These days, going out to eat at a restaurant costs an arm and a leg. Small pasta and drinks with your friends, and you’re already hearing ₦30k. Let’s help you save money with this super tasty creamy pasta recipe.
Ingredients you need for 3 – 4 servings:
1 pack of pasta
2 sachets of tomato paste
Blended peppers
2 bulbs of onion: 1 to be blended with the pepper and the other to be sliced
Chicken breast
Sausages (optional)
Unsalted butter
Liquid milk
2-3 tablespoons of chilli pepper
2-3 tablespoons of Cameroon pepper
2-3 tablespoons of vegetable oil
1 tablespoon of curry powder
1 tablespoon of dried thyme
1 tablespoon of garlic powder
1 tablespoon of ginger powder
Salt and seasoning cubes
A small handful of chopped basil leaves (totally optional)
Preparation:
First things first, parboil your spaghetti for 10 minutes and set it aside. Try not to eat raw strands of spaghetti while you’re at it.
Boil your chicken breast with spices — salt, seasoning cubes, curry, garlic, ginger, thyme and peppers. Make sure it’s well seasoned so the taste can get inside the bits of chicken.
Steam your blended peppers and onions till the water in it is drier than those Instagram comedians’ skits.
While your pepper steams, make the cream. First, melt the butter in a saucepan and add your liquid milk. Mix in a food processor or blender until the cream gets thick and frothy. Set it aside.
Now that your peppers are steamed, add oil and fry with onions and tomato paste.
After a few minutes, add your sausages and chicken breasts to cook with the mix.
By now, you should’ve noticed the thickness of the sauce, but it’s about to be thicker, like cold akamu. Add the chicken stock and taste.
If you like what you taste, add your cream and stir. Taste and spice as the ancestors lead you.
After a few minutes, add your parboiled spaghetti and allow to cook. Body go tell you when e don done.
(source: recipe rebel)
Now, think twice before you go and spend thousands of naira in a restaurant without parking space because there’s creamy pasta at home.
Love Lifeis a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
Fiyin, 25, and Jide, 27, have been dating for three months. This week on Love Life, they talk about meeting through a mutual friend, the fight that made them stop talking for six months and the journey to finding each other again.
What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Jide: In June 2020, my friend, Bisola, said she had a sister she thought I’d get along with. They were part of a sisterhood of five friends who met each other in their first year of university and have been friends since. She shared the girl’s handle, so I went through her Twitter and found pictures from some hangout she’d had sometime before the lockdown. She looked really nice so I followed her.
Fiyin: Bisola already told me he’d text so it wasn’t a surprise when he did. He seemed very comfortable from the first text. It wasn’t awkward, and I didn’t have to do too much to carry the conversation because he always had something to say that I could respond to and build on. It was a relief for me.
Gist me. What did you two talk about that first day?
Fiyin: It was just getting-to-know-you topics. Family, school, age, life, etc.
Jide: We took a bunch of personality tests together. The funny thing was we kept getting very similar results even though our personalities seemed different. For example, I’m more social than she is. She has crazy social anxiety, so she hated calls, especially video calls. Those had to be scheduled ahead cos she had to mentally prepare.
Fiyin: Then, we saw each other for the first time.
Tell me about it
Fiyin: It was sometime in August 2021. We had planned to hang out the next day but I was on the island with my friends, so he came by on his way home from work to say hi.
Jide: I wanted to break the ice before our first date. I was really excited and was even counting down. I was also anxious as hell. I smoked and drank beforehand, to reduce my nerves. When I saw her, it was nice. She looked beautiful. We hugged and just kept talking like we had known each other for ages.
Fiyin: I was really nervous. Meeting people for the first time or even after a long while does that to me — I would rather just text — but this was good. We were both nervous so it made me a little comfortable. We were just smiling throughout; it was funny and a little awkward. But I wasn’t as nervous when we saw the next day. After that, we kept talking on the phone and saw each other a couple of times until December when we parted ways.
How so?
Fiyin: He had some habits I wasn’t comfortable with — smoking and drinking heavily. I told myself we weren’t dating so they shouldn’t bother me, but as we got closer, I realised I couldn’t be with him if he didn’t give them up. This kept weighing on me until the last week of December when I decided to tell him. By then, we had been talking for six months.
