Quizzes

Stacks

Shows

Podcasts

Newsletters

Naira Life

Love Life

Hustleprint

Love Currency

Sunken Ships

What She Said

My Bro

So You Don’t Have To

Interview With…

Zikoko Memes

Jollof Road

Cholera Outbreak Update

Follow our socials

  • The Internet gives people a false sense of anonymity that makes everyone feel like they can act anyhow or say anything. Sometimes, moving mad like that will cause people to drag you from your nonexistent baby hairs. Here’s what to do if you’re caught in this situation.

    1. Write an apology in your notes app.

    You don’t even have to mean it, you just have to silence them for a bit and whatever you write should be interpreted to mean this;

    Wahala for who no dey use notes app

    2. Do a giveaway 

    It can be money, airtime, food, spa tickets. Anything to get back into their good graces. People on the internet can bribed like this.

    To err is human, to giveaway is divine. Especially in this economy 

    3. Rebrand 

    You can remember your roots and become a sky daddy stan, post motivational quotes, start selling green tea, become a football commentary account or you can go as far as becoming a comedy skit creator.

    You might just find your true calling
    If you’re into memes, check out this mind-blowing Nigerian meme site we created. Click Here

    4. Fight them

    Reply to every and anybody, even the people that are not talking to you. Fight them like you will gain money from it, ask your family members to come and fight for you, dash everybody insults since they wanna move mad.

    5. Ignore

    Just wait for everything to die down, they will have someone else to disturb in less than an hour. If you’re about that life you can even deactivate for a brief moment, or maybe not.

    6. Move silently

    For the next one month, resist the urge to drag someone else or misyarn lest they remind you of your own shortcoming and reopen the case file of your dragging.

    7. Get ready

    Another opportunity may arise for them to drag you again. Don’t let it catch you unawares, Start planning now. Save your strength for the rainy day.

    When all these fail, just do better abeg. Only Jesus is new every morning.

    If you’re into memes, check out this mind-blowing Nigerian meme site we created. Click Here

  • One of the most thriving industries in Lagos is the restaurant industry, People are always looking for where to spend money when there is rice at home, in this economy? And on that salary? Anyways, here are a few tips on breaking into this industry.

    1. Make sure it’s in a hidden location

    What’s fun about a place that is easy to find right? You can build at the back of ten hospitals and under a bridge if you so wish.

    2. Add bistro at the end of the name

    Doesn’t matter that your food is way to expensive for a bistro, who gon check you? In Sanwo-Olu’s Lagos?

    3. Take nice pictures of the food you sell for instagram

    It doesn’t matter that it won’t look like that in person, how will people even know?

    We might judge you, but God will judge you more.

    4. Go for the aesthetics

    Flowers, Mud cloth pattern on the walls, nice background, good ambience. Anything to make people forget the bad food.

    Yes girl, give us nothing.

    5. Hire a celebrity chef

    This is not for everyone but you need to be able to give people a reason to come back if your aesthetics don’t work.

    of course you can also hire anyone and just add chef to their name, that works too.

    6. Make everything unreasonably expensive

    There is no reason why just anyone should be able to afford your food, plus how else will you pay your celebrity chef?

    Wickedness must be your middle name

    7. Pasta

    Sell all the different types, posterity has proven that lagosians love this or why else would it be thriving?

    8. Do not research

    There’s no need to find out what a pina colada is or a mojito. Just put a lot of ugu in a cup and call it a day.

    God airpus

    9. Small parking lots

    You don’t want them wasting time in your restaurant, everybody should eat and go abeg.

    10.  Deliver late

    Anything that is worth paying above 5k for, is worth delivering late or how does that saying go?

    Even God won’t save you
    If you’re into memes, check out this mind-blowing Nigerian meme site we created. Click Here

  • As a social media manager, you’re the reason why people know about a brand. You go out of your way to create schedules and engaging /creative content that keep people coming back to the page.

    Some are funny and know how to read the room, but some cough A*sos cough don’t.

    Anyways, here are some of the struggles of the not-so-glamorous life of a social media manager.

