We spoke to some Nigerian women about how dating is in Nigeria, and how much it differs from dating in other parts of the world.
Amanda, 19
Canada is almost always cold. The cold was like the filter that made the relationship sweet. We can cuddle in winter, and we will not be sweating while having sex. Nigeria is hot, hot for no reason. How will you be cuddling when there is no light, in dry season, and generator has knocked?
Funmi, 22
The thing with dating Nigerian men is that they are very intentional when they wine and dine you. They will court you, take you out and use enjoyment to dazzle you. American boys will use “you up”, and “come over” to choke you. No romance at all. Also, because of the different cultural backgrounds, they do not really understand certain things. I remember a time a white guy was mad at me for not facetiming him because I was busy braiding my hair. He thought braiding hair did not take so long. Imagine thinking braiding natural hair does not take long?
Amaka, 23
Dating as a lesbian is just a load of stress. In Nigeria, I could not hold my girlfriend’s hand in public for too long because I was scared people could tell we were together. The fear of just being lynched at any point in time made us not get the best of the experience. I love PDA a lot, and not being able to do that was very painful. Sure, Canada is not free from its occasional homophobia, but to a degree, it is way safer here. At least dating as a lesbian in Canada, your rights are somewhat protected by law.
Hi there! The HER weekly newsletter launches on the 6th of March, 2021. A new newsletter will go out every week on Saturday by 2pm. If you have already subscribed please tell a friend. If you haven’t, you can by clicking this button. It will only take fifteen seconds. Trust me, I timed it!
I used to think long distance was hard, but then I realised the problem was Nigeria. Long distance in Nigeria is just gutter behaviour. Either your boss is refusing to give you the day off, or the airline is cancelling your flight, or you need to take a bus and fuel finishes on the road. Nigeria makes romance hard. In Denmark, I found it easier to show up at babe’s place with flowers and all unannounced. Nigeria will try to ruin everything for you, even your love life.
Rita, 18
The major difference I felt was the way people in the UK minded their business when another person was engaging in PDA. We could do as much PDA as we wanted and nobody was bothering me or saying “what will your parents say”. It was so refreshing the way people minded their business. Nigerians in Nigeria do not mind their business.
Chika, 19
Nigerian men want to commit almost immediately, whereas American men are basically anti commitment. The Nigerian men will bring up things like marriage, taking vacations together and a bunch of other stuff a few days into the relationship, while Americans may not bring up things like this until really far into the relationship.
The subject of this week’s What She Said is a 61-year-old woman who left her family behind a few years ago to start a new life in Europe. She talks about why she left, the backlash she received and why she doesn’t regret it.
When did you know that you absolutely had to leave Nigeria?
After I missed my first opportunity to leave. Before I got married, I had planned to marry someone else whom I went to school with. Even though we had not seen each other in years, we kept in touch through letters. He was in America in university, while I was in Nigeria working as a clerk in a bank. This was the 80s; things were not working with the coups and unrest in parts of the country. I was still managing myself. I was alright. Then he asked me if I wanted to get married and move to America with him.
Just like that?
I was very excited. I wanted to do it. I was almost 30. I was worried about not getting married. Most of my friends at the time were getting married. So I agreed. Then I told my parents. They also agreed after much convincing and pressure. However, just before he was to fly in for the ceremony — we had prepared very well — a religious leader, a prophetess, that was my mother’s friend said I couldn’t marry him, that she saw something bad waiting for me. What it was, she didn’t say. My mother refused to give me consent to marry him. She just cancelled all the plans. My father was not on her side, but he couldn’t help her change her mind. I cried.
That’s very sad. Did this change your relationship with your parents?
No. I was very angry inside, but outside I still had to respect my mother. It’s not like now where you can do anything you want and get away with it. I couldn’t just do anyhow to her. I continued to respect her. My mother kept convincing me that someone was coming.
So when I lost the opportunity to leave Nigeria at that time, I realised I really wanted to go away from home and start afresh somewhere else. I started working towards it and saved a lot of money. However, my dad fell sick, and we had to pay plenty of medical bills. My small savings went dry.
Oh wow.
My mother introduced me to someone and we started courting, then we got married soon after because I got pregnant. I wasn’t yet sure if I wanted to marry him, but I was not very interested in having a baby outside wedlock. In fact, I didn’t want to marry him. But there was pressure. I decided to marry him and close that chapter.
Did you like anything about him?
Like? It was money I was looking at and social standing. Can he hold his own in public? Can he have conversations? Is he respectable? He was okay.
How was the marriage?
It was fine. I was satisfied most of the time. We had children quickly. Four girls. This childbirth didn’t let me advance in my career as I would have liked. I wanted to go back to school and get a proper role in the bank. So it was as if I was stuck in one place for a long time. Meanwhile, my husband was doing very well in his own career. I was envious.
Were you two in the same career paths?
No. But he was very selfish. He didn’t help around the house, he didn’t take care of the children. So he was progressing and I was just going backwards. It took me long to bring it up with him and when I did, he said he was doing what was best for the family, but it wasn’t best for me.
What did you do?
I continued managing myself. At some point, I quit working because it didn’t seem like it was working out. I even tried other things on the side, but they never really went off the ground because you just had to be present for the children.
I don’t blame anyone for what happened. I was the one who was having children like it was nothing. Maybe if I planned my career properly or planned child birth properly, it would have been better. Also, support would have been good, and I didn’t have a lot of that. The worst part for me was seeing all my friends leave Nigeria.
Why were they leaving?
Nigeria has never worked and people have always been leaving. In the 90s, a lot of my friends and even family members left. I wanted to leave, but it’s not easy when you have four children and a husband that doesn’t even want to leave. My brother’s wife and children were kidnapped once, and we found out that the police were working with the kidnappers. That was one event that drove me mad and angry with Nigeria.
