Sometimes, life puts you in messy situations where you’re not sure if you’re doing the right thing or not. That’s what Na Me F— Up? is about — real Nigerians sharing the choices they’ve made, while you decide if they fucked up or not.
After 13 years of friendship, Gina*(25) didn’t expect her best friend would end up with her ex, especially after everything she knew about their history. When it happened, it forced her to question what loyalty really means between friends.
This is Gina’s dilemma, as shared with Mofiyinfoluwa
Nancy and I have been friends for almost 13 years. We met in secondary school, went to the same university, and did practically everything together. Over time, she became more like family than a friend.
In our third year of university, I met Davis*. I’d had a crush on him for a while before we eventually started dating, and Nancy saw everything — from the talking stage to every high and low that followed.
I really liked Davis, but he was emotionally unavailable. He was a scholar and a member of the school union body, and while that sounded impressive, he used it as an excuse for everything. He was always busy with school activities and never had time for me. Whenever I complained, he guilt-tripped me into believing I was the problem because I didn’t understand his goals or how hard he worked.
It was frustrating because I value quality time. I felt emotionally neglected, and even though I cared about him, I knew the relationship wasn’t working. I often complained to Nancy, and she helped me see the truth. She pointed out the lack of communication, the manipulation, and how drained I’d become. She always reminded me that I deserved better and didn’t have to settle for someone like him. I finally took Nancy’s advice in 2021. When Davis refused to compromise, I ended the relationship. It was painful, but I moved on and cut off all contact with him.
After school, life went on. I got into a new relationship and left the Davis drama behind. Then, earlier this year, Nancy mentioned she ran into him. Their offices were close, and she’d reconnected with him. I didn’t think too much of it at first, but I still wondered why she’d even acknowledge him or get his contact, knowing how much he had hurt me.
By April, I noticed they spoke more often. She’d casually mention his name in conversations, and it made me uncomfortable. Still, I didn’t say anything. I brushed it off and convinced myself it was fine if they were just friends.
Then, one day in July, Nancy sent me a picture, and I noticed a pile of packages in the background. When I asked about them, she casually said they were from Davis — then added that he’d asked her out and they were now together. I was stunned. I had no idea they’d gotten that close. When I asked why she hadn’t told me, she said she didn’t think I needed to know since I’d moved on. I couldn’t believe it. We were supposed to be close, yet she kept something that major from me.
I tried to play it cool at first, but it hurt more each time I thought about it. This was the same person who’d seen me cry over this man and even encouraged me to leave.
When I looked back at the chain of events, I noticed a pattern. Over the years, Nancy mirrored me in small ways. If I bought a new phone, she’d want the same one. If I picked up a new hobby or did something exciting, she’d suddenly become interested too. I’d always brushed it off as a coincidence, but her recent action solidified my suspicion.
Because I was so upset, I confided in one of our mutual friends. I wanted to make sense of everything. Unfortunately, that friend went behind my back and told Nancy I’d said she was copying me. Everything blew up from there.
Nancy confronted me and accused me of gossiping about her. She said if I had an issue with her dating Davis, I should’ve said it to her face instead of spreading malicious rumours that made me look jealous. I tried to explain that I wasn’t jealous, I just expected her to respect boundaries. I reminded her that she’d been there through my relationship with Davis and knew how badly it ended.
But she flipped it on me. She said it’d been four years, and that I should’ve moved on. She insisted Davis was more mature and that what they had was different. Then, out of nowhere, she said I’d misunderstood him back then.
What hurt most was when she asked if I didn’t want her to be happy, especially since I’m already in a relationship. That comment stung, and before I knew it, we exchanged some really hurtful words.
Since then, our friendship hasn’t been the same. We barely talk. Sometimes, I wonder if I overreacted by feeling betrayed, but deep down, I can’t shake the feeling that she crossed an unspoken line no one crosses when you truly care about your friend.
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