Interview With Ice Cream Container: “Nigerians Have Refused To Let Me Die”

March 19, 2021

Interview With… is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the weird and interesting lives of inanimate objects and non-human entities.


We’ve all been thoroughly heartbroken by the presence of an ice cream container in the freezer that is filled with anything but ice cream. It is simply a major part of the Nigerian experience.

Today, I spoke to the container about how it feels to be the face of generational disappointment. You’ll either leave this interview pitying the ice cream container or wanting to fight it.

Zikoko: Hellloooo!

Ice Cream Container: You sound too excited.

I am excited to have you here. Aren’t you excited to be here?

I’m not, please. At this point, I am not excited to be anything.

Well, that took a dark turn…

At my age and status, I have witnessed enough darkness. I just want to be allowed to rest in peace.

So what is stopping you?

Nigerians. They have refused to let me die.

How so?

Each time I think I am done with my job, and I’m ready to go to the big dustbin in the sky, they snatch me from eternal rest and put me back to work. Imagine how sad that must be.

After Nigerians finish all the ice cream inside me, they refuse to let me go. It’s almost as if they paid separate money for the ice cream and me. Can I just rest in peace foggosake?

But you are being recycled. Shouldn’t you be excited?

Now I can see why you are Nigerian. You people cannot tell the difference between enjoyment and suffering. If I was being recycled in some other country, believe me, I would be the happiest container on earth. But being recycled in Nigeria? Haq. That’s like going through 50 shades of suffering without being allowed to catch a break.

Nigeria as a whole feels like a recycled country. You people recycle leaders, you recycle corruption, in fact, you even recycle relationships. Now, imagine the citizens of a recycled country trying to recycle an ice cream container. Believe me, I don’t have the bandwidth for that kind of sufferhead existence.

But wait sef. You have been shouting suffering since. Just what have you suffered?

You really want to know?

Yes. I really want to know.

Okay, imagine you’re a piece of chewing gum.

Ehen…

And then someone picks you up and chews you until the juice and colour has gone out of you. What should be the next thing to do?

Throw me away, I guess.

Good. Now imagine that the person removes you and uses you to block a hole in their leaking pot of soup.

Ah.

Or they remove you from their mouth and climb the roof of their house so they can use you to block a hole in the roofing sheet. How would-

Okay, stop. You are an ice cream container, not a piece of gum. This analogy does not work at all.

What is the difference? Go into a Nigerian home today and check their refrigerators. If you find an ice cream container there, I can assure you that when you open it, you will jam egusi soup sitting pretty.

And believe me, that is where the trust issues of most Nigerians started.

How so?

When something as basic as an ice cream container cannot do its job, they learn to expect very little from other people too.

So why is it now paining you?

I have been made the face of disappointment, and you think it will not pain me?

I can try to understand the novelty. Nigerians like fine things. So when they see a branded container like me, they use it as a sign to show people that they are enjoying good life.

It is why they will wash me so their children can use me to carry food to school the next day. That way, the child can brag: “We ate ice cream in our house yesterday.” Honestly, I’m not angry, but please ehn, let there be limits to this thing. Some Nigerians will wash and carry me into their bathroom to be bathing. Where is the respect?

Now you are asking for respect. Did you not just say that they should let you rest in peace?

And when they did not let me rest in peace, nko? At least use me with dignity. Let me suffer my suffering with dignity. It’s not the one that I will hold ice cream today and tomorrow, I am the one that you are using to pour water on your body.

There are other containers you can use for that. After all, I am not the only container you have prevented from dying. Those takeaway packs are there. The Blue Band container is there. The Ragolis plastic, too, is there. Nigerians have a stash of plastic containers they have refused to let go of. If you listen attentively at night, you will hear all of them begging for death.

Me, I have not heard anything oh.

Generator noise has blocked your ears.

Wait sef. So, you want them to use other containers, but you don’t want them to use you?

No, I am advocating for equal distribution of suffering. Don’t say because I am the fancy ice cream container, I am the one you will use like there is no tomorrow. Use the other containers too.

You know what?

What?

When you came in here looking dejected, I felt sorry for you. But now that I have seen your heart, I take back my pity.

Pity? You are a Nigerian and you think you want to pity me? [bitter laugh]. My dear, you better pity yourself. Especially with the kind of life you people are living in this country.

