If Bible Characters Had Side Hustles, What Would They Do?

March 3, 2021

First, we thought, if Nigerian musicians had side hustles, what would they do? Now, we’re asking, “if Bible characters had side hustles, what would they do?”

Here’s what we have:

1. Moses- Fitness trainer

You can’t go far in the book of Exodus without seeing that Oga Moses has climbed mountain again. He first led the people out of Egypt, then led them through the wilderness, then went up to get the ten commandments, then went up to beg God on behalf of the people. All this while, he was walking o. Too much energy. One time when they were fighting a war, he even stood on a mountain and raised his hands up just so the Israelites would win.

2. Mary- Surrogate mother

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After the Holy Spirit descended upon Mary and she gave birth to Jesus, she must have thought, “Ahnahn, if I did this for free, what is stopping me from cashing out?” That’s how surrogacy started.

3. Pharaoh- A Nigerian president

Pharaoh was a wicked and very stubborn man who spent all his time making life hard for the people. When they decided to revolt, he made life harder for them. In his reign, a shitload of terrible things happened to the people, the economy became bad, and a lot of people eventually had to japa. Who does Pharaoh remind you of?

4. Solomon- Ghostwriter

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Solomon is the guy people would pay to write love letters to their lovers to make them happy. The twist? He will go behind your back and go and sleep with your wife. He will use the same words he wrote in the letter to toast her. Ashawo.

5. Jonah- Jobless

Jonah is the type of guy that would sleep and forget that he had an interview. No interview, no work. Side hustle, none.

6. Judas- Whistleblower

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If this man can sell out Jesus Christ, our personal Lord and saviour, there’s nobody he cannot put in trouble. He’d probably move with criminals a lot, and then get arrested along with them, only to come out of jail two days later with a fat Ghana-Must-Go waiting in his garage. If only Hushpuppi knew.

7. Esther- Beauty pageant organiser

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Esther rose to fame and became the Queen because she technically won a beauty contest. She must have seen it as an avenue to cash out. A real queen.

8. Samson- Boxer

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What else would he use all those muscles to do?

9. Eve- Public speaker

She would be the owner of a women’s ministry that preaches submission and obedience for women in marriage. Her regular story would be how she has remained with Adam despite the tribulations they faced.

10. David- Gospel musician

Nathaniel Bassey who?


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