The second track off Tem’s “For Broken Ears” album
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Say the truth. You cheated, didn’t you?
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You tried your best, but you can do better.
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Did you even try?
Sarz is one of the biggest Nigerian producers of the moment, having worked with everyone from Wizkid and Niniola to Skepta and Queen B (Yes, Blue Ivy’s mother). But today, we’ll judge Sarz’s music based on one thing and one thing only: is it twerkable?
As Zikoko’s resident twerk expert (I was announced after BVAS didn’t work), this is an official ranking of Sarz’s biggest hits as an artiste from least to most twerkable.
Gone Girl with Obongjayar
See, Gone Girl is a bop and arguably one of Sarz’s best songs, but is it twerkable? No. Obongjayar’s voice and narration about the girl who’s changing right before his eyes makes it hard for anyone to focus on jiggling their cheeks left and right. Gone Girl is a great song to sing along to and shout “Zombie” over and over again, but it doesn’t support bum bum activities.
Mad with Wurld
Mad doesn’t strike you as a song you can twerk to until you listen to it repeatedly. It’s what I call a grower, not a shower. The girls that get it, get it.
Tonongo with Lojay
Do not twerk to Tonongo unless you’re ready to be a parent because this song can and will lead you down the road of fornication. This hidden gem off Sarz and Lojay’s 2021 EP, LV N ATTN, is perfect for that seductive slow-motion twerking you see people do in the club at 3 a.m.
Park O X3 with Lojay
Nothing about the lyrics from Park O X3 makes sense. What does “Sho fe jo ko ninu Mercedes. Abi o fe jo ko sinu methodist” mean? But who cares? As soon as Lojay starts singing, “Park o! Park o!” you’ll forget the lyrics and focus on the bigger picture, moving your dump truck up and down.
Good Morning Riddim
Something about twerking to a song called Good Morning Riddim in the club at 11 p.m. doesn’t sound right to me, but who am I to tell people’s bum bum what it can or cannot do and at what time it’s supposed to do what it wants. It’s a mouthful, but you get the point. Bum bums deserve their own agency, and that’s what they’ll get.
Get Up with Flash and DJ Tunes
This song’s title literally encourages you to get up in the club. And what do you do when you get up in a club? You guessed it. Twerk. DJ Tunes gave us Iskaba, and Flash joined SDC to give us Tropicana,so it’s no surprise that Get Up is a banging twerk anthem.
Do I have to say anything here? Monalisa is a versatile queen that supports twerking, all the legwork in the amapiano multiverse of madness, azonto and even yahoozee. Yes, I’ve tried all of them, and they all worked.
Vex with Wande Coal
If you liked Wande Coal’s underrated 2013 jam, Rotate, then Vex is the twerk anthem for you. This song is for chaotic but experienced twerkers who can twerk upside down without missing a beat. The last minute of this song will make your bum bum jiggle like hot amala.
Designer with Niniola
Suppose Sarz and Niniola’s Ibadi was “Twerk 101: Twerking, The Basics” for first-year students. In that case, Designer is “Twerk 401: The Macroeconomics of Twerking” for final students who want to explore twerking on a larger scale. Niniola might not be a fan of Gucci or Fendi, but best believe she’s a fan of twerking.
Inbox Riddim
Have you twerked continuously for four minutes and 17 seconds before? Well, there’s always a first time, and yours will probably be when you listen to Inbox Riddim for the first time. Please, make sure you have access to painkillers after. Let it not be that I didn’t warn you.
Beat of Life (Samba) with Wizkid
This song was made for twerking, and you can’t tell me otherwise. I have a strong feeling even Wizkid was whining his waist and backing that ass up when he was in the recording booth. I mean, we already have evidence that Ayodeji can throw it down here:
Movie sequels, secondborns and remixes prove that some things are best left at the original. In this article, we’ll be highlighting seven Nigerian hit songs that were better the first time.
Abracadabra — Rexxie ft Wizkid
Can someone ask Skiibii what type of anointing makes women suddenly feel the urge to shake their booty in your presence? Or what business brother Naira Marley had following a woman around Lagos, talking about, “Anywhere you go, I’m going“? The trio did a number on this song, and Big Wiz had no business replacing Rexxie on the remix because what did he add to it?