I called him one night, and after the usual pleasantries, I brought up the issue. He didn’t say anything for about three minutes. When I realised he wasn’t going to talk at all, I ended the call.
Jide: I know she had a right to her opinion about my smoking and drinking, but it hurt and felt like rejection. I’d been very open about how I lived my life with her, so it was weird that it came up after six months. I did what I do best — I clammed up and literally curled into a ball. Was it a good response? Maybe not.
Fiyin: I woke up the next day expecting a text in response to what I said, but there was none.
So I just assumed that was the end of whatever we were doing.
Oh wow. How did you two end up on Zikoko’s Love Life?
Fiyin: After the first three months went by, I reached out to him to say hi.
Jide: I asked her why she didn’t tell me how she felt earlier. She told me she thought she’d be comfortable with it over time, but she wasn’t so she decided to tell me before we went further with what we were doing.
Fiyin: I apologised and said I was no longer upset, but I was lying. I was particularly upset he didn’t apologise for ghosting me after such a serious conversation, so I kept my distance again. I muted his account, but sometimes, I’d miss him and send a message I’d immediately regret. He’d reply, but he wasn’t saying what I wanted to hear, so after a while I stopped texting him. That’s when he started reaching out.
Jide: One day, I sent a text on WhatsApp, asking how she was, and this babe asked me what happened. I said I was just checking up on a friend and she said we weren’t friends.
Fiyin: I also told him why we couldn’t be friends just yet. Ghosting is one of the worst things anyone I care about can do to me. It took a lot of effort to discuss those things with him, and he didn’t even give me any response. It was really crazy for me to have talked to him consistently for six months, and then, stopped abruptly. It took a while to get over it. He still didn’t apologise, but it felt good to tell him off.
Jide: I wished her well and didn’t talk to her again until her birthday. I wished her a good one and she did the same when it was my turn.
Fiyin: I felt like it was the least I could do, but I’d also started to feel less animosity towards him. In January 2022, we bumped into each other at South, a bar in Lagos.
Jide: I was so nervous about seeing her that I drank two small bottles of bitters and two cups of their famous long Island just for good measure. I ended up going to meet Bisola a few times to shout, “it’s not fair”, in her ear because it seemed like I was the only one having a hard time.
Fiyin: After that day at South, Bisola asked me to give him another chance, so I told her she could tell him to reach out to me if he wanted.
Jide: I set up a call, and we talked about everything that happened between us. I got the clarity I needed, which helped our relationship. We resumed chatting every day after that conversation. Around that time, I had a job fair and it turned out she was volunteering there so we decided we’d go to the beach after the whole thing.
Fiyin: And then, he came late to pick me up. Man, I was mad. I didn’t want to go again, but I went with him to get food.
Jide: I just kept saying sorry. After we got food, we stayed in the car and talked a bit. It was pretty nice because I eventually got over my nervousness, turned on the charm and she was smiling again. We were talking when I noticed she was wearing merch of an anime show I was watching. I asked her for it, and she agreed to give it to me. While she was taking it off, we got so close. She held me and whispered in my ear, “This doesn’t mean anything,” and kissed me.
Wawu
Fiyin: It turned out to be quite the make out sesion. He followed me to me here I was staying at the time and we spent some time together, just talking about everything.
Jide: I left the house at about 4 a.m. with the biggest smile on my face. That night rekindled what we had. We continued talking and making out time to see each other every so often. In April, I asked her to be my girlfriend. I was waiting for the perfect moment, but when I saw her, I realised there was no such thing. I told her this and asked her to date me.
Fiyin: I said yes and here we are…
It’s about time. How has the relationship been so far?
Fiyin: It’s been just three months, but it feels like we’ve been together for longer. We talk every single day and we see as often as we can. I usually feel like I can’t say how I feel because I’m not sure how people would react. But I don’t feel that way with him. No matter what the issue is, I’m comfortable enough to express myself without overthinking it. It’s a safe space for me, and to be honest, it took a lot of intentional work between us.
We try to make sure the other person feels comfortable when expressing how they feel, even when it feels like an attack. We also try to communicate in a way that isn’t antagonising. He cares about me and my growth, especially in my career, and he shows it as often as he can. I love that he’s friends with most of my closest friends — it makes my life much easier. He tries to make life easier for me however he can. It’s been great really.
