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  • Nigeria’s annual inflation rate has climbed to 29.9%, its highest in almost 28 years. The cost of living is choking the living, and it’s touching every aspect of our lives, including relationships.

    I spoke to some Nigerians about how inflation has changed their relationship dynamic, and here’s what they said.

    Rotimi, 27

    My friends and I have this weekly tradition. We hang out at bars every Friday to drink and just talk about our week. We also rotate payment, so if I pay for the whole group’s drinks this week, someone else will do it next week.

    When I paid for the group in December 2023, it cost me about ₦80k. That was even with Detty December price hikes. But when it was my turn in February 2024, it was over ₦100k for the same drinks and chops for five people. I’ve avoided the last two hangouts because spending that kind of money isn’t sustainable on a ₦350k salary. I still have bills. 

    My friends are considerably richer, so they probably haven’t noticed how sick the increase is. But I intend to tell them soon that I can’t keep up. We’ll have to consider other ways to hang out.

    Chioma, 31

    Since the first time my best friend and I went on a girl’s trip in January 2022, it’s been like an unofficial rule to do it every year. We went again in January 2023. Things are typically cheaper in January. 

    But we didn’t even talk about a girl’s trip this year. We sent a couple Instagram links of resort locations to each other, but we didn’t discuss logistics because we knew we couldn’t afford it. Between local flight costs — because the roads are too dangerous to even consider — accommodation and feeding, you’re already budgeting ₦500k. We’ll just make do with our imagination for now.

    Tobi, 26

    I used to fill my boyfriend’s car tank once a month to show love. But what used to cost me ₦40k increased to over ₦100k when the fuel subsidy was removed in 2023. I still sent the ₦40k monthly for a while because at all at all na im bad pass. 

    But now, I only send ₦20k occasionally because I have other bills, and things double in price every day. He understands and even sends me money occasionally. It’s just sad that I can’t be as intentional as I want to.

    ALSO READ: “It’s Shameful to Just Be Collecting” – 7 Nigerians Talk About the Struggle to Gift Their Abroad Friends

    Ayomide, 23

    My siblings and I always go all out for my mum’s birthday. Our father is dead, so we do everything to make sure she doesn’t feel lonely on that day. In 2023, we contributed ₦150k to pay her shop rent and do a small celebration. 

    Her 2024 birthday is a few weeks away, but my siblings haven’t mentioned anything about contribution. We’ve talked about birthday plans but haven’t billed ourselves yet. I understand because everywhere is dry. 

    We want to get her a phone, but it costs over ₦200k. Something that was just about ₦100k in 2023. It’s just somehow.

    Femi, 27

    My girlfriend likes receiving flowers, but she specifically told me not to buy her flowers on Valentine’s Day 2024. She said I should send her the money or buy something else. I fully understand her point. Flowers used to cost ₦15k – ₦18k, but now, you hear ₦30k – ₦50k for the smallest bouquet. When it’s not like the flower will live forever.

    Glory, 32

    My husband and I go on fancy dates every weekend to spend time together away from the children. This typically costs ₦20k maximum, but inflation has made restaurants charge higher. When we considered the increased cost of fuel and foodstuff, we had to think twice about spending up to ₦35k on dates. 

    We’ve reduced the frequency to once per month since late 2023. Sometimes sef, we do indoor dates to save money. It does the same work.

    Iyanu, 28

    I’ve made it a habit to bring bags of foodstuff with me when I visit my mum because she always has family members staying with her. But I haven’t been able to meet up with that since 2023. When I visited her last month with only five tubers of yam and a paint bucket of garri, she called me aside to ask if all was well. It won’t be well with this government. 

    NEXT READ: 7 Nigerian Millennials Share Hacks for Living Through Inflation

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  • You might think your love language is gifting the people you love, but what happens when they suddenly japa and you have to show love in other ways? Because while you may want to be intentional, the exchange rate, distance and logistics will collectively ask you:

    To make it worse, it’s much easier for abroad people to send money and gifts back once they get there, making the guilt even worse. We spoke with seven Nigerians who have friends and family abroad, and they talked about the struggle to send them gifts on meaningful days.

    Dora*, 21

    My Canada-based brother regularly sends me money for school fees, and I hate that I can’t send him gifts to show my appreciation. He doesn’t expect anything from me, but I don’t want to be someone who just “takes” all the time. 

    For his last birthday, I thought of sending him foodstuff from here because he’d complained about how expensive things were in the African market over there. But when I calculated the cost of the items and shipping fee, it was running into ₦200k. I didn’t have that type of money, and I couldn’t bill him and then use the money to gift him. I had to settle with sending him prayers. 

    Tobore, 30

    I love giving thoughtful gifts, and all my friends know. You can innocently tweet about needing something and find the item delivered to you weeks later. It’s why I’m really bummed I can’t do much for my friends who have relocated. Most of them are in the UK. 

    Between 2022 and 2023, I could still send £20 or £50 gift cards, or pay for birthday cakes. But I have to adjust with the current exchange rate. I mostly fund their naira accounts now, so they have something when they visit. But I feel like I’m not putting as much thought into gifting as I usually do. The exchange rate is killing my creativity.

    Lizzy, 25

    My best friend moved to the UK two years ago, and we don’t talk as often as we used to — a deliberate decision on my part. 

    Talking every day meant I kept sharing my many problems, then she’d send me random money. But I can’t send her money like she does. I can’t say I want to send ₦20k because that’s just £10. What will that buy? And it’s shameful to just be collecting. 

    ALSO READ: 7 Nigerian Millennials Share Hacks for Living Through Inflation

    Joan*, 27

    For two years in a row, I’ve celebrated my US-based bestie’s birthday by gathering all our families and friends for a surprise conference call. I don’t even know if the element of surprise is still there. I occasionally send her $10 through our other US-based friends with naira accounts, but I feel that’s too small for a birthday gift. 

    I tried to get a proper gift from a US store last year — again through a mutual friend — but I was hearing $300. Omo. Conference call had to come to the rescue. At least, she loves the calls.

    Anita*, 24

    I feel guilty that I can’t surprise my boyfriend on special occasions. One time, I tried to send him shoes, but he realised I was planning something when I asked for his address. He insisted I send him the money so he could buy it himself and cut out the shipping fee bit. 