I remember one night I had a conversation with my husband about it. I suggested that we come up with a plan to leave, it wasn’t like we didn’t have the money. He said, “It won’t be possible right now.” He gave a few reasons which seemed reasonable to him. He said we can’t just uproot the children’s lives. He said we had property in Nigeria. That we had family members who depended on us. These were just excuses. If only I had suspected that he was hiding something.
He was hiding something?
He was hiding another family.
Like wife and children?
Yes, like wife and children. I didn’t find out at the time. We just moved on after he said it won’t be possible. Luckily for me, once the last born was in primary school, more opportunities started to come, and I started working again. This time I separated my savings into an emergency fund and travelling fund. The money inside the emergency fund was for anybody that wanted to die. That was all they would get. Travelling fund was for me to leave.
What was your target for the travelling fund?
Can I even remember right now? I just knew that before year 2000, I had to have left with the last two children, and then I’d start making plans to bring the others. Of course, something came up and my travel fund finished.
What happened?
My husband wanted to start a business, and he begged for my support financially. This one too is my fault. So they won’t say that I’m a bad wife, I supported him. So things started to look okay: his business was doing well, we had built our own home, I had a good job and our children were doing fine. I abandoned my dream of leaving at that point.
How did you find out about the other family?
The business he started was an import business. So he used to travel a lot. Once when he travelled, I called the friend he would normally stay with, but it was his wife that picked. It was his wife, who was also like a friend to me, that told me that she was suspecting something because my husband hadn’t shown up in their house since he arrived in the country.
She was the one who discovered the family. Before she even told me, she and her husband confronted him, and he said I wouldn’t believe them.
Wow, how did you feel?
I take everything in stride. I don’t like stress. But at that point, I was tired. I just wanted to leave. I called my children before my husband returned and I told them, look, this is what is happening, this is what I know. After that, I just went to sleep. Should I have told them at that point? I don’t know, but it was a lot for me to grapple with. The first child of the other wife, according to my friend, was a 10-year-old boy. This was in 2005. My husband confessed by himself eventually. He said I had four girls for him, of course he went outside. What was I expecting?
Wow.
At that point, I didn’t even say, let me save any money. I just started borrowing money here and there, sold my gold, sold my parent’s land, got a visa, packed my things and left. I didn’t tell him I was going anywhere. Just my children.
I had a lot of help from family members and friends. That was how I started putting my life together again. It’s not like things are perfect now. But I’m less stressed. I don’t look like I did when I was in Nigeria.
How did your family and friends take it when you left?
My children are grown up, so they’re fine. We are even planning for the younger ones to join me after their university education. It was people like church members and extended family who condemned me. This was funny because it was in that same church that a visiting pastor told me that he could see my husband with another woman in a “vision”, and then he prayed for the woman to disappear. This was shortly after I found out about my husband’s other family. Word must have spread.
You’re still married. What about a divorce?
I don’t even have strength. As far as I’m concerned, I’m free.
What about your husband?
He’s still well off and living his life. He wanted us to talk about it in the beginning. He wanted me to come back. I told him I’m not a dog, I don’t eat my vomit.
For more stories like this, check out our #WhatSheSaid and for more women like content, click here
Recently, a couple of Nigerians spoke about the culture shock they experienced when they visited countries outside Nigeria.
Here’s a list of what they said:
1) Being invited to a dinner and paying for it
Awoof must die by fire.
Being invited for someone’s birthday dinner and having to pay for my food and drinks at the restaurant.
With all due respect Susan, pls let me call you aunty.
Years ago, back in UK, my 1st time in my Masters class, the Dean was addressing us, I had a question and kept saying excuse me sir, excuse me Sir; the man didn’t answer, then one small girl on my table called him by his first name and voila he answered.😳🤷🏼♀️.
“Might you be interested in correcting this?” Are you whining me?
Instructions from your manager/senior colleagues are framed like suggestions but you will be in trouble if you don’t implement it. https://t.co/791NfH2hnz
I started a Bible class in London. After an evening class, our group pastor asked for those who were interested in going to the bar for 1 or 2 glasses of beer. I shock o. I kuku went and low&behold, over a glass of beer, the conversation was still about what we studied in church.
First time i went to a hospital & i saw alot of doctors & nurses had tattoos on their arms.. had to look around again to make sure i was really in a hospital😂 make dem no prescribe wetin go kill me
Landed in Manchester Airport and took a one hour car ride into Lancashire; in rush hour, cars everywhere. About halfway into the ride, something felt seriously wrong, then I realised what the problem was – I couldn't hear a single car horn! The entire ride. E shock me!
First time I tried to chew bone in front of a non Nigerian and they screamed. Me: abeg calm down I wasn't intending on swallowing this one. Got another level of respect o. They probably thought was going to eat them if they mess up 😱
LoL. Lab attendant mistakenly broke a glass while we were in the lab. I said sorry. Everyone turned and looked at me like "na you push her?" Even the lab attendant sef dey look me like say I said something bad.
Didn't know you only say sorry when you are at fault. 😭😭
We started online classes on zoom and one of Coursemates was rolling his weed and smoking in class with his camera on. Infact, he was contributing to the lecture as he was smoking.
Things are looking dire in the country. People are already dusting their jaapa documents. As much as we need to stay back and fix the country, sometimes you just feel so choked and need to get out.
When you finally land in Canada a.k.a Nigeria Annex, there are certain things you need to do.
1. Breathe fresh air
When you first land in the airport, first fill your lungs to maximum capacity with air that does not smell of oppression and fundamental human rights breaches.
2. Throw away your powerbank
Power bank? For what? Please fling it once your plane lands in Canada. None of that life anymore.
3. Take a road trip
You might aslo want to travel around from the Cabot Trail to the Okanagan Valley without fear of being kidnapped, attacked by bandits, robbed or dying in a road crash.
4. Take a walk in the midnight
Ever taken a walk in the middle of the night? Here’s your chance. Because the areas are generally safer, you don’t have to worry about getting mugged or murdered for walking late.
