• Let’s be honest, the entire debate for pet superiority between dog lovers and cat lovers is getting old and boring. We get it” dogs are loyal as fuck, and cats are evil but still cute, yada yada yada. 

    If it’s not pictures of nine cats littered around an old woman’s living room, it’s a video of a dog going to the place where his now deceased owner went every day. We’re tired.

    But has anyone ever thought, “What if dogs and cats aren’t actually the best pets?” What if, somewhere out there, there’s an animal so cute and so perfect that once people realise they can have it as a pet, it’s curtains up for dogs and cats. Well, the animal exists, and it’s *drumrolls* the goat!

    If you think we’re crazy, we’ll convince you of goat superiority with these ten points of mine.

    1. They have cute smiles

    Everyone is posting pictures of their cats and dogs online and all the comments are going, “Awwww”, but do you know what’s missing from those pictures? Smiles. Goats are ready to pose for your picture and smile always.

    2. They’re not expensive to maintain

    Do Goats Eat Grass? - Farmhouse Guide

    Dog owners and cat owners spend a whole month working, just so they can use their entire salary to buy canned food, supplements, body products and drugs for their pets. You’re not using supplements, but your pet is taking daily medication to make their fur shine. Isn’t it ment? With goats, just find a place with grass, or leftovers, or yam peels, and that’s all. Skin care? Leave it to them; they can take care of themselves.

    3. They don’t bite

    Imagine having to beg someone that came all the way to visit you to come inside your compound, because you forgot to tell them you have a dog, and now, that dog is threatening to unalive them if they enter the gate. You now have to resort to saying, “He doesn’t bite, don’t worry.” DID HE TELL YOU HE DOESN’T BITE?

    But you know what cute animal won’t bite? Goats.

    4. They’re playful as hell

    When people say goats are stubborn, what they actually mean is that goats are extremely playful. Why do you think they call little children kids? Look at that picture above and tell me you don’t want to see that every day.

    ALSO READ: 13 Ways To Know When Your Pet Has Become Possessed

    5. Owning a goat immediately increases your “coolness points”

    If you want to stand out and appear cool, don’t do the same thing everyone is doing. Do something different and stand out. Buy a goat today.

    6. If you’re a plant parent, you automatically have manure

    15 Best Indoor Plants - Easy Indoor Gardening Ideas

    No need to spend money on expensive manure anymore. You now have a manure manufacturing machine in your house. You can even start selling at some point, because goats poop a lot.

    7. They won’t pee or poop in your house because you’re not even letting them in

    5 great Christmas gifts that may surprise you | World Vision

    Cat and dog owners are always complaining about their animals peeing in weird places in their houses. Is it not animals you let inside that will poop on your bed?

    8. You’ll never waste food again because they’ll eat all your leftovers. They’re not selective

    Can Goats Eat Dog Food? | Farming Base

    You’ll give a cat expensive food, and the yeye cat look at it, hiss and walk away? Ehn? Food that I bought with my hard-earned Buhari naira?. Can never be goats. They will eat anything. If you like, put your university certificate beside them, they will eat it too.

    9. You can explore names of actual GOATs like Messi, Davido, Wizkid, and Ronaldo

    These days, when people say “GOAT”, they mean “Greatest of all Time”. Now imagine how cool it would be to name your goat Ayodeji Balogun. That’ll make him  both THE GOAT and a goat at the same time. Simple maths. GOAT.

    10. And if worse comes to worst, they’ll feed you (*wink wink*)

    We didn’t say anything o. Just look at this beautiful plate of asun.


    QUIZ: Which Pet Should You Get?

  • Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing.

    This week’s Naira Life is brought to you by Busha. Thinking of starting your crypto journey and trading the most secure way? Try Busha.

    Today’s subject on Naira Life started out wanting to become one of the youngest embryologists in Nigeria, then suddenly switched to genetics, but after a rough year, she’s decided to quit her job and focus on data science and becoming a chef. 

