Nigeria is a very diverse country. The thing, however, is that we’re largely very similar people.
If you easily admit to any of the things on this list, go and ask your parents for your real passport. You’re not Nigerian.
1. Sleeping
I’ll never understand this one. You’re watching a movie with someone and they’re sleeping off. You say “Oh, are you sleeping?”, and their answer is always no. If you say you’re sleeping, will someone bring out a knife and stab you?
2. Sleeping well
Having a good night’s rest is a myth to Nigerians. Ask a Nigerian if they slept well and you’ll hear them say something like “I still need more sleep jare.” No, Folake, you’re well rested.
3. Having money
Nigerians swear that they’re broke. Nobody has money in this country. We’ve all heard it from our fathers; we heard it from every organisation that offered us N50k per month; we heard it from all our friends. It’s always “I don’t have money right now o. I’m broke”, and never, “Send your account number, let me spoil you.”
4. Planning to travel
The way Nigerians go about their traveling business, you would think someone just woke up and gave them a visa and paid for their tickets one day, and they had absolutely no idea that that was about to happen. Even if you catch them making plans, they’ll deny knowing anything about traveling with every fibre of their beings.
5. Being pregnant
This one might be because of evil relatives sha. You might announce that you’re pregnant and three months later, your village people start chasing you. May God protect us all.
6. Salary alerts
Dear Nigerians, we know it’s the end of the month and the reason you’ve just received a text message and smiled is that your salary has entered. So why are you always saying, “They’ve not paid me o”?
7. Being ready for an exam
Show me a Nigerian that casually admits to being ready for an exam and I’ll show you Buhari’s university degree.
8. The fact that they’re fasting
Please tell me, what is wrong with admitting that you’re fasting? Fasting o. As if fasting is a bad thing?
9. Sex
Nigerian’s act like they don’t know anything about sex until you read Zikoko’s Sex Life.
