It takes a lot to be an adult, it takes even more to be an adult in Nigeria. Which is why for the life of me, I cannot understand how this adulting business was sold to us like some fantasy we actually should have been excited to engage in.
If we’re not paying bills, we’re fighting a losing war with our backs and hairlines. See, e don do, we would very much like to get off this old people’s bus and join our nieces in Pre-K.
In decrying the absolute injustice of this adulting life, here are the many ways, adulting has been a scam through and through in all of our lives:
Leaving all the other babies in the compound to join kindergarten
In your mind, you think this is a blessing. Little do you know problem just actually start.
Switching from pencils to pens in Primary 3
You think you’re a big boy, but really, this just means your mistakes are a little harder to erase. See how this adulting is a mind game? Good.
Jacking Ugo C Ugo overnight, so you won’t carry last in the common entrance examination.
This is like level 1 in the adulting scam scale. This seed of overnight has been sown inside you.
Entering secondary school and realising you were a village champion in your primary school
Who are all these geniuses? Why do I have to learn Intro tech?
Entering the first quarter finals of adulting and writing Senior WAEC
What’s funny is, you really think this WAEC is the most serious thing you’ll encounter in this life. Eiyah, cute.
Entering university and realising true, true, you’re an adult now
That’s when you make the decision to scam as much as you can from your parents for the last time. We see you petty thief!
Crossing into the jungle of the labour market and realising this is the absolute most disgusting ghetto
Where is the exit door? There’s none? What?
Graduating from labour market, to labour market with responsibilities
Paying rent, feeding yourself, paying black tax. It never ends.
Who else is tired of this auditing scam?