    Let’s start with your first memory of money.

    When I was eight years old, my school had a trade fair and my mum gave me ₦3,000 to buy whatever my little sister and I wanted — ₦1,500 each. At the trade fair, I had a bright idea: I would buy stuff for my sister and me with ₦1,500, and take the other half of the money back home to my mum. ₦1,500 could buy a lot of snacks, children’s books and tiny toys in 2007, so I splurged, and then got my friends to buy me even more stuff. I even got my mum a gold-plated pen. 

    Back home, my mum couldn’t contain her excitement. Her eight-year-old daughter had gone out and not only made a great financial decision to save but also brought a lot of stuff home and even got her a gift. She was so proud of me. I was happy she was happy, but I was also a little confused because I didn’t realise that saving was such a big deal. 

    I only have memories of uncles and aunties giving me money after that incident because I remember saving those gift monies in a kolo I kept with my mum. Whenever I needed some cash to buy snacks, I asked her and she gave me. This continued until I went to secondary school and started making my own money. 

    What were things like at home?

    I’d say we’ve always been a little above average financially. We could afford to eat well at home, get gifts, and go to restaurants occasionally. Nothing extravagant, but we weren’t suffering. My mum is a public servant and my dad is a nuclear physicist who’s always done his practice and research by himself.

    Let’s talk about the money you made in secondary school.

    LMAO. I went to a boarding school that didn’t allow provisions, so in SS 2, I saw an opportunity to sell drinks and snacks to hungry students in hostels after lights out. My best friend and I partnered and sold ₦100 drinks for ₦150 and added a small markup to biscuits too. During siestas, we washed and ironed clothes for people who didn’t want to do it themselves. Washing was ₦50 per piece of clothing and ironing was ₦100, but washing and ironing together cost ₦100. On an average day, we made ₦1,200 — ₦600 from drinks and another ₦600 from laundry — and split it 50/50. 

    But you know the painful part? Money wasn’t allowed in school because people could steal it, so we transacted in school-issued tickets. Because we couldn’t use the tickets outside school, we spent all the “money” we were making on the only thing we could — snacks. Sometimes, we had more tickets than we needed at the end of a school term, so we took them home and brought them back the next term. 

    In SS 3, we stopped to focus on exams, but because I had tasted what it felt like to make money, I knew I was going to continue business in university.

    Did you?

    Ah, yes. My monthly allowance throughout university was ₦50k — ₦20k from my dad because he thought it would be enough to survive and ₦30k from my mum because she knew I couldn’t survive on ₦20k monthly. We kept the ₦30k a secret from him. 

    I started looking for business opportunities after one semester in school. People were doing business left, right and centre, so I knew there was money to be made. The first thing I did was sell press-on nails. I bought a set of 24 nails for ₦2,400 and sold 10 pieces for ₦1,500, so I made about ₦600 per pack. Then I started marketing clothing items for students who wanted to sell but didn’t know how to. I took my cut on every sale. 

    By the time I got to my second year, I was making a steady ₦5,000 monthly from business, and spending it all, plus my allowance, on food, personal items and data. Zero savings. 

    In year three, I stopped selling things because school was getting stressful and pivoted into hair care. People, including me, were going crazy about natural hair and general hair care, so with my products, I helped people wash their hair, do twists, and even create regimens to follow. My monthly business income increased to ₦8,000, and the only thing that changed with my expenses was that I bought more hair products.

    First nails, then hair. What did you do in final year?

    Hair x100. In my final year, the school moved our hostels far away from where people usually made hair and wigs, so I expanded my hairdressing business to accommodate wig-making. For every wig I made, I charged ₦1,800. If they said it was too expensive, I broke it down for them this way: “Going to the salon will cost you ₦400 on transportation and ₦2,000 to make the wig. That’s ₦2,200. Why do you want to spend that when you can spend ₦1,800 and get it in right here in the hostel?”

