The Zikoko Guide To Finding The Love Of Your Life During NYSC Camp

March 11, 2020

If you survived undergraduate without the love of your life, chances are everyone is expecting you to end NYSC camp with love. It’s one of the things they will tell you in camp anyway. Attend briefings, SAED lectures, even social nights, and you’ll hear, “You need to find a wife or a husband in camp. This is one of the reasons why this scheme was created.”

So, my dear single person who is reading this, here is how to snag the love of your life in NYSC camp.

NYSC CAMP LOVE

Know your spec

This is important because NYSC camp is full of different types of people from different tertiary institutions and once you know your spec, it makes it easier to narrow your search.

Now that you know your spec, cast your net deep into the waters.

When you line up for parade, look at your platoon people and see if you find your spec. If not, journey to other platoons. See what they have to offer. You might be in Platoon 1 and discover your true love in Platoon 7. Don’t be discouraged, it is what it is.

If you find someone who fits your spec, engage them in a conversation

Know how educated they are. Because being in NYSC camp does not mean everybody is educated. And going to school is different from being educated, shebi you know? See if they can carry on a good conversation. Relate with them and know what they think about Buhari and Trump, what they understand about Feminism, if they pour their cereal before the milk or milk before the cereal. You never know who is a cultist in NYSC kit. Don’t forget to stylishly ask if they are single. There’s no shame.

Shoot your shot

I shouldn’t tell you how to do that, should I? Come clean and state your intentions. Bear in mind that it can either end in tears or aso ebi. Also, be reminded that you cannot have sex in NYSC camp. Yes, some people do it. They enter the bush, hang around in the smelly toilets, do it on a heap of sand in the dark. This shouldn’t be you, right? Why stress yourself doing rush-rush runs when you can finish camp and devour yourself properly? I’m not teaching you how to fornicate, but —

NYSC CAMP LOVE

Other things that can happen.

By other things, I mean Glucose Guardians and Military Men. There’s an abundance of those in camp. The camp officials, the men (and women) in charge of kitchen and food distribution, the soldiers who preside over the parade. Some of them will disturb you when you catch their eye. And some of them will offer to influence your redeployment or posting. Ngwa, think it well before you do it. (Wo)Men are scum, but then you already know this.

Hang around Mammy Market, attend social night and actually socialise. When you line up to get food, don’t ‘strong’ your face. There’s someone who is taking note of you. Why not allow the bone of your bone to find you?

And lest I forget, that white-white kit everyone wears can deceive. Let people change into their Friday and Sunday outfits first and you’ll see hotness. Ah, you’ll be amazed at the wonders in the human body.

But if you do all of this and nothing happens, well, maybe you’re not destined to find the love of your life in NYSC camp. Try your luck elsewhere. Life’s hard.

NYSC CAMP LOVE

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Kunle Ologunro

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