5. Protest
Since Nigeria has told us that we’re not guaranteed our constitutional rights to protest, you can do it in Canada. You can protest anywhere, anytime. Pro tip: I suggest you protest at the Nigerian embassy.
The Nigerian experience is physical, emotional, and sometimes international. No one knows it better than our features on #TheAbroadLife, a series where we detail and explore Nigerian experiences while living abroad.
Today’s Abroad Life subject is a woman who left Nigeria in 2016 to study in France. She talks about how her love for travelling has made her visit thirteen countries in the past four years, and how, now that she’s settled in Germany, she’s noticed that everyone minds their business too much.
First things first, what are you doing in Germany?
How do I put this? I work as a research assistant, but that’s not the whole story because my research is supposed to count towards getting my PhD. I’m working towards my PhD, but I get paid as a researcher. This means I can apply for my PhD whenever I wish to.
What do you do as a researcher?
My research is on fluid mechanics. I was going to say Mechanical Engineering, but that doesn’t quite tell the whole story, so I’ll say fluid mechanics. I’ve been in Germany for about 2 years.
What happened before Germany?
I was in Paris for about six months, in the Netherlands for another six months and in Nances, a city in France, for another year. I was moving around because in the space of those two years, I took two Masters. One started in Paris, with its second semester in the Netherlands, and the other was fully in Nances.
That’s a great quest for knowledge. Is there a reason for that?
Well, the first Masters was a scholarship from the French and the Nigerian government. It was meant to last two years, but because I already had a five year engineering background, the school decided to waive the first year and just have me do the second year. Big mistake.
So, I did that one year and since I had one more “free” year, I decided to just take another Masters in Nances. It was a tough choice between getting another Masters and getting a PhD, but I decided on the former just to bridge the gap on the one year I missed from the first Masters.
How many countries have you lived in?
Apart from Nigeria, The Netherlands, France and Germany. Three.
How many countries have you been to?
Thirteen
Hold up…
It’s really not that mind-blowing. They’re all Schengen Area Countries, so when you’re in one of them, you can easily go to any of the others.
When did your traveling start?
It started when I got to France. In my first year of Masters, I only visited Italy.
Can you give me a list of the 13 countries?
France, Italy, Belgium, the Netherlands, Germany, Austria, Spain, Czech Republic, Hungary, Russia, Finland, Switzerland and Lithuania
Where’s a place you’d love to visit again?
France, but not because of Paris. Paris is the most overrated city I’ve ever been to. After seeing The Eiffel tower and The Louvre Museum, there’s nothing left to do. You might enjoy it as a tourist, but living there isn’t so nice.
I remember my first morning in Paris, I was like, “Oh welcome, abroad. I won’t have to struggle for the bus.” Then I stepped out and saw so many people running for the metro. I was so confused. The metro also smells really bad.
Wow. So why France?
A city called Colmar. I went to Colmar when I did a mini trip to France earlier this year, and it looks like something out of a fairytale. It has really nice houses, flowers and small rivers, and they’re so well preserved. It’s not a big city, but it’s spectacular.
Where’s one place where you don’t want to visit again?
Russia. I can’t really say it’s the worst. I’ll say, maybe, it’s the place where I’ve felt the least comfortable. It was probably because I already had an opinion from reading stuff about them, that they’re racist.
I didn’t really get a chance to explore the city where I stayed, but I like the metros in Russia. They’re really deep underground, probably one of the deepest metros I have ever seen. But I couldn’t enjoy the place because I didn’t want to be out late and have someone appear behind me and start asking me questions.
What enables you to travel so much?
I have a sugar daddy.
Oh?..
Just kidding. I live in the Schengen Area, and if you plan your trips well, you’ll get cheap flights and buses. One time, I took a 2 hour bus from Lille in France, to Ghent in Belgium for €5. You could also get really cheap flight tickets within the region to countries with heavy tourist attraction centres.
What do you mean by cheap?
It’s actually really cheap, trust me. On some days, you can get a plane ticket for about €50 euros to Spain. Generally, the key to exploring Europe is getting a visa to one country in this region. I even recently found out that once you have a Shengen region country visa, you don’t need a visa to travel to some countries that are not in the Schengen region, like Croatia.
How easy was it getting the French Visa?
Pretty easy. The scholarship was government sponsored, so that wasn’t hard at all. The German permit also took me about four days to get and I don’t know why. Normally, it takes about three weeks.
How have you dealt with the language?
In the Netherlands and Germany, you’re more likely to find people willing to speak to you in English. In France, not many people would speak English to you, but my Masters program was in English, so I just had to learn basic French for survival.
In Germany, my first contract was a six-month internship program. I was meant to work 42 hours a week, but it was a 50% contract, so I worked 20 hours a week. I used the other half of my time to learn German, and in eight months, I could speak fluent German.
To me, it doesn’t matter whether you speak to me in English or German because I think I can speak enough German to get by.
When did you first leave Nigeria, and have you been back since then?
I left Nigeria in September 2016. I’ve been back only once and that was last year.
Are you coming back?
When I was leaving, I had all intentions to come back. But after my masters, I realised that because of my field of study and speciality, the job prospects would be really limited. I was speaking with my South African friend recently and we agreed that she had a much better chance of going back home and getting a job in her field than I do.
Another question I would ask before coming back is “Who can match my current salary?”
What is a Nigerian reality that has shaped your Abroad Life?
Addressing your superiors at work. My supervisor is in his early 60s, so it was super hard for me to start calling him by his name every time. This man is old enough to be my grandfather and he wants me to call him his first name. I’m getting more familiar with it, though.
One of the things I don’t like about being abroad is the fact that everybody minds their business. It is a double-edged sword. In Nigeria, you don’t like people being in your business, but sometimes, you actually need it.
Last year, I was sick. I had an emergency operation so I couldn’t go to work for about a week. I was in my house and the next thing, I was in the hospital, so I couldn’t inform anybody. Not a single person called or texted me. Not one. Not even the HR person. I left a cup of coffee on my desk the day before the incident and when I came back one week after, I met it right there with mold in it. Sometimes, it gets really annoying in Nigeria when people put their noses in your business, but I’d rather have that than have nobody care at all.