    It took me four hours to make a wig, and wig caps cost ₦500, so my profit on each wig was ₦1,300. I was getting about 8-10 orders a month, and between wig-making and hairdressing, I made about ₦20k a month. I think I started saving in my final year because I remember having over ₦100k when I graduated. 

    All this business talk is making me wonder what was happening with your studies.

    I studied anatomy because I couldn’t make it into medicine, so I spent my entire university stay wondering what I would do with my life career-wise. That fear constantly put me on my feet and made me study extra hard in school so I could be in the best position to get whatever jobs came my way. 

    While researching one day in my final year, I stumbled on embryology. The more I read, the more amusing I found it that you could work on embryos to create new life, and the more I realised that I could make a career out of it. I did a bit more googling and saw that the fertility and IVF space isn’t so saturated in Nigeria, especially for young people, so I decided I was going to focus my career on being an embryologist.

    How did that go?

    Immediately I graduated in June 2019, I stopped my businesses and started going to fertility clinics to drop my resume and tell them I was willing to work for free until NYSC called me up, and then I would serve in their company for the service year. All of them rejected me. Eventually, NYSC came, I went to camp, and they posted me to a school to teach. That’s when I went to meet my parents to beg them for two things: to find someone who would hire me as an embryologist at a fertility clinic and to find someone who would help me arrange for the school I was posted to reject me. 

    After a month of running around and meeting a few people my parents connected me to, I was able to get both done, and I resumed as a trainee embryologist in a fertility hospital in December 2019. The pay was ₦40,000 — except from March to June 2020 when I didn’t work because of lockdown and they paid ₦16,000 — and NYSC was giving me ₦33,000. I carried my bad university spending habits into real life, so the money finished every month on data, eating out and transportation to work. 

    What was the job like?

    I put my all into it because I had a five-year plan to become one of the youngest certified embryologists in Nigeria. Even when they needed me to come to work on Saturdays, I went. It was a lot of work, but it was work I was willing to do. 

    I finished NYSC in October and worked one extra month before I quit the job. 

    Why?

    God told me to. I hadn’t taken my spirituality seriously in a while until November that year when I had the sudden urge to go to a church one Sunday morning. Shortly after I started attending the church and rekindling my relationship with God, he told me to quit my job. He didn’t say why. Two days after I heard the message, I got a job offer. It was from the child company of the hospital I worked for, and the role had nothing to do with embryology. It was a geneticist role — something I knew nothing about. The current geneticist was leaving for her PhD in two weeks, and they needed a replacement ASAP. My boss recommended me on the basis that I was a fast learner, a dedicated worker, and I’d fit into the role in no time. I took the job in mid-December 2020 and resumed fully in January 2021. The pay was ₦130,000. 

    Mad. 

    When I started earning more, I realised I needed therapy. I was struggling with anxiety, crippling fear and an addiction as a result of a recent traumatic event, and I needed to do something about it. 

    Care to share what happened?

    Remember how in 2019 I was going up and down looking for a fertility clinic to work at and trying to get NYSC to cancel my teaching job? On one of those days, I was sexually assaulted by an NYSC official. It was through therapy I realised my extreme diligence and commitment to my job was me channelling my hurt into something. I had a six-week session with a therapist I found on Instagram. It cost ₦45,000. 

    I’m so sorry you went through that. How was the geneticist job going?

    Difficult. My job description was to assist my boss and learn from him, but that’s not how it turned out. At the company, there were only two of us — it’s difficult to find an expert geneticist in Nigeria and people we tried to hire as expatriates were charging too much, so I wore many hats. I was the one putting on the gen, working all the excel sheets, creating presentations for my boss, maintaining records, being my boss’ PA, and still working alongside him on procedures — we work with IVF clinics to test for abnormalities in embryos.

    That’s a lot. 

    My salary increased to ₦160,000 in June 2021, and that’s when a conversation with a friend prompted me to start saving ₦20,000 a month, paying tithe, investing in crypto and saving in dollars. The rest of my money went to transportation, data, regular eating and stress eating. 

