I’m Tired of Being Your Supportive Friend, I Want More

April 24, 2022

We’re bringing to you letters written by women to women they love, miss, cherish or just remember. To celebrate the support women continue to show each other, this is #ToHER.

From:  The woman who’d tired of playing the supportive friend

To: Christiana, the friend she wants back

Dear Christiana, 

We started out as acquaintances but ended up being as close as sisters. So thinking about how we grew distant still hurts. I’m writing this letter in the hopes that you’d read it and want to be friends again or at least try.

Before we met, I felt out of place in my class. I’d been trying to get into uni through diploma classes, but I ended up not getting the course I wanted. None of my old friends was in my new class and I didn’t know how to make new friends. It was easier sneaking in and out of every lecture, to say “hi” to my old friends. instead But all of that changed when I finally noticed you in class.

I still wonder how I’d never seen you until that day you rushed into class late. Maybe it was the huge tote bag you carried or the way you walked in. I instantly wanted to be friends but I didn’t know-how. So imagine my joy when I realised we had some mutual friends. I hung out with them more to get closer to you because I wanted you to notice me. I even started staying after lectures to feature in every conversation you were in. That’s how much I wanted our friendship. 

After a few weeks, we moved in the same circles. We laughed at the same jokes and yabbed lecturers too. It was great seeing that warm and friendly side of you. We’d never hung out without our group of friends, but I considered you my friend already. Close enough for me to call you Christy. I thought you felt that connection too until things changed three years later.

RELATED: 7 Nigerian Women Tell Us Their Pettiest Reasons For Ending A Friendship

That year came with pressure. We were in our final year and everyone wanted to graduate with good grades. It had a way of making people distant. But for us, the pressure only brought us closer. While other classmates struggled to get me to tutor them, I gave you unbridled access to me and my brain. I really did care about you. I’d text almost every day asking about your weak points and offering pictures of my notes and explanations. We were tight, Christy. What changed?

Beyond preparing for our final exams, I supported everything you did.  When you started your pastry business, I supported you like family. I told everyone about you, bought cakes from you when I could — I did everything. You talked about how grateful you were for my support. You felt I had your back and it brought us closer. So again Christy, what changed?

Immediately after our final exam, you became distant. I thought I’d done something wrong, but you wouldn’t text me back when I asked what the problem was. Then I’d see your Whatsapp stories with cakes and doughnuts while you left our chat unread. It hurt going from talking every day to barely texting each other. Actually, I couldn’t believe it happened. 

RELATED: 7 Nigerians Share Their Worst Friendship Breakup Stories

You see Christy, I was used to being rejected when I asked anyone to be my friend. You were the one person that didn’t turn me down. So understand when I say that the distance between us hurt. We read in several lecture halls, cracked jokes in between, cooked and shared food together. I was happy and you were all I talked about. Even my boyfriend was tired of hearing about Christy. Losing that bond between us didn’t make sense to me. 

Christiana, I’ll spare you the narration because I’m sure you remember the rest. If you ever read this, please know that I mourn the fact that our friendship ended. I don’t just want to comment “Well done” on every pastry you post. I want to be real friends again, not just “Mary, the supportive woman” to you.

But if nothing changes, know that I still think of you as my friend.



ALSO READ: 6 Nigerians On Losing Friendships After Marriage

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

Receiving Sex Education
April 15, 2021

Do you remember when you received sex education? Was it in school taught by your biology teacher or at home, your mum telling you to stay away from sex in the middle of the night? In this article, we asked seven Nigerian women to share their experience receiving sex education. Here’s what they had to […]

September 7, 2020

It was another self-care Saturday, and with that comes the necessary evil that is shaving. So, we made a list of some relatable shaving struggles 1) Finding the right angle To find the right angle to begin your shaving adventures, you start doing math in the shower. Asking yourself questions like, “if I raise my […]

What she said: Biwom
September 29, 2021

The subject of this week’s What She Said is Marytonette ‘Biwom’ Okudare, a 26-year-old singer & songwriter. She talks about growing up as a tomboy, failing at convincing her parents to support her music career & struggling with being taken seriously because of her style.


Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

November 22, 2019

It can be very stressful when you’re trying to find the love of your life, but you only keep meeting people that are exactly like your yeye ex. To help you be more aware of that problem, we’ve created a quiz that lets you know the kind of people you are attracting. Take it to […]

November 1, 2019

Twitter is buzzing right now, bringing a new conversation to the concept of cool vs not-so-cool, especially in relationships. If you’ve been thinking about how much of a red flag you are, why don’t you let this quiz help you decide once and for all?

January 2, 2020

Do you have even a single romantic bone in your body? Well, if you’re not sure about just how sweet and thoughtful you can be to someone you love, that’s what this quiz is here to answer. 11 Quizzes For Nigerians Who Are Ready To Marry  Are you ready to marry? Take these quizzes.

how much of an ajebutter
February 12, 2020

Are you an ajebutter or not? Well, if you’ve gone through life blissfully unaware of its harshness, then you probably are. Now, we want to know just how high you rank on that ajebutter scale, using your food preferences as a (very accurate) measure. Take to find out:

November 20, 2019

Last month, we thoughtfully made a quiz telling you guys exactly when you’ll marry, but some of you claimed that your spouse was nowhere to be found. Well, now we’ve created one that’ll tell you exactly who you’ll be dragging down that aisle. Take and start planning that wedding: 11 Quizzes For Nigerians Who Are […]

More from Her

May 11, 2022

Today’s subject on #Zikokowhatshesaid is @fehinlean, a 30-year-old Nigerian woman. She talks about her childhood love for motorcycles, why she waited until she was 28 to ride one and handling the stares when people realise she isn’t a man, on her biking trips across the country.


Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.