You—

My own is just, let me die when there is no more ice cream inside me. Don’t make me the face of disappointment by storing egusi or moimoi or whatever inside me. Just free me and let me go.

And if you refuse to let me go, at least use me small-small.


Check back every Friday by 9am for new stories in the Interview With… series. Read older interviews here.

Zikoko Donation Banner

Help Zikoko keep making the content you love

More than ever, people are turning to Zikoko for stories that matter and content they love. But still, we, like many media organisations, are feeling the financial heat of these times. If you find us valuable, please make a contribution to help keep Zikoko zikoko-ing.

Thank you for your support.

We are also cool with Crypto.

Donation Close
Zikoko Logo

Complete Your Commitment

Donation confirm

Your Contribution is confirmed! Amount

Kunle Ologunro

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

Watch

Now on Zikoko

April 11, 2021

Today’s Man Like is Andy Obuoforibo, a 40-year-old politician and product manager. He tells us about how his father’s warmth and work ethic taught him the real meaning of masculinity, how his mother’s foray into politics influenced him to participate in politics and why he supports the LGBTQ+ movement as a Nigerian politician. When did […]

April 11, 2021

See ehn, nobody is a hundred percent “normal” and being weird can be cool or creepy depending on how you look at it. Let’s not argue sha. Take this quiz for a little moment of truth. QUIZ: How Rude Are You? Are you polite abi everybody should getawt? Take the quiz and we’ll tell you.

April 10, 2021

With almost two years of being in existence, Sex Life has grown while staying true to its goal of exploring the sex lives of Nigerians. In the last one year and five months since Sex Life was created, we’ve spoken to about eighty Nigerians who are at different places in their lives, with different orintentations, […]

prayer house
April 10, 2021

As told to Mariam I travelled to Ilorin for an exam last week and on the bus, I rode in, I met Yoma*. Somehow the conversation of faith came up, and she told me she didn’t subscribe to the Christianity practised in churches. When I asked why, this is what she told me: I grew […]

Recommended Quizzes

April 14, 2020

Every friend group consists of very different and specific characters — from the parent to the fun one — and it can be a little tough figuring out where you fall. So, we’ve created a quiz that lets you know exactly what kind of friend you are. Take to find out:

December 11, 2019

In the past month, we’ve made quizzes that guessed the last time you had sex, how many people you’ve slept with, and just how good you are in bed. For our latest attempt, we will use your taste in Nigerian music from the 2010s to ascertain what you’re like in bed. Take to find out:

More from Inside Life

April 10, 2021

With almost two years of being in existence, Sex Life has grown while staying true to its goal of exploring the sex lives of Nigerians. In the last one year and five months since Sex Life was created, we’ve spoken to about eighty Nigerians who are at different places in their lives, with different orintentations, […]

April 9, 2021

You’re at a job interview, answering all the questions and feeling yourself when the one person that hasn’t spoken throughout the meeting suddenly asks, “Why should we hire you?” If you’ve ever been in this situation and you didn’t know what to say, we’re sorry we didn’t write this earlier. Here are some of the […]

April 9, 2021

If you have ever considered getting into spoken word poetry and you did not know how to go about it, we are here for you. Just remember us when you blow. 1) Use burial music There is no spoken word performance without proper burial music. You might try to switch it up and use church […]

April 9, 2021

Burner accounts are all the rave. Almost everyone has one but what is the appeal of a burner twitter account? Why are they so popular? We decided to ask a few Nigerians who own burner accounts why they own one and the answers are absolutely fascinating. Chukwuemeka, 23.Having a burner is scary because I know […]

7 Skills Conductors Have That Everyone Needs
April 8, 2021

Honestly, the don’t teach people how to be a conductor in school because you’d be unstoppable, a potential super villan and you might even unlock hidden parts of your brain. We decided to share this knowledge because you deserve. 1. Ridiculous parkour skills You know how conductors hop on and off buses at anytime? Imagine […]

April 8, 2021

The talking stage is the period of getting to know someone with the hope of it becoming serious. If you’ve been in one too many talking stages, and you’ve had enough, then this article is for you. Here are a few tips on how to escape the talking stage.  1.Tell them straight up that you […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X