The friendzone is a very terrible place to be when you know your heart wants something else. There’s nothing in the friend zone aside from “hey” and “hi” conversations that aren’t strong enough to take you out of there.
There’s a lot of darkness down there in the friendzone; here are a few ways to wiggle your ass out of that hole.
1. Sleep with them.
Do people go around having sex with their friends? The answer is NO. Make sure the sex happens enough times to make them fall in love with you.
2. Convince them to break up with their partner.
Make them believe there are people like you out there better than their partner. Become their shoulder to lean on when the relationship ends. From shoulder to lean on to bedroom for warmth. Fink about it.
3. Ghost them for a little bit.
We all know that distance makes the heart grow fonder, and people miss you more when they can’t see you. Ghosting them makes them miss you a lot and realise they can’t live without you when you are away.
4. Introduce them to your friends.
Introduce them to your other friends since they are so hungry and desperate for friendship. Make sure the friendships solidify so they’ll have other friends when you eventually become the love of their life.
5. Call them gender-neutral pet names.
Call them cute pet names and go a step higher by taking a few of their clothes. There’s no way they won’t get the message when they see how sexy and beautiful you look in their clothes.
6. Write your name on a piece of paper and put it under their pillow.
Make sure you write your name in cursive with cute heart emojis around it and put it under their pillow. The sound of your name will filter into their ears and fill their minds with thoughts of you.
7. Become their spiritual partner.
Find a way into their dreams and sleep with them. Imagine combining spiritual sex with physical sex? There’s no way you’ll still be in the friend zone when both orgasms are achieved.
8. If it’s a Nigerian man, cook for him.
We all know Nigerian men don’t need so much convincing. All they need is some food and a drop of love potion and you are good to go. The way to a Nigerian man’s p̶e̶n̶i̶s̶ /p̶o̶c̶k̶e̶t̶ heart is through his stomach.
9. If it’s a woman, put the love potion in her wig.
You can put a love potion in her wig or the pasta you bought for her from an overpriced Lagos restaurant. She’ll no longer see you as a friend but as a longer once she’s eaten the pasta.
10. Get into a relationship and convince them to become your side piece.
The hack is to convince them to become your sidekick and see what they are missing by not being your number one lover. You make sure they know how much of an amazing lover you are and eventually leave your partner to be with them.
If you try these tips and they don’t work, that meins you we sleep in the friendzone.