Interview With H-Factor: “When Will Yoruba People Haccept Me?”

May 28, 2021

Interview With… is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the weird and interesting lives of inanimate objects and non-human entities.


When you hear of H-Factor, your mind automatically goes to a particular Nigerian tribe and its people. Today, we decided to sit and speak with H and have them explain why they are so powerful and unavoidable.

This is Interview With H-Factor.

Zikoko: Can we meet you?

H-Factor: Oh there’s not so much to know about me. I’m just an ordinary letter H that Yoruba people have given a lot of power.

Um, could you please explain?

I am usually summoned when certain words are pronounced as if they had ‘h‘ in them. This would have been a nice thing oh, but the problem is that ‘h’ is now removed from the words that begin with ‘h’. Which is why, Can her hair earn her an A will become Can er hair hearn her han A?

I won’t even lie, Yoruba people are the ones who fall victim the most.

Is there a reason for this?

I think its because there’s no “H” in the Yoruba language so they try to compensate one way or the other.

I see…

But again, many of them try to form phonee, and because I know their background, I intentionally appear to disgrace them. Imagine Mufutau from Abeokuta trying to sound like he is an American stranded in Nigeria. Mufutau that went to Kobomoje Nursery and Primary School? I cannot stand for that kind of deception, please. Immediately such kind of a person opens their mouth to form any kind of suprisupri English like this, I manifest. Yam and egg becomes Yam and hegg. I hate her becomes I ate her.

Be who you ha, Mufutau. Be proud of your eritage.

But…

There are no buts. You play sneaky games, you win sneaky prizes. I see a lot of you people trying to imitate foreigners. How come you ignore their own factors? French people have R-factor, but you will open Duolingo and be doing Garçon, garçon. Why did you not laugh at them?

You that grew up in Omole, you want to sound whiter than the whites. Oya nau, go ahead let me be watching you.

So what you’re saying is that…

You people should embrace whatever factor you have, please. Haccept it. Don’t attempt to sound whiter than white. Otherwise I will keep on appearing and disgracing you.

Ah…

It’s not as if I’m wicked oh, but Yoruba people got what they wished for. They are the ones who shout “Ha” on every single thing and each time they do that, I enter their life bit by bit until the day of reckoning.

What is the day of reckoning?

That is when I appear in flesh and blood. The day of reckoning manifests in different ways for different people. For some people, it is when they become drunk that I tumble out of their mouth. “One bottle of Eineken!”

For some others, it is when they are trying to impress their crush. I can even make them spoil their own names. “I, my name is Hadeola.” And just like that, true love is gone from them.

And you don’t think this is wicked?

No. Hide me too much and I’ll jump out to destroy everything you have worked for.

That’s all.


Check back every Friday by 9am for new stories in the Interview With… series. Read older interviews here.

Kunle Ologunro

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

March 24, 2021

Are you tired of running this rat race, just to end up earning peanuts? We feel you, and so we’ve created this guide specially for you, so you can ask your boss for a raise. Don’t forget us when you’re doing giveaway. 1. First of all, know that once you start, you can’t back out […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

June 18, 2021

People love us for various reasons. Take this quiz and we’ll tell you what your friends love most about you. Relationships can be hard, and sometimes you just need someone to give you a bit of advice. Ask Ozzy is our new advice column where you send Zikoko the relationship questions that have been bugging […]

June 17, 2021

While smart investing is a sure way to build and retain wealth, it can be a daunting prospect for beginners. In the same vein, it is a lot easier when you understand the various options in which you can invest and ultimately grow your wealth. Here are some options you can consider when taking the […]

June 17, 2021

The BBNaija Lockdown Reunion (2020’s edition of Big Brother Naija) show will air on the 17th of June 2021. Keeping with the tradition of the show, the reunion will be hosted by Ebuka Obi Uchendu and will feature some of the BBN: Lockdown housemates talking about memorable moments from their season while also hashing out […]

June 17, 2021

Union Bank has announced a nationwide campaign to give away 55 Million Naira to new and existing customers in its ‘Save & Win Palli’ promo. This is another way the Bank is offering Nigerians some relief (a.k.a. ‘palliative’) from the economic hardship brought on by the COVID-19 pandemic and other issues. During the promo period […]

Recommended Quizzes

November 7, 2019

These days, everyone is always talking about how much sex they’re getting, or how little sex they’re getting, or how disgusting sex is etc. There’s just so much talk about sex, it’s almost impossible to know who’s lying and who’s telling the truth. In anticipation of our new series about the sex lives of young […]

how much of an ajebutter
February 12, 2020

Are you an ajebutter or not? Well, if you’ve gone through life blissfully unaware of its harshness, then you probably are. Now, we want to know just how high you rank on that ajebutter scale, using your food preferences as a (very accurate) measure. Take to find out:

December 5, 2019

We already tried to guess how much you have in your account and your current net worth, and we think we did a pretty great job (keep any complaints to yourself). Now, we’re going to try and guess your monthly salary based on your relationship with money. Oya, take the quiz: 11 Timed Quizzes For […]

November 25, 2019

We already guessed how many people you’ve slept with, and y’all were out here denying the truth. Anyway, we won’t hold that against you. This time, however, we’ve created a quiz that predicts who you’ll sleep with next — so you can either prepare or try (unsuccessfully) to prevent it. So, take and see:

November 28, 2019

There are so many talented and stunning Nollywood actors that make it hard not to fall in love with them. So, while we all know the likelihood of us ending up with any of them is super low, it’s still fun to imagine a world where we actually stood a chance, and that’s why this […]

More from Inside Life

June 17, 2021

Femi*, 26, and Yemisi*, 25, have been dating for two years. Today on Love Life, they talk about helping each other grow and be better people and how the lockdown helped them transition into a long distance relationship. What’s your earliest memory of each other?  Yemisi: In November 2018, I asked people on my Twitter […]

June 16, 2021

Quotes about money- If you’re a Nigerian and you think about money a lot, this post will make you laugh a little. We scoured the internet for quotes about money that Nigerians can relate to. Enjoy, and try not to cry. 1. “I’m so poor, I can’t even pay attention.“- Ron Kittle This is a […]

Thick thigh problems
June 16, 2021

Thick thighs save lives started as a body-positive slogan, and while it has made people a lot more confident about their bodies, it’s not all rainbows. We’ve highlighted a few thick thigh struggles in this article. 1. Your jeans always get ripped You’ve long realized that you can never have a favourite pair of jeans […]

June 15, 2021

As a Nigerian, sometimes you need to remind yourself that you are in the best country in the world. 1) We have delicious suya and kilishi Regulate open grazing? No. Ban Twitter? Yes. Ban Cryptocurrency? Yes. Why? Because Suya and Kilishi >>>>> Technological advancement. It’s quite simple really. 2) “Over raw” best in world rankings […]

June 15, 2021

Adulting is a scam and anyone who’s above 18 can attest to that. We are all tired of the daily ghetto adulting is, which is why we’ve come up with very helpful tips on how to escape it: 1.Change the year on your date of birth. Are you really an adult if the government doesn’t […]

June 12, 2021

Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians. The subject of today’s Sex Life is a heterosexual 25-year-old man who became obsessed with penises when he realised his penis was small. He talks about how having a small penis affects his […]

June 11, 2021

Whether you’re new to the ZiGeng, or you’ve been rocking with Zikoko since forever, there are some pretty valid reasons why giving us all your money (it’s not as if we like money oh, but who are we to say no if you actually decide to go all in?) is worth considering. 1. We make […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X