Jide: I agree. The relationship we’re building now is worth the separation however painful it was. It feels like both of us grew during our time apart and the growth helped with shape our lives today. This is the first time anybody has ever made me feel like a good boyfriend. Alpha male vibes are good and all, but I’d rather be vulnerable with my person. I struggled so much with my mental health in the past, so it’s such a good feeling when you’re safe. Fiyin makes me feel safe. I’m in awe of how much she cares about me, and I want to keep being a good partner to her.
Another thing is we have amazing chemistry, right from the talking stage. We’re so attracted to each other, but the friendship we’ve built is what makes it worth it.
Sweet! Do you two fight?
Fiyin: We haven’t had any serious fight yet. Just minor disagreements and we usually end up seeing the other person’s point or we just agree to disagree. The only significant disagreement we’ve had was about relocation. We both want to, but at different times. We always have very serious conversations about it, and it’s quite stressful to think about. But we’re currently trying to find a way around it. The good thing is we never end the day on bad terms, especially him. I’m always ready to go to bed annoyed, but he doesn’t allow it.
Jide: I grew up with anger issues, and I’ve had to do a lot of work on it. I also have hypertension, so I know it’s not worth holding back on things that can be cleared up with a conversation.
Nice! I’m curious about what attracts you to each other?
Jide: Apart from the fact that she’s really cute, she’s also very smart. Yesterday, I met her uncle and he spent about five minutes talking about how smart my girl is and praying that I’ll be smart enough for her.
Fiyin: For me, it’s his smile. There’s a way he smiles up to his eyes that gets me going. I like how nice he is, not just to me, but also to my friends, and even to random people. He is super empathetic. There’s a way he gets upset over other people’s suffering that I adore. I used to think I was empathetic, but he is way above me. It’s amusing sometimes, but I really love that about him.
Rate this relationship on a scale of 1 – 10
Fiyin: I’d rate it a 10 based on the quality of our communication and how intentional we are about the relationship. There’s always room for improvement, but it’s still a 10 for me.
Jide: It’s a 10 for me as well. What we have is something special. It has weathered many storms and keeps gathering steam. There are highs and lows with every relationship, but I’d like to say we’re doing pretty great. We care about each other, and that makes all the difference.
Check back every Thursday by 9 AM for new Love Life stories here. The stories will also be a part of the Ships newsletter, so sign up here.
If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill this form.
It’s easy to summarise the BDSM community into two parts — dominants and submissives. But what if we told you there are more identities in the community than you know? In this article, we examine eight identities in the BDSM community.
Dom
Or Dominants, as they are called are people who enjoy exerting control on their partners. It could be limited to sexual activities or beyond them. Activities used could include forced orgasms, ruined orgasms, or orgasm denial among others. A dom guides and dictates the experience for all parties involved.
Or submissive, as the name implies is someone who enjoys sexual pleasure by serving their partners. A sub may like activities where they’re disciplined, punished, spanked or otherwise dominated by their partner. Where the dom guides the experience, the sub enjoys it as dictated by the dom.
Little
Littles are a type of submissive that use age play in their role play. Littles enjoy playing the role of a younger person who has to be cared for by their partner, usually a daddy dom. The key difference between littles and submissives is the age play involved. It’s also important to note that age play in BDSM is strictly between two consenting adults.
Master
Masters are dominants that exert ultimate control over their submissives. They’re responsible for taking care of their submissives’ needs and also for protecting them. Masters could also be mistresses depending on what they prefer to be called.
A slave is a submissive that gives total submission to a dominant. A slave is seen as the master’s property and the master can do as they please with the slave. This power exchange relationship is often criticised because of the historical implications of slavery.
Switch
A switch is a person who oscillates between dominant and submissive roles in the world of BDSM. They can decide to be a sub with one partner and a dom with another partner depending on their mood, circumstances and the vibe between the partners.
Brat
A brat is a type of submissive who enjoys being mischievous or disobedient to their partner to get their attention. They could laugh in their partner’s face or deliberately ignore them until they’re getting the kind of attention they desire. Sometimes being a brat can include punishment but it’s important to note that this dynamic involves consenting individuals who understand what’s happening.
Princess
A princess is a type of submissive that wants to be adored, worshipped and pampered in exchange for their submission. For princesses, they’ll only do what they’re told, after they’ve been shown the amount of care they want.