    I make up for being unable to go all out by sending money to his naira account. I can’t wait for him to visit so I can properly spoil him.

    Richard*, 28

    I haven’t bought my friend a birthday gift in the two years since he relocated because it’s either virtual dollar cards don’t work when it’s time to buy things online, or the exchange rate means I can only buy the barest minimum for him. 

    Thankfully, he understands and just tells me to send prayers. I add a dash of words of affirmation here and there.

    Ola, 24

    I’ve resorted to asking my Dubai-based big sister to tell me the things I can do to show my appreciation because I can’t afford to do anything else. She has an online business, and I manage it for free. It works out for both of us.

    *Some names have been changed for anonymity.

    NEXT READ: Nigerians Share Their Funniest Visa Rejection Stories

    We interviewed three couples five years after we first spoke with them in 2019. How have their relationships evolved over time? Watch the final episode here:

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  • It’s one thing to find out your partner shares their genitals around town like a blunt at a party. It’s another thing to find out your friend’s partner is doing the same. But what do you do this time? Do you tell them, keep it to yourself, or take matters into your own hands and tell them to square up on the Third Mainland Bridge?

    You don’t have to make this decision on your own. Here’s what you should do.

    Consider how close you and your friend are

    We’re not telling you to repay evil with evil, but think long and hard about this friendship. Would they give you the last slice of pizza just because? Would they fight for you?  Would they call you a jealous witch, ask you to get out of their sight, and then report you to their philandering partner? Think about it.

    Ignore the situation

    If you live in Nigeria, there are already a million and one things you could pour your time and attention into. Someone else’s relationship doesn’t have to be one of them. So consider ignoring the entire situation; focus more on how your village people and internet provider are conspiring to frustrate you out of a job.

    Get proof they’re a cheat

     We understand that, like goats,  some people are stubborn AF.  So, if you’re going to tell your friend that their partner is community property, at least do it with evidence before they call you everything but the name your mother gave you.

    Psst! Where are our Zikoko Ships now?

    Find out how three of our Ships are doing five years later: 

    Spoiler alert: it’s lovey-dovey :face_holding_back_tears::people_hugging:

    Ignore the cheat

    It might be tempting to confront and punch them in the face but don’t do it. They’ll take it to your friend and lie their ass off before you even get to tell on their cheating ass.

    Don’t ignore the cheat

    After showing your friend the evidence you’ve gathered about how their partner wines and dines with Lucifer, consider spraying “cheat” in big, bold letters on their car. Public embarrassment for publicly embarrassing your friend doesn’t sound bad.

    Drop hints

    If you don’t know how to tell your friend that they’re in a loveless relationship with the weapon fashioned against them, consider doing it with a billboard. Put “Mmesoma, your partner is a roaring cheat with no self-control” on a billboard and hope they get the message.

    Consider doing it anonymously 

    Buy a new sim card or open a burner account on Instagram and tell them the truth, complete with evidence (before they cuss you and your good heart out). Now you can rest; you’ve done your part. 

  • Marriage pacts only exist in Hollywood movies. Or so I thought until I came across this tweet.

    So I reached out to Clara, who explained that even though people think she and her best friend, Timi, are holding out for each other, the idea behind the pact is much different. But why make the pact, and what does it really mean to them?

    This is Clara’s story, as told to Boluwatife

    Image: Chris F via Pexels

    I met Timi in 2015, when we were in SS 2 of the same secondary school. But we didn’t really consider each other as friends.

    We started talking when our school set up extra lessons to pump our class with as much knowledge as possible for the coming Cambridge IGCSE exams. This happened over a two-month period between August and September.

    He used to sit behind me during prep period, and at first, we only talked about the lessons. In fact, he’s the reason I know mathematics today. He sucked at English, which I was great at, but was better at maths. It was a help-me-I-help-you situation. 

    Our relationship didn’t progress past classmates till we went home for a two-week break after the Cambridge extra lessons. We got each other’s numbers from the school’s group chat, and would randomly chat. Timi had this friend I liked, so I was trying to confirm with him whether his friend liked me too.

    We resumed SS 3 in October and bonded over him trying to help me get together with his friend — classic Hollywood rubbish — and still assisting each other to prepare for exams. I helped him with essays and biology, and he helped me with stuff like matrix and coding. We also read together in the library. The exams came in November, and it was stressful. Not everyone wrote the Cambridge exams, so it became a shared experience we could talk and complain to each other about.

    I later quit trying to date his friend because I started liking someone else. And that’s when it became apparent that Timi and I were friends beyond me trying to date his friend. We’d even stopped talking about the guy at that time. We’d started talking about how different our lives would be in a year, when we’d leave for university in other countries. He was to leave for Canada, and I, the UK. We soon left school for Christmas break and kept in touch.

    On Christmas Day 2015, we officially agreed to be friends. My mum’s boyfriend decided to take her, my sister and I to a Chinese restaurant that day. It was strange because we typically spent Christmas at home; I’m usually lukewarm to the season.

    RELATED: I Feel Guilty for Wanting to Celebrate Christmas

    I texted Timi about it; something like, “You’re a new person in my life, so maybe that’s why I’m doing something new for Christmas.” He asked where we went because his family also went out. I mentioned the place, and it turned out he was also there. What are the odds that we were at the same place at the same time? We met at the reception and spoke for a while. Then he said it was the first time he’d see someone outside school and actually be happy to meet them. I said, “At this point, we’re actually friends”. It was the first time we mentioned being friends.

    Our relationship became even better after that. We spent more time together, and on December 31, he went, “Now that we’re friends, I hope to have you in my life every last day of the year”.

    The moment I started thinking of Timi as my best friend was when he did something for me that no one else had ever done. There was this book I was reading in the library, “Her Mother’s Hope” by Francine Rivers. It had about a thousand pages, and I couldn’t finish it in one go because I only had a three-hour library time. It was also popular among library goers; people used to rush it. This guy actually hid the book somewhere only I’d find it in the library. He did that until I finished reading it. It was so thoughtful that he considered my enjoyment. 

