Interview With Follow Come Earpiece: “Why I Get Lost Easily”

May 7, 2021

Interview With… is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the weird and interesting lives of inanimate objects and non-human entities.


The Follow Come Earpiece is a very important phone accessory. Good music, great sound quality, but there is just one problem: it gets missing easily.

Today on Interview With, Follow Come Earpiece explains what exactly is going on.

Zikoko: Hello, it’s good to have you here.

Follow Come Earpiece: Omo, you are welcome oh. Just hurry up with the interview, I have a lot of things to do, so I cannot afford to waste too much time here.

What do you mean by waste too much time?

Ahan. Is that part of the interview questions?

No, I’m just curious.

Curious about what?

Okay, let me break it down.

Oya nau, carry hammer and pieces it so I can understand.

We have interviewed a number of subjects: Crayfish, Cocaine. Even Lagos and Traffic. They were all patient and they didn’t hurry…

So what are you driving at?

I’m saying that you are the first interview subject who seems to be in a hurry.

[Slow clap]. Na wa oh. Do you know who I am?

Erm—

Because I agreed to sit down in your yeye office and answer questions, you think you can waste my time or something? My dear, go and ask about me oh. I’m a hot cake on these streets. Do you think it’s easy to be a follow come earpiece?

Let me tell you, many people are willing to give out their kidney. But when it comes to dashing someone their follow come earpiece, that is where they draw the line. In other words, I am very valuable. If you stand by the roadside and me too I stand by the roadside, there is a very high chance that I will find someone to give me a lift before anybody looks at your side.

Ha.

Deal with it.

When did you become aware of this power?

I have always known that I was quite valuable right from birth. Imagine being created by the same people that created the phone. There’s a level of power that comes with that. But then people started using me and praising my worth, and it just occurred to me one day that, “Wait oh. I be hot cake.” And that was when my shoulder pad became higher.

And let’s be fair, I work hard. I make sounds clearer, I bring out the lyrics you cannot hear if you buy an earpiece from a mallam. I give you all the beats. It’s only fair that people praise my work. It’s not easy to be who I am and do what I do.

Interesting.

You know what’s more interesting? The fact that if you steal me, they can take you to court.

Ehn?

Ask Law students nau.

Let them go and study their Law, go to Law School and come back, there is no problem. We both know that one day one day, they will represent my best interests in the court of law. Imagine being so powerful that you can feed people by giving them something to keep them busy.

But don’t you think you might be… um, a little overhyped?

It is you who will be overhyped. Mr Interviewer, this is your last warning. You say one more rubbish and I am out. I need to be stolen or get lost so I can stop working.

Wait, wait. You need to be what?

I NEED TO BE STOLEN. S-T-O-L-E-N. I need someone to steal me. What part of that do you not understand?

The whole thing.

What did you graduate with?

Shirt and trouser. It was hot, so I didn’t wear suit.

I—

How do they hire you people in this office? How were you hired? Don’t bother answering, please. Don’t kill what is left of my last brain cell. But let me explain what I mean to you. You probably won’t understand, but I’ll take it as my service to humanity.

Thank you.

See, life as a follow come ear piece is hard. Day after day, I have to stay focused. People crushing on me left and right, ears begging me to come inside them, but I cannot allow myself to be distracted. I have to stay on top of the game, you know?

Besides, Nigerians will overwork me if I give them the chance. They will use me to watch movies, play many songs, and when I am supposed to be at home resting, they will still carry me out and use me again. All because I am follow come. I no come this life to suffer, dear.

So…

I intentionally get lost. Is it not when you see me that you will use me?

Omo.

And if getting lost does not work, I seduce people. I enter their eyes so they can steal me. At least my workload can change for a while. When I get to the new place, I then figure out an escape plan. That’s how I have been living my life. I give people quality sounds for a while, and then I find a way to get lost or stolen. This is Nigeria. You better learn how to be wise or people will kill you with work.

You can imagine: someone’s phone will be stolen or lost, and instead of them to free the follow come earpiece, people will be begging them for the follow come earpeice. We will not be unfortunate, please.

Before we go, is there anything you’d like to tell your users?

I just want them to use me carefully. And if they refuse, I pray that other people will use you the way you plan to use me.

Check back every Friday by 9am for new stories in the Interview With… series. Read older interviews here.

Kunle Ologunro

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

June 9, 2021

Kissing is supposed to be enjoyable — just like every other activity involved in the genital bumping experience. But life happens and you might jam someone who will deprive you of the necessary enjoyment. Or you could be the one who does the depriving. For this post, 12 Nigerians talk about their worst kissing experience. […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

leaving their ex
June 18, 2021

Sometimes we get overwhelmed and make decisions we later regret. In this article, six Nigerian women talk about why they regret leaving their ex.  Tomisin, 25 My ex used to send me not less than 50k every month.  He moved abroad and after two months, he told me he has fallen in love with someone […]

June 18, 2021

People love us for various reasons. Take this quiz and we’ll tell you what your friends love most about you. Relationships can be hard, and sometimes you just need someone to give you a bit of advice. Ask Ozzy is our new advice column where you send Zikoko the relationship questions that have been bugging […]

June 17, 2021

While smart investing is a sure way to build and retain wealth, it can be a daunting prospect for beginners. In the same vein, it is a lot easier when you understand the various options in which you can invest and ultimately grow your wealth. Here are some options you can consider when taking the […]

June 17, 2021

The BBNaija Lockdown Reunion (2020’s edition of Big Brother Naija) show will air on the 17th of June 2021. Keeping with the tradition of the show, the reunion will be hosted by Ebuka Obi Uchendu and will feature some of the BBN: Lockdown housemates talking about memorable moments from their season while also hashing out […]

Recommended Quizzes

November 28, 2019

There are so many talented and stunning Nollywood actors that make it hard not to fall in love with them. So, while we all know the likelihood of us ending up with any of them is super low, it’s still fun to imagine a world where we actually stood a chance, and that’s why this […]

October 29, 2019

We are going to be attempting to guess when you’ll marry based on your favourite Nigerian foods. What does your fave swallow have to do with when you’ll tie the knot? Please, don’t ask complicated questions. This quiz is rigorous and accurate (don’t quote us), so just take it already. QUIZ: Why Do You Have […]

April 1, 2020

Everyone has a Nigerian bank that matches their personality. You could either be as likeable as GTB, as efficient as Access or as mature as First Bank. Either way, all you have to do is take this quiz and we’ll let you know with almost 100% certainty. So, go ahead:

November 11, 2019

Everyone has something to say about what kind of person they are. But how well do we truthfully evaluate these things? Not that much, I can assure you. The average person is always lying to themselves to make sure they look good. But you know what and who doesn’t lie? Zikoko quizzes that’s what. Take […]

November 22, 2019

It can be very stressful when you’re trying to find the love of your life, but you only keep meeting people that are exactly like your yeye ex. To help you be more aware of that problem, we’ve created a quiz that lets you know the kind of people you are attracting. Take it to […]

More from Interview With...

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X