    Stress eating?

    In the one year I’d spent there, the job became much more tasking. I had to be at the office at 5 a.m. from time to time and would get home pretty late too. 

    To top it all, my boss was a tough man to work with.  I couldn’t have regular conversations with him. I was so used to getting shouted at and talked down by him that my confidence had gotten low, and my self-worth was depleted. I started thinking nothing of myself because I was used to being treated like that. In the one year I had worked there, I was a totally different person. By December 2021, I realised I needed to leave.

    What did you do after? 

    When I told him I wanted to leave in December, he tried to convince me to stay and increased my salary to ₦170,000 the next month, but I sent my resignation letter at the beginning of March 2022, and I’m leaving when the month ends. I stayed for two extra months because I want to train the person taking over from me, so they have an easier time than me. 

    I love it. What are your plans for the future?

    Because I was doing a lot of excel work in this company where I work, I thought to myself, “Why don’t I try out data science?” When I discussed it with my friends, they encouraged me, so I recently started data science classes online. I’m excited about it because I know data is the future. Even in genetics, there’s data. 

    Apart from data science, I’m also looking to start a culinary career. I’ve always been a great cook, but I never thought about cooking professionally. Last month, a friend got me a job to cook for a family of six for a day’s meal, and they paid me ₦30,000. It was like scales fell off my eyes, and I saw my true earning potential in cuisine. People had been telling me that I’d make a great chef all my life and I hadn’t listened. But not anymore. 

    My goal is to balance both data science and cuisine and make a ton of money from them, and I’m excited about my prospects. I even got a job offer to work as an embryologist again, but this time, the pay was ₦100k. I rejected it because my eyes are on the future; I don’t want to go back. 

    What are your finances like right now?

    I have a total of ₦723k that’s broken down into $800 saved in a finance app, ₦133k in BTC, and ₦150k in the bank. 

    Let’s look at your monthly expenses.

    Is there an uncertainty that comes with leaving employment to try something new?

    Absolutely. But I just tell myself that other people have done it, so I can too. 

    Is there something you want right now but can’t afford?

    I want to go to Le Cordon Bleu or The Culinary Institute of America so I can become a top chef, but a more realistic alternative is a culinary school in Nigeria whose programme is ₦1.4 million. I’ll start saving towards it when I start making money again. 

    And your financial happiness on a scale of 1-10?

    I’d say a 7 because I’ve made money at multiple points in my life and been able to afford the things I want. I have a lot more money to make and a lot more things to do, but for now, I’m satisfied. 


    Now that you’ve made it to the end of the article, here’s exciting news: If you want to buy and sell Bitcoin, Ethereum, and more, deposit and withdraw instantly and securely, and manage your crypto portfolio, click here to download Busha.

  • The Nigerian experience is physical, emotional, and sometimes international. No one knows it better than our features on #TheAbroadLife, a series where we detail and explore Nigerian experiences while living abroad.


    Our subject on Abroad Life today is a 22-year old who made it out of Ukraine before his city was attacked. He talks about why he moved to Ukraine, how he knew trouble was coming, and his future plans now that he’s not going back. 

    When did you first decide to leave Nigeria?

    Early in life, I had the opportunity to travel and see many places. Because of my exposure, I knew other places were better than Nigeria, and that after secondary school, I would further my studies elsewhere. It even made extra sense because I wanted to study medicine, and I’d heard stories of medical students in Nigeria having it difficult. 

    I finished secondary school in 2017, did A-Levels in 2018, had a gap year where I researched on schools in different countries I could go to in 2019 and finally moved to Ukraine in 2020.

    Why Ukraine?

    My first option was Norway. I’d heard it was a peaceful, beautiful place with a high quality of life, but the school I applied to didn’t get back to me. My next option was Germany, but I heard I had to know German, and after trying German classes for three months,  I chalked Germany off the list. 

