Word reaching us over at Zikoko HQ is that people who don’t hear directly from God on a daily basis are bastards.
Wow! Because we hear from Sky Daddy daily and don’t want you to miss out on your heavenly race, we’ve compiled some of the tried and trusted ways to get his attention.
Use these tips and remain blessed.
Rinse your mouth and ears with Goya anointing oil every morning
To receive the word, you need spiritual cleansing daily. Don’t brush with processed toothpaste, use anointing oil. As a matter of fact, cook with it too so that you can be purified from the inside out.
Sacrifice your only son — son, not daughter
The instruction here is “only son”, so if you have more than one son, you’re automatically disqualified from this practice. Don’t even think of using your daughter because there’s a high chance heaven will respond with, “Aired DFKM.”
Do a collaboration with Tiwa Savage
No one is making gospel music like Doctor Deaconess Tiwatope Savage right now. After winning souls for the kingdom with her smash gospel hit, Somebody’s Son, Tiwa is a heavenly fave. If you want God to notice you, hit up Tiwa for a one-on-one introduction.
Become a shepherd
From Moses to David, God has shown he has a thing for shepherds. Quit that capitalistic 9–5 and become a shepherd If you want a spiritual encounter today. If all fails, try carpentry. Something must click last last.
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Go on hunger strike until you hear from heaven
Food may be the way to a Nigerian man’s heart, but best believe it’s lack of food that’s the way to get heaven’s attention. Fast for 30 days and 30 nights without breaks for faster results. Something must show by the 30th day.
Follow God on social media
We all know the Bible had the OG social media influencers who travelled around the world for content creation, social engagement and followers (shoutout to Paul). If you want to be spoken to through mysterious voices or visions, you must follow God on socials for all the latest updates and gist about the Kingdom.
Only wear white
You can’t be seeking God’s face dressed like a child’s painting. Are you a clown? White is a sign of holiness, and it’s important that you look holy even if your insides are as black as burnt party jollof.
Climb to the top of an actual mountain
Please, we’re referring to an actual mountain here, like Mount Everest or Kilimanjaro, not the small hiking Abuja people do every three to five days. It would be best if you also climbed this mountain unassisted because that shows dedication. God won’t ignore someone who climbed a mountain all on their own.