Once upon a time, an insane Christian book that claimed the devil created football as a tool to destroy humanity trended on the internet. I did the dirty work of actually reading and recapping it. The article was so popular that I decided to make my recaps into a weekly series named “So You Don’t Have To “, where I find batshit crazy pieces of media (books, movies, etc.) and recap them for your pleasure.
I’ve spent the last few days thinking of all the episodes of “So You Don’t Have To” I’ve written in 2021 so as to pick out my absolute best five to put on this list, and I couldn’t. Do you know why?
Because they’re all amazing.
I’m funny as hell and every episode of SYDHT I’ve put out has been groundbreaking. I truly believe that future generations will sit around campfires/classrooms and talk about me like I was Comedian Jesus.
I’m glad we had that talk.
Just because I couldn’t put all of them on this list, here are my five favourite SYDHT episodes of 2021.
I Spoke To A Money Ritual Juju Man So You Don’t Have To
In December of 2020, I was contacted by a self-proclaimed herbalist who claimed he could make me a shit ton of money in a ritual that would NOT require a human life. I was going to ignore him because I don’t do demons but figured I could get a bitching SYDHT episode out of it. And baby, I DID. Read to find out how far down the rabbit hole I went in my attempt to find out how money rituals work.
Click here to read.
I Watched The Nollywood Movie “Suicide Mission” So You Don’t Have To
This 1998 Nollywood movie has everything. The eternally beautiful Regina Askia, Sugar Daddy RMD, old Nollywood witchcraft, necrophilia, telekinesis, trapped souls in groundnut bottles, the main antagonist turning into a dog at the end, much more shit. It also helps that the plot is batshit.
Click here to read it.
I Watched The Music Video For Peter Okoye’s Song “Look Into My Eyes” So You Don’t Have To
Peter Okoye — who now hilariously goes by Mr P — is one half of the defunct music duo P-Square. He and his identical twin brother, Paul, burst onto the scene in 2003 and ran things (things didn’t run them) until they had a fight in 2017 and went their separate ways. In 2018, Peter released the video for a song titled “Look Into My Eyes,” proving his determination to carry on the family tradition of violently ripping off Michael Jackson.
Click here to read it.
I Attended A Moaning Competition So You Don’t Have To
On the 15th of October 2021, a moaning competition took place on Twitter Spaces. I took it upon myself to attend the moaning competition undercover so I could recap the event for those who couldn’t attend or were too ashamed to. I still haven’t recovered. Dollars could speed up my recovery. Send me some.
Click here to read.
I Watched The 2020 Nollywood Movie, “Nneka The Pretty Serpent,” So You Don’t Have To
The makers of this iteration of “Nneka the Pretty Serpent” tried to solve the problem of the original movie (not having an actual plot) by giving a reason for Nneka’s murder spree. But due to the unintentionally hilarious execution and unnecessarily complex backstory, it doesn’t quite work and is confusing as hell.
Click here to read.
