7 Ways Movies Have Lied To Us About Sex

March 18, 2020

Movies have lied to us about many things. Some of these lies are harmless and lead to no problems whatsoever. However, there are some recurring ones that have been retold for decades, causing people to have unrealistic expectations for the act involved. I’m talking about movie lies about sex.

Let’s get into it.

1) The severe lack of foreplay.

Movie characters tend to go straight to penetration immediately after kissing each other for approximately thirty seconds, which is insane because doing that in real life will lead to so many tears in the receiving partner’s cavity that it’ll feel like an anime fight took place in there.

2) The girls keeping their bras on during sex.

16 Ways Hollywood Completely Lied To Us About Sex mgid ao image mtv jpg

I have spoken to multiple women who have said that their favourite moment of the day is when they get home and take off their bras. So tell me why women in movies have sex with their boobie cages still strapped and hooked.

3) There are never any awkward sounds.

Image result for queef

There is nothing more awkward than the sound of sweaty bodies slapping against each other during coitus. If you think that’s bad, there’s queefing. (An involuntary bodily function that occurs when air is pushed into the vagina, gets temporarily trapped in the folds of the vaginal canal and is then released.)

4) Simultaneous orgasms.

Simultaneous orgasms are about as common as two people syncing their bowel movements. It’s a well-known fact that men tend to orgasm faster than women. This is not to say that simultaneous orgasms are impossible, they just take a lot of practice (i.e really knowing your partner’s body and what they like).

5) Shower sex is portrayed as fun and exciting.

16 Ways Hollywood Completely Lied To Us About Sex 563e94eb8e1729a120b6c68cd6dabcc9 jpg

As opposed to what it really is, stressful and dangerous AF. Engage in this wildly overhyped act if you feel like slipping and splitting your head open on the side of a bathtub. The same goes for car sex.

6) Covering up afterwards.

Image result for covering up after sex in movies

Nothing cracks me up more than when movie characters (especially the women) finish rolling around and smashing genitals with a person and then proceed to cover up like the other person didn’t just see all their naked body parts jiggling during sex. Can someone scream FALSE MODESTY?!

7) Both parties falling asleep immediately after without bothering to clean up.

Image result for covering up after sex in movies

Because make no mistake, you will need to clean up. Real-life sex is messy as hell. Sheets sometimes need to be changed, condoms need to be disposed of, and showers need to be had to wash off the sweat and other bodily fluids.

Are there any other movie lies about sex that we left out? Add em in the comments. As we have your attention, click here to read an article about all the things that can go terribly wrong during sex.

What’s up, Zikoko Fam? It would mean the world to us if you spared a few minutes to fill this Reader Survey. It’s so we can bring you the content you really want!

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

January 10, 2020

Are you in an abusive relationship with your financial provider? – Do atrocities range from unwarranted debits to dubious card maintenance fees? does it also include sending N5.42k interest every month, to even just generally being unfortunate? – come along as we share the best tips on how to avoid rubbish. 2020 must obey. 1) […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

December 11, 2019

In the past month, we’ve made quizzes that guessed the last time you had sex, how many people you’ve slept with, and just how good you are in bed. For our latest attempt, we will use your taste in Nigerian music from the 2010s to ascertain what you’re like in bed. Take to find out:

June 14, 2020

Have you ever been with someone so horrible that you swore to never date again? Yes? Well, do you know that one or more of your exes probably feels the same way about you? You never thought about that, huh? Thankfully, this quiz is here to let you know just how much of a hassle […]

November 27, 2019

Do you have a face that could make angels jealous, or should you really be walking around with a nylon bag over your head so you don’t scare children? Well, this quiz is here to answer that by telling you exactly how good-looking you are. Take and find out: 11 Quizzes For People Who Aren’t […]

What are you like in a relationship?
February 7, 2020

Your taste in music can say a lot about you, and this time, it’s going to reveal what you are like in a relationship. So, pick a few of your favourite Nigerian love songs, and we’ll let you know if you’re typically a distant, passionate or unbothered partner. Here you go:

More from Inside Life

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X