Love Lifeis a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
Imeh, 25, and Damola, 26, have been dating for two years. This week on Love Life, they talk about meeting on a dating app, spending over a year in a long-distance relationship before moving in together.
What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Damola: In 2020, we met on a dating app for lesbians called HER. I was excited to find a lesbian from Nigeria, a unicorn to me at the time. Once we connected, we started talking nonstop.
Imeh: I was supposed to be studying. In fact, I was sitting in the library, swiping through the app, when I came across your profile. Then, I just sat there texting Damola. She lived in Orlando and I lived in Saint Louis, but it didn’t matter at the time.
Damola: Until we stopped talking. I ghosted after a while because I wasn’t in the right place for a relationship. I was still hurt from being dumped by my ex, and I felt like I couldn’t put my shit on a girl in med school.
As months passed, I regained my confidence and began to develop my mental health. But I was too ashamed to reach out to her. I didn’t even know what to say.
How did you two reconnect?
Imeh: In 2021, I finally reached out to her. I wanted to see how she was doing with COVID and everything. I sent her a text message and hoped she’d reply.
Damola: When I got her text, I was surprised. I almost crashed my car. One of her messages was something along the lines of “How is your mental health?” I’d never felt more seen than in that moment and I will forever be grateful for it. I responded to her and it was so easy to get back to talking every minute.
What did you two talk about?
Imeh: Any and everything.
Damola: For one, I told her how much I’d worked on myself since my previous relationships. I wanted to be with someone who understood that I didn’t want to come out to my family.
Imeh: Yeah. We used our talking stage to understand each other on a deeper level and that gave our relationship a solid foundation.
How did the relationship start?
Imeh: I asked her on a date to get drinks. She said no one had offered to buy her a drink before, and I told her we’d go out after the pandemic.
Damola: We started dating when you came to Orlando. I was supposed to go to Saint Louis but we changed plans because of work.
Seeing Imeh for the first time was amazing. We waited at Papa John’s around midnight to get pizza. Imeh’s hand brushed over mine, and I felt electricity rush through my body. In fact, that week was incredible.
Imeh: It was supposed to be three days, but the weather was horrible — it had snowed to about ten inches off the ground. I couldn’t travel so I postponed my trip. First of all, it was really sweet that Damola brought me flowers at the airport.
Damola: I thought it’d be awkward to meet her after only ever talking online, but Imeh and I clicked immediately. I felt so comfortable in her home, like she’d been living with me forever.
Imeh: It was like a vacation. We stayed in your apartment, talking and watching movies.
Then, we went to the lake and got on a swan boat ride even though I was terrified as hell because Damola can’t swim. We did a bunch of other things together, and by the time it ended, we were a couple.
Nice! What’s the relationship like so far?
Imeh: Initially, it was difficult because we were a long-distance couple. Damola was shuffling between Orlando and Saint Louis every other week and that was expensive. I later gained admission into medical school and moved to Wisconsin. She was in my apartment all the time but I didn’t like the amount of money she had to spend to see me.
Damola: Since I was planning to do my master’s. I got admission to a school in Wisconsin, and we were like, why don’t we just move in together? I moved in with Imeh after one year of dating.
What’s that been like?
Imeh: So far, it’s been great. I think the biggest thing for us is transparency and talking about our emotions. It’s been difficult for me because I’d never been this vulnerable in a relationship before. But it helps us communicate with each other better.
Damola: Moving to Wisconsin was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Before then, I was always worried about how she was coping with medical school while I was away. And as Imeh said, we’re both learning to communicate emotions. I don’t like stressing her so if I can do it on my own, I just do it.
If Imeh is uncomfortable with something I’ve done, she tells me and vice versa. We don’t do the whole “don’t go to sleep angry” thing because we don’t even wait till that point. We try to deal with it as soon as it arises, and that’s good for us. I would say that our communication is top-notch.
Imeh: I agree. I appreciate how we can both handle things like mature adults.
Damola: I had to work on that and my mental health. I wanted to do better in this relationship than my last one.
Sweet! I’m curious about your biggest fight. What was it about?
Damola: My conspiracy theories. I don’t believe them but I love them. Recently, I went on Twitter and some people were talking COVID theories. I was so fascinated by it I went to tell Imeh.