I always like to say that if I died in my apartment, nobody would know until my body started smelling because even my rent would automatically pay itself from my account and the landlord wouldn’t care to check on me.
Wild. In all your travels, have you been treated differently because you are black?
Not really, no. People always assume that I’m either South African, or from the UK and it’s interesting to see. But one time in an Airport in Milan, I got specially checked. Only me. Turns out I was the only black person on the flight I came in. My documents got checked and everything, and then they asked me to go.
Sorry about that. Do you ever find a Nigerian community wherever you are?
In school in France, they have an active Nigerian community on WhatsApp, so it was easy to find a community. In the Netherlands, I wasn’t really searching, but my landlord was Ghanaian so I had all the feeling of home I wanted.
I’m very sure they’re Nigerians in Germany, but for some reason, I can’t seem to find them. I live in a small city and I’m more likely to run into francophone Africans than Nigerians. The lady that makes my hair is the only other Nigerian I know here.
What’s one thing you miss about Nigeria?
Food and familiarity.
What is the best thing about living in Germany right now?
The transport system.
Not the popular events like Oktoberfest?
I’m not a beer person. I feel like beer is the devil’s piss.
I think the other thing about Germany is that it’s quite an interesting country. You never hear of Germany being a tourist attraction, but it has really nice places. Germany has a lot of tourism potential, but I don’t know why it’s not being marketed.
I really enjoy travelling in Germany.
What advice would you give a Nigerian trying to move to Germany or any of the countries you’ve been to?
The best route is usually as a student. Be ready to learn the language if you’re moving to a non-English speaking country. Learning the language is an advantage and a great way to connect with the people.
Want more Abroad Life? Check in every Friday at 9 A.M. (WAT) for a new episode. Until then, read every story of the series here.
The Nigerian experience is physical, emotional, and sometimes international. No one knows it better than our features on #TheAbroadLife, a series where we detail and explore Nigerian experiences while living abroad.
The subject of today’s Abroad Life is a 22-year-old man who moved to the United States four years ago for school. He talks about how he went from being homesick, to never wanting to return to Nigeria, his plan to marry a white woman if all else fails and how he would’ve landed in Unilag after having sex in a public park.
First things first, what are you doing in the United States?
I came to Texas to study about five years ago. I graduated last year, and now I work at an insurance company. I’m trying to gain some experience, some money, and enjoy my life. I wanted to come back to Nigeria, but I’ve decided against that.
Why?
Don’t get me wrong, I’ll come to visit, but Nigeria is a mess right now.
Why do you think Nigeria is a mess?
We see what is going on, the country is a cruise. There aren’t a lot of opportunities for young people to find well paying jobs. I know that it’s a struggle. I want to work and see results. I feel like a lot of people here also complain about jobs not valuing them, but I’m pretty sure it’s better than in Nigeria. If you genuinely put in the work, you’ll see results. I can’t say the same about Nigeria.
At what point did you know you didn’t want to come back to Nigeria?
2018. My first year here was really tough for me because I was really far away from my family. I got homesick a whole lot but I met a lot of new people, and I started feeling at home, so I adapted.
I went back to Nigeria in 2018, and that’s when I realised I couldn’t come back. I spoke with my friends about their experiences and they weren’t very nice. I realised I cannot come back and suffer.
The picture I have of Texas is one where everyone is wearing cowboy hearts and have smoking pipes. The roads are dusty, everyone moves around with horses. Am I correct?
No you’re not correct. Texas is really big. Almost as big as Nigeria. There are some parts where you get the countryside vibes like you describe, but most of Texas is advanced, just like the rest of the US.
There’s a lot of racism. They’ll smile with you and all but they can kill you at your back. I haven’t had any wild experiences like getting attacked or something, but I just know it. I see the way people act. Many white people don’t like black people.
Do you have any white friends?
When I was in college, my group of friends was diverse, we had people from everywhere like Africa and Argentina, Colombia and even France. Naturally, there weren’t a lot of black people in my school so my group of friends had to be diverse. It’s always nice experiencing different cultures and how they live their lives.
What do Nigerians need to know about coming to get an education in the US?
There are schools and programs here that will pay you to go to school. I feel like enough people don’t know about this and it’s really annoying to me. All people need to do is some research and you’ll find that there’s so much opportunity here. For some schools and programs, you might not even pay anything, but they’ll pay you. After graduation you can work up to three years here without a work permit, so that’s your time to prove yourself to a company to show that you can bring them value. If the company sees that you add value to them regardless of where you’re from, and you have a good work ethic, they’ll apply for you to stay. Many people don’t know that, so they miss opportunities like that.
So what’s the dating scene like?
I’m not rushing into that. I want to secure the bag first. A lot of people have rushed into dating and marriage and they realize that they married someone crazy, and everything turns on its head. I want to be happy with the person I settle with. I think I should mention though, that if any of my plans to solidify my stay here don’t work, I can just decide to marry an American woman. It’s like Plan E. If none of the plans work, I’ll just go back to Nigeria. I’m kuku from there. Maybe our future leaders will have made it better.
So you’re not even seeing anyone?
Oh I have been with a couple of women here. It’s just never been serious. I noticed white girls like white guys. But African American and Mexican babes? God, they love me, and I love them too. God, University was wild.
What’s the wildest experience you had in University?
It was just a lot of those house parties that you see in movies. I loved it. Partying is really huge here. But an experience I can never forget is when one night, me and this babe were fucking in car, in a public park and the police pulled up. The thing is, the park was closed and nobody was meant to be there. So that’s one crime. Another was apparently indecent exposure, because what if some kids also decided to come to the park? I could have been registered as a sex offender.
The cop came over, told me to wear my shorts and move to the front seat, and then asked for our ID’s. At that point, I could already see myself in Murtala Mohammed Airport, and in UNILAG.
