A Guide to Nigerian Relatives

August 29, 2019

Whether you have a relationship with them or not, Nigerian relatives are an unavoidable reality. That’s why we’ve drawn up this guide to help you navigate the different relationships you didn’t ask for.

Here’s the Zikoko guide to Nigerian relatives.

The Grandmother:

She just wants to hug you, feed you, and give you N1000 every time she sees you. Even if she’s taking it out of the wad of money your dad just gave her. She calls you every month and never misses a birthday. She complains that you never call her, but deep down you know you love her, and she loves you, even if it’s the tough kind of love.

The Evil Aunt

You can swear she’s a witch. You don’t know why nobody else sees it. The way she looks at you, complains about your weight, and casually asks with evil eyes, “When are you bringing our husband home?

Go and fix your own marriage first, Aunty Bimpe. Nonsense.

The Rich Uncle

He’ll say a joke like “They asked if I was all right and I said ‘no, I’m all left.’” and instead of everyone to pick up sticks and beat him, they’ll start laughing and rolling on the floor because they know when he’s leaving everyone is getting money to buy “coke”. 

The Cousin-Sibling

The real definition of a “brother from another mother”. You grew up together, so you know all the inside jokes and can gist effortlessly. Time and space might set you guys apart but you’re bros for life. 

The Family Friend

They’re not related to you by blood, but you can’t introduce them to other people as anything other than sister or brother. You don’t even know how your relationship started. It has something to do with both your parents being friends in university. You don’t care. They’re cool kids.

The Deadbeat Uncle

It’s not like nobody loves them, everyone is just tired of them. No matter how many interventions, they slip back into their habits of drunkenness and are constantly carrying gbese up and down. It might be a spiritual issue. Your grandmother is always praying for them.

The Ghost

Once it’s not necessary for them to be around, they’re gone and you won’t hear from them until there’s a marriage or a funeral. You don’t even know their children’s names. They’re usually really cool, but you don’t know a lot about them. You plan to be like them when you grow up. 

The Party Rocker

You wonder what her youth was like because even now that she’s 48, she’s still the life of the party. She is in every party planning committee, and she knows all the vendors. She’ll fight if something goes wrong at the party and always brings back more souvenirs than anyone else. You can be sure she’ll tell visitors food has finished halfway through the party so your mom can pack some food home. She’s your fun aunt. You can tell her anything.

Avatar

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

Watch

Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

how tall are you
March 11, 2020

Did your parents give you enough beans when you were growing up? If they did, then you’re probably around 6’0″ and above. Either way, we created a quiz that can guess your current height (pretty accurately, if we do say so ourselves). Take to see if we nailed it:

December 5, 2019

We already tried to guess how much you have in your account and your current net worth, and we think we did a pretty great job (keep any complaints to yourself). Now, we’re going to try and guess your monthly salary based on your relationship with money. Oya, take the quiz: 11 Timed Quizzes For […]

November 25, 2019

We already guessed how many people you’ve slept with, and y’all were out here denying the truth. Anyway, we won’t hold that against you. This time, however, we’ve created a quiz that predicts who you’ll sleep with next — so you can either prepare or try (unsuccessfully) to prevent it. So, take and see:

November 14, 2019

The fourth season of Big Brother Naija came to an end over a month ago, but the conversation surrounding the housemates is far from over. So, in a bid to keep the fire burning, we decided to create a quiz that tells you which famous member of the ‘Pepper Dem’ gang is your soulmate. Take […]

November 1, 2019

Twitter is buzzing right now, bringing a new conversation to the concept of cool vs not-so-cool, especially in relationships. If you’ve been thinking about how much of a red flag you are, why don’t you let this quiz help you decide once and for all?

November 19, 2019

Regardless of what society has tried to tell us, enjoying sex is not something to be ashamed of. So, in a bid to celebrate our generation’s sexual agency, we’ve created a quiz that will accurately (again, keep your complaints to yourself) infer how many people you’ve spelt with. Try it out: 11 Quizzes For The […]

More from Inside Life

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X