Aminat, 22
Last year, I stumbled on the friend of a guy I dated about five years ago. He looked really familiar, but I couldn’t quite place the face. I had turned back to stare a couple of times and had decided if I turn this last time and he’s still there, I’d walk up to him. When I turned slowly, I didn’t see him anymore and I took that as a sign from the Universe. A few seconds later, someone tapped my shoulder and it turned out to be him. We kicked things off from there, and our first date was super intense. The sexual energy was 101%, and we discovered we had crushes on each other before I dated his friend.
After multiple conversations about the obvious fact that we were into each other and wanted this, he explicitly told me it couldn’t work because I’m his friend’s ex. It infuriated me because I wasn’t even speaking to my ex at all, but this past presence in my life is still denying me some form of happiness. I truly mourned what would’ve been, but he and I still talk.
Yinka, 25
I met him on Twitter this year, around May. We didn’t talk much at first, but that didn’t take long to change. When it did, the connection was a lot. We shared the same values, had a lot in common, and it was obvious where it was headed. However, I wasn’t ready to be in a relationship. I told him and he seemed okay waiting. One time, we had a little misunderstanding and I stopped hearing from him. It took me a little while to reach out to him and by the time I got around to it a bit more than a day later, he had moved on.
It turns out he’s had previous experiences with waiting to be with someone and felt we were headed the same way.
He told me he couldn’t keep waiting for me to decide if I wanted to be with him or not. The funny thing is that the timeout we had made me realise how much of a keeper he is. That’s why I had decided to take that leap, but I decided a little too late. He was no longer interested. I wish things had gone differently.
Amaka, 20
I had a crush on a guy in my school for about a year, but I didn’t have the mind to tell him. Eventually, I found out he had a girlfriend, and that broke me. So, in order to be close to him, I had to become friends with his girlfriend. It worked, but then I learnt he was leaving the country soon, so I started to pray the embassy wouldn’t grant him visa.
Unfortunately, my prayer wasn’t answered. He left the country and I am still angry at myself for not telling him how I felt for him. It’s been four years since the last time I saw him. If he ever comes back, I will tell him I loved him.
Jane, 21
There was this guy I really liked even though he wasn’t 100% my spec. I was really into him. He kept saying he wasn’t ready for a relationship, so I waited for him for eight months. During those eight months, he was having flings with other people, but I waited while he kept saying he wasn’t ready. It really hurt because I liked him so much, I even wanted to ask him out. Eventually, I let him go, and I met someone way better.
Femi, 41
There was a woman I met through one of my brother’s friends. I knew I liked her when I didn’t want to go further with her after we kissed. I was a serial cheater, but I couldn’t bear to break her heart. She knew I had a girlfriend and really didn’t mind, but I just could not. I guess I liked her that much; just not enough to leave my girlfriend whom I later married. For some reason, she keeps popping into my head on occasion since I separated from my wife. I hope she’s alright wherever she is and that whoever she ended up with, if any, is treating her right.
John, 19
So, it’s this guy who texted me midway through the lockdown. I initially ignored it, but around the #EndSars protests, we started talking again. It took me a while to realise I might have feelings for him. Unfortunately, he’s in Lagos and I’m in Ibadan. I’m not willing to do long distance relationship, plus there are issues and trauma we’ve both agreed we need to work on. Our refusal to date is a mutual agreement, buts it hurts because this is the first time I’m getting non-platonic attention that isn’t toxic. I’m also sad because I feel like I’ll never really get to experience him. I think that by the time things changed for either of us, we’d have outgrown each other. On the bright side, it feels nice to know he’s in my corner.
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