    For him, he started thinking of me as his best friend when I showed him my appendectomy scar in school. I just found that out when he mentioned it during an interview we had with my friend Jojo in February 2023 — for a friendship-inspired Valentine’s blog. It was the first time someone did a story about our friendship.

    Leaving secondary school was an emotional period because we thought we’d never see each other again. He left for Canada soon after, but I delayed my UK plan and went to a university in Nigeria instead. We kept in touch with calls and texts, but our friendship affected some of our other relationships because we were young and didn’t understand how our closeness could make other people feel a type of way. 

    One of my exes didn’t understand why I’d drop everything once it was time to jump on a call with Timi. To me, it was “Timi time”. One of his exes also asked him to choose between me and her. He chose me, and that’s how wahala started; she left. I think we were just excited about being each other’s person. I learnt how to be a friend through Timi. I had no real understanding of friendship before him.

    After 2016, when he left for Canada, we didn’t see each other again till 2018. It was a tough year for both of us. Timi was going through mental health issues; finding his feet in a new environment wasn’t easy. My boyfriend at the time had just passed away in a car accident. Our shared grief brought us together again. Timi flew to Nigeria because he didn’t want me to bury my dead alone. I still remember hugging him for the longest time, and looking at him, happy I could touch him again. 

    By 2021, I was in my last semester at university and decided I wanted to be a hoe. The thing is, I’m not good at relationships. Neither is Timi. But it’s not because we’re holding out for each other, as people assume. I have some very unorthodox “doctrines”. For example, I believe you should be able to confirm from a potential partner’s ex whether the person they’re a good partner or not. I know I’m a good partner, but I don’t know what it is. We just don’t tend to date people for a long time.

    ALSO READ: I Couldn’t Keep Up With My Overambitious Boyfriend, So I Left

    When I decided to be a hoe, I had a series of short flings with about seven people within a span of six months. I talked to Timi about how I was about to leave yet another fling, and he said he’d just left someone too and that he didn’t know if something was wrong with him because the girl was nice. I joked about us possibly losing our future spouses due to our unseriousness. He said he wasn’t worried because if, in the end, we didn’t marry, we’d just marry each other. It was just a joke at the time, but we kept reaffirming it and even told friends. What people don’t get is that, it’s not a thing of surrender. It’s our way of telling ourselves we’d never truly be alone because we’ll always have each other. 

    I know many people, even many of our friends, will never believe we’re just friends. We don’t mention the pact to potential partners because we’ve learned from how we handled our friendship in past relationships, and I try not to present him as a threat. It’s not like we’re hiding the pact — obviously, it’s viral now — but we downtone it in respect of the other people in our lives. 

    My mum thinks I’m wasting my time and should just marry someone who understands my on-and-off nature. She thinks my relationships don’t last because I’m unconsciously saving myself for him and that when we’re done being children, we’d marry. But we’re not just settling for each other. We’d only marry if it’s in the cards and the stars align.

    My friendship with Timi is one of the strongest relationships I have right now. We have calls that last till midnight, where we’d talk about everything and anything. 

    Have I ever thought about what it’d be like if we were actually together? Yes, but I always give myself a reality check. I’m in the UK now — he’s still in Canada — and I’m not a long-distance relationship girl. I don’t see the need to ask if he’s thought about the possibility of a relationship because it’ll unnecessarily put us both in an uncomfortable position and might ruin the best thing that’s ever happened to me. 

    Why ruin this good thing all because of “Does he love me? Will it work?” questions? I don’t know if he’s ever entertained such thoughts, but I know I don’t need to prod him into any romantic situation. If it’ll happen, it’ll happen. We’re both 23 and single now, so we have seven years till we’re 30, to do magic and find someone.

    LIKED THIS? READ THIS NEXT: I Was Married Three Years Before My Husband Knew I Had Kids

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  • This is Charis*’ story, as told to Boluwatife

    Image source: nappy via pexels

    I’m an extrovert who doesn’t know how to keep friends. I know what you’re thinking: How’s that even possible? I don’t know either. All I know is I can walk into a room and vibe with everyone there, but it never goes past that. I’m terrible at keeping that “vibe” long enough to form an actual friendship.

    I’ve always been like this. My social nature means I stand out among my mates, and people tend to flock to me, even during my secondary school days. But then, when they come around, I engage them for a while, lose interest and move to the next thing or person that catches my eye. 

    In university, I just had acquaintances. We called each other friends but never talked about the important things. I couldn’t just call them in the middle of the night when I couldn’t sleep, tell them how I was crushing on one guy, or share my worries about my mum’s health. And it wasn’t really their fault. I just didn’t know how to put my energy into being close to people like that. 

    So when I got into my friend group in 2019, I couldn’t believe my luck. I met Rachael* during NYSC orientation at the Iseyin camp. She’d noticed I always got food in mammy market, walked up to me one day and went, “Are you related to Dangote?” I was still trying to understand the question when she laughed and explained why she said so. We became pretty close, and even when I started to withdraw, she’d come to my bed and talk to me. 

    Just before the end of camp, my mum passed away, finally succumbing to her long-term heart issues, so I had to leave camp early and return home to Lagos. Rachael kept in touch and even came down to Lagos a week before the burial to be with me. That’s when I officially became part of her friend group. She got her three other friends to call to sympathise with me and made sure they also came for the burial. I hit it off with them, and before I knew it, they’d added me to their WhatsApp friend group.

    Our friendship has lasted almost four years now because they put a lot into ensuring we all communicate on WhatsApp and even go on the odd girls’ trip. But I feel like the odd one out. Rachael and our other friends have known each other since university. I can just open our WhatsApp chat now and find 30+ messages of them sharing inside jokes or talking about someone I’ve never heard of. 

    They even like the same things. Anytime we plan a hangout, it’s almost always at someplace I don’t like because, by the time the others vote, I’m the only one with a different opinion. Let’s not even talk about how I’m a literal odd number. Before I joined, they were four in the group; I became number five. I sometimes feel like the third (or fifth) wheel, watching the others all perfectly paired up. They have this connection even outside our group activities, while the group is the primary thing I have in common with the four of them. It’s hard for me to just pick up the phone to call one of them and talk for hours. 