    1. You feel like you’ve made it in life when people are retweeting, sharing or liking all your posts.

    https://memes.zikoko.com/

    2. You feel even better when they comment

    You on your CV: Call me boss, oga boss

    3. Your heart breaks a little when anyone unfollows the account

    I thought only men break hearts

    4. You begging people to follow the account

    I will not let you go, unless you follow us

    5. You’re constantly checking for the ideal time to post

    I can see you online better interact, don’t let the devil use you

    6. After begging family, friends and enemies to follow, you still have to explain that you can’t follow back because it’s a business account.

    I take God name beg you.

    7. You can’t count how many times you’ve lost sleep keeping up with trends.

    Even God rests on Thursday abi Sunday

    8. When they drag the brand it feels like a personal attack 

    https://memes.zikoko.com/

    9. You die a little when people are interacting with a post but no one is following

    Just kuku kill me

    10. You’re constantly stressing about you mistakenly using the company’s account to share a post about your cheating ex.

    11. The one day you sleep early, another tech startup becomes a unicorn

    Shey you couldn’t wait?

    12. You have to deal with people applying for your job via DM

    13. Once in a while your post bangs and everyone on the team cheers you on.

    https://memes.zikoko.com/

    You to them: it wasn’t hard, it’s my job

    You in your head: this better not be a fluke 

    If you’re into memes, check out this mind-blowing Nigerian meme site we created. Click Here

  • Where two or three people who went to a boarding school are gathered, there is trauma in their midst. It wasn’t all bad though and even the worst times have made for good memories you can’t help but laugh about now.

    1. S.A.P

    This means a shortage of all provisions. This period prepares you for life as a broke adult, you’d find yourself drinking garri 24-7 or eating cereal and sugared water, hold the milk.

    2. Last Junior

    Friendships were ruined over this, your best friend would trip you just so they weren’t last. If you were ever the last junior, I’m sorry, I hope you’re in therapy now.

    3. Lights out

    While the general mood was gloom with a hint of gossip, it was always when they switched off the light that someone would remember stories of lady koi-koi and friends.

    4. Journey of no return

    This is a rite of passage prank seniors played on new juniors. The first step is to make up a book with a fake name and ask a junior to collect it from another senior, who would send them to another senior. If someone wasn’t kind enough to stop you, you’d somehow end up washing a ton of dirty cups and plates.

    You to yourself then
    If you’re into memes, check out this mind-blowing Nigerian meme site we created. Click Here

    5. Bells

    They woke you up, told you when to eat and when to stop, told you what class period it was and even when to go to bed. Imagine living through this headache for 6 years, only to go home and find out that your neighbours favourite past time is to ring bells while kabashing early in the morning.

    6. Red night/ Social night

    This is usually meant to be a fun night to relax and unwind but no, someone’s unfortunate child will decide that they want to punish all the juniors for no reason. They’ll ask everyone to wear red, decorate your white bedsheets with red toothpaste and yes you will see blood. No one was spared, not even teachers or housemasters, everybody got their share of premium wickedness.

    They should have kuku carried guns

    7. Toilets

    If you have a friend that is super hygienic about toilets, they’re either very clean or they went to boarding school. Omo, the things we saw, the things we smelt. Let us just thank God that we didn’t die.

    8. Punishmets

    If you came out from boarding school without at least two scars, I hail you. I don’t know how human beings came up with some of those punishments because imagine someone drawing a car on the board and telling you to push it because fuel finished while flogging you, or drawing a bucket and telling you to fetch water inside it, or asking you to crawl one kilometre because you were late to the dining hall only for food to finish? Boarding school was a nightmare.

    To think these people are still roaming free? This life no balance

  • This Zikoko’s guide was written to help younger siblings make our lives easier because one day you’re an only child and before you know it, your parents create a couple of freeloaders called siblings that spoil all your plans.

    1. Stop asking for money. 

    Let our spirit lead us to remember you, besides we did not give birth to you. Thanks and God bless. The association of ATM firstborns are tired. 

    First born in their minds

    2. Don’t eat the last meat. 

    We came before you for a reason. We came not to oppress you but to eat the last meat. Let us have it or else…

    You have been warned

    3. Stop being an aproko.

    We are tired of bribing you. Nigerian politicians no do reach this one oh, abeg.

    You better grow up

    4. Don’t grow taller than us.

    We don’t know how you’ll do it but don’t try it. It’s disrespectful.

