Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.
What do you do when the person you consider family chooses someone else over you? In this Sunken Ships, we spoke with Ifeoluwa*(37), whose friendship with Ibrahim started on the basketball court and grew into brotherhood.
Things took a dark turn after they let a mutual friend, Ebele, move in. What started as an act of kindness became the beginning of the end. Ifeoluwa shares how lies, manipulation, and misplaced trust tore his closest friendship apart and how he’s still missing the bond he shared with Ibrahim.
Let’s start from day one. How did your friendship with Ibrahim take off?
My family had just moved to a new neighbourhood in 2006. Nearby, there was a recreational centre where boys my age would play soccer and basketball. I was an avid basketball player, and I loved joining the small teams that played on the weekends. It was during one of these matches while waiting on the sidelines that Ibrahim and I hit it off.
What was your friendship with Ibrahim like?
It was like gaining a brother. Our friendship began because we instantly bonded over our love for rap music. Ibrahim wanted to be a rapper and was a fantastic lyricist. He would freestyle for us between sets, and we would exchange our favourite rap CDs when we met at the court on weekends.
In fact, we were so close that I lived in his family’s house for more than a decade.
How did that come about?
By late 2008, I had tried to get into university thrice, but I never got admission despite passing JAMB and post UTME with flying colours. My parents chalked it up to us not having “leg” or an inside person and urged me to try again. But after three years of my life at home and the amount of effort I put into those exams, I decided I wanted to learn a skill instead.
My father hated the idea of me not going to university, so he called my bluff with a crazy ultimatum. I could either sit up, write JAMB again and go to university, or I could find somewhere else to live. We got into a shouting match, and I decided to leave.
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Wow. That must have shocked your dad.
He was so shocked, but so was I. I didn’t really have a plan. All I knew was that I was good with computers, and I could pull an idea or two together on CorelDRAW. The main issue became my accommodation. On that first night, I went to Ibrahim’s house and poured my heart out to him about my struggles. He was attending a private university, but my parents couldn’t afford the same for me.
My plight moved Ibrahim so much that he spoke to his mum about me. A kind woman, she gave Ibrahim and me the guest house attached to their home. I could live there while Ibrahim was in school, but her only condition was that I was to be gainfully employed. I leapt at the offer immediately, and for the next ten or so years, we lived as housemates.
How was living with Ibrahim’s family like?
It was great. His family fed us every day, and we could go to the main house to hang out with his siblings and mum, but we felt like grown-ups living in the guest house. I started an apprenticeship at a printing shop near the city centre and started developing graphic design and merchandise production skills. Over time, I also became cordial with his three siblings, and his mum began to confide in me when Ibrahim wasn’t around. They basically adopted me.
What went wrong then?
In 2018, a mutual friend of ours, Ebele, was in a terrible living situation. It reminded me of when I was in those shoes, so I spoke with Ibrahim about letting him live with us since we had an extra room in the guest house, and he obliged when I vouched for Ebele. But not long after Ebele moved in with us, things started getting weird.
How so? Can you give me an example?
Ebele was a sly fellow and, in his need to curry favour from Ibrahim’s family, always tried to paint me in a bad light. There are several examples I can give, but one really stood out to me. In 2019, a close relative of the family passed away, and we were all invited to the burial ceremony. I had gotten into an argument with Ibrahim earlier that week, so we weren’t talking like we usually did. He told Ebele to give me the burial details, but he never did.
I travelled for work on that weekend, and while I was away, I got a call from Ibrahim’s mum. She sounded upset and disappointed that I didn’t come to the burial. I tried to explain that I wasn’t aware of the date, but she said Ebele already said I’d give that excuse. She said Ebele told the family that I told him I would deliberately miss the funeral because of my argument with Ibrahim. He lied that I claimed that no one was going to do anything. I was so shocked. No explanation I gave could satisfy them; they believed Ebele instead of me.
That must have hurt. I’m sorry.
It did, and what made it worse was that my relationship with everyone in that house started going downhill from that time. I even got accused of stealing once! Something that had never come up in the entire decade I had lived at that house before Ebele joined us.
My friendship with Ibrahim especially suffered. He started by keeping his unreleased songs from me. I found out later that it was because Ebele told him I actually hated his music and I didnt think he was a good artist. That useless Ebele boy was actually the thorn in my flesh. Soon, it felt like Ibrahim was doing everything to he could to avoid spending time alone with me.
Did you ever confront Ebele about his lies?
Yes, but he was unapologetic. He told me I wasn’t “sharp” and no one was going to believe me over him. He threatened me and told me that Ibrahim’s house wasn’t big enough for both of us, and he wouldn’t rest until I left.
I really wish I had recorded that conversation because Ibrahim didn’t believe me when I warned him to be cautious around Ebele. I don’t know how he did it, but the family trusted him so much that by the end of 2022, I felt completely alone and shut out, even though the house was full of people.
I’m so sorry about that. What did you do next?
What options did I have? I didn’t do anything. One day in March 2023, Ibrahim’s mum called me aside and told me I should start making plans to move out and live elsewhere. Ebele had a “vision” that there were “strangers” in the house acting as a conduit for negative energy to come into the house. Of course, the “stranger” was me, and Ibrahim’s mum asked me to leave. I was gutted. Ibrahim’s place really felt like a second home for me.
In July 2023, I moved out without fanfare to a miniflat in a different part of town. Ibrahim didn’t even say goodbye to me when I packed up the last of my things. It was really hurtful.
What’s your friendship with Ibrahim like these days?
Estranged is the best way to describe it. I reach out to him every now and again, and he gives one-word responses. Meanwhile, on his Instagram, he and Ebele seem to be thick as thieves.
I heard a gist from one of our mutual friends, though, that all is not well in paradise, and Ebele is getting kicked out as well. I’ll be so happy when that happens.
What did they say is going on?
Apparently, Ibrahim’s mum took the “stranger danger” vision seriously and now wants ALL strangers out of her house. She has sent away all the maids, and now Ebele is the last stranger standing. I’m hearing he has until August this year to get new accommodation.
How does this make you feel?
My enemy’s despair is music to my ears, o. Anything he sees there, he should collect it. Sebi he was the one seeing visions and dreams.
Fair enough. What about Ibrahim? Would you reconcile with him if he reached out to you or showed an interest?
In a heartbeat. He has hurt me a lot but he is my blood. We have seen each other through some of the worst phases of our lives, and I miss him. I think if he ever wants to fix our friendship, the door is always open for him. Ebele can eat dirt for all I care ,sha. That dude is not my guy.
Has your experience with Ibrahim and Ebele changed the way you navigate friendships?
I gatekeep my friends now, and I don’t mix my friend groups anymore. After my experience with Ebele, I’ve started to doubt how discerning I am about my pals. I think when I become more confident in my ability to judge character, I can relax a bit and mix different friend groups again.
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