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  • Children’s day, a day set apart for kids. Like they don’t win at life already? You’re not paying bills or rent and you have a day to celebrate yourself? Get me their manager, please.

    On days like this, we can’t help but remember how good we used to have it so we wrote this article just for you.

    1. The advertisement’s a week before

    Every brand that lives on God’s green earth would do what I like to call the battle of brands, dishing out heartwarming adverts so we could all beg our parents to buy us things we’d hate an hour later. How else would you know children’s day was close?

    2. The parties

    You either went to a party hosted by a television station, a bank, a restaurant, an amusement park or that one family friends mom that has plenty of money and the party? Capri-sun, those weird erasers that don’t work, surprise pack. Those were the days, with the bouncing castles and rides.

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    3. The parades

    I was and will always be against marching for no reason but people seemed to enjoy marching at the national stadium and there were gifts there too.

    4. The party food

    The Jollof, with big pieces of chicken and hot drinks, always slapped better when we knew we were being celebrated. Some things just feel sacred

    5. The party games

    We were allowed to lose our home training only on the dance floor. Is it ridiculous to dancing Shakira’s hips don’t lie in a ball gown? Yes, but that was not the point. If you won, who gon’ check you? The dance around the chair game mostly ended in tears and the one where you’d have to bring out the person that brought you to the party to dance, take me back.

    6. The gear

    Nice shoes and clothes if your parents were about that life, wristwatches that didn’t work after that day and the sunglasses, don’t forget the sunglasses.

    7. The do-over party

    Churches and mosques would still celebrate the kids again when they went to church or the mosque. Man what a time we had during children’s day.

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  • There are a lot of things that feel embarrassing but are actually not. Being Nigerian is not one of them sha. That one is enough embarrassment.

    But then to be fair, random people do not care about you, and you shouldn’t care about their opinion. So, instead of being embarrassed about the things on this list, keep your head high and walk away.

    If you’re into memes, check out this mind-blowing Nigerian meme site we created. Click Here

    1. Leaving a shop without buying anything 

    Someone needs to explain why it always feels like a walk of shame when this happens. It is not our fault that the prices are too high, or that they didn’t have whatever we were looking for so, why does this translate to shame? It’s because of this we’re always asking for things in ridiculous colours. Yes, cockroach brown exists. 

    2. Wearing sunglasses 

    Sunglasses are supposed to protect you from the sun, so why does it feel embarrassing to use them? The looks people give don’t help either.  

    3. Having an umbrella 

    The moment it starts to rain and you bring out an umbrella, the number of dirty looks you’ll get will make you want to disappear. Worse if you dare use an umbrella when it’s hot? In Nigeria? Why can’t you endure suffering like the rest of us?

    4. Asking for what you want during sex 

    How you’ll feel after you ask for what you want

    Perhaps it’s the years of being told that sex is a sin, but is this really shouldn’t be an issue. Ask and ye shall receive abeg. 

    5. Being a politician’s child 

    What is embarrassing about having money? Oh yeah, the insults your parents receive daily for not doing their job. Must be rough. 

    6. Asking for your pay after finishing a job 

    Not in this generation, but if you find yourself being embarrassed about this, slap your chest three times and call Zikoko. One of our writers will appear to slap you. 

    7. Asking someone to refund the money you borrowed them

    If you can relate, I suggest that you go to church for deliverance. My dear, a closed mouth is a closed destiny. Better fight and collect your money. 

    8.  Looking for your debit card or money at a counter

     

    This is the most embarrassing feeling ever, you’d be trying to look for your cash or debit card and people will act like they want to bite you. Worse, if the cashier is nice. You would want the ground to swallow you because they probably think you came to steal or something. 

    9. Saying goodbye on a zoom call 

    This applies to work calls or school zoom calls. Everyone would be saying bye and you’d be there racking your brain like, should I type it or shout it but last last, it’s to shut down the laptop. 

    10. Sneezing or coughing in a quiet room

    There’s a feeling of dread that comes over you when you are in a quiet room and your nose starts to itch. You can tell that a loud cough or sneeze is about to disgrace you, and it has to be the worst feeling ever.