    Don’t get me wrong, they’re nice people, but I sometimes feel like I’m outside the group looking in. A perfect example is how, during Moyin*’s — one of our friends — wedding in 2021, Rachael would casually mention on the bridesmaids group chat that she’d discussed with Dara* when she slept over at her place the previous night, and they thought we needed to reconsider one thing or the other about our outfits. Like, aren’t we all in the same group for that purpose? What are these separate conversations about?

    Even their parents know each other. It’s not strange to hear that Moyin’s mum called Rachael on her birthday, or that Dara’s mum sent fish to Moyin. But just three months ago, I had to travel to Abuja for work. Moyin’s mum lives in Abuja, so the day before I travelled, I asked Moyin to tell her mum I’d like to stay over at their place. I was told the house was full and that their dad didn’t like impromptu visits. I understood, but I wondered, what if it was Dara who needed a place to stay? Wouldn’t they have found a way to help? I felt hurt, but I know Moyin would’ve helped if it was her house I needed to stay in.

    I’ve never told them how I feel because I don’t want to cause unnecessary drama. I know I can do a long group call just to rant, but I think I have to come to terms with the fact that they’ll always be closer to each other than me. They have common experiences I may never be able to relate to, but I guess that’s okay. 

    This is the closest I’ve ever gotten to real female friendships. I don’t have a best friend, but at least, I have people who look out for me, and that’s better than nothing.

    *Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

    NEXT READ: I’m the Side Chick That Got the Man

  • Friendship breakups hurt like hell, especially when you didn’t see it coming. But breaking up with your best girl? That’s worse than chopping romantic breakfast, and here’s why.

    No one to share your hurt feelings with

    At least after a romantic breakup, you can cry to your bestie, and both of you can shit-talk your ex in one accord. But when you break up with your bestie, who do you cry or complain to?

    Or even stupid gist

    Some days, you’re too tired to make sense. All you want to do is share memes or rubbish one-liners only your bestie would relate with. Is it an ordinary friend or crush you want to do that one with?

    They know all your secrets

    If they’re petty, they can decide to start washing all your dirty linen in public. Even if they aren’t, imagine someone you aren’t on good terms with knowing weird stuff about you. Like how you think semo is elite. Eww.

    You’re too old to start looking for another bestie

    Is there even a talking stage for best-friendship? Do you just do trial and error to find someone else worthy of the “bestie” status? So many questions.

    Or you could attend HERtitude 2023, our festival for the girlies, party with other hot babes, and make new friends with our speed friendship sessions.

    GET TICKETS HERE

    You lose a personal photographer

    Everyone knows female friends are pros at catching all your great angles. If they’re no longer around to do it, who will? Your boyfriend? LMAO, please.

    No one to gas you up on social media

    Who’d rush to your IG and drop fire emojis under all your new pictures as if they didn’t help you choose the picture to post in the first place? It doesn’t matter that you have a boo. Boo’s comments don’t count.

    You have to break up with their parents too

    You mean I can’t go to Mummy Steph’s house to eat firewood jollof again? That’s even the most painful part.

    NEXT READ: Every Girl Is at Least One of These 10 People When Seeking Advice

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  • My Bro is a biweekly Zikoko series that interrogates and celebrates male friendships of different forms.

    They met eight years ago, when Emmanuel started cutting Tejiro’s hair. In this episode of #ZikokoMyBro, these two besties talk about the relationship secret that started their friendship, navigating a significant difference in wealth and influencing each other to be better. 

    Our origin story 

    Tejiro: We met in 2015, when I’d just moved back to Port Harcourt after my masters in the UK. I was looking for a barber that’d treasure my hairline, so my girlfriend at the time brought me to your salon. But I wasn’t the only guy she was bringing there sha. 

    Emmanuel:  This guy. Are we starting our story like this? 

    Tejiro: Is it your heart they broke? Anyway, I sat in the salon for a while, watching you and the other barbers cut people’s hair. By the time you guys were done, I decided you were the least likely to fuck up my hair. 

    Emmanuel: I didn’t notice you until you asked if you could sit in my chair. 

    First Impressions

    Tejiro: I remember you smelt really nice, not like aftershave or powder, but like this quality big boy scent. I really liked it. You were also acting all serious, like the hair you were cutting was further maths. 

    Emmanuel: Why do you think I’m the best at what I do? Cutting hair is like painting for me. 

    Tejiro: Come on, Picasso. Abi, are you Leonardo Da Vinci? Guy, abeg. 

    Emmanuel: I noticed you were restless that day. And I wished I had a biscuit to give you so you could calm down. 

    Planting the seed of our friendship 

    Tejiro: I was one of your regulars for almost a year before we had any serious conversation. I’d text you to see if you were in the salon. I’d come in, cut my hair and bounce. Nothing serious. At least, not until you told me my girlfriend was cheating on me. 

    Emmanuel: I knew your girlfriend before I knew you, and even before she brought you, she’d been bringing other guys to the salon. I didn’t think anything of it because I never got to know any of them. I also didn’t know the arrangement you guys had. But the gist about her, you and the other guys became a joke among the barbers, and even though it was a risk, I felt like I needed to ask you. I just had to be strategic about it. 

    The week before I told you, I made small talk with you about work and life before I was like, “Where is madam? Shey, we’re coming for wedding soon?” or something like that, and that’s when you just went into the whole gist about how she’s so special to you, blah blah blah. 

    It was like I’d given you the space to gush about your woman, and you didn’t want to stop. 

    Tejiro: I was down bad for love, bro. 

    Emmanuel: That’s when I decided to tell you what was happening. I could tell you really liked her, and it was unfair that you’d become a joke among my co-workers. What’s the worst that could happen? You’d say you knew and stop cutting your hair with me? No wahala. 

    So the next time you came, I asked to see you when you were leaving and told you everything I knew. 

    Tejiro: I didn’t want to believe it initially, but I had my suspicions. The weirdest thing is it wasn’t the cheating part for me. It was everybody knowing. It made me feel like a fool. 