She ran our ID’s in her car and then came back and asked us why we were doing that in a public place. We told her we just got caught up and then she said “Next time, just find a hotel”.
I pray for her whenever I remember the incident because if she wanted to be wicked, she could have proceeded to land us in trouble. Anyways, I went back home that night to reflect on my life. I asked myself “Is this why my parents sent me to school?”
As a black person living in the US, what was the atmosphere like, when George Floyd was killed?
The George Floyd time was crazy. I felt angry and worried because it could’ve been me. But I didn’t protest because some of the protests turned violent, and I didn’t come here to die. The police were also arresting a lot of protesters and as a foreigner, the repercussions would have been worse for me if I got arrested.
I hear of a lot of natural disasters in Texas. Ever experienced one?
As far as natural disasters and shootings go, I’ve never directly experienced any of it. Maybe I’m lucky, maybe I’m blessed. The koko is, I’m alive and looking forward to the next day.
Want more Abroad Life? Check in every Friday at 9 A.M. (WAT) for a new episode. Until then, read every story of the series here.
The Nigerian experience is physical, emotional, and sometimes international. No one knows it better than our features on #TheAbroadLife, a series where we detail and explore Nigerian experiences while living abroad.
On Abroad Life today, Deyo tells us how his curiosity and passion for solving the electricity problem in Nigeria took him from the hydroelectric station in Kwara State to Canada and why he plans to return to Nigeria to implement all he’s learning.
How long have you been in Canada? AKA Abroad Nigeria
January made it five years, so five and a half years.
Wow! That’s a long time
When I first came here and met people that had been here for five years, I had the same reaction but five years later it still feels like I’m new.
What part of it feels new to you?
It’s mostly because I still meet people that have been here for decades, who moved here from Nigeria, and all over the world.
People say that everywhere you go in Canada, you’ll see Nigerians. How true is that?
It’s hard to survey. I’m in Ottawa and there’s a sizable number of Nigerians here, but if you compare it to Toronto, that number is nothing. You’ll find more Nigerians in Toronto than in any other place in Canada. I’m four and a half hours away from Toronto by road. That’s where some of my Nigerian friends are, so if I want to see them I’ll just drive there.
Ottawa and Toronto are in the same province which is Ontario, so in this province I’d say there are many Nigerians.
Do you know why Nigerians decide to stay in Toronto?
Toronto is a really big city. It’s like the Lagos of Canada. It’s a very metropolitan city, and it’s very busy so there are a lot of opportunities. It also has industrial activities so people go there to find opportunities.
When did you decide that you wanted to leave Nigeria?
I worked at Jebba Hydroelectric Power Station in Jebba which is a border town between Niger and Kwara state. The hydroelectric facility there uses water from a flowing river to generate electricity. At that point, I was looking to further my career and my experience there exposed me to renewable energy. The Nigerian power sector had too many problems for me to feel comfortable to develop professionally. I felt like going abroad would help me get some exposure and experience. The plan was to come back because I am mind blown at the amount of resources we have in Nigeria. I was exposed to how electricity was generated and all I could think about was how to scale it so that the entire population gets electricity, because we’re a huge population and the demand for electricity is high, but the supply is low.
Canada is very big in renewable energy so I chose to go to Canada.
Wait, so this isn’t a japa story?
Nope. I came to get some exposure, and then fix some problems.
It’s nice to see a different mindset. After five and a half years, would you say you have that same outlook?
Even though it’s taking a while, the answer is yes. People say things are bad in Nigeria and it’s silly to return and try to make it better but the fact is that things are bad all over the world.
So from Jebba to Ottawa, how has the self-development journey been?
I came out here as a student to do my masters. The opportunity to get into Canada was more on the studying part. That was the most feasible way for me, because if it was just getting a job, I wouldn’t be able to compete with other people. So coming to study was the approach. I came as a student, and I finished my masters in 2016.
The course — Systems Science — was very complex; the description is “a course about solving complex problems” and based on my exposure in the Nigerian power sector, I can say the problem in Nigeria is complex. I have been in the system and I know what’s going on there so I said to myself, “okay, Systems Science is good”. It was also a good segue from my Systems Engineering background in UNILAG, even though I didn’t finish that one with a first class or a 2.1.
So, a systems engineering background, masters from the university in Ottawa, and background in electricity generation in the power sector. You must have been hot cake.
I thought I’d be hot cake as well but soon I realised that these streets are tough. All around the world, an economy is an economy. Nobody just gets handed anything. I have seen many Nigerians come here and expect to ‘blow’ immediately. In trying to leave Nigeria, they burn bridges and then face reality when they get here. It doesn’t always end well.
So while still looking for a job, with my Canadian university masters, I started working at a warehouse, picking orders.
A Warehouse. How did that make you feel?
To me, it was unfair. It felt unfair because I felt that someone with a masters degree program in my discipline was not supposed to be doing such jobs. This was so far from my evaluation of what things would be. I had even engaged my fiancée before coming so that when I got my masters, I would bring her over, marry her, and then focus on the rest of my self development. Everything looked nice on paper. In retrospect however, that was one of my best learning experiences. I still work at that same company, but I rose through the ranks to where I am today.
She joined me later though and even though we had some paperwork problems that meant she had to go back to Nigeria for about two years with our son, she’s back and we’re all here together with our permanent residence, and with our son as a full citizen.
How did it feel raising a child away from home?
One word: Adventurous. At the point of fatherhood, I had already been through and survived enough life’s circumstances for me to realize that having an optimistic attitude would help me through my greatest challenges as I venture through life. So I just took it one day at a time.
I’m going back to the top now. How easy was it getting a student visa?
There’s nothing easy in this life but I don’t want to discourage anyone. They’ll give you a list of documents you need. Make sure you have all of them and follow due process. If you get rejected, which I did, take it as feedback and work towards not getting rejected again.
When you first got to Canada, what was the first difference you noticed?
