How to Not Be a Bastard: 8 Ways to Make God Talk to You

September 1, 2022

Word reaching us over at Zikoko HQ is that people who don’t hear directly from God on a daily basis are bastards.  

Wow! Because we hear from Sky Daddy daily and don’t want you to miss out on your heavenly race, we’ve compiled some of the tried and trusted ways to get his attention. 

Use these tips and remain blessed. 

Rinse your mouth and ears with Goya anointing oil every morning

To receive the word, you need spiritual cleansing daily. Don’t brush with processed toothpaste, use anointing oil. As a matter of fact, cook with it too so that you can be purified from the inside out. 

Sacrifice your only son — son, not daughter

The instruction here is “only son”, so if you have more than one son, you’re automatically disqualified from this practice. Don’t even think of using your daughter because there’s a high chance heaven will respond with, “Aired DFKM.”

Do a collaboration with Tiwa Savage 

No one is making gospel music like Doctor Deaconess Tiwatope Savage right now. After winning souls for the kingdom with her smash gospel hit, Somebody’s Son, Tiwa is a heavenly fave. If you want God to notice you, hit up Tiwa for a one-on-one introduction. 

Become a shepherd

From Moses to David, God has shown he has a thing for shepherds. Quit that capitalistic 9–5 and become a shepherd If you want a spiritual encounter today. If all fails, try carpentry. Something must click last last. 

RECOMMENDED: 9 Things the Prayer of a Mother Can’t Save You From

Go on hunger strike until you hear from heaven

Food may be the way to a Nigerian man’s heart, but best believe it’s lack of food that’s the way to get heaven’s attention. Fast for 30 days and 30 nights without breaks for faster results. Something must show by the 30th day. 

Follow God on social media 

We all know the Bible had the OG social media influencers who travelled around the world for content creation, social engagement and followers (shoutout to Paul). If you want to be spoken to through mysterious voices or visions, you must follow God on socials for all the latest updates and gist about the Kingdom. 

Only wear white 

You can’t be seeking God’s face dressed like a child’s painting. Are you a clown? White is a sign of holiness, and it’s important that you look holy even if your insides are as black as burnt party jollof

Climb to the top of an actual mountain

Please, we’re referring to an actual mountain here, like Mount Everest or Kilimanjaro, not the small hiking Abuja people do every three to five days. It would be best if you also climbed this mountain unassisted because that shows dedication. God won’t ignore someone who climbed a mountain all on their own. 

ALSO READ: How to Do Money Ritual in a Way That Pleases God

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

October 9, 2019

Going on a road trip is an adventure that requires a lot of packing and planning; the road can be annoying, and you’re going to be far away from the comforts of your home — better to be safe than sorry. The Jollof Road team are currently touring West African countries, having the best time […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

November 12, 2019

Are you a single pringle, stuck in a complicated situationship or happily married to the love of your life? This quiz is here to guess your current relationship status, and as you know, Zikoko quizzes are incredibly accurate (don’t quote us). So, give a shot:

November 14, 2019

The fourth season of Big Brother Naija came to an end over a month ago, but the conversation surrounding the housemates is far from over. So, in a bid to keep the fire burning, we decided to create a quiz that tells you which famous member of the ‘Pepper Dem’ gang is your soulmate. Take […]

June 14, 2020

Have you ever been with someone so horrible that you swore to never date again? Yes? Well, do you know that one or more of your exes probably feels the same way about you? You never thought about that, huh? Thankfully, this quiz is here to let you know just how much of a hassle […]

February 26, 2020

Are you all set for marriage, or are you still figuring it out? Well, if you’re curious to know the answer, then this is the quiz for you. All you have to do is create your own ideal Nollywood wedding film, and we’ll tell you if you’re ready to say “I do”. Go ahead:

More from Inside Life

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

September 13, 2022
Vs The World is a Zikoko original video series that follows best friends Astor and Hassan as they take on the world.
August 23, 2022
Zikoko Ships is a Zikoko Original series where we invite two people who share a relationship to play the Zikoko card games
December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X