Who TF Thinks Elisha Abbo Deserves An Award?

July 31, 2019

Of all the things Musa has seen at the gate this July (and there are many), nothing has surprised him quite like the mess that is Elisha Abbo.

Abbo is a Nigerian lawmaker who believes it is normal behaviour to rock snapbacks in 2019. 

He represents Adamawa North and was well on his way to becoming one of Nigeria’s more forgettable lawmakers, collecting his eight-figure salary, chairing one million sub-committees and making the occasional appearance in Dino Melaye’s Instagram stories.

On July 2nd however, news of the senator’s scumminess broke out when he was caught on tape assaulting a woman multiple times in an Abuja sex-shop. 

You can hear him, obviously power (and perhaps other substances) drunk, demanding that the owner of the shop drop her phone, then needlessly get enraged that he is asked to calm down, before resorting to cowardly violence. 

At first, he attempted to explain his idiocy away in this interview, before thinking better of it and releasing the most half-assed attempt at an apology video I’ve ever seen. And I binge watch YouTube apology videos for fun. 

Who wants to bet there was a cue at that point in his real-life ‘apology script’, saying ‘cry here and make it look believable too’.

Also, is it just me, or does he sound like he reads by tracing a finger on each word on the page? Just me? Okay.

You would think, after being caught on video being a 5’4 phallus, and needing to release an apology video for his actions, he would simmer down and take whatever punishment the public and his peers at the Senate would dole out to him. We all must have forgotten we were dealing with a person dangerous enough to voluntarily rock snapbacks in 2019. Clearly he doesn’t give AF about any kind of human opinion, which must explain why only a week after, he was caught on video doing this:

So we have a snapback wearing, people-assaulting senator, given to throwing unnecessary tantrums, even in the face of disciplinary committees. It’s a no-brainer that he should be placed on a suspension at least, pending the time a decision would hopefully be reached to strip him of his senatorial post, and to prosecute his ass, seeing as he assaulted another citizen. A misdemeanor at the very least.

Someone, please explain to me then, why TF this man was seen smiling and recommending that Rauf Aregbesola be given a big ministry to handle during the ministerial screenings? Not for his track record as governor, but for the idiotic reason that Aregbesola was so gracious as to surrender the entirety of his salary to Abbo when he contested a local government chairman position, despite the vast majority of citizens in Osun State being owed salaries at the time.

iguodala confused

And while you’re thinking up that explanation, kindly clarify how any right-thinking human would gift a snapback wearing, people assaulting, tantrum-throwing, selfish ministerial recommendation giving senator, an award for being an Icon of Democracy?

Presenting this award was the Intercommunity Awareness for Change and Development Initiative, an initiative whose Facebook page has 96 followers, and whose last post was a profile picture update from 2015.  Absolutely nothing suspicious about that award here, nope.

Even worse, this man went on to act like he just won his first Grammy, giving the most nauseating acceptance speech of all time. 

Listen to him frame the assault as though it were something that happened to him, reducing the ugliness of his actions to a trending topic. 

And excuse you? The only young people looking up to your 5’4 frame, are pre-tweens still learning to walk. Here’s hoping they steer the clearest away from you. You are no role model and there is absolutely no strength to be drawn from your foolishness.

Please and please Nigerians, can we rally together so the next time we hear about this man, it’s about how prison food keeps giving him incessant diarrhea? Please?

Are you subscribed to our political newsletter Game of Votes? You should be subscribed to our political newsletter, Game of Votes. Here’s a link to subscribe if you’re not.

We tell you the most important things that happened in Nigeria, during the week, in a way that won’t bore you to death. Here’s a peek at last week’s dispatch. Don’t forget to share!

You'll like this

Boyin Plumptre

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

Watch

Now on Zikoko

July 3, 2020

The term “Feminist coven” is currently trending and like most twitter trends finding the origin is almost impossible, but nothing gets past us so we know where it all started. So if you’re wondering where it all came from, we have it pinned here; Following events after Seyitan accused D’banj of raping her 2 years […]

Recommended Quizzes

April 1, 2020

Everyone has a Nigerian bank that matches their personality. You could either be as likeable as GTB, as efficient as Access or as mature as First Bank. Either way, all you have to do is take this quiz and we’ll let you know with almost 100% certainty. So, go ahead:

January 2, 2020

Do you have even a single romantic bone in your body? Well, if you’re not sure about just how sweet and thoughtful you can be to someone you love, that’s what this quiz is here to answer.

November 30, 2019

With No Nut November FINALLY coming to an end, we’ve decided to mark the torturous month with some more horny content. After quizzes that guessed how many people you’ve slept with, how good you are in bed and who you’ll sleep with next, this one will guess when next you’ll get lucky. Take it to […]

October 14, 2019

Pete Edochie, Patience Ozokwor, Chinwetalu Agu, and Segun Arinze are some of the best villains Nollywood have gifted us. These actors mastered the art of playing the bad guys that it would be hella weird if they played anything else. Now, you might just be the one fit to fill their shoes and continue where […]

More from Citizen

July 1, 2020

My Bookclub recently read “So you’ve been publicly shamed” by Jon Ronson. The book talks about the history of public shaming and the re-emergence of public shaming due to Social media. Notably on Twitter. Here’s what some members had to say about the issue of public shaming. Read and share your thoughts with us. Anu/Female. […]

June 30, 2020

Ever since the lockdown eased up, there has been a relaxed atmosphere among Nigerians. Fewer people are wearing masks and there are “small parties” happening all over the country. Understandably, people are tired.  How worried would you feel if you avoided these parties, followed the necessary guidelines, and still got COVID-19? Today, Lisa and Tomiwa […]

June 18, 2020

“Where is Seyitan?” is the question everyone is currently asking on social media. In the past few weeks, cases of gender-based violence and rape have been on the rise in the news: Justice For Uwa, Tina and Barakat. This has encouraged more Nigerian women to tell their stories of sexual assault and name abusers online […]

May 31, 2020

You might think this is an easy quiz, but I dare you to share it in your (family) WhatsApp groups; what’s that thing they say? “Breeze blow, fowl yansh go open.” Consider this quiz the proverbial fowl yansh. Nigeria has had an interesting number of leaders since independence in 1960 – some were bad, some […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.
February 6, 2020
Who doesn't want to find love? In our bid to help, we paired up a bunch of single Nigerians, sending them on an all-expense paid date, and interviewing them before and after they met.
January 27, 2020
Nigerians Talk is what happened when a motley crew of young Nigerians were put in front of a camera and asked a bunch of apparently random questions about life, love, money and more.
September 24, 2019
A group of Zikoko staff go on a road trip to every mainland country in ECOWAS West Africa

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X