On the Streets is a Zikoko weekly series about the chaos of modern dating: from situationships and endless talking stages, to heartbreak and everything it means to be single in today’s world.
For Rita* (22), what began as teenage curiosity quickly turned into betrayal, an unplanned pregnancy, and a long journey toward healing. In this story, she opens up about her brief relationships and the lessons they taught her about love.
What’s your current relationship status, and how do you feel about it?
I’m single and content with my status. I just wish I’d stayed single when I was younger instead of rushing into relationships. I’m still healing from what it cost me.
Oh. Could you walk me through your dating life?
My first relationship started in 2019 when I was 16. He was an older guy in his 20s who lived around my area. He used to catcall me whenever I passed, and after a while, I started giving him attention. He’d buy me things, tell me how much he liked me, and soon, we started dating. I lived with my uncle, who would never have approved, so only my cousin knew.
How did that relationship go?
It was sweet at first, but he soon started pressuring me for sex. I told him to wait until I finished secondary school, but I eventually gave in. A few weeks later, I found out he was also dating my older sister.
Wait, what?
My cousin told me. She’d gone to visit my sister one day and realised we were seeing the same guy. When she told me, I was crushed. He knew we were sisters because I always showed him pictures of her and talked about her. It hurt knowing he was two-timing us. I ended things before I turned 17.
Fair enough. Did you try again after that first heartbreak?
Not really. I finished secondary school and got a job as a teaching assistant to save for university. In 2021, I met another man, Donald*, during one of my morning pickup rounds. He lived in one of the compounds where I picked up kids. His dog used to scare me, and he’d always come out to apologise or chain it up whenever I arrived.
I already had a crush on him before he asked for my number. When he said he wanted a relationship, I hesitated because of the age gap. However, he lied to me, claiming he was in his mid-20s. I would eventually find out he was in his 30s.
Hmm
We started dating anyway. It was hard to see each other often because of my work and my strict uncle, but we chatted every day. About a month into our relationship, he started complaining that I hadn’t visited him or spent time with him. So on Independence Day, I lied to my uncle about having a special school activity and went to his place. That was the first and only time we had sex.
A few weeks later, he started ignoring my calls and messages. Even when I picked up the kids in the morning, he’d refuse to come greet me like he used to. Eventually, he admitted he wasn’t interested anymore because I was “too unavailable.” The relationship barely lasted two months.
How did you handle the breakup?
I was inconsolable. My first relationship had ended after sex, and now it had happened again. I couldn’t stop wondering if both men had just used me. Donald blocked me everywhere, so I couldn’t even get closure.
Around that time, my stomach was swelling, but I thought I was just gaining weight. I missed my period but didn’t think much of it since my cycle was irregular. It wasn’t until I fell sick that a doctor suggested I take a pregnancy test. As soon as I heard that, I ran away from the hospital.
I confided in my best friend, and she helped me call Donald to tell him I might be pregnant. His reaction was terrible. He denied everything, insulted her, and told me to get rid of it. I was scared and ashamed, so I lied to my friend that it was a false alarm. I travelled to the village to see my grandparents in December, hoping to hide it from my uncle. Thankfully, they assumed I was just gaining weight and I let them believe that.
Why did you keep hiding, though? That wouldn’t have made it go away.
Even though I knew I was pregnant, I couldn’t bring myself to confirm it. I was terrified of my uncle finding out. He raised me after my parents died, sponsored my education and cared for me. I didn’t want to disappoint him. I was also waiting for my university admission and didn’t want the pregnancy to ruin my plans.
I see. How long did you manage to hide the pregnancy?
Until February the next year. By then, I’d gotten admission into OAU* and returned to Lagos to prepare for resumption. I was constantly tired and sick, so I went back to the hospital. That was when I found out I was already six months pregnant.
The doctor was angry and said my PCV (packed cell volume) had dropped dangerously low because I hadn’t attended antenatal care. She asked to see my guardian, but I lied that I needed to use the toilet and ran away again. A week later, an older woman at church noticed my bump and confronted me during service. I denied it, but she said she’d talk to my uncle. To avoid the confrontation, I left before the service ended, but she still told him.
My uncle came home earlier than usual that night and forced me to take a pregnancy test. When the results came out, he was furious. He wanted me to terminate it, but the doctor said it was too risky since I was almost in my third trimester. I eventually confessed that Donald was responsible. He was so upset that he tracked Donald down and sent army men to beat and lock him up for a few days. Donald kept denying it, and his father later bailed him out.
What happened after that?
My uncle stopped me from going to school and sent me to live with my cousin in Osun* to avoid gossip. Living there was hell. My cousin’s girlfriend treated me terribly. She made me run errands and treated me like a slave despite my condition. My cousin always took her side.
In June 2022, I gave birth to my daughter. It was a painful and dangerous birth because of my low blood count, but I survived.
Thank Goodness. But where was Donald in all this?
I was still blocked. Any time I tried calling from someone else’s phone, he’d hang up the moment he heard my voice. Later, I found out he wanted nothing to do with me because he already had a long-term girlfriend who was also pregnant. After I gave birth, my uncle had him arrested again. Donald denied responsibility and demanded a DNA test. But when his family saw my child’s birthmark—one that runs in their family— he broke down and admitted she was his.
He promised to be involved at first, but by her dedication in September, he stopped showing up. His father even said if I wanted him to take responsibility, I should “ask Donald to marry me.”. Of course, I refused. I didn’t love him anymore, and he clearly didn’t love me.
Eventually, Donald came to the house himself and said he didn’t want the child. My uncle was tired of chasing him and made him sign an agreement that he wouldn’t be responsible for her upbringing. That was the last time I saw him.
Must have been tough. Did you ever move on?
It took a lot of courage and time. At first, I avoided going out because of the shame; people stared and gossiped. But my uncle encouraged me to get back on my feet. I got a job at a primary school, and now I’m saving to take JAMB again next year so I can attend the University of Lagos. I believe my dreams were only delayed. All hope isn’t lost.
Sounds like a plan. How have these experiences changed the way you see love and relationships?
They’ve made me very cautious. Earlier this year, I tried talking to someone new from church, but I couldn’t bring myself to let it go far. I kept ghosting him until he stopped trying. Every time I’ve loved, I’ve been used or deceived. Looking back, I realise I was just a child, and these men didn’t mind taking advantage of me.
Right now, I don’t trust men or relationships. I’m still young, so maybe that’ll change someday. But for now, I just want to focus on raising my daughter and achieving my dream of becoming a radio presenter.
I wish you the best. Finally, how are the streets treating you these days? Rate it on a scale of 1 to 10.
I’d rate it a 10/10. Being single has been my happiest phase. These past three years with my daughter have been peaceful. I have no expectations of anyone but myself, and I have no fear of heartbreak.
Read Next: On The Streets: I Blame Myself for My First Love’s Death
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