    11. Being Buhari 

    Who am I kidding? It must be embarrassing to be him abeg. 

    If you’re into memes, check out this mind-blowing Nigerian meme site we created. Click Here

  • The Nigerian experience can be can be fun sometimes. We have beautiful resorts, good food, and that one bridge that they show in every Nollywood movie. However, none of those things shows the true Nigerian experience, and that’s why we made this list. 

    1. Register for anything 

    Whenever you are bored, just walk into any government office and try to get maybe your NIN, PVC, BVN, or any other three-letter means of identification. After waiting the entire day, fighting with someone your grandparent’s age and spending all your money only to go home empty-handed, you can beat your chest and say you’ve experienced Nigeria

    2. Wait in a government hospital 

    ²

    For the best results, get there as early as 6 am. Don’t worry you’ll be there with people from three days ago. That way, you’d make new friends and have lots of company. If you want to test the system, take advantage of your strength and fight to the front but don’t forget to have money too so you can bribe your way into seeing a doctor. 

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    3. Drive, especially in Lagos 

    You after sitting in 24 hours traffic.

    To truly experience Nigeria, you must drive in Lagos at least once. You don’t even have to be the one driving, enter a bus or cab. All that work you’ve been putting off for weeks? You’ll finally get the chance to complete it and what better place than in Lagos traffic? 

    4. Go to the bank 

    Make sure that you go without a pen if you are really committed to experiencing Nigeria. Don’t forget to clear your schedule, you might just be the lucky customer that will help them lock up. 

    5. Order from an online vendor 

    If your kink is heartbreak with a dash of anxiety, you can also try this. Nigerians are famous for being time conscious and reliable after all. 

    If you’re into memes, check out this mind-blowing Nigerian meme site we created. Click Here

    6.  Go House hunting

    Any day you are less busy, just call a random real estate agent and tell them that you are looking for an apartment. They will take you to places you’ve never been before, and the things you will see and experience might scare you but you are already in this country, so how much worse can it get?  

    7. Organise a party

    Put a bunch of your friends and family in a group chat and invite them to a party. Tell everyone it will start by 1 pm and watch them flock in by 4 pm. For the best effect, order everything you need the night before since Nigeria is just filled with reliable people.

    8.  Make Braids 

    This is a fun task that should always be done on Saturday. Book an appointment but get there an hour early. Don’t worry, nobody will still attend to you. You’ll end up spending your entire Saturday in that shop. Such a small price for something that will scatter in two weeks. 

    You can read more articles like this here.

  • Having small hands has its perks on some good days, like if your fork, spoon and knives decide to hide behind a cupboard you don’t stress because you can reach it, your entire hand can also get to the bottom of any snack you’re eating, but it’s not always good times. Here are 8 struggles people with small hands face.

    1. People are always measuring their palms against yours

    You have either found yourself in a relationship through “let’s measure our hands” or people just use you to make themselves feel better, there is no in-between.

    2. You can never find jewellery that fits

    Especially rings and bracelets. The moment you find one that fits, you wear it forever.

    If you’re into memes, check out this mind-blowing Nigerian meme site we created. Click Here

    3. You look cute when you flip people off

    Whether it’s you giving them the middle finger or saying waka your small hands won’t allow you to be great, people always end up laughing.

    4. You cant open large jars

    Small hands are limiting like that, The amount of breakdowns people with small hands have after trying to open a jar is just sad.

    5. Shaking people is an awkward experience

    Their hands always swallow yours and they squeeze too hard and most times your entire palm can only hold two or three of their fingers.

    6. Your phone falls a lot

    You dare not hold your phone with anything else in your hands because it will fall, your friends are always laughing about the number of times your phone falls on your face in a day.

    7. Keyboards are your enemy

    Typing is a tedious experience for you, especially if the keyboard is wide. Tying fast must sound like a myth to you. Sorry, the world is cruel.