    I considered changing salons after we broke up. I was too ashamed to come back. But I wasn’t going to allow a woman fuck up my life and then my hairline. You were my barber, and I’d rather cheat on a girl than a barber that understands my hair. 

    Emmanuel: LOL. I hope all the girls you meet next read this and understand that you’re trash. 

    Navigating our different backgrounds 

    Tejiro: One of the most significant issues for us when we got to know each other was our different upbringings. 

    Emmanuel: That part. You were this ajebo who was used to getting what he wanted, and I’d hustled my way on the streets of PH to get to where I was at the time. We saw life differently. You were always inviting me to the club and places I’d spend money unnecessarily, and I was like, “This one no know say I no get mama and papa with millions for their account.” 

    Tejiro: So, the break up pushed me to a crazy lifestyle. I also felt this need to prove to you (as the person who broke the news to me) that I was handling it well. But I wasn’t. I was a mess. 

    Emmanuel: I’d been there before, so I had a feeling you were avoiding your feelings. But outside of that, your clique treated me like shit, and I didn’t find it funny.

    Tejiro: Some of my friends at the time were assholes. They wondered how I was friends with the guy who cut my hair. To them, it was like being friends with your driver. I won’t lie; I started to look at it weirdly at some point too. But it came up in a conversation between my mum and me once, and she shut it down. 

    Emmanuel: I trust Mrs N. No time for rubbish. We became closer after you stopped hanging out with most of those guys and took time to get over your breakup. 

    You were trying to pretend like money wasn’t a factor in our friendship, but it is, and that’s normal. I can’t travel for summer like you, and I’ve accepted that there are things we can’t experience or do together (for now) because of money. 

    Tejiro: I’d never had a friend outside of my social class, so it was somehow. Plus, I don’t like addressing issues. I tried to pay for stuff most of the time, but your shoulder pad is too high. I respect that, though. 

    Emmanuel: Guy, abeg, you can’t pay for everything we do or get. You can pay for shawarma and bottles once in a while, but it’s okay to do something alone or with other people, if I can’t afford it. Shebi, we’re doing Ghana this December? That one I can do. 

    Pushing each other to be better 

    Tejiro: Where do I even start when it comes to how you’ve come through for me? 

    Emmanuel: I know mine. You pushed me to open my own salon. I always wanted to do it, but I second-guessed myself a lot and feared failure. 

    Tejiro: Look at you today with three branches. You should name one after me, out of gratitude and all. It’s just a suggestion. 

    Emmanuel: Get out! But seriously, these salons happened because of our different backgrounds. 

    Tejiro: I don’t get. 

    Emmanuel: Because I don’t come from a lot, I tend to limit myself, so I don’t lose the little I have. I make plans and dream, but something in my head always tells me to be “realistic”. But you? Bro, the way you make plans? You have the luxury to dream big because you have something to fall back on. Even though I don’t have that luxury, I needed some of that blind faith from you. 

    I don’t think I’d be this successful if you didn’t push me to jump. 

    Tejiro: You keep me grounded and make sure I’m not overdoing things, so I guess we’re in a “Scratch my back, and I’ll scratch your back situation.”  

    What I wish I could change about you

    Emmanuel: Please, stop being restless, or channel it into something that challenges you. You could do a lot of cool stuff, but it’s hard to focus because you’re trying to do too many at once. 

    Tejiro: It’s hard, but I’m working on it. 

    I want you to rate yourself more. You’re the baddest at what you do, but you need some oud de confidence. Move with the energy of someone who’s a rockstar. 

    I want you to know

    Tejiro: Outside of saving me from a shitty relationship, I want you to know you’ve changed my life in ways I could never imagine. Most of the friends I had before you were either too scared to tell me the truth when I did something wrong or just as oblivious as I was about life. You’re not like that. You’ll tell me I’m messing up even when I don’t want to hear it. 

    I’m grateful to know you and glad our friendship has lasted this long. I’m also happy I get free haircuts now because what’s the point of my best friend being my barber? 

    Emmanuel: You’ll soon start paying again. 

    I’m happy I know you. I’m happy your family has been warm and kind to me. And I’m excited to be that friend who’s rooting for you while you do cool stuff.

    Do you have an interesting bro story you’d like to share? Fill this form and we’ll get back to you.

  • In school, men become friends because of shared classes or extracurricular activities. But as we get older, it sometimes gets harder to make new friends since everyone is either in an established friend group or too busy chasing the bag to focus on friendships. 

    We spoke to seven 30+ Nigerian men who’ve made friends through unconventional means in recent times. They share their interesting friendship stories and what it’s like to make friends at this stage of their lives. 

    “We moved from gym bros to actual brothers.”

    — Tade*, 32

    I used to hate being at the gym until I met my best friend, Obidinma, in 2019. I was a chubby guy new to the gym life, so every piece of equipment was confusing to me, and everyone seemed intimidating. Obidinma was the first person to talk to me in the gym. I wasn’t using the lats pull machine correctly, so he came over and explained how. He didn’t sound condescending or like one of those ITK gym bros.

    After our first interaction, I made it a habit of saying “Hi” to Obidinma every time I was in the gym, and he helped me understand the equipment, diets, etc. He was my free personal trainer. We got closer when he started dating my sister after I introduced the both of them on a night out. Fast forward to 2023, and Obidinma has married my sister, which makes him my brother-in-law. He’s stuck with me legally now. 

    “I didn’t want to go through the NYSC camp alone.”

    — Michael*, 30

    The first time I shot a friendship shot as an adult was in NYSC camp. I live in Lagos but ended up in Akwa Ibom where I didn’t know anyone. I spent the first week in my shell, praying for time to pass, but the days were so slow I knew I had to make friends before I died of loneliness. That’s when Eyo came into the picture. 

    He was the DJ with the camp’s version of a radio station (OBS) and was very popular. What better way to make new friends than by befriending the most popular kid, who could then introduce me to other popular kids? So I sat close to him at the canteen and struck up a conversation about rap. Our gist was so long that day that I followed him everywhere. By the time I left camp, I’d become almost as popular as Eyo. I don’t regret making that first move, even though he thinks our meeting was by chance. 

