Interview With Ice Cream Container: “Nigerians Have Refused To Let Me Die”

March 19, 2021

Interview With… is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the weird and interesting lives of inanimate objects and non-human entities.

We’ve all been thoroughly heartbroken by the presence of an ice cream container in the freezer that is filled with anything but ice cream. It is simply a major part of the Nigerian experience.

Today, I spoke to the container about how it feels to be the face of generational disappointment. You’ll either leave this interview pitying the ice cream container or wanting to fight it.

Zikoko: Hellloooo!

Ice Cream Container: You sound too excited.

I am excited to have you here. Aren’t you excited to be here?

I’m not, please. At this point, I am not excited to be anything.

Well, that took a dark turn…

At my age and status, I have witnessed enough darkness. I just want to be allowed to rest in peace.

So what is stopping you?

Nigerians. They have refused to let me die.

How so?

Each time I think I am done with my job, and I’m ready to go to the big dustbin in the sky, they snatch me from eternal rest and put me back to work. Imagine how sad that must be.

After Nigerians finish all the ice cream inside me, they refuse to let me go. It’s almost as if they paid separate money for the ice cream and me. Can I just rest in peace foggosake?

But you are being recycled. Shouldn’t you be excited?

Now I can see why you are Nigerian. You people cannot tell the difference between enjoyment and suffering. If I was being recycled in some other country, believe me, I would be the happiest container on earth. But being recycled in Nigeria? Haq. That’s like going through 50 shades of suffering without being allowed to catch a break.

Nigeria as a whole feels like a recycled country. You people recycle leaders, you recycle corruption, in fact, you even recycle relationships. Now, imagine the citizens of a recycled country trying to recycle an ice cream container. Believe me, I don’t have the bandwidth for that kind of sufferhead existence.

But wait sef. You have been shouting suffering since. Just what have you suffered?

You really want to know?

Yes. I really want to know.

Okay, imagine you’re a piece of chewing gum.

Ehen…

And then someone picks you up and chews you until the juice and colour has gone out of you. What should be the next thing to do?

Throw me away, I guess.

Good. Now imagine that the person removes you and uses you to block a hole in their leaking pot of soup.

Ah.

Or they remove you from their mouth and climb the roof of their house so they can use you to block a hole in the roofing sheet. How would-

Okay, stop. You are an ice cream container, not a piece of gum. This analogy does not work at all.

What is the difference? Go into a Nigerian home today and check their refrigerators. If you find an ice cream container there, I can assure you that when you open it, you will jam egusi soup sitting pretty.

And believe me, that is where the trust issues of most Nigerians started.

How so?

When something as basic as an ice cream container cannot do its job, they learn to expect very little from other people too.

So why is it now paining you?

I have been made the face of disappointment, and you think it will not pain me?

I can try to understand the novelty. Nigerians like fine things. So when they see a branded container like me, they use it as a sign to show people that they are enjoying good life.

It is why they will wash me so their children can use me to carry food to school the next day. That way, the child can brag: “We ate ice cream in our house yesterday.” Honestly, I’m not angry, but please ehn, let there be limits to this thing. Some Nigerians will wash and carry me into their bathroom to be bathing. Where is the respect?

Now you are asking for respect. Did you not just say that they should let you rest in peace?

And when they did not let me rest in peace, nko? At least use me with dignity. Let me suffer my suffering with dignity. It’s not the one that I will hold ice cream today and tomorrow, I am the one that you are using to pour water on your body.

There are other containers you can use for that. After all, I am not the only container you have prevented from dying. Those takeaway packs are there. The Blue Band container is there. The Ragolis plastic, too, is there. Nigerians have a stash of plastic containers they have refused to let go of. If you listen attentively at night, you will hear all of them begging for death.

Me, I have not heard anything oh.

Generator noise has blocked your ears.

Wait sef. So, you want them to use other containers, but you don’t want them to use you?

No, I am advocating for equal distribution of suffering. Don’t say because I am the fancy ice cream container, I am the one you will use like there is no tomorrow. Use the other containers too.

You know what?

What?

When you came in here looking dejected, I felt sorry for you. But now that I have seen your heart, I take back my pity.

Pity? You are a Nigerian and you think you want to pity me? [bitter laugh]. My dear, you better pity yourself. Especially with the kind of life you people are living in this country.