    Zikoko's guide, man squatting
    This will be you when we ask you kneel down all the time
    If you’re into memes, check out this mind-blowing Nigerian meme site we created. Click Here

    5. Don’t get married before us.

    We will not hear the end of it, please. Love is everywhere and it will find you again.

    Zikoko's guide
    Take things easy

    6. Don’t be finer than us

    This is how people attract curses to themselves. Better tell your face to respect itself.

    Must we beg you?

    7. Ask about our lives too. 

    Not just because you want to collect money but because you care and mean it and yes we can tell.

    8. Don’t do better than us in school 

    All the good genes, beauty, parents undying affection and good luck have already gone to you. The least you can do is let us have this.

    This Is your final warning

  • Prior to what the internet and that certain website say, sex can be very awkward. If there is one thing that can ease the tension, it is music. As we are in the business of being generous, we have complied 7 foolproof methods to help you create the perfect sex playlist

    1.  Ask your father for song recommendations

    Our parents spend all their time complaining about our music but in their days, all they sang about was good loving.

    You better ask, a closed mouth is a closed destiny

    2.  Pick songs you don’t listen to often

    So that you don’t sing mid-gives and when it comes up on a playlist while you’re at the office, you don’t blackout for one hour.

    3.  Check to see if you can slowly whine your waist to the beat.

    They say practice makes perfect. Plus, how else would you know how good your whine-to-rhythm coordination is?

    This is how it should be!
    If you’re into memes, check out this mind-blowing Nigerian meme site we created. Click Here

    4. Add a French song

    You might not know the meaning but add a slow French song and thank me later. Cava bien merci, kpa-kpa-kpa.

    5.  Neo-soul and R&B is the way

    Now is not the time to impress your partner with your good taste in indie/alternative music, please that’s not the thing to focus on. If you want to add a little spice, you can add a Naira Marley song or Tesojue by Reminisce.

    if you know, you know

    6.  Put songs your partner likes

    It’ll make them smile or giggle and they’ll know you were thinking about them.

    IDK I don’t do ungodly acts sha.

    7. Keep it short and simple

    Please not more than ten songs, when it’s not a listening party.

    Try dey calm down

    In the end, the playlist doesn’t matter, It’s kuku just background noise to your partner’s music.

    If you’re into memes, check out this mind-blowing Nigerian meme site we created. Click Here

  • The dating scene Is a messy place and everyone has their spec. If you haven’t figured out what works for you, we’ve been generous enough to make a list.

    1. People that have money 

    Money makes romance sweeter, to be honest. People will probably call you a gold-digger, but is it their gold you are digging? You better practice how to be a gold-digger today and stop suffering in silence. This is not Nollywood.

    You should always be where the money resides boo

    2.  People that don’t have money

    What they lack in funds they make-up for in creativity. Cute picnics, long walks, Netflix and chill, a compilation of funny memes, thoughtful gifts. These guys would spend if they had. Bear with them.

    Especially the memes, that is very important

    3. People that went to boarding school

    Yes, they come with a sprinkle of trauma but they will try anything new with you. These people were unsupervised in their formative years, jumping fences and eating beans with a dash of beetles. They fear nothing.

    You better be taking notes
    If you’re into memes, check out this mind-blowing Nigerian meme site we created. Click Here

    4. Foodies

    You’ll try every new restaurant that catches their fancy and can never complain that you’re hungry. When they walk into any restaurant the waiters are always happy to see them. Plus relationship weight = fat ass. 

    “My view, her view” pictures loading

    5. People that wear crocs

    These guys have hacked comfort clothes on another level. They have the softest hoodies and sweatpants just waiting for you to “borrow”. Date a crocs wearer today.

    And that’s on good taste. Sponsored by crocs wearers association of Nigeria
    If you’re into memes, check out this mind-blowing Nigerian meme site we created. Click Here

  • You have probably been looking for ways to understand online vendors and ways to maybe get them to respond on time. We got you. We know how it can feel to have your eye on an item only for the vendor to be playing tinko-tinko with your heart and emotions. I know I mentioned yesterday that you should save your salary in this article, but in case you didn’t listen, here’s how to spend it.

    1. Message them and get aired

    The first step to ordering from a vendor is to message them, the probability of them replying though is 0-100. To DM is human, to air is divine. That’s the way it is.

