear “hello you look nice”.
Could this be the start of something new?
11. I almost shivered and died of excitement but I had to compose myself.
I immediately had to form big babe!
12. I said “thank you” in my “fine boy is talking to you, you better compose” voice.
Very sweet voice!
13. We danced to a few songs.
Obviously this man wants me to have his children!
14. And whispered and giggled to each other all night.
Sweet love is in the air!
15. Then I realised the time was far spent and I had to go!
Wow! Is this where it all ends?
16. So he offered to walk me outside to my taxi so he could get my number!
Thank God!
17. As soon as we got outside and the light hit him, I froze!
AH!
18. No it couldn’t be!
Say it isn’t so!
19. Ah! yes it was!
Ye it is oh!
20. I just shouted “Senior Emeka so it’s you”.
Can you imagine?
21. This almost romantic encounter of mine used to be my senior in secondary school!
Look at life!
22. He would send my friends and I to fetch his bathing water and wash his clothes.
Imagine all that stress!
23. He even used to take our meat and plantain sometimes during lunch and dinner!
That’s why some of us are so short! No protein!
24. Now he was asking when he could see me again.
See who?
25. Before he realised what was going on I pulled his lips and knocked his fat head.
Foolish fellow!
26. That was for all the suffering he put me through in secondary school!
He deserved worse sef!
27. Then I hopped into my taxi and left while he was wondering what exactly had just happened.
Bye bye!
28. See you again in your dreams, Senior Emeka!
Because every day for the thief, one day for the owner!
1. When you are writing up your guest list.
2. When haters hear you are throwing a party and try to get an invite, you’re like:
3. When you are trying to choose food and drinks for the party.
4. When people get there in time and it’s going according to plan.
5. When everyone sticks to the party theme and dresses appropriately.
6. When the DJ starts playing everybody’s favourite songs and the party really starts popping.
7. When your crush gets to the party and you are able to bond because they are helping you run errands.
8. When everyone starts bringing out presents and bottles to complement what you already have.
9. When everyone is still talking about the party weeks after because it was just that amazing.
10. When everyone asks you when next you are throwing a party.
Winnie Mandela turned 80 a few days ago and slayed for generations.
Well we really aren’t surprised, she was slaying before the word was invented.
I mean, just look at her!
All that fab!
All that swag!
Giving us grown slay goals.
Happy birthday Mama Winnie. Stay fierce and fabulous!
First of all, we are so pained that nobody reminded us yesterday was the day we’ve all been waiting for! For those that are not aware, yesterday was Bobrisky’s birthday, and it was celebrated at Escape Nightclub. Bobrisky is one of the most popular Nigerians on Snapchat. See all the action that went down at the party sha.
1. Can your makeup ever be as ‘on-fleek’ as this ?
2. Just look at all the shine-shine on this golden shoe!
3. We are too in love with this glittery outfit.
4. And Bob slayed us in another popping onesie.
5. Our hearts can only take so much glam from one person.
6. Some people are speculating as to where Bobrisky got all the outfit inspiration from.
Nigerian photographer, Wale Ariztos, who lives in Washington DC shut down the streets of New Orleans for his wife’s 30th birthday, Nigerian style of course.
His wife, Lola, who turned 30 over the weekend was surprised when Wale brought a carnival procession escort them from the hotel to the restaurant where the birthday dinner took place.
Wale practically threw a big Owambe style party for her and it was too lit!
This just shows how Nigerians are the greatest party animals in the world.