    “He forced this friendship on me, but I love him for it”

    — Emmanuel*, 35

    I like to keep my work life separate from my personal life, so I wasn’t thrilled when my coworker started shooting his friendship shots at me. At first, it was invitations to get drinks after work with the rest of the team, which I always said “no” to. Later, it was messages and calls during the weekend to hang out at W Bar or some restaurant he was trying out. Honestly, I was confused about how badly he wanted us to be friends because this man had a lot of friends at work already. 

    After almost a year of dodging him, I finally agreed to attend his birthday party, and it was the best night of my life. I got so wasted that I only remember stripping for a girl at some point in the night while everyone watched. As an introvert who only focused on work, that changed a lot for me. I started hanging out with him, and he’s helped me come out of my shell and have fun in Lagos. I can’t lie, my life was dull before I accepted this friendship shot. 

    “The trauma of protesting for #EndSARS brought us together.”

    — Pelumi*, 30

    I met my best friend while the Nigerian police were shooting teargas at us during #EndSARS in 2020. I protested in Abuja with some friends, and everything was peaceful until the Nigerian police started attacking protesters. Amid all the running, I lost my friends and was on the floor, unable to see. This guy came over and carried me while running for his own life. I don’t know how he did it, but I also don’t know what would’ve happened if he hadn’t. He disappeared after he dropped me off where everyone else was resting. 

    About two days later, someone reposted the guy’s image to my TL on Twitter, and I slid into his DMs to say, “Thank you.” That’s how we started talking and going to the protest grounds together. The events of October 20, 2020, happened shortly after we started talking, and I remember calling him crying. I didn’t know who else to call. We’ve been each other’s coping partners since. I still feel guilty that I found my best friend during those tragic moments. 

    RECOMMENDED: My Bro: I Felt Abandoned After You Got Married — Jacob and Seun

    “I always shoot my shot when I like someone. What’s the worst that could happen?”

    — Nnamdi*, 33

    I strongly believe in going after what you want in life, no matter what. I use this energy when it comes to work, my love life and any other type of relationship. I’ve shot a lot of friendship shots on social media, and while I get aired sometimes, or I meet the person and we don’t click, most times, it actually works, and I make a new friend. 

    My most recent friendship shot was at this guy on IG who’s always serving looks. One day, he wore a shirt I had, so I messaged him with a picture of me in the shirt and wrote, “Fashion bros.” He messaged me back, and we started a back-and-forth about fashion. These days, he’s my shopping buddy and the first person I’ll message if I want to order a fit online. I’ve shot other shots that had to do with music, career or even something as basic as me liking the perfume a guy has on. I’m the Jason Statham of friendship shots, my bullet no dey finish. 

    “I’ve become best friends with my ex’s brother.”

    — Joey*, 30

    I met my current best friend through his sister, who’s now my ex-girlfriend. We’d been dating for about a month when she finally invited her “overprotective” brother to my house so we could all hang out and hopefully get along. I knew we’d hit it off the minute this guy started talking. We had the same taste in music, video games, liquor and basketball. You see that basketball one? That’s what sealed the deal. We gisted so much that evening, you’d have thought my ex was a third wheel and I was dating her brother. 

    When I broke up with her, I was worried about how he’d take it and if we’d still be friends, but it looks like being a Lebron fan is thicker than blood because we’re still cool. It took my ex a while to adjust, but now that she’s in a happy relationship, I can come to the house to hang with my guy. He’s the best thing my ex gave me. 

    “I’ve discovered friendship with my brother in my 30s.”

    — Ehis*, 37

    My younger brother and I were never close growing up; we were competitive. From school to sports, he always wanted to prove he was better than me because everyone around us kept comparing both of us. He was living under my shadow. The competition between us never allowed me to really know him as a person. 

    I only yearned for my brother when I started having my own kids. Watching my boys build such a close bond, looking out for each other, forced me to face the fact that my brother and I never had that bond. I started calling him more often, even if we didn’t have much to say, and now, we’ve both made it a rule to grab drinks or do some activity together once a week. I have other friends, but I realise my brother is also cool enough to be my friend. 

    ALSO READ: My Bro: We’ve Been Best Friends For Six Years But Only Met Last Year — Desmond and Collins

  • Navigating life as a woman in the world today is interesting. From Nigeria to Timbuktu, it’ll amaze you how similar all our experiences are. Every Wednesday, women the world over will share their experiences on everything from sex to politics right here.

    This week’s #ZikokoWhatSheSaid subject is a 25-year-old Nigerian woman who regrets choosing popularity over real friendships. She talks about being bullied by her school friends and still seeing them in her dreams five years later.

    Photo by Daniel Adeyelu

    Let’s begin in the present. How would you describe your friendships now?

    Easier. I’m less concerned with the vain things that seemed important to teenage me. Like being “cool” or “popular”. I mean, I used to want to be friends with people who constantly shunned me so badly that I see them in my dreams almost every night till today. 

    How does that work?

    I dream about being ill-treated by my friends from secondary school and university. Sometimes, I get both groups mixed up in the same dream. I don’t understand it because it’s not like I’m still caught up on my childhood friendships, but it must be stuck somewhere in my psyche. 

    Tell us about it, please

    I was never any of my friends’ first choice. Like, I was in a group of friends who always hung out together. But you know how there are always besties within a friend group, and some people will just be closer to each other? No one was close to me. I was the loose end. I knew this because none of them ever really wanted to hang out with me alone.

    Does any particular scenario jump out at you?

    Many. Like when I threw my 16th birthday party and invited everyone in my class. But because a guy was having a random party the same day, only two people showed up for mine, and only to stay for an hour before going to his thing. 

    Another time, I visited one of my friends I really liked, and she was so uncomfortable with me in her house, she didn’t let me go to her room. We just sat together awkwardly at her dining table. It was so weird. We talked for a bit, she filled my slum book and then promised to come visit me at some point during the holiday but never did. 

    Meanwhile, whenever we were gisting among our larger group of friends, she and a closer friend would always talk about all the exciting things they did when they visited each other.

    READ THIS: What She Said: I Haven’t Stepped Out of My Front Door in 10 Months

    Why do you think they treated you differently?