    E do usually pain sha

    2. After being aired, camp in their comments section.

    Give them no rest. If they can air your DMs, then they deserve no rest. Keep typing “check your dms” until they reply, unless it’s someone that isn’t ready to make money then sorry to you. 

    Pov: You begging in their dm’s

    3. They replied? Oya pay and get aired.

    This must surely happen to you at least 10 times. You’ll pay and they’d suddenly disappear on you, your chest will start to hurt and fear will grip the walls of your bank account but fear not they will reply soon. They are just spraying money on themselves because this country is hard. If you were in their shoes wouldn’t you do the same?

    The vendor and their friends the moment your money drops
    If you’re into memes, check out this mind-blowing Nigerian meme site we created. Click Here

    4. Pace around your room and argue with the delivery man.

    You know how in every action movie there is the final boss? Yeah, this is him. This conversation will either drain you completely or make you happy depending on if he tells you that he’s in Orimolade in Ikotun when you’re in Orimolade in Fagba.

    All you can do at this point is pray

    5 Get your package and take the rest of the day off.

    We are proud of you for facing that hurdle, it couldn’t have been easy. Now take the day off and rest your head so you can live to do this another day.

    You will lie to yourself that you’re not doing again, whatever makes you feel better innit
    If you’re into memes, check out this mind-blowing Nigerian meme site we created. Click Here

  • Omo the country is hard and things are expensive. How can a poor person like me and you survive like this with a salary that vanishes the moment you buy one thing?

    My salary after I buy one plate of food.

    How best can we make our salary last longer? We might have some ideas for you!

    1. Make a list of things you need to get and do

    Groceries, Wi-Fi, money for girlfriend one, two and three…

    2. Disregard that list because Nigeria is a mad place

    I mean, those people in their uniforms *cough, cough* have budgeted your own salary for themselves anyways

    https://memes.zikoko.com/

    3. Spend the weekends with your parents

    If they keep seeing you so often you won’t get black taxed, they know you’re poor.

    No shame, no case!

    4. Avoid falling in love

    Love is expensive. Dates? Gifts? Time? Ah, please.

    God when you pray to him after spending your tithe in the name of love

    5. Uninstall all your social media apps

    If you’re not on the internet, your data won’t waste and you’ll spend less money. You’re welcome.

    6. When all these fail, enjoy your life

    Na person wey dey alive fit spend salary.

    Try dey enjoy, problem no dey finish.
    If you’re into memes, check out this mind-blowing Nigerian meme site we created. Click Here

  • It’s a few days to Valentine, and you’re still very single. Now, instead of planning a romantic Sunday, you’re considering going to church for the first time in years. While that sounds “fun”, here are six steps you can take to make your neighbor fall in love with you.

    If you’re into memes, check out this mind-blowing Nigerian meme site we created. Click Here

    1. Play loud music in the middle of the night

    If they come to knock and complain, apologise and tell them that you’re having trouble sleeping. They’ll surely stay up with you and, if you’ve ever watched porn, you know how that goes…

    Both of you after

    2. Lure them with food

    Whenever you’re making something nice, bring all your fans together and try to blow the smell in the direction of their house. Food will surely lure them your way.

    How you’ll end up because food is sweet but you’re sweeter.

    3. Leave your doors open

    If you’re getting desperate, just leave your door open. You’ll come back and meet them standing guard, and that can spark a conversation.. If they steal your things sha, please, don’t @ us.

    If we can’t see it, it didn’t happen.
    If you’re into memes, check out this mind-blowing Nigerian meme site we created. Click Here

    4. Help them pack their clothes on the line

    Even if you didn’t wash, always be on the lookout for rain. You might get wet in the process but Nollywood has shown that this is a tested and trusted way to make them fall for you.

    Rain romance nwantiti.

    5. Man up and ask them out

    You will not die if you speak up. Before someone will post that “valentine is coming” video and you breakdown in a bus because shyness didn’t let you be great.

    It’s time to revoke your membership card abeg.

    6. Go to a Babalawo

    This should always be your last resort, but love is clearly more important than safety. Do you think babalawos are fake? Just ask Astor

    You can’t say we haven’t done anything nice for you.