    8. You can’t carry anything

    Especially that big popcorn they sell in the cinema. How many times has it fallen from your hands? Society has been mean to you for way too long.

    If you liked this, you should read about people that struggle with small feet here

    If you’re into memes, check out this mind-blowing Nigerian meme site we created. Click Here

  • Small feet might look “cute” but the struggle Is real when it comes to finding shoes that you like. As if being Nigerian is not bad enough, why do people have to deal with small feet? I’d like to talk to whoever is in charge but for the main time, here are 7 things people with small feet can relate to.

    1. Trouble finding a specific shoe

    You don’t even bother, is it someone that is buying their shoe from the kid’s section that will see 10-inch heels to step on their man’s neck? Nigerians would invite you for a wedding and say you should wear Gbegiri yellow shoe, where would even start from?

    2. Having to add extra holes in your shoes

    Imagine going from adding extra holes in your school shoe as a child to adding extra holes to your heel strap because your feet refused to just grow. The ghetto for real.

    If you’re into memes, check out this mind-blowing Nigerian meme site we created. Click Here

    3. Buying your shoes from the kid’s section

    Do they make cool kids shoes these days? Yes, but omo, everyone can still tell abeg there’s just something about the shoes. You’ll be feeling fly in your Chelsea boots next thing, PJ masks theme song plays when you walk.

    4. People making fun of your “baby feet”

    Every time “aww it’s so cute you could wear baby shoes” Thanks Bose, nobody asked for your comment abeg. Some people even make a point by trying to fit their big legs inside the shoe you struggled to find.

    5. You can never borrow someone’s shoe

    You cant share shoes with your siblings, partners, friends. Omo, life is tough for the small of feet.

    6. You stuff your shoe

    Especially sneakers, it’s almost like they can’t make it in an exact size, so you either stuff it or you have custom made shoe pads. It’s fine sha this world is not our final home, it not by big feet.

    7. You cant find socks that fit

    “One size fits all” All people do is lie sha. Somebody should come and explain why the socks are folded two times over in that shoe then if it really is one size fits all.

    If you enjoyed reading this, you can find more here.

    If you’re into memes, check out this mind-blowing Nigerian meme site we created. Click Here

  • “Cut soap for me” does not mean they should divide bathing soap for you. It can mean telling your friends about job opportunities, introducing them to things that benefit them.

    It can also be a casual way to beg for good luck or a portion of someone’s destiny, like Jacob. If something good has never happened to you, here are 9 people you should beg for soap.

    1. Elsa Majimbo

    9 People That Need To Cut Soap For Us, Cut Soap For Us

    Elsa came from nowhere, eating crisps and laughing and we all just lost our collective minds. She took self-love to another level and omo, all I can say is soap of Elsa, locate me now!!

    2. Sugar babies

    9 People That Need To Cut Soap For Us
    this is the soap you use abi?

    Where una dey see this soap abeg? All of us would like to ball like you, don’t be stingy. If you give little you will earn in plenty. We don’t even want your glucose guardians number — but you can text me if you want to share, scroll down for my handle — just cut small soap for us abeg.

    3. Trust fund kids

    9 People That Need To Cut Soap For Us

    To be honest, I already know that this is a dead deal because how can generational wealth rise from nothing and still cut the soap? Anyway, it can start with me. Thanks and gohbless

    4. People that have Anon

    9 People That Need To Cut Soap For Us

    Every time, Anon sent you this. Anon bought you that. Anon said send your account number. It’s fine, who dey breet when life is working in your favour. Just a little soap so we too can find out own Anon

    5. People that successfully moved out of this country.

    9 People That Need To Cut Soap For Us

    I said successfully because many have tried and few have succeeded. You’re the one that should cut soap for us the most because how did you do it? In fact don’t answer, just dhl the soap, no need for long talk.

    6. Her view, his view people

    Y’all will not admit it but it is very okay to want love.  Are you not tired of saying god when up and down? Better beg your relationship friends to cut soap for you

    7. Scholars

    9 People That Need To Cut Soap For Us

    Imagine not being the family disappointment, or imagine being a disappointment but smart. Omo what a dream.

