The early birds.

You’ll always find them in front. Even if the service starts by 4am, they’ll be there. If they’re wearing a gele, then you’ll be unlucky to sit behind them because you’ll barely see the pastor due to the size of their gele. We stan their dedication.

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The latecomers.

These ones are the direct opposites. Even if the service is 10pm, they will still come late. And it’s not like they’re doing it intentionally. It’s just their nature. They usually pop in during the sermon and start dragging chairs in a way that you’ll have no choice but to notice their presence.

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The prayer warriors.

These ones will attack any and every prayer point. Sometimes, you will even be scared with how extra they are. But you’ll understand that the violent taketh it by force, and so you’ll leave them to settle their matter with Baba God.

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The fashionistas.

By their dressing, you shall know them. Never to be caught unfresh, not even in the house of the Lord. Sometimes they can come late, it means you get to see their outfits fully. After all, if they don’t give you, how will you take it?

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The dancers.

We live for this, to be honest. These people bring the latest dance styles, and the best entertainment. They don’t care what kind of song it is or what moment it is. When the music comes on, they just dance like David danced.

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The testifiers.

Testimony time? Appreciating time! These ones always have a reason to come forward every Sunday. It could be to thank God for the gift of life, for the salvation of their souls, for not allowing okada to jam them. Sometimes, they like to tell stories, like how the gist of the testimony began in 1987, way before the church started.

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The sleepers.

These ones wait for the sermon to begin and then doze off. It’s like a sleeping pill for them. One minute, they’re shouting Halleluyah, the next minute, they have placed their head on your shoulder and logged out.

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The chatters.

They literally chat all the time. While they’re waving one hand to God, the other is busy tapping their screen. It’s a wonder how they’re able to multitask.

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The good women group.

The mothers of mothers, hahaha. They always wait behind after service to discuss new things. God help you if your mother belongs to this group and you have to wait for her to finish the meeting.

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Which category do you fall into? Let us know in the comments section.


Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.