Here’s How The Nigerian Government Thought Up The Lockdown Ease

April 28, 2020

There are a few things I’ve never understood – how low-rise jeans ever became fashion statements, how Jim Iyke always wound up with an American accent regardless of what country he visited, how Elisha Abbo remains a senator, you get the picture.

Recently, a brand new entry has been scattering all of my brain – how the Nigerian government thinks easing a lockdown and imposing an 8PM – 6AM curfew will help in containing virus that isn’t even moderately close to being managed in Nigeria.

nigeria lockdown ease

I mean sure, the economy can’t survive a prolonged lockdown. And many Nigerians rely on daily jobs to survive, but in the grander scheme of things, Nigeria does not have the capacity to care for the cases that are sure to multiply with an eased lockdown. It just didn’t make sense.

Unless…

nigeria lockdown ease

It suddenly hit me, contrary to what you think, the Nigerian governemnt and regular Nigerians do not live within the same realities. In fact, after much thought, it occurred to me that while we’re thinking about multiplied numbers and the end of rocks as we know it, the Nigerian government is probably thinking about things in the following ways:

You might dispute this, but the Nigerian government is pretty sure the Coronavirus is nocturnal

lockdown ease Nigeria

That’s why the curfew is for 8PM – 6AM. After you’ll say your government doesn’t care about you.

You didn’t know this, but like our president, the coronavirus is notoriously shy

Those people that said the coronavirus doesn’t like heat, only got it a little wrong. According to the Nigerian government’s reasoning, light is it’s real nemesis

The virus is also very scared of packed bridges

nigeria ease lockdown

Or that’s what the government probably thinks. Although, whether 3rd mainland bridge and all the other bridges will be free by 8PM is anybody’s guess.

Who wants to bet? The special sub-committee appointed to handle covid-19 affairs probably made the virus pinky promise (wearing gloves of course) that Nigerians would be safe between 6 AM and 8 PM when they’re out.

nigeria lockdown ease

It would explain things if you think about it.

This lockdown ease is part of a grander government plan to get Nigerian families to spend more time together in the evenings.

nigeria lockdown ease

This government, always planning ahead.

How do you think the government came about this plan to ease the lockdown?

Boyin Plumptre

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