    8. BBN celebrities

    All your fans do is try their hardest to make life easy for you, please we want. We too want to be pampered, just tell us who your plug is abeg. Small land, a couple of cars and dollars won’t be bad.

    9. Buhari

    Because I want to know how he scammed all of you into voting him in so he can just be chopping life.

    If you’re into memes, check out this mind-blowing Nigerian meme site we created. Click Here

  • Honestly, the don’t teach people how to be a conductor in school because you’d be unstoppable, a potential super villan and you might even unlock hidden parts of your brain. We decided to share this knowledge because you deserve.

    1. Ridiculous parkour skills

    You could even parkour your way out of traffic, I am jealous.

    You know how conductors hop on and off buses at anytime? Imagine if you had that? Spiderman no do reach that one.

    2. Megaphone voice

    Wouldn’t life be great if people always heard what you said loudly? Will people start to avoid you? Yes, but that’s not the point. Best of all, when you call all those delivery guys to explain your address as usual, they can’t claim that they didn’t hear you.

    3.  Singlets as a fashion choice

    Personally, I feel like no one should wear this but okay.

    The only other set of people that have been able to do this are Igbo men. So, imagine your power, I am shaking in my boots.

    4.  Ability to make friends

    You and your new friends hanging out.

    Y’all are always complaining about how hard it is to make friends as adults, well conductors have mastered it. Of course by friends, I mean LASTMA officials and thugs. So, do with that what you must.

    5.  Mathematical skills

    Where do I even start? These people have their third eye open because there is no explanation for this. Imagine having this skill? The world is your starting point dear.

    6. Good grip

    I don’t know where your mind went to, but thats not what I meant sha. Cleanse your mind.

    7.  Ability to negotiate with traffic

    Even the president hasn’t solved this one, imagine your power>>>

    Do you know what it means to be able to solve Nigeria’s traffic issues? Especially in Lagos? You’ve really made it be that.

  • Sign-offs are the core of every work email. There’s no reason why it should be boring. Which one is “Best regards” or “Yours sincerely”? Where’s the spice in that?

    Read this to make your work experience more interesting.

    https://memes.zikoko.com/

    1. Respectfully, I am in tears

    You can use this when your team lead has emailed you like ten times in one day. You too are someone’s child, abeg.

    2. I said what I said

    This one is for when your coworker forwards an email back to you and asks if it’s for them. You don’t even need to write anything in the body of the email, just sign-off with this.

    3. Yours vaccinatedly

    Honestly, it’s a thing of pride that you’ve gotten the vaccine and why shouldn’t everyone know? You’re doing your part as a good citizen to encourage people to get the vaccine.

    Looking to spice up your Instagram feed? Follow Zikoko Memes 😏

    4. Nothing do you

    https://memes.zikoko.com/

    This one should always be used as an insult. There are no two ways tbh, especially when someone sends you a mail in the middle of the night. Something must be doing them.

    5. You know the vibe

    This sign-off should be used on Fridays only because it means don’t text me again, my weekend has started.

    6. E go be

    If you use this, you are telling them that if they reply to that email they’re on their own because they will be aired.

    7. Reply if you’re bad

    This is a nicer way of saying e go be. They’ll waste so much time wondering if they’re bad and before they know, it’s close of business.

    8. To Jesus be my glory

    https://memes.zikoko.com/

    This is clearly a threat because why are you bringing spiritual forces into human matters? Use at your discretion.

    9. Gbogbo wa la ma je breakfast

    This is for when you get fired for signing off with all these. The least you can do is end it with a bang. As it has come for you in the morning, it will come for them in the evening.

    Looking to spice up your Instagram feed? Follow Zikoko Memes 😏

  • If you’re thinking of dating a gym rat, the best place to meet them is a gym.  If you go to the gym and see these extremely fit people, or even the gym instructor and all of a sudden you’re catching feelings. My dear, it’s dehydration, kill that crush because here are 10 things you will have to deal with if you date them.