Calm Down — Rema ft Selena Gomez
Divine’s Holiday is enough reason for us to write off all his wrongs. But it’d be unfair to leave the “epic” Calm Down remix with Selena Gomez out of this list because while this collaboration exposed the song to a new global audience, both artists tried too hard to sync, and it lowkey felt like two different songs fused together.
Peru — Fireboy ft 21 Savage and Blxst
You know how you make banging concoction rice one day and are eager to recreate it, but it never ends up as good as the first one? That’s what happened with Peru. After Fireboy finished cooking Peru, everyone wanted a piece of it, from Ed Sheeran to 21 Savage. But while Ed Sheeran’s had people questioning who the actual owner of the song was, the 21 Savage and Blxst remix should’ve stayed on their hard drive or with their close friends circle on Instagram.
We were so obsessed with Bloody Samaritan that we started a full-ass trend around it. Seeing Kelly Rowland and Ayra Starr in a shoot a year later, Nigerians held on to their seats in anticipation of a collaboration that’d break the internet. But it’s been months later and no one seems to remember this remix even happened.
Get it Now — Tiwa Savage ft Omarion
It wasn’t a flop but wasn’t not mid either. It did little to improve on the original song. And the fact that you didn’t know about this remix until now further proves our point.
5 Star — Adekunle Gold ft Rick Ross
AG Baby let us in on his life, discussing his health challenges and struggles, on 5 Star. And frankly, he had us eating from his palm by the end of 2022. Every end-of-year reel had people talking about how they’re VIPs and their life was “5 star”, but Rick Ross jumping on the song probably reduced it by two stars.
Ku Lo Sa — Oxlade ft Camila Cabello
From TikTok challenges to acoustic covers, if you were near Obasanjo’s internet in 2022, you’d know Nigerians played this song enough times to give Oxlade a cracked voice. However, the one exciting thing we got out of him bringing the former Fifth Harmony singer for a remix is the music video.
We bet you’ve listened to these songs, but we want to know how many you can identify in three minutes.
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Omo, only INEC can help you with this score
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Not the best score, but at least you know better now.
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Let’s gooo! This score proves you know your music; we love it.
Mohits or Styl Plus? This quiz knows which old Nigerian music group you’d be perfect for.
Finding the perfect name for your child on your own may be difficult. But this quiz will help you choose a Nigerian song to name your child after.
We know you know the exact date your favorite songs were released. So, this quiz will be a piece of cake. We expect you to thrash it.
Take the quiz:
If you are younger than 25, don’t expect to smash this music quiz:
Have you ever listened to a song and thought to yourself, “Can never be me?” Yes, we’ve done it too. While we bop to all the songs on this list, their lyrics are a little bit extra, if we’re being honest — it’s just small love, let’s all be calming down.
1. “Your lips like poison, I’ll take my chance with you.” — Lojay & Sarz, Monalisa
Poison? Poison? Somebody’s mother is praying for them everyday and they’re out here saying they want to chop poison because of knacks? Nah, we can’t – we won’t — relate. Na only one life wey person get
2. “See the way I dey beg you, shey bambi allah mo je ni?” — Ayra Starr & CKay, Beggie Beggie
Begging a man in this millennium? Sis, is Nigeria not tough enough for you? You want to drag your bad bitch cred in the mud? We don’t beg in this household, we collect applications, periodt.
3. “She making me bark a like a bingo” — PSquare, Alingo
Something about a woman making me bark like a dog just doesn’t sit right with my inner spirit. Is she a witch? Peter and Paul, please come out and explain to the class what this means because, whattt?.
4. “Dance and sweat like say na fight. We must to settle this thing tonight” — Tiwa Savage, All Over
Tiwa, sis, it’s not that deep. Are you in a relationship or Maltina Dance All?
5. “I will cross all the seven seas, just to give you what you need.” — Ric Hassani, Police
God forbid! What kind of pick me behaviour is this? Let’s not forget that Ric did all these things and the babe still showed him pepper. No wonder he’s now singing “Thunder fire you”. It is well.
6. “I don fight uniform men” — Omah Lay, Understand
LOL. Fighting uniform men because of love? When we’re not on crack? The answer is no. The crazy part, after all of this, his love interest still slept with his best friend and stole his pendant. In this life, it pays to be wicked.
7. “And I’m all up in your face like pimples” — Omoakin, Talosobe
Ewwwww.
8. “All my ego na for you” — Teni & Davido, For You
Imagine giving all your funds to someone after being a slave to capitalism five days (six or seven days in some offices) a week. Why the hell would I do that? Love? I don’t recognise that emotion.
