6 Nigerians On Losing Friendships After Marriage

January 19, 2021

The idea of lifelong friendships sounds nice, but it doesn’t always happen. Friends fall out or drift apart all the time for myriads of reasons. For some people, it happens because their friend got married and decided that they didn’t want to be friends anymore. This is a lot more common than you’d think, so we spoke to six people who have had this experience.

Emerald

We were childhood friends and kept in touch over the years. At some point, people thought we were twins. I was the chief bridesmaid at her wedding. That was also the day we stopped being friends, although I didn’t know it at the time. She blocked me on social media a few weeks after her wedding. Then she stopped picking my calls. 

We didn’t talk for months until I ran into her at her mum’s house. I noticed she was acting weird, as though she was afraid someone would see us together. But I needed answers too, so I kept drilling her. She eventually came clean and said her marriage is her topmost priority and I don’t fit in it. Apparently, her husband had told her to cut me off because I’m a “bitter feminist” who can’t keep a man. 

Ellina

I have a couple of friends who have pulled this move on me. They got married and decided that it was best for them if we stopped being friends. One said that it would be crazy to keep up with her unmarried friends because some of us are not good examples for her to follow. Another one was like her husband asked her to change her number. When I asked her if her husband did the same thing, she didn’t respond. I took that as a no.

I don’t even know why it bothers me so much. Some of my friends laugh at me for finding it weird. Every time, they go “you will understand when you’re married.” I don’t know what’s in it to understand. At some point, I thought something might be wrong with me. Now, it has made it hard for me to become close to a new friend. There’s no knowing what will happen in the future when they get married, and I’d really like to protect myself. 

Adiaha

We were such great friends in university. She graduated before I did, but we always found a way to be in touch. We had similar interests and getting married soon after uni wasn’t one of them. She wanted to be a fashion designer and had plans to go to a fashion school. But what happened? She finished NYSC and got married. That was the beginning of the end of our relationship. It took a week before she replied my congratulatory message. After that, she cut me off totally without a word. When I called her, she declined my calls. 

I guess I’m the wild, crazy, and adventurous friend and there was no space for me in her life once she got married. I don’t even feel bad about it. She’s not who I want in my life anymore.

Halimah

I met this guy through a mutual friend who tried to hook us up. At the time, I was interested in someone else, so I didn’t give it a chance. But we became friends. When he got married in 2019, he invited me to his wedding, but I declined the invitation. I wasn’t sure that it was a good idea to attend. Besides, northerners don’t take too kindly to girls who are friends with men. However, we remained in touch after the wedding.

One day, I missed a call from an unknown number. When I returned the call, a lady picked it up and told me that someone had probably used her phone to call me. I didn’t think too much about it until a few days later when I ran into our mutual friend. She told me the guy had called me and I didn’t pick. To cut it short, he’d used his wife’s phone to call me for some reason. His wife was the lady I had spoken to a few days back. 

I called him to get a sense of what was happening, but I found out that he had blocked my number. I sent him texts on Facebook too, and if he got them, he never replied. He pretty much ghosted me. I was upset by the whole situation. If he had told me that his wife wasn’t cool with us being friends, I would have been okay with it. But he just stopped talking to me. 

Tola

I had this friend I made in my third year at uni, and she blended in with my group of friends. We lived close to each other, and that made us somewhat close. I wouldn’t say we were best friends, but we were great. 

When she wanted to get married, she invited our group for the wedding. All seven of us. Three people made it to the wedding. Others, including myself, couldn’t — I had just left NYSC Camp and was sorting out my PPA. Three days after the wedding, she left the WhatsApp group chat. We added her back, but she left again. She changed her number too. None of us has spoken to her since that time. I think she was mad that most of us didn’t attend her wedding. At first, I dealt with my guilt for not attending. But after a while, it didn’t make sense anymore. So, I decided to let her go and move on. 

Uyo

This girl and I were close when we were in university. I mean, we shared everything and used to sleep in each other’s room. Well, she didn’t even tell me that she was getting married — I heard that from someone else. I called her, and she confirmed it. Then she went: “Ehn, Aso-Ebi is ₦15k if you want to come. ₦25k if you want the gele.”

Sha, I went to her wedding. I also sent her a goodwill message after the ceremony, and she didn’t bother to reply. When I heard that she had given birth, I sent her another congratulatory message. She didn’t reply that one too. It’s weird. Most people think I’m awesome, so it’s not like I’m bad vibes or anything. 

Recently, one of our mutual friends told me that she felt I was too erratic and that she had outgrown me. We move. 

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