    1. They blend everything

    The Zikoko Guide To Dating A Gym Rat.

    Irrespective of taste difference, they will blend it. At odd hours in the morning, mid-afternoon, late at night? If drinking their disgusting mixtures doesn’t kill you, all that noise will. You shouldn’t be dating someone that is trying to kill you.

    2. They carry water bottles everywhere

    The Zikoko Guide To Dating A Gym Rat.

    I have no problem with people carrying portable tanks up and down but the moment you’re a little thirsty and you ask them for water? Very stingy set of people.

    3. If they are on a diet, you are on a diet

    Your new gym rat partner will disturb you about what you eat so much and if you don’t have a very strong will, you’d end up giving in. The worst part is that they recommend that you eat everything but that actual version of human food e.g carrot milk, wtf is that?

    Looking to spice up your Instagram feed? Follow Zikoko Memes 😏

    4. Understand that you’re in a throuple

    You are dating them and the gym at once. For your sake, don’t ever ask a gym rat to choose between you and the gym because it will end in premium tears.

    5. All their hoodies are either skintight or sleeveless

    Very inconsiderate people as you can see because why are they wearing something you can’t steal? Must everyone see their gains? Dating a gym rat is a brave task only a few can do.

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    6. They will pick you up randomly for no reason

    The feeling of being carried is top tier. Until they start using you as a weight lifter when their gym membership expires by mistake for one day.

    7. They don’t cheat

    It’s not because they can’t oh but because between all the time they spend at the gym and with you, they can’t make time to cheat. Except it’s a Nigerian man then lmao.

    8. They wake up very early

    Nobody kuku sent you

    You must surely know this since you’ve decided to date a gym rat. Make your peace with this and invest in earplugs.

    9. They hog the mirror

    This seems like something small but imagine that you’re late to work and you can’t look at the mirror because your partner is busy flexing their pecs for one hour, just imagine.

    10. They give gifts all the time

    Gym membership there, a water bottle here, running shoes, headphones. They’re basically begging you to join their cult.

    If you like this, you can read more here

    If you’re into memes, check out this mind-blowing Nigerian meme site we created. Click Here

  • I saw this tweet and it had me, a resident broke person, thinking. There’s no foolproof method on how to survive on ₦15,000 a month but I wrote this guide last month.

    This one is for those of you that didn’t read it.

    1. Plan your budget

    Budget which family member you are cutting off and do you really need a romantic interest right now in the midst of poverty? You can even remove drinking water and drink from the tap. If poverty doesn’t get you, dehydration will.

    Life is tuff innit

    2. Announce to your boss that you’re now working from home

    If they can pay you a salary that leaves you with just ₦15,000 at the end of the month, they can survive without you for a couple of days.

    If you lose your job please don’t @ me
    If you’re into memes, check out this mind-blowing Nigerian meme site we created. Click Here

    3. There is rice at home

    Rice can roughly be translated to mean garri, noodles, beans, and bread. It’s time to hone all the cooking skills you learnt during lockdown.

    4. Avoid going to a church

    Notice how it’s always when you’re broke that your pastor would be lead to tell you to empty your bank account? You’ve been warned. Except they share food in your church then please, run there.

    You in church when you see an usher bringing food

    5. Start a food truck

    Pay a carpenter ₦4000 to build a small table and stool, use another ₦4000 to invest into the food you want to sell. There you have it, surviving on ₦15,000 like the boss you are.

    You’d be surprised at people’s willingness to eat anything these days

    6. Cut down on soda

    You’ve been talking about how you want to do this for years, well now’s your chance. Water is healthier after all

    By the time you get paid you’ll have six packs

    7. Go to a money doubler

    This is your best chance at surviving, there are plenty of money doublers in your Instagram inbox, check for the one that goes with your spirit and let the money in your bank account rise

    Money-oney-oney-oney-oney-oney

    God to you when you’re left with 15k again next month:

    If you’re into memes, check out this mind-blowing Nigerian meme site we created. Click Here