The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.

How long have you been with your partner?

My girlfriend, Nimi, and I have been together for two years.

How did you both meet?

We met at a wedding in 2024. I was the MC, and she worked as one of the caterers’ assistants. Towards the end of the reception, a vehicle hit the caterer’s bus, damaging some utensils, leading to a commotion in the parking area.

I tried my best to calm the affected people because the situation was affecting the party, but they were just shouting. It was chaotic. Nimi was one of the more level-headed people. I noticed how maturely she spoke and suggested solutions. 

After the wahala settled, I struck up a conversation with her. We exchanged numbers, and by the next day, we were dating.

Just like that?

I can be very direct when I want to be. I just told her I liked her and wanted to be in a relationship with her. 

Nimi was like, “Ahan, calm down. You don’t even know me.”

I said, “We can be knowing each other inside the relationship.”

I must’ve been persuasive, because she accepted. Now that I think about it, it was such an impulsive move. I guess I was just tired of all the rules around relationships. I’ve done everything, from long talking stages to forming friendships first before coming clean, yet all the relationships ended in heartbreak. I just wanted to try something different. Nimi was down, and that’s how we started.

We started dating “over the phone”, and I cooked for her during our indoor date the following weekend to officially kickstart the relationship. She often jokes that tasting my cooking was the final sign she needed to be sure she’d made the right decision.

Haha. That’s sweet. Was it easy dating someone you barely knew, though?

We had what I’d call “growing pains” in our first year. We were two people with different personalities trying to be together. Nimi is an introvert, while I’m an extrovert. She likes that I’m outgoing, but she started to have issues with the number of female friends I have. To be fair, I have a lot. 

Nimi and I could be hanging out at my place, and one of my female friends would just knock on my door and enter. Or another would call me and want to talk for hours. I didn’t see any problem with it, so when Nimi started complaining, I thought she was overreacting. We had a lot of arguments and even broke up for a week before I received sense and begged that I’d change.

We also clashed over our spending decisions, particularly Nimi’s spending. Nimi is the hardest-working woman I’ve met. She does everything from event catering to makeup and mobile photography. She’s an actual jack of all trades, but you never see the impact of the money she makes. She’s the firstborn and would rather spend all her money on her widowed mum and siblings before buying underwear for herself.

Hmmm. I’m assuming you had a problem with that

Oh yes. I didn’t understand why she couldn’t say no to requests or only help once in a while. In our first year, I constantly brought it up, and we argued a lot. She argued that I didn’t understand the responsibility, and I kept saying I didn’t even want to understand. 

At some point, she said I was complaining because I thought she’d start asking me for money once she was broke. We had a lot of bitter arguments in that line, with Nimi saying she’d never ask me for money, so I didn’t need to bother. 

I learned to back off and present my concerns more sensitively. I’ve noticed she’s more receptive to feedback when I don’t come off like I’m attacking her choices. So, I approach the topic of how much she gives her family by first empathising and suggesting better ways to handle the responsibility. And there have been improvements. Now, she tries to stick to sending them a set amount of money each month rather than just whenever they ask. She also saves more these days.

It still hasn’t completely solved the “family expectations” problem, though. They still call for help. Recently, it’s become an even bigger problem for me.

How so?

Nimi and I are planning to get married by the end of the year or early next year. So, we’ve met each other’s families. The problem is, Nimi’s family seems to have decided I can also be an ATM.

It started with her younger sister asking me for a birthday gift. She reached out to me on WhatsApp and was like, “Bro Lekan, my birthday is on so-so date. Buy me a gift o.” I didn’t think it was a big deal, so I promised to buy her one. Later, she asked me to monetise it instead. So, I sent her ₦20k. 

This was in December 2025. Some days later, her younger brother asked me to do Christmas for him, and I sent him ₦10k. When I visited their mum for the New Year, she complained about her damaged phone charger, so I bought her a new one. 

Since then, it’s like I opened the floodgates of requests. At least once a month, Nimi’s siblings or mum would call me to complain about something, and I’d feel like I had to send money.

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Does Nimi know about this?

Not at first. But when I noticed the pattern her family was bringing, I complained to her about it. This was around March. She wasn’t happy about it and warned them to stop, but just a few weeks ago, her brother still called to ask for a loan.

I’m concerned that this will be a regular occurrence after we get married. So far, Nimi has been practically independent and handles most of her financial responsibilities herself, but it won’t remain the same after we marry. I’ll have to handle most of the bills and take care of her. I’m worried that “taking care of her” will extend to her family, too.

Of course, it’s not bad to support your spouse’s family, but Nimi’s family is extra demanding. I don’t want a situation where I’m working just to feed someone, or some family members will be sitting one place, feeling entitled to my money.

Hmmm

It’s a major concern for me. I haven’t really talked to Nimi about this because I know how she’d react. She’d most likely take it the wrong way and say something like, “I will support them myself. We won’t ask for your money.” But it’s not that simple. 

In marriage, both partners should be one in every aspect, including financially. I believe both partners should pool resources to run the home. It can’t be a case of, “This is my money. I’ll spend it however I like.” We should both discuss and decide on how we’re spending. 

For instance, if I’m bringing more money, I won’t say I’ll spend it all on myself. If my wife has a need, she can just take it. I wouldn’t be comfortable if she’s spending like that on her family, or if she wants to keep her own income separate so she can spend it on them.

Nimi says she agrees with the idea of pooling resources, but I get the sense it’ll be an issue for her. She’s quite independent and will most likely push back if I try to determine how much she supports her family. Also, if she’s broke and her family has a need, she’ll turn to her husband for help. Will I say I can’t give her family money, even though I don’t actually want to? I don’t want to become their breadwinner.

It seems you both have non-negotiables to work through

I guess so. Sometimes I think that couples don’t need to be 100% compatible to get married. I mean, husbands and wives will always disagree. We don’t need to think the same way about everything.

On the other hand, I wonder if this money issue isn’t a fundamental problem to pay more attention to. I still intend to address this, though. I’m eager to read what people think about our situation, and if they have any advice I can use.

Let’s talk about what spending on stuff like dates and gifts looks like in your relationship

I love giving gifts. Whenever I’m out and see anything Nimi might like, I buy it for her. She never buys anything for herself. I also cook for her regularly because she doesn’t like to cook. I consider it my way of taking care of her.

Nimi also does gifts, but it’s mostly during special occasions like birthdays. But she does help me out with money. We both don’t work salaried jobs, so we understand how our incomes can fluctuate. If I’m broke today, I know I can just call and ask her to lend me money. She has my back.

Do you both have financial safety nets?

Yes, we both have savings. I’m not sure how much she has, but I encourage her to save between ₦50k and ₦100k each month. I myself like to save 30% of whatever I make. Sometimes, that’s around ₦100k monthly. I currently have about ₦800k in my savings, but that’ll drop to half in a few days because I have to pay rent.

What’s the ideal financial future you’d like for you and Nimi?

I’ve been dreaming about us jointly owning a successful event production company. We can do it. We have the skill and experience; it’s just the money that’s left. 

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

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