Imeh: Being a medical student, I was like, “how is she reading this on Twitter? There’s research that proves the theory is impossible.” I didn’t understand how you could ever think that way. That’s how an argument ended up happening. We went back and forth for a while.
Damola: I was like, “I know you’re smart but I’m a Yoruba woman — I don’t want your research papers right now. I want you to confirm my conspiracy theories or not.” I was seeking comfort and Imeh was using logic to approach the situation. Things got heated up but eventually fizzled out and we talked at length about it.
What attracts you both to each other?
Imeh: Damola is extremely charismatic. She can talk to anyone anywhere and make friends with them. My friends love her more than me because of this.
Damola: For me, it’s her intelligence. Imeh is wicked smart, and I’m so attracted to that. She grounds us and that’s an amazing trait. She’s also very beautiful.
Aww. Rate this relationship on a scale of one to ten
Damola: 9.9 and that’s because Imeh always makes me wear a seatbelt in the back seat. Other than that, our relationship is perfect.
Imeh: LOL. I won’t back down about safety. For me, Damola is definitely my soul mate. We bring out the best version of ourselves when we’re together. So I give us a solid 10.
Check back every Thursday by 9 AM for new Love Life stories here. The stories will also be a part of the Ships newsletter, so sign up here.
If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill this form.
Though polyamory is getting more visibility in recent times, people still ask questions like, “Isn’t that just cheating?” Here, we dismantle six myths about polyamory you’ve probably heard before.
“You just want to have sex with multiple partners”
Well, yes but also, no because polyamory is not just about creating sexual connections. Many asexual people are polyamorous and only create and manage emotional and romantic connections in their lives. And even if a polyamorous person is only looking for sexual connections, it’s their business to mind, not yours.
Polyamory is a type of ethical non-monogamy. The word “ethical” is important here because it requires the awareness and consent of all parties involved. If your partner doesn’t know you are seeing other people, you’re definitely cheating.
“Polyamorous people are just spreading diseases”
Sex with multiple partners without protection spreads infections whether it involves polyamorous people or not. However, according to a 2012 study that was published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, polyamorous people are more likely to practice safe sex than monogamous people.
“Polyamorous people only have threesomes, moresomes and orgies
This is such a wild idea because polyamorous people are really just regular people looking for love and affection like everyone else. So what if some people have threesomes, moresomes and orgies? It doesn’t change the presence of polyamorous people who don’t and definitely doesn’t affect you in any way.
Polyamory is different for different folks, depending on their abilities, capacities and preferences. Some people are able to maintain full triad relationships or kitchen-style polyamorous relationships (where everyone knows each other and is okay) while others simply can’t — and that’s okay too. The key point of polyamorous relationships is being able to hold affectionate relationships with more than one person. What matters is that everyone involved is aware and consents to be a part of it. The rest is up to you.
Absence of jealousy
Everybody experiences jealousy, whether in monogamous or polyamorous relationships — even within and out of a relationship. So, jealousy in polyamorous relationships is just as normal. It’s up to the person to communicate their feelings to their partners and do the work necessary to resolve it so it doesn’t fester and grow into bigger issues.
“You’re afraid of commitment”
Polyamorous people maintain multiple relationships with different people in different capacities. How then are they afraid of commitment?
My mother and I had not seen each other for three years. Apart from COVID happening, I had school and work. But in June [2022], she had a program in my city and used the opportunity to visit my new apartment. As a Nigerian mum, she had a lot of things to say. Here’s a list of the ones I wish I had better responses for.
“Wear a bra”
No! Just no. Why? Because it hurts my chest and makes me feel extra bloated. Contrary to your opinion, a woman’s dignity is not in her ability to “package” her breasts well. I’m simply not interested in anyone who is too fixated on whether or not I’m wearing a bra. In my world, that’s a red flag.
LMAO. This one is hilarious because all those years of close-marking me to make sure I avoided boy are finally proving themselves useful and you are shocked? Come off it, ma.
“Don’t pierce or tattoo your body again”
No be you go tell me wetin I go do. I know you gave birth to me but the body still belongs to me and I can do with it as I see fit. I know you’ll ask what if I regret it, but the answer remains that the body is still mine. If I regret my decisions, I have myself to blame. Don’t stress.