    I think they just saw me as boring. I was smart, and in hindsight, they kept me around because I helped them pass. I could explain most subjects well. I also helped them cheat in exams. I’m not proud of that, but yeah. There might be other reasons, but that’s the only one that makes sense to me. 

    Did you ever confront them about how you felt?

    No. I was scared to even face the idea of them pretending to like me. I was so socially awkward that I couldn’t even really have conversations with them. 

    Also, most of the shunning happened when we were in SS 3. It was like they decided since school was about to be over, there was no point talking to people they had no intention of keeping relationships with. True to that, after our graduation, I could only keep in touch with one person from secondary school. And she wasn’t even in my friend group.

    They just ghosted?

    Pretty much. Well, they went to schools in the UK or US. Meanwhile, I got into trouble after graduation. Boy trouble. So my parents punished me by making me attend a Nigerian university. That was the first major blocker because we made big plans to attend the same universities in the UK and US, cross the ocean semi-regularly to visit with each other and be friends for life. No plans were made to hang on to a loose end who didn’t manage to leave Nigeria. Only one or two of them are on social media, and they’re hardly ever online.

    How do the others keep in touch?

    I’m actually not sure. Once in a while, I see their IG stories of them meeting up in restaurants or at some Beyoncé concert. When I send DMs, it takes them forever to respond. And there’s only so much you can text about when you stop actually meeting up and being in each other’s faces regularly.

    But didn’t you notice signs from this group of friends before SS 3?

    There were some things. 

    The first time I sensed this behaviour, I was a little late for movie day in school. We were supposed to watch the original Superman as an example of classic Western cinema. When I walked in, I followed one of my other classmates I talked to once in a while to sit in the very first row. Just as I was about to sit, one of my “closer” friends called out and gestured for me to join them at the top row. I shook my head and said they shouldn’t worry. I didn’t want to go through the stress of walking all the way up the theatre steps when the lights were already off, and the movie was about to start. 

    I kid you not, they started treating me differently after that. This was sometime in JSS 2. I’d keep spaces for them in the dining hall, and they’d just ignore me and sit at another table. Then I’d have to shamefully stand and move to sit with them. They also used to shame me so badly for not knowing how to dance and being too flat to twerk. I think they just became more open about it in SS 3.

    JSS 2 to SS 3? That’s a long grudge

    I know it’s ridiculous, but it pops in and out of my mind today that if I’d just gone to sit with them that day, I would’ve had a more wholesome secondary school experience. 

    But the truth is, even in primary school and university, I struggled to keep friends. People just never listened to me when I talked. It was like I was never speaking loud enough or saying anything interesting enough.

    How were your friendships in these cases?

    I thought I’d made a best friend in primary school when she suddenly told me I should stop “clinging” to her. Another person accused me of follow follow and always doing whatever my friend told me to do. 

    Then I started making up stories to get my classmates’ attention. I’d tell them bogus stuff about seeing and talking to spirits. It worked. People gathered around me to hear my next outrageous story for the day, even though the attention never really extended to strong friendships. I was considered strange and not popular.

    If you’d like to be my next subject on #WhatSheSaid, click here to tell me why

    Was it important for you to be popular?

    I guess it was, to a certain extent. I just wanted to be liked, even if it was by one or two people. I envied those who had strong friendships, besties who were always willing to spend time with them even without being asked. I wanted to be someone’s first choice of friend, someone they’d call first to give their private gist. I always seemed to be the last person to know things in my friend groups.

    Did your parents know about any of this?

    Yes and no. I think they sensed some of it but didn’t take it too seriously. My dad was unbothered about my school life — all that mattered were my good grades — but he’d comment about how my friends were rude. I’d tell my mum a nice version of what was happening in school, so she really thought I had all these friends and was doing well. Although, she’d ask why I was always going to their houses and events but they never came to mine.

    You said you also struggled in university?

    Yes. I didn’t care as much, so making friends was a bit easier. The first close friend I made, we bonded over our music tastes. We both loved a couple of musicians my past friends considered me weird for liking. But then, our friendship clashed with me wanting to be friends with a certain group of people I considered cool. The funny thing was that this group liked her and was indifferent to me. They ended up absorbing her into their group and ignored me. 

    How did you take that?

    It was so frustrating because she became well-liked by everyone in our course. Our closeness gave me a passenger-seat experience of what it was like to be truly liked. But we drifted apart sometime during 200 level, and I never made a friend as close as her until NYSC.

    In those slightly scary dreams, I’m constantly walking into rooms and talking to these particular people. But they ignore me, and it’s like I’m not saying anything, then they walk away. Sometimes, I can’t even find my voice. I’m frustrated, but I can’t speak to them no matter how hard I try. 

    That’s a lot. I hope you’re okay 

    I am, really. I still only have acquaintances and work friends. But when I do some soul-searching, I see I was the problem. I always sought friendships with people who didn’t connect with me, no matter how hard I tried to connect with them. I often ignored people who naturally gravitated to me. 

    It’s come back to haunt me because most people my age are friends with people they’ve known for five to ten years, and sometimes all their lives. They’re wary of letting new people in, and I’m tired of settling for the outsider role. So maybe I’ve missed my “find a close-knit friend group” window.

    Why do you think you ignored possibly true connections for empty friendships?

    I honestly don’t know why I made those choices in school. Don’t we all wish we could redo our teenage years with the wisdom we gain as adults?

    READ NEXT: What She Said: I Still Cry Every Time I Have to Eat

    For more stories like this, check out our #WhatSheSaid and for more women like content, click here

  • My Bro is a biweekly Zikoko series that interrogates and celebrates male friendships of different forms.

    Chide and Edem are best friends who started out as fuck buddies. In this episode of #ZikokoMyBro, they talk about why they decided to stop having sex, the time Edem rescued Chide out of a toxic relationship and why a relationship between both of them can never work.

    Let’s take a trip down memory lane 

    Chide: We met in 2020 when we tried to have sex but you couldn’t get it up. 

    Edem: God, abeg. Is that how you want to start? Now, everyone will think I have erectile dysfunction or something. Please, tell the whole story because I’m still on the streets, and I don’t need people thinking I can’t blow their backs out. 

