If we’re keeping sufferhead scores (like most Nigerians love to), we hate to break it to anyone below 40, but the oldies are winning this one.
While our old folk had to deal with walking 8 km daily to school. Hunting what they had to eat. Drinking water from the streams, perhaps even taking a dump or two, bathing and cleaning clothes within said stream, the major highlight of our hardship is literally having to remain at home.
Which is why, to successfully receive this baton of sufferhead from our oldies, we’re going to need to spruce the events of the year 2002 a little bit when narrating it to our children and grandchildren.
To ensure our stories are in sync, here are simple fables to tell your children and their children about the year 2020:
We also had to walk 8 km to get food
When you think about it, the dispatch rider had to travel a distance to pick and deliver your food. All na 8 km.
We had territory wars because of the coronavirus
But because of social distancing, we couldn’t physically fight. We just hurled bad poetry at each other until someone conceded. It’s a believable story guys.
We had to drink our own sweat because we couldn’t trust water from outside
Another believable story guys.
Some of us lost the ability to speak because we just weren’t communicating with outsiders anymore
Okay, this might be doing too much. Tell them regardless.
When oil prices dropped, you secured the family’s future with $40 worth of oil.
Only problem is, Godzilla ate the oil you kept in your backyard because he thought he recognised a family member in the fossil fuels. Very, very believable.
Hugging became illegal, so we had to hold secret hug clubs in the evenings
These clubs held AFTER the virus was contained btw. Make sure to get the story straight.
In 2020, you could get 12 years in jail if you tried to shake someone
Use this as a back story for why you like folding your arms.
Money became worthless, so we had to start trading in Mr Bigg’s meatpie
Not sure why this is a necessary tale, but tell it anyway.