But they are and I’m not interested in dating them or any man but the real reason for that is a story for another day.
“What do you mean you won’t get married?”
I said what I said and I meant what I said. I’m not interested in following society’s script of a virtuous woman. That includes getting married and having kids. These are tedious roles for someone that doesn’t even want to be alive in the first place.
“Don’t say you won’t have kids”
Please see the point above for one reason I’m not having kids. For the second reason, kids are too volatile for me. They require patience, love and attention. These are resources I’m not equipped to provide at any given chance. I’d rather not have kids than to raise a scarred individual deprived of foundational care, who then goes on to be an emotional menace to all that encounter them. No, thank you. I’m good.
I wish we were more aligned on our choices but there’s plenty of stuff we agree on. For example, how good my cooking is or how we both love small pieces of meat. I love you and we don’t have to always be in agreement for my love to be valid.
When women refuse to follow society’s script of a virtuous woman, all hell breaks loose. We receive a range of reactions — from parents weeping to random people’s comments — and we’re sick of it.
Here’s a list of things you shouldn’t say to women who don’t want kids.
“You will regret it”
What if I don’t? What if, by some wild chance, I’m actually really happy I made the decision to not have kids. What happens then?
“Who will take care of you?”
When people ask this, I wonder if it’s the only reason they want kids. If yes, what happened to family members or friends or even healthcare workers?
“What if your husband wants kids?”
Women who don’t want kids won’t marry men who want kids. If either of them change their minds, they might have to part ways. Kids aren’t something to compromise on.
“What do women really want?” is a question people have asked for ages. We’ve done the research, and here’s what Nigerian women have to say:
Silence
Believe it or not, women just want peace of mind. After work, after listening to our partners lie to us and our parents tell us what to do, we actually just want some peace and quiet.
Multiple sources of free money
We don’t just want free money, we want free money from multiple sources. From our mouths to God’s ears.
Is this too much to ask for? The people with fat bank accounts, do they have two heads? Everyone who’s supposed to be involved in making this happen needs to fix up.
No men trouble
From fathers and brothers to partners and random men on the street, we really just want ease, guys.
To be naked
We love being naked. Any chance we get to take our clothes off for comfort, we take it. Whether it’s taking off our wigs or bras, it has the same effect.
We want to wake up to a note that says, “Baby, here’s a ticket to Dubai, and some money to shop while you’re at it.” We know it’s not difficult to achieve.
No periods
Without pregnancy. Even if we have periods, why must it come with symptoms like cramps, acne, bloating and diarrhea? If there was a world without all of this, we’d take it.
Free clothes
A wardrobe full of clothes we didn’t pay for would totally bang, especially in this economy. The way we’d strut? Out of this world.
Love Lifeis a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
Davina, 28, and Hamza, 28, dated for a year before they got married. This week on Love Life, they talk about dating for three months, dating again three years later and eventually getting married.
What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Hamza: In 2005, we attended the same secondary school for one term. I joined in JS1 and left that same year.
Davina: I remember him running out of the dining hall with glasses on one day. And in my head, I was like, “Where are you running to?”
Hamza: I don’t remember that day, but I remember you were a popular kid who loved music and dancing.
Did you two talk to each other?
Hamza: No, we never did until 2009 when I found her on Twitter. I don’t remember a lot of our conversations during that time, but I know I invited her to my prom.
Davina: I couldn’t go because it was the same day as my prom. Plus, I had a boyfriend at the time.
Hamza: Aha! Now the truth is coming out.
LOL. When did you people start talking proper?
Davina: After I came back to the UK for my master’s in 2017, my friend — who was also his friend from our secondary school — invited me to her house. She was like, “By the way, Hamza is going to be there.”
When I saw him, I thought he grew up nicely. He was skinny in secondary, but now, he was looking all buff and sweet.
Hamza: She looked really nice too. We had a good time at our friend’s house and when she was about to leave, I told her to make sure she comes back.
Davina: I did and we dated for like three months.
Hol’ up. How did that happen?
Davina: So I came back to my friend’s place a few days later, and he was there too. This time, he gave me more attention. We watched a movie, and at the end of it, we kissed.
Hamza: It felt really nice, and I started to move to her. We exchanged numbers and got talking. I asked her out a few days later, and she said yes.