The weather in Canada is as bad as people say it is. I came in winter with just a fleece jacket and when I got off the plane I thought there was some disaster going on. It was so bad, I had to run back into the plane to ask a guard if he knew what was happening outside. I usually like to keep an open mind, so a lot of the other stuff was just normal to me.
Like Racism?
Yeah any kind of discrimination, I don’t like using that word (racism). I don’t see it a lot, or if it happens to me I don’t engage in it. I try to navigate it and think maybe the person is having a bad day and acting like this but not that they’re being racist.
With this pandemic and everyone being at home, how has that affected you as a father, worker and husband?
I’m in charge of Quality Assurance for Information Systems where I work — the enemy of a software developer. To carry out that role there’s no need to be in the office so I’ve been working from home. The challenge with working from home is my son doesn’t want to hear any stories; he doesn’t understand what work is and why it is necessary, so he wants to play when he wants to play and I find that challenging because at first I tried to explain to him but now the challenge is being able to balance my work with his play time; I can’t really argue with whenever he wants to play. I never win, it’s just having to balance my time and work, that’s the challenge for me right now. My wife is very supportive.
Children…
So, where would you rather be, Canada or Nigeria?
It depends on a lot. Right now there’s a very interesting conversation going on globally around energy, energy access, energy efficiency, and energy security. With the way the world is, with the pandemic and all, being in Nigeria might be frustrating because everyone is meant to be staying indoors and how can you stay indoors without stable electricity. So I would love to be in Nigeria, but I wouldn’t want to be stuck in Nigeria because I’m not where I want to be in my self development journey. I still keep close contacts with a lot of people in the power sector in Nigeria and we talk about how to move things forward from bottom up but it’s not so straightforward.
I’m putting in the work though. I hope it works out.
What do you miss about Nigeria?
Family, friends and Owambe food.
I hope we see you soon.
Want more Abroad Life? Check in every Friday at 9 A.M. (WAT) for a new episode. Until then, read every story of the series here.
The Nigerian experience is physical, emotional, and sometimes international. No one knows it better than our features on #TheAbroadLife, a series where we detail and explore Nigerian experiences while living abroad.
The subject of this week’s Abroad Life has chosen to be anonymous. She is a 21-year old International Economics and Relations student who left Nigeria for Ukraine when she was 17. She talks about racism and why she’s done with both Nigeria and Ukraine.
First things first, what’s a 21 year old Nigerian woman looking for in Ukraine, with no family there?
I’m in university, studying International Economics and Relations.
What happened to UNILAG?
Haha…The atmosphere in Nigeria is not a very good place for studying. If we’re going to be frank with each other. I have watched people ahead of me do six years for a course that was meant to last four years. There’s always a delay, somehow, as if it’s a curse. Personally, I’m not about to go on a break in between school, so that’s one major thing.
So when did you decide that you were going to leave?
It was June 2018. I had just finished secondary school and I had a friend in Ukraine already, who was studying medicine. It was her uncle who set up everything for her. She told me to come because the process was easy and I told my mom. My mom linked up with the uncle and he actually did the processing.
I thought this was one of those scam stories.
Haha.. Nope. We needed some documents, which we were able to present. I had to go to the embassy at Abuja, and I got my visa. So from the time when I decided I was going to study in Ukraine, when I applied to the school, and I told my mom, and I got my visa, it took about two weeks.
Two weeks?
Two weeks. Although, I really don’t know how much it cost and all that because at time I was still 17 going 18 that month. My work was just to make sure I appear, and present all the needed documents and I did that. I left very shortly after.
Considering how short the time was, you didn’t have much time to say goodbye to friends and family. How was that?
It was actually cool for me, I’m not that person that has a lot of friends and all so it wasn’t too dramatic. We are in the 21st Century where you can just text “Hey, I’m leaving to study in Ukraine, I’ll see you in four years.” or make a call and you’re good. It’s never as deep as going round visiting. My family followed me to the airport. It was just normal.
So you’re arriving in Ukraine, a place where you’ve never been before. What hit you the hardest?
My God, it was the language. I didn’t have any time to learn so it was super complex. Even now, I’m always on my phone using a translator. Luckily for me, as you enter the country, the people that check the visa and your documents speak English so that helped me at least get myself into the country. I had booked for someone to pick me from Kyiv to my city, and that was a six-hour drive. After that, I found a way to settle. Google Translate everywhere.
So if I’m coming to Ukraine, I know I need to learn the language, thanks. What else do I need?
Should I be honest?
Hit me.
Don’t come to Ukraine.
But…
I’m just being honest with you. You know that racism thing that they’re shouting in the US? Hmm.
Every time I enter a bus here, people act like the grim reaper has just entered and they have to avoid me at all costs. You see people instinctively using their bags to occupy seats and moving away. If you sit beside one white person, odds are they’ll stand up and leave you with an empty seat.
Wow
I’m probably just a very self aware person, but these things get to me. It’s weird feeling like you don’t fit in society and whenever you try to fit, society looks at you and says “Nope, you don’t belong here”. In my experience, it’s also been really hard to get a job, and it doesn’t help that black people pay more for stuff like housing than locals.
Why is that?
I don’t know. But me and some other black students pay $250 a month for rent in our different apartments. In the same building complex, whitestudents pay $150 or even less. Wanna hear the worst part?
It gets worse?
We have separate classes for blacks and whites.
That’s not possible!
I’m dead ass serious about that
What’s the name of your school?
I’d rather not say. In fact, I want to be anonymous.
There’s also the little things like being on a queue for something and not being attended to until all the white people have been. But you know Africans are free spirited, so we don’t take things to heart, we just deal with whatever comes. What is the distribution of white to black people in your city?
There are actually a lot of black people here, you’ll find Ghanaians, Kenyans, Tanzanians, Ethiopians, South Africans, people from Swaziland, there are plenty black people here. My city isn’t very big so maybe that accounts for why they treat us like this.
