5 Of The Most Common Sex Injuries

January 9, 2019

No one likes to think about sex injuries but the truth is they happen a lot. And I’m not even talking about the injuries that can arise from handcuffing your partner to the bed, clamping their nipples, and flogging them with a koboko as you both roleplay as village headmistress and barely literate adult school student. I’m talking about the ones that happen during simple vanilla sex.

 

Here are 5 of the most common ones.

1) Fractured Penis

The name for this one is just super dramatic, seeing as a penis can’t be fractured because it contains no bones. However, it can be bent real bad until the two tubes of blood that fill it during an erection rupture, causing swelling, bruising, and severe pain. If you’re a penis-haver, then you already know how this can happen and how much it’ll hurt. So please, aim carefully.

2) Vaginal Tears

This mostly happens as a consequence of engaging in coitus when the vagina is dry. So please dears, avoid this crazy painful situation by engaging in foreplay first. Or at least, have a bottle of lube (i.e. groundnut oil) on standby.

3) Back Pain

This goes out to all those people that love having sex like they’re Mr Fantastic playing a particularly violent game of Twister but have forgotten they don’t possess the flexibility required. Luckily, most back injuries gotten during sex can be treated with ice packs, constant massaging, or painkillers. But keep writhing during sex like an earthworm doused with salt and watch yourself snap something serious.

4) Head Trauma

This can happen anywhere. Hitting one’s head on the tiles after slipping in the shower, hitting one’s head on the headboard of the bed, accidentally shoving someone’s head through the windshield during car sex etc.

 

Kinda takes the term “mind-blowing sex” to a whole new level.

5) Rug Burns

For when y’all roll off the bed in the heat of the moment and end up on the rug but keep going at it without noticing that you’re both starting small fires with your knees. As with any burn, wash the affected area with cool water and antibacterial soap.

 

Also, refrain from wearing shorts or skirts that stop above the knee to avoid the embarrassment that’ll come with having to explain yourself.

Astor George

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