Davina: Hamza was very romantic and all, but I was still hung up on my ex in Lagos. Plus, I’d been used to long-distance relationships and being in such close proximity with him was hard for me. So I broke up with him after three months. I was being stupid.
Hamza: I don’t think it was stupid. I just think you weren’t ready.
Davina: Yeah, I wasn’t ready, and I felt like I needed to be honest about it. Part of me wanted to keep trying, but I just wasn’t there for it. He didn’t deserve a half-arsed relationship and I told him that.
How did you take it?
Hamza: I was really hurt but I’m happy she was honest with me. I moved on with my life and had other relationships. 2020 was particularly interesting for me. I was settling into adulthood proper. I’d let go of a lot of things and people to heal and just go through my emotions. I’d also been through therapy and was feeling good about myself. Only for this babe to call me one random day in September 2020, three years later. I was playing video games that day, and I remember being very confused. I picked up because I wanted to know if she was okay.
Davina: I just wanted to say hi to him. I had just come out of a relationship.
At that point, I prayed to God. I said to Him, I don’t want to get married, but if it’s what He wants for me, He should show me the person I should marry and help me pursue him. A few days later, Hamza’s name began to sit in my spirit. I’d wake up at 4 a.m. to pray and Hamza would be on my mind, so I decided to call him. I thought there was no animosity so why not reach out? I even talked to one of my closest friends about him, and she said I could shoot my shot if I wanted to.
Did you want to?
Davina: Yes, I did, but I also knew I was the one who broke us up in the first place, so I had to be gentle and patient with him. I asked him to hang out with me.
While we were together, I’d give him compliments. Tell him I like his hair or his fit. This boy still didn’t figure out that I was moving to him until December. I even invited him over to my house and cooked for him. Me that I’m protective of my space.
Hamza: LOL. After I left your house that night, my best friend called me. I told her I just left your house, and she said, “Are you sure that babe doesn’t like you?” I asked her if people can’t just be friends? I even got upset about it.
Davina: That’s how clueless he was…until I kissed him.
Ou. How did that happen?
Hamza: She invited me over to eat.
Davina: I made this boy food again. I’m mostly vegan, but I made him a suya mushroom thing, fried yam and fried plantain with palm oil pepper sauce. I also got him Maltina. For context, I live in a white-dominated area so it’s hard to find Nigerian things, but I went to look for Maltina for him.
Hamza, and you still didn’t know?
Hamza: LOL. No idea. I got to her place and there was food. So much to eat in so little time. After eating the food, and drinking the Maltina and wine, I couldn’t move. I even told her I have to introduce her to my other friends so we can all be friends. I ended up sleeping on her couch.
Davina: That was my plan — to make him so comfortable, he wouldn’t be able to find a reason to leave my house.
Hamza: The next morning, we kissed, and I left the house confused. When I got in my car, I called my best friend to tell her we just kissed and she’s like, “Ehen, I knew it.” We texted a lot that day. And I wasn’t doing anything that night so I decided to go back to her house.
Davina: Please, I’m not a freak, but I told him if he comes back, I’m not letting him go.
Hamza, it was obvious by now, right?
Hamza: Yes, but I needed to know what we were doing with each other. I didn’t want us to be friends who kiss every now and then. So that night, we talked about the possibility of dating. I knew not to get myself into situations I couldn’t control by not defining them. We didn’t become a couple that night, but I knew we were getting there.
Davina: In my head, he was already my boyfriend sha.
Hamza: It became official for me in January.
Tell me about that
Hamza: We were spending a lot of time together, and I liked it. In December, I went away with my friends for the holidays. I missed her so much during that time. When I came back, my housemate tested positive for COVID, so we had to isolate for 14 days. Gosh, it was hard not seeing Davina for that long.
One day, we were talking and the conversation of “boyfriend and girlfriend” came up because, as usual, Davina had an agenda.
Shesaid, “I want to know what I should call you when I’m talking to my friends.”
A smart queen…
Hamza: LOL. The thing is I wanted to ask her out in person, and I told her that. She said it didn’t matter so I asked her to be my girlfriend, and she said yes.
What was the relationship like the second time around?