Do you think nationality doesn’t matter when this racism happens?
Yes, every black person is treated the same. Recently a boy was stabbed, and they’ve been dragging the case for a while, but now they want the case to go because it’s a black guy and they’re making his murder his own fault.
Why am I speechless?
There’s NUGS (National Union of Ghanaian Students) there’s NUNS (National Union of Nigerian Students) here though and they play their parts in expressing our interests.
I feel like I have to clarify though, that they won’t violently attack you. In fact, as a black woman, I can freely walk at any time of the night and feel safe. You just won’t have the same rights as everyone else.
That’s crazy, and I hate to hear that you’re experiencing that. So how many years is your course and how far gone are you?
I’m doing a 4 year course and by God’s grace I’ll be in my 3rd year by September.
Are you planning on leaving once that’s done?
Definitely. I do not see a future for myself here.
Okay so you can’t wait to leave and come back to Nigeria?
Nah, not Nigeria. Somewhere else maybe. I’m done with the two countries. Living abroad has made me see how much we suffer in Nigeria.
Gun to your head, pick a place to stay, Ukraine or Nigeria?
I’d pick Ukraine.
Balance me here real quick. So you’d rather stay where you face racism nonstop?
There’s tribalism in Nigeria that lets people get more opportunities than others. They’re brothers. Nigerians even get violent sometimes. I’d stay here if it was the only choice. If I’m getting treated differently because I’m black, and I’m also getting treated differently because I’m Yoruba, what’s the difference?
That’s…interesting.So, how is daily life in Ukraine?
One thing I should let you know; feeding is cheap.
Cheaper than in Nigeria?
100%
Wow! What do they eat?
We have African stores here so you’ll buy your stuff. But food generally, is cheap.
What do Ukrainians eat?
Apart from their traditional food, they eat a lot of junk. They have their own food but I haven’t tried it because I’m not interested.
So you’re not immersing yourself in their culture?
No. I don’t feel accepted so it’s not natural for me.
Apart from food, how would you say it’s different from Nigeria?
Nightlife is very safe; you can walk on the roads at night even as a girl. I’m an introvert so I’ve never been to a club here but I hear it’s cheap to enter. I’ve got just a few friends, I’m not a people person. Transportation is also pretty chill. We’ve got buses, rail, and taxis, or you can ride your bicycle.
But everyone here obeys every single traffic rule. Like robots.
How’s the weather?
The weather is harsh. When it’s cold it’s extremely cold and when it’s hot it’s extremely hot.
What is it right now?
I don’t know if the world is coming to an end. But it’s summer right now and it’s extremely hot.
Hang in there!
Check back every Friday by 12pm noon for a brand new Abroad Life story. If you’ll like to share your own story, please fill out this form.
With the way Nigerians play Canada up on Twitter streets and Facebook alleys, you would think it were some promised land with arms opened wide for West African immigrants or at least a country with a leader who has the utmost respect for everyone — lazy youth or no. In reality, Canada is turning down Nigerian visa applicants faster than they can say ‘5AM in Toronto’ and their prime minister is a black-face wearing weirdo. But tell that to the average Nigerian and see if they care.
Leading the charge of Nigerians giving -0 fucks about anything that isn’t the skies between Murtala Muhammed and Toronto Pearson, is the subject of today’s Abroad Life – Wale. A pre-MBA student who recently moved to Ontario.
I’ve never been to the Great White North, so I had to know :
First things first, is Canada as great as everyone hypes it up to be?
Man, Canada is great, I can’t even lie. Funny thing is, maybe because I had my visa since last year, I had ejected my brain and my spirit from Nigeria way before I even moved here, so that has kind of reduced the hype in my mind. But forget, even with that, it’s actually really mad.
Okay, that’s what you’d have said. Because passing this Canadian visa interview is now as serious as SS3 WAEC, what are three things you absolutely must have on deck to pass it?
Let me see, you need your documents, all the basics like your proof of funds, landed documents. That kind of thing.
Then um… look, if I’m being honest ehn, whatever it is you need for your visa interview, just check Nairaland. It’s there.
Wait. Documents I get, but what concerns Nairaland with visa interview?
Boyyy! When I was trying to get my visa, I was checking on Nairaland every day as if I was in a relationship with it. Because I was applying for my visa myself, and the Canadian embassy is now ruthless with Nigerians, I needed all the hacks in this life I could get, and know where all those hacks are? Nairaland!
It was from there I learnt to be super extra with my application. Nobody asked for it, but when I was applying for the visa, I packaged my GMAT and TOEFL scores for them. Let everybody know it’s school I came to do, not asylum. Please dear.
LMAO. That deep?
That deep oh. But I mean, this doesn’t always work. Sometimes it gets crazy, and they deny applications regardless of how hard you prepare.
Nairaland has something for you still!
A wow.
See, if you get denied, there’s usually some letter or email the embassy sends you explaining why your application got turned down. Through Nairaland, I learnt you could apply for GCMS notes. These notes give you fuller details as to why your application was denied so you can make up for whatever they found wrong in the application process. That you won’t enter your country, Canada is a lie oh, Nairaland won’t stand for it!
Okay, with this Nairaland Ph.D in visa applications, how long did it take you to get your visa?
I remember exact dates. I applied June 12th 2018, and didn’t get it until August 30th 2018. But — it was actually ready by the 29th, only, I deliberately left it for a day.
Now, why would you do a thing like that?
God bless you oh. So I had already started classes with the school I currently attend even from Nigeria, but the deadline for registration was August 30th. With the way it was set up, if I collected my visa on the 29th, I would have had to fly out to Canada that night, start physical classes and registration the next day. I already had a presentation due and there were tests holding the week after. Only me! So I decided to just wait it out for a little bit.
And how did that work out for you?
See, I didn’t realise how much I needed my city and how much my city needed me man. That one year I did in Lagos when I could have been in Canada … oh well, kashamadupe.
LOL. So how empty will my account have to be to get this visa?
