The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
How long have you been in your relationship?
It’ll be a year in April.
How did you both meet?
I met Adeola at a family friend’s wedding. The wedding MC organised a few games during the reception, one of which involved the Aso-Ebi girls bringing a man’s cap within a certain number of minutes.
Adeola was one of the Aso-Ebi girls and she snatched my cap. When she returned my cap after the game, I joked that she needed to give me her number, and she did.
After about two weeks of texting, we made plans for a movie date. I’d already toasted her; the date was supposed to be where she’d give me her answer. The date almost didn’t happen sef. Fortunately, it did and we officially started dating.
Why did the date almost not happen?
Adeola found out about my son. I intended to tell her about him after the date — I wanted it to be a face-to-face discussion. However, she discovered it two days before the date. My son turned one, and I posted him on my WhatsApp status. I’m not sure how I forgot I’d saved Adeola’s number and that she could see my status.
She asked, “Is this your son?” and I had no choice but to say yes. Adeola didn’t reply again even after I begged to explain. It took several calls before she agreed to hear what I had to say. She thought I was one of those married men who pursued single ladies. But I explained the situation with my son’s mum and she understood.
What was the situation with your baby’s mum?
It’s a long story, but the summary is, my son’s mother and I aren’t compatible. We were in a toxic, constantly fighting relationship for years that ended when she got pregnant. Her family wanted us to marry, but I insisted it wasn’t happening.
So, we agreed that my ex would raise the child, I’d contribute financially, and I’d see my son a few times a month. That’s as far as our relationship goes, and that’s what I explained to Adeola. She had her doubts at first, but I convinced her to give our relationship a try and she did.
How’s that going?
It’s been going pretty well. Adeola is very considerate and hardly asks for money except for when she really needs it. Even then, it’s mostly when she wants to buy clothing bales for her online thrift business and needs quick cash.
Our few arguments are usually about my son’s mother. Adeola always wants to go with me when I go see my son, but there’s always tension as she and my ex don’t really get along. Once, my ex told me not to bring Adeola to her house anymore, which turned into a big fight between the three of us.
Adeola also says my ex is using my son as an excuse to demand money from me. I send my ex a ₦50k allowance every month, and she often calls me for extra money, especially if my son is ill or she needs to buy something for him during festive seasons. I don’t think that’s too much for my child, but Adeola tends to complain about it. She thinks I spend too much on my ex and child.
How do you manage these complaints?
I’ve realised it’s best to pretend I’m doing what she says, just to let peace reign. I delete the debit alerts on my phone after I send my ex money so Adeola doesn’t see it and starts complaining.
She thinks I only send the monthly allowance. I’m not trying to hide things from her. I understand her concerns, but I don’t have much of a choice. I can’t leave my child to suffer.
I see. Besides your child’s expenses, what other money conversations do you both have?
We both hope to japa one day, so many of our conversations are about how to multiply our incomes. Adeola is currently saving ₦30k monthly because she wants to become a mini-importer for decorative flowers and interior decor accessories. She plans to raise ₦700k and should reach that figure in June. My job is to remind her to put money aside every month.
For me, I’m trying to upskill and find a better-paying job. Adeola bought me a ₦7500 customer success management course in January. I’ve also bought a few other courses like that. We hope to get married by the end of the year or in 2026, so I need to increase my income as soon as possible.
Subscribe to the Money by Zikoko Newsletter for more stories like this. It’ll only take a minute.
How do you guys plan and budget for romance stuff in your relationship?
After removing living expenses and providing for my child, there isn’t much left for romance. That might even be why Adeola complains about how much I give my ex. We hardly go on dates. The most we do is hang out at my place and cook. There’s no money to do anything else.
I got Adeola a handwritten card and picture frame for Valentine’s Day, which cost me ₦12k. Then for her birthday in December, I bought her a cake and a wristwatch. I think everything cost me ₦30k. She also bought me a watch for my birthday.
Do you have a financial safety net?
Hmm. I don’t. I just pray no emergency comes my way. Building a safety net is hard when so many responsibilities keep pulling at me. On second thought, Adeola is my safety net. I jokingly call her, “Madam CEO”.
I know she doesn’t have a set amount of money coming in every month, but I also know she has decent savings and is very financially responsible. The ₦700k she’s trying to raise is different from her regular savings. I’m not sure how much there is, but I know Adeola is the type to always have a plan B so she’s never stranded. If something happens, I can run to her.
What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?
It’d be great to have joint long-term investments and assets like real estate or trust funds to pass on to our children. Life as a Nigerian is already hard, and I want to make sure my children have a soft landing.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
NEXT READ: The Corps Member Dating a Mummy’s Boy on a ₦63k/Month Income
Click here to join the waitlist for Zikoko’s first-ever money event!