You—

My own is just, let me die when there is no more ice cream inside me. Don’t make me the face of disappointment by storing egusi or moimoi or whatever inside me. Just free me and let me go.

And if you refuse to let me go, at least use me small-small.


Check back every Friday by 9AM for new Interview With episodes. To read previous stories, click here.

Kunle Ologunro

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

February 23, 2016

When I was born, the plan was to be a baby girl for life and literally too. First day I heard… “you suck breast too much, I can’t wait for you to grow up”. But you see, life’s not fair, I started walking and people started throwing around words like “responsible”, “house chore” etc. School […]

July 23, 2020

After going through this article, you will confirm that all Nigerian mothers go to the same institution to study WhatsApp. 1. Sending a 60MB video on WhatsApp Notice how the video is always specifically 60MB and above. Mummy, why? 2. Forwarding messages you need to press “read more” at least three times to finish. If […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

August 1, 2021

Ghosting can be weird – whether you’re the one being ghosted or doing the ghosting. When this happens, you’re likely to go through phases of worry, confusion, self-doubt, anger and finally make-everybody-getat. Wondering why exactly you’re being ghosted? Especially from people you really want to be in communication with? Here are 8 possible reasons. 1. […]

August 1, 2021

We recently stumbled upon a secret ancient book of Nigerian women’s secrets that has been passed down from generation to generation. The book contained the guide to being a wicked Nigerian woman, a stubborn Nigerian woman, and so much more. But one thing that attracted us was the chapter that contained the guide to shooting […]

August 1, 2021

Netflix animes are very underrated. Everyone goes on Netflix to watch all their favourite shows but forgets that there are some really good animes to binge-watch and get lost in. The next time you call your boo over to Netflix and chill, these are the Netflix animes you should watch: 1. Aggretsuko Retsuko is a […]

Recommended Quizzes

December 11, 2019

In the past month, we’ve made quizzes that guessed the last time you had sex, how many people you’ve slept with, and just how good you are in bed. For our latest attempt, we will use your taste in Nigerian music from the 2010s to ascertain what you’re like in bed. Take to find out:

November 19, 2019

Regardless of what society has tried to tell us, enjoying sex is not something to be ashamed of. So, in a bid to celebrate our generation’s sexual agency, we’ve created a quiz that will accurately (again, keep your complaints to yourself) infer how many people you’ve spelt with. Try it out: 11 Quizzes For The […]

What are you like in a relationship?
February 7, 2020

Your taste in music can say a lot about you, and this time, it’s going to reveal what you are like in a relationship. So, pick a few of your favourite Nigerian love songs, and we’ll let you know if you’re typically a distant, passionate or unbothered partner. Here you go:

More from Inside Life

August 1, 2021

Ghosting can be weird – whether you’re the one being ghosted or doing the ghosting. When this happens, you’re likely to go through phases of worry, confusion, self-doubt, anger and finally make-everybody-getat. Wondering why exactly you’re being ghosted? Especially from people you really want to be in communication with? Here are 8 possible reasons. 1. […]

August 1, 2021

We recently stumbled upon a secret ancient book of Nigerian women’s secrets that has been passed down from generation to generation. The book contained the guide to being a wicked Nigerian woman, a stubborn Nigerian woman, and so much more. But one thing that attracted us was the chapter that contained the guide to shooting […]

July 31, 2021

Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians. TW: Sexual Abuse. The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 28-year-old heterosexual woman who talks about hating condoms and how all that changed after an STD and two pregnancies.   What was your […]

July 29, 2021

Every Nigerian has at least one of these kinds of Uncles in their family 1) Mr I’d get back to you He’s the one that you ask for a favour and he always tells you he’d get back to you. The thing is, he never does. It’ll save everyone’s time and energy if he just […]

July 29, 2021

You know how Nigerian universities are, any small thing, “Oppression is Allowed!” To make matters worse, during the everlasting lockdown, many students were hustling to make money and it’s as if everybody has cashed out. So, if you don’t want oppression to kill you, here are some ways to disguise: 1. Get a piercing. If […]

black man covering his mouth
July 29, 2021

We don’t always mean to lie to our parents but sometimes, shit happens. They don’t exactly make being honest easy, either. Sometimes the lies are small and harmless, other times they are big and problematic. Here are eight lies we’ve all told our parents. 1. When we lie that we missed their call Sometimes, we […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X