For the life of me, I have never understood why people ask ‘how was your night’.
What response do these special people expect when they ask this? Do they think I’ll sit them down and explain that my eye is twitching because I spent all night binge-watching Assistant Madams and writing a thesis as to why no series will ever top its ‘₦100 billion inheritance storyline’?
Or how my boyfriend complained about my sleep farts for the fifth night in a row (This is a real medical condition, I dare you to prove me wrong).
I can’t make sense of the ‘how was your night’ question, no matter how hard I try. That is, unless it’s in relation to any of these scenarios, then it is A-okay, ask away.
“So how was your night now” – if the rapture happened the night before, and you want to confirm that your colleague is also going to hell with you.
Have to find out if he’s just taking 30 minutes break from heaven somehow.
‘Well rested? How was your night?’ – your sleep demon checking in to confirm he fucked up your night completely.
Hope you didn’t get too many of those nightmares you’ve been visiting prayer mountains for this time?
“Yesterday sha, so how was your night?” – after you accidentally shat yourself at the office Christmas party the night before and you want to make sure everyone is on the same page with pretending it didn’t happen.
Please play along and say you drank a little too much parago to remember last night. Plis.
“Mr.Man, and how was your night?” – typical Nigerian mother trying to confirm her son isn’t still sulking after taking the 20k he received to buy biscuit for ‘safekeeping.’
‘I know it was fine. All your nights are fine.’
‘I hate sleeping apart. How was your night?’ – Madam Koi Koi asking her dismembered head how its night was.
Did you blink fast to ward off the mosquitoes like I advised?
And how was your night? Hope you didn’t have to sacrifice … too much sleep?’- Nigerian witches sharing inside jokes after deciding to sacrifice their favourite family member in last night’s meeting.
“Hope you didn’t lose… anything important?”
Gee, how was your night?’ – Your anxiety and depression pretending like they didn’t fuck up your whole night with self-doubt.
Hope you’re feeling nice and wholesome this morning? And that thing you have no reason to worry about doesn’t somehow magically become a priority to handle. Hopefully.
‘Rough night? Did you get any sleep?’ Babies pretending they didn’t shut the whole house down with their crying from 2:10 AM.
“Sorry your night sucked, here’s me being incredibly cute to compensate.”
So, how was your night?