    Chide: We met on a hookup app after they lifted the lockdown in 2020. I was bored with a sprinkle of horniness, so I started chatting with you, and luckily for both of us, you didn’t live far from me. 

    Edem: Imagine if you ended up being a catfish? I was ready to chase you with a cutlass. 

    Chide: When last did you see a cutlass in real life? 

    Edem: Fair enough. So we tried to have sex, but I was nervous AF. 

    Does FIFA work as viagra? 

    Chide: I really don’t get why you were nervous. It was frustrating and hilarious at the same time because you looked like you wanted to die. 

    Edem: I wanted to bury myself in the ground. But I also didn’t want to give up, so I asked you to play FIFA with me so we could get comfortable. It worked because we ended up smashing in between the game. Hallelujah. 

    Chide: So FIFA is your viagra? Interesting. 

    Transitioning from fuck buddies to regular buddies 

    Edem: We started hanging out regularly after that. We were hooking up, but we also started getting close. I’d just moved back to Nigeria and didn’t have a lot of gay friends, so our friends-with-benefits situation was heavy on the friendship part. You just got me. 

    Chide: My dear, I was giving you the Nigerian LGBTQ+ orientation. That one is more important than the NYSC camp you went to. We stopped hooking up around 2021, right? 

    Edem: Yeah, We became so comfortable with each other that the sex got weird. I remember the last time we tried. It was like the first time all over again, but worse. We were laughing like mumus, and no one could get anything done. 

    Chide: See, choosing not to have sex with you again wasn’t a hard decision, no offence. 

    Edem: Plenty of offences have been taken, Chide. You clearly don’t rate me, and now I know. 

    Chide: Guy, rest. LOL. I’d started talking to someone who wanted a relationship towards the end of 2021, so what was the point? 

    Edem: And where is that relationship today? That’s the same relationship that made me reassess our friendship. Your choice in men is the ghetto. 

    Chide: Like you weren’t one of those men. 

    Trouble in paradise? 

    Edem: Please, explain why you kept avoiding me and hiding me from your boyfriend? The whole thing really pissed me off. I didn’t want to say anything at first so no one would call me a bad belle, but even when I did, you didn’t take me seriously.

    Chide: I didn’t tell him about you because I wasn’t sure what we were. We were friends who’d hooked up, and I knew he wouldn’t like it. 

    Edem: That should’ve been your first red flag, but your shades were too thick. He didn’t need to like our friendship. The worst part is you started acting differently. You used to be “in your face”, which helped me accept myself as a gay man too. But you went into a shell with him and started moving like a boring straight man.  

    It felt like a betrayal because you helped me come out, only for you to now go back into the closet. We were still friends but only saw each other at general hangouts. We didn’t get to hang out on our own until I convinced our other friends to stage an intervention. 

    Staging an intervention and getting through heartbreak

    Chide: I remember the intervention lunch at your place. It looked like you guys watched the video for Girl by Destiny’s Child and decided to recreate it. I hadn’t heard from you in a while, so I didn’t know what to expect when you invited me over. I saw you and our other friends and knew shit was real. 

    LOL. It’s all jokes now, but omo, I needed to be saved. 

    It’s easy to say, “It can never happen to me”, until you find yourself cutting off your friends and dressing a certain way just to make some guy comfortable. 

    Edem: People stage interventions for drug addicts, but your own had to be different. We had to call a meeting on top of your matter because of man. Chai. Are you proud of yourself? 

    Chide: I left that relationship a mess. I don’t think I would’ve left or survived without you reminding me daily that I was loved. We were friends already, but that’s when I realised you’d become my personal person. 

    Edem: Look at me getting my flowers. I showed up at your house with either shawarma, pizza or ice cream (sometimes, all three) every other day after work, so I definitely deserve “friend of the year”. 

    We can never have a sexual relationship again

    Chide: If I’m being honest, just for a brief moment, I did reconsider you and me again after that breakup. You were there for me, and we got each other, so I thought, “Why the fuck not?” 

    Edem: You did? I don’t think it would’ve worked out, but I’m curious to know why you didn’t say anything. 

    Chide: I knew it would end in tears. LOL. I love you as a friend, but I genuinely don’t think I’m attracted to you romantically or sexually (at least, not anymore). I only considered it because I was lonely and you were there, but I’m comfortable with what we have. As a matter of fact, I love it. If we do anything else, we’ll be fucking up a good thing. 

    I didn’t leave a toxic relationship to end up with a guy who snores. Did they swear for me? 

    Edem: You won’t see the pearly gates of heaven for this thing you just said. But I agree. I can take a bullet, like a small skin-wound-only bullet, for you because I love you as a friend. I doubt I’d do that if we were dating. You and I would fight all the time and start resenting each other. 

    If I could change something about you 

    Chide: We’d always fight each other because you don’t know how to talk.

    Edem: Why am I catching strays? I know where this is going. 

    Chide: I know it’s from a place of love, but guy, sometimes, you’re too blunt. There’s a way you can tell someone the truth without them feeling like they’re being dragged. I’m used to it, sha. 

    Edem: I was raised in a family where my parents said it as it was and rubbed off on me. But I’m trying to be better now. These days, I do a lot of mental gymnastics before I say shit. I also apologise when I feel like you’re offended. You know I love you, right? 

    Chide: No, I don’t. Do I even know you? LOL. 

    I want you to know 

    Edem: As annoying as you are, I can’t imagine my life without you. We met when I was really hiding from the world because I was scared for my life as a gay man in Nigeria. Knowing you has helped me understand that shit is dangerous here, but it doesn’t mean I should cower in fear. You’ve helped me become comfortable in my queerness, and I love you for it. 

    Chide: Alexa, play Lady Gaga’s Born This Way. 

    Edem: Why are you like this? 

    Chide: I love you too, Edem. You can be a lot sometimes, but I’d rather have a lot of you than none of you. 

    Edem: Bars! Nicki Minaj and Jay Z are in the mud. 

    Chide: Who would I share this many pop culture references with if I didn’t have you around? You’re the real love of my life. At least, until I meet another hot guy and make you number two again. Love you for life, babes. 

    Do you have an interesting bro story you’d like to share? Fill this form and we’ll get back to you.

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