8 Workouts that are Definitely from the Pits of Hell

December 1, 2021

No matter how often you do them, some workout routines just feel like they were created in hell’s torture department. Some people will tell you that these moves are “easy” or “fun”, but they are dirty bitches who live a fake life… Here are some of the hellish exercises that make us want to shrivel up and die every time we try them.

1. Planks

No exercise steals your joy like the plank. If you’ve ever wanted time to stand still, then plank. 60 seconds begin to feel like 60 minutes, and you’ll find yourself sweating like a whore in church.. Whoever invented this move must have been a sadist. But it works sha. 

2. Hanging leg raises

This is another move that looks easy until your soul starts screaming for help. Why would anyone think it makes sense to suspend yourself in the air and start lifting your legs? Why? Yes, it’s effective. But that doesn’t make it any less demonic, dear. 

3. Front squats

We already established the importance of training your legs here. But one thing we’re not going to be doing in this house is front squats. Probably one of the hardest variations of the barbell squat, this move will have you calling for your mummy even if you manage to do it correctly (if you do it anyhow, you’re on your own). Like, can we live? Squats are already hard enough, this is just extra and the gym bros are overdoing it please. 

4. Burpees

One day, you’re trying to escape punishments in secondary school. Next thing, you’re grown and now paying to undergo the same punishments you barely survived. Life really comes at you fast.  If you really deep it, burpees are a combination of frog jump and “raise your hand and close your eyes”. All these moves that combine two or three moves into one, for who, please? Did we tell you we wanted to be part of the Avengers? 

5. Lateral Lunges

This is the one where you hold a kettlebell or dumbbell and then do your lunges to the side. The important question here is: why? Some people now decide to be extra by doing it with a barbell above their head. Life is vanity upon vanity o! This show off you are showing off will not matter after you leave this world o.  Let’s all take it easy. It’s not that serious. 

6. Deadlifts

One of the best moves to add to your routine, deadlifts are one of the key full-body workout moves for total body strength. . The problem is, they also hurt like hell! If you do it right, it hurts. If you don’t do it correctly, omo, your back is doomed. t There’s just too much going on, and all for what? So we can post thirst traps? You see this body, however, you see it, just take it like that please. 

7. Prisoner get-ups

The problem already starts with the name. Why are we doing something that was clearly created for people in Kirikiri? If you hear this name and still decide to do this move, then anything you see, take it like that.

8. Honestly, any ab workout

If there’s one thing, working our “abs” has taught us, is that there’s nothing wrong with having a lirru bit of fupa . After all, on judgment day, they won’t create a separate queue for people with six-packs. So, my dear brothers and sisters, stop stressing yourselves and focus on your heavenly race abeg. 

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