Not very empty. It costs maybe 100 – 250 dollars. And that’s Canadian dollars, so nothing too crazy.
So clearly, you’re in Canada for school. We’re going to pretend this isn’t an obvious question and ask if there’s any other reason you chose to move abroad.
Well, because Nigeria is trash. When I was a corper, I got queried at work because it was a bad place and everyone just kind of took whatever treatment they got and grumbled about it quietly. I always spoke out. When I got a proper job, my salary was a monthly, ‘open for a surprise’ event. Whatever the employers felt like giving that month, just take. I resigned in December last year and just said yeah, I’m not working until I go to my real country for school abeg.
Yikes. Throw this country away. But speaking of school, how does Nigeria’s education system match up with Canada’s?
Well, first of all, Nigeria’s education system is non-existent. I’m actually learning here. I attended UNILAG and got so frustrated with my department, that I had to send my HOD a really rude text message, he had to involve my parents you know. Like the frustration had gotten up to here.
But that’s not to say your work isn’t cut out for you here. I have tests every other day, and these are like 10 mark tests, then attendance counts, in-class assignments carry marks as well. Like I had to pencil in a 20-minute window for this interview because I have a test in two-hours. But with every step, you actually feel like you’re learning and not like someone is forcing their notes from 1982 down your brain.
Like last week, we had a lecture on Friday and when everyone was leaving the class, we saw our lecturer had started to pick up the litter everyone left behind. He said because it was a Friday and no one would have come in to clean until Monday, so everyone stayed back and made sure they tidied up. That small event would have played so differently in a Nigerian classroom.
Oop. Somebody let ASUU see this. So for education, that’s Canada 1, Nigeria 0. How about say, transportation? Okay funny thing, where I stay in Ontario, there are no Ubers, or any ride-hailing services, really. Think there’s a law prohibiting them. But that aside, there’s the train, buses are always on time, I mean the bus I take to class comes every hour, so it leaves at 5:50, next is 6:40 and so on. Almost like clockwork. Then there are trains, metros. You can’t be comparing danfos with all that now.
Yeah, no. Fully digging Nigeria’s grave here, but how about security?See, rock your afro, walk at night, do backflips on the sidewalk, or not… no SARS will stop you, there are hardly any robberies. But if you stay somewhere like Toronto, which has a higher density of people, then it’s a little less safe.
Must be nice. Okay, so what’s one thing Nigeria has that Canada doesn’t?
Nothing. Next question.
LMAO. Not even amala?
Who amala epp?
Ah!
I mean yes, family and friends. I miss them. It’s why my watch is still set to Nigerian time so I can check in on them at appropriate hours. But see, everything I need is here.
Is there a Nigerian community where you are?
Hmm, there are some Nigerians, like here and there. But, let me tell you something. If you think Nigerians want to japa, then you haven’t met Indians. These people collect loans to leave their country for Canada. In my class, there’s me, the only black person, then like 4 Canadians, 1 Sri Lankan and the rest are Indians. No be joke.
Wait what?
Seriously. My Indian friends joke that they feel like they are in Punjab sometimes. The minute the Indians get here, they’re hustling for that Permanent Residency (PR). So if you think Nigerians are about that Canadian life, you just wait, let the Indians teach you a thing or two.
A real wow. So how long have you been enjoying Canadian breeze?
About 4 weeks. Here’s to many more. Although, the cold here is mad I can’t lie. Currently growing my hair out for warmth, because while everyone is still rocking t-shirts and shorts here, I don’t know how, I’ve been wearing cardigans and thick jeans since day one. Winter gets really crazy, so I have to be ready to give it back.
Haha. So do you keep up with Nigerian news?
Not if I can help it.
Oh Lord. Well, shameless self plugging here, if you want to keep up with Nigerian news, and by news I mean weekly dissing of politicians that want to stain our whites home and abroad, then make sure to subscribe to Zikoko’s newsletter, which I write – Gameofvotes.
Well, I’m currently doing a pre-MBA, so MBA right after. And hopefully after that, remove the first letter from CPR.
*Internet fist bump.*
Want more Abroad Life? Check in every Friday at 9 A.M. (WAT) for a new episode. Until then, read every story of the series here.
So you’ve had your visa interview, got your visa and you’re finally about to take that trip you’ve planned for years. But your mom has told you not to tell anyone you’re travelling until you get back. You’re wondering why? We’ll tell you.
Your village people don’t want you to travel
This one goes without saying. If your village people, who hate your family because you’re more successful than them find out you’re traveling, they can easily get you. They’re witches so they’re in the air; you’re in a plane, so it goes without saying that you’re in the air. It’s the best place to get you. All they need to do is make the aircraft develop faults that would lead to a crash. If you’re not going to tell people you’re not travelling, family members top that list.
“This boy is not going anywhere”
You’re not Santa Claus
Traveling to the abroad means you have money. Nigerians don’t want to know otherwise. You’re going there to blow one million dollars everyday so why shouldn’t your family and friends get their share? They’ll disturb you everyday to buy shoes and chocolates for them. And if you say no, you’re proud and evil. Don’t say no, just don’t let anyone know you’re traveling.
To Avoid “Whining”
Okay maybe this isn’t one of your mother’s reasons but it’s a valid reason. Once you mistakenly step inside an airplane, people automatically think you’ve arrived. When they see you, they start calling you “Money man” or “Oga Madam”. When they start using names like that for you, people will think you have money and your helper might think you don’t need their help because you’re already an Oga Madam. You know how Nigerians are.
To Avoid Deliveries
You’re not DHL. It’s when you travel people will begin to remember that they have an uncle in Atlanta that they want to take fish to, and get shoes from. Or that they want to buy Crocs. And they won’t pay for your extra luggage. Let’s be guided please.
And if you still go ahead and tell people you’re travelling, after all we’ve done for you, whatever befalls you is your problem not ours. You know what they say about a word? Well, that’s right; it’s enough for the wise.