9. “See you broke my heart but I wish you well” — Dwin, The Stoic, Ifunanyam
If you break my heart, it’s only God that will punish you. It’s not only “well”, it’s Wellington. Please, shift.
10. “She say make I dey choke her” — Ajebo Hustlers, Solace
So she can die and the police will arrest me? If anyone wants to be choked during coitus, they should please choke themselves. After all, we both have hands.
11. “You don’t need no other body” — Wizkid & Tems, Essence
As a Yoruba demon, I’m inclined to decline this suggestion. So Tems wants us to put all our eggs in one basket? What if they cancel on us? In this life, it’s important to have multiple backups.
12. “You should know I got you, but you don’t need to get me too” — Chike, Running
It’s all recipocrity in 2022, chief. Can’t be out here dying for someone who doesn’t care about you. Please, jazz up and move on. Life is short.
Remember when Nigerian songs were dramatic AF? We miss that. From wedding crashers stealing small chops to bukas that put people’s destinies inside groundnut bottles, these songs had storylines that had us going “WTF?”
Can you imagine stopping by a random buka for hot white rice, beans, plantain and assorted meat, only to have your destiny stolen? Imagine that. Iya Basira had a chokehold on Tunde, Shiffy and Zeal to the point that their mothers, girlfriends and best friends all abandoned them. This is why it’s important to remember that there’s rice at home. Despite all this crazy, the wildest thing was they called a policeman and he actually came. In Nigeria? LOL. Even worse, they weren’t able to stop Iya Basira, , meaning that she was left to conquer the world, one stolen destiny at a time.
It’s one thing for your girl to cheat on you. But to do that with your best friend? Omo, this one is above us. Honestly, we would like to hear her own side of the story before we cancel her. Who knows, maybe Peter and Paul were exaggerating. #FreeThatBabeAbeg
The fact that our parents allowed us to listen to and sing this song is reason enough for us to sue them for child endangerment. The song’s plot revolves around a young child who witnesses their mum cheating on their dad with another man and proceeds to sing about it in graphic detail. It’s gross AF, but we also love the drama, and the child’s disturbing attention to detail. Don’t get us started on how Zule Zoo invented twerking. If you don’t believe us, argue with your daddy.
This song must’ve been the soundtrack that accompanied the origin stories of all millennial Yoruba demons. Because why on Beyoncé’s green earth was this guy comparing his girl to all the girls he cheated on her with? In one breath, you are telling her she’s the one and in the next line, you’re comparing her to Ngozi. In the words of Ric Hassani, “thunder fire you” dear.
Obasanjo, Femi Kuti, Lagbaja, Puff Daddy, and Eedris Abdulkareem all in one party in New York? Talk about a plot that was most definitely crack-inspired. After his Nigerian girlfriend calls him to ask why he abandoned her, Eedris Abulkareem gives her a long-ass tale about him japa’ing to America led to him meeting discount Puff Daddy and having the time of his life. The sad part is that this poor girl will probably wait for him. God will hill you, dear.
Spilling the tea in casual neighbourhood gossip style, Omawumi talks about a man who molests and impregnates his daughter. While this story is wild AF, it’s also an endemic problem Nigerians tend to talk about in hushed tones, that’s if they even talk about it at all.
Do we know what she’s singing about? No. But she’s in a wedding dress belting out vocals to a Celine Dion sample so there’s no way this gist doesn’t have drama. Did we mention that they keep showing flashbacks of some random guy? We need to hear this juicy story ASAP. Who’s willing to be our Mummy G.O translator?
It’s hard to listen to this song and not feel a certain way. Yes, the stories are wild AF, but most of them are also true. When African China said, “We dey happy for democracy but some people dey demo dey craze”, I felt it in my soul.
Hilarious and super chaotic, this song is about those people who attend events they were not invited to. If you’ve ever been to a Nigerian wedding, naming ceremony, birthday, or funeral, then you’ve probably run into one of these event crashers who just show up for the vibes, food and souvenirs. We dare you not to laugh when you listen to the part where she’s asking for food. We see you sis, get those souvenirs!
We need someone to adapt this classic into a comedy because the chaos that happens over the course of just one day still blows our minds. From his debtor dying unexpectedly to his car getting hit by Eedris Abdulkareem and Tinubu, Tony Tetuila had quite the day. Pele, dear.