Hamza: Initially, it was scary. Here’s a girl I had chased twice, and now, we were in a relationship. However, like I’ve said, Davina is great company, and at the foundation of our partnership, we had a friendship. This allowed us to navigate seemingly difficult situations because we liked one another, and on top of that, we love each other very much. Without even thinking too much about it, I knew I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life.
Davina: For me, this is the first relationship I’ve been in that’s taught me so much about myself. I’ve learnt to be more patient with people and with myself. I’m more self-reflective. I’ve also learnt to love in languages that are not my primary love language. For context, my primary love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation while Hamza’s are acts of service and quality time.
Also, this is the first relationship in which I know my partner would do anything for me. Not just because he says it, but he actually makes an effort to. I love that he is always there for me, ever supportive and ever loving. I wouldn’t trade us for anything in this world.
Sweet, do you two fight? Tell me about your biggest fight
Hamza: Davina and I hardly ever fight. We’ve had just two big fights in the course of our relationship. I’ll tell you about the last one. She had an issue with me that questioned my commitment to her.
Davina: I was struggling to understand the nature of one of Hamza’s friendships. I had been cheated on before in previous relationships so my guard was up. I confronted him about it in a raw and immature way. The approach didn’t hurt him as much as the fact that I was questioning his commitment to me.
Hamza: I was annoyed because I had spent months before that day planning my proposal.
It wasn’t even a fight where we raised our voices at each other. Our sentences were pointed and abrupt. The silence in between was the most deafening sound so I decided to take a stroll to clear my head. As I walked, I prayed because I’d already planned to propose to her the next day. In this situation, I needed guidance from God. I didn’t take my phone because I didn’t need any external influence on my decision. I didn’t know how much time passed, but I got the confirmation I needed that Davina was the one so I went back to her place.
Davina: I was so worried. He didn’t return until just before midnight. In fact, I was on my way to search for him when he walked in. I apologised for what happened and he told me that he had been planning to propose to me so he needed to know if I trusted him and really wanted to be with him. I just started crying. We both did actually. I’d never been so sure of anything.
Aww. When is the wedding?
Davina: In four weeks!
Hamza: We honestly can’t wait.
Send us wedding photos, okay? Until then, what attracts you to each other?
Davina: I can’t pick just one thing. For one, I love Hamza’s physique. His arms, his jawline, his eyes, his smile beautifully framed by his lips. Phew! He’s also very understanding and patient. He takes his time to listen and is never quick to respond. I love how screwed on his head is.
Hamza: I actually dislike this question because it’s complex. I think most people expect either a single poetic line or an essay filled with buzz words. However, I’ll put it simply like this: Davina is my person. She is kind, understanding, patient, loving, caring, strong and intelligent. She corrects me when I’m wrong, fights for me when needed, and most of all, she loves God. She is and will always be someone I can depend on. With her, I can call anywhere home.
Photo credit: @hajie (instagram)
While I wipe my tears, please rate your relationship on a scale of one to ten
Hamza: 9 because no relationship is perfect, and we’ve had our fair share of troubles. But there’s no one else I’d rather do this with.
Davina: It’s the same for me. This relationship hasn’t just been a source of peace for me, but it’s also caused me to grow a lot, which I’m super thankful for.
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With the dollar rising faster than dough, feminists have sprung to action to save the entire country from extinction. We spoke to them and here’s a list of things they plan to do:
Stealing our partner’s hoodies
Because we need to save money. What’s better than buying your own hoodie with money you don’t have? Stealing one.
Hiding money in our PiggyVest accounts
By hiding our money and spending other people’s money, we’re trying to reduce the amount of money in circulation and thus bring down the dollar exchange rate.
By making everyone participate in physical labor, we’re actively contributing to increasing productivity, which will yield more revenue, and directly improve the exchange rate.
Practicing how to eat corn
I believe we were all there when a presidential candidate said that we will survive on corn. We need to all join hands to eat corn better so the dollar rate can come down.
Practicing safe sex
Safe sex reduces the level of sexually transmitted infections on the streets, which reduces the amount of money spent on treatment. Less money spent = lower dollar rate. Quick maths.
All the time we spend on Twitter is actually us putting in our hours to reducing the dollar rate. We do this by quoting tweets with shady responses or telling men to moisturise. Quite effective, if you ask me.
Empowering women
This is pretty simple economics. As women empowerment goes up, the dollar rate comes down. Everybody is happy. This is a call to action.
