How to Spot an Ex-Lagosian Living in Abuja

April 5, 2022

Lagosians leave Lagos and move to Abuja and won’t let anyone hear the last of it. They’re either telling the people they left in Lagos how Abuja is a far better option or trying so hard to convince those in Abuja that they’re one of them. They can try to deceive others but they can’t deceive us. We know how to spot ex-Lagosians living in Abuja from a thousand miles away. 

1. They’re always in a rush

You can take them away from the city, but you can’t take the city away from them. Even if you take Lagosians out of the country, that thing that always makes them rush won’t leave them alone. Always rushing from one place to the other. 

2. They take “wake up and jumpstart” very literally

Abuja people take time to prepare themselves for the day, unlike Lagosians. Lagosians wake up and start jumping all over the place. Zero time for self-care or meditation — or even to pause and catch their breaths. Even though they no longer have to plan their days or write to-do lists in stand-still traffic, the trauma response lives on with them. 

3. The sight of cocaine surprises them 

LOL. There’s sin in Lagos, but there’s a different kind of sin in Abuja. Lagos people will see cocaine and come and shout on Twitter.

RELATED: Interview With Cocaine: “Why Are Abuja People Ashamed of Me?

4. They’re always in awe of good roads 

Lagosians are so used to suffering in traffic that the sight of good roads and a good road network leaves them in absolute awe. They always act like kids in a candy store when cruising through  Abuja. 

5. They won’t shut up about leaving Lagos 😑

Ex-Lagosians are always ready to mention how they left Lagos for Abuja. Please, it’s ok, we’ve heard you. The God that did it for you will also do it for us. Abi what do you now want us to say? 

6. They let Abuja men ‘sleep over’ at their place. 

How else will you know that they’re Johnny Just Come if they don’t let Abuja “spend the night” at theirs? Let them experience an Abuja man waiting on that life-changing contract and learn themselves. Experience is always the best teacher. 

RELATED: 6 Jobs Abuja Men Do on the Side While Squatting With Their Babes

7. “At least we have beaches in Lagos”

This is for those ones who want to eat their cake and have it. They want to live in Abuja and experience Lagos. Oya go back to Lagos since you like the beach so much. “At least we have beaches in Lagos.” And so what? Go to Crushed Rock like the other people in Abuja are doing and let’s hear word, please. 

That’s all from us for now. 

ALSO READ: These Insane Tweets About Lagos Are Making Us Die of Laughter

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