    Ukraine eventually happened because I wanted to study medicine. Ukraine is one of the top destinations in the world to study medicine, and because of this, foreigners who study medicine in Ukraine have an advantage when it comes to securing employment in other European countries. That’s why many people go to Ukraine to study medicine — so they can practice all over Europe. To add to all of this, the fees are cheaper than in many other countries.

    I used an agency, and the application and visa process took me about three months from when I decided to leave. I didn’t need any language tests because courses are taught in English.

    Expectations vs reality: Ukraine edition. 

    Because I’d travelled a lot growing up, I didn’t have any expectations other than that it was going to be a cold place with a sprinkle of Eastern European racism. I was right about the cold, but I never experienced racism — though that’s probably because I never learnt the language so I didn’t know what anyone was saying to me. What I didn’t expect was the number of Africans I saw there. I lived in Sumy, a city in north-eastern Ukraine, and omo, Africans were everywhere. 

    So settling was easy?

    Yep. I had people who I could relate to, who told me where to get Nigerian food and helped me feel at home. I didn’t stay in the school hostel for long because it wasn’t in great conditions — they used pit latrines, for example — but that didn’t mean I struggled to settle in school. One thing that helped with school was getting assigned to a study group immediately I resumed, and that’s the group I was meant to study with till I graduated. That was really important for me because it meant I could share whatever educational struggles I had with them.

    Sounds like you were having a great time.

    Okay time, yes. Great time, not so really. It wasn’t bad; it just wasn’t great. Ukraine has better electricity, roads and social amenities than Nigeria, but that’s it. It’s not like it’s a fun or extremely advanced place. I was just going through school and waiting to finish in three years until I had to leave in a hurry last month. 

    Russia?

    Yes. Before Russia attacked Ukraine, when it was all still media speculations, newer students like me who had never experienced the geopolitical conflict between Russia and Ukraine were terrified. We didn’t know whether to run or whether to stay, but the older students reassured us that everything was going to be okay. Apparently, tiny conflicts happen from time to time between Russia and Ukraine, but these conflicts never result in anything, so everybody was calm. But not me.

    Since I was a kid, I’ve enjoyed reading about history and politics. So I went online to read about Russia’s war history and saw that they invaded Georgia in 2008. Now, that wasn’t important to me until February 15, 2022, when it was speculated that there were cyber-attacks on Ukrainian banks and ministries by Russia. That night, I tried to transfer money to someone and it didn’t work, tried to withdraw and couldn’t, tried an ATM and it wasn’t dispensing. Russia denied it, but I was concerned.

    I remembered what I read about the Georgia invasion — it started with cyber-attacks.  Omo, immediately I did the maths in my head. I called my study group and told them everyone needed to find a way to leave. They didn’t take me seriously because the people that had been in Ukraine longer said nothing was going to happen. 

    Once I delivered my message, I went online and booked a flight to London for the next day. I have relatives there. 

    Another reason people didn’t consider leaving was my school. They don’t like it when people leave. When conversations about the war started in the media, they sent emails to the students that pretty much said if we left, there’d be terrible repercussions for missed classes. I still get emails from school telling us to do some school work. 

    The day I was travelling presented another warning sign — for some reason, the airport in my city wasn’t working. I had to take a five-hour bus to another city to use their airport. I expected to see the airport crowded with people trying to leave, but it was just like a normal day. 

    Four days after I got to London, the attacks started.

    Damn. 

    I didn’t even have the time to feel good for myself. Sumy is one of the cities that was attacked, so my friends were displaced immediately. None of them has been injured, but they’re afraid. They can’t even try to escape because there’s shooting on the streets, threats of airstrikes and the weather is cold. Where would they go? Thankfully, there are some bomb shelters. Every time I have the opportunity to speak with them, I hear fear and anger in their voices, and it breaks my heart. 

    On the first day of the attacks, my phone was blowing up because of the number of people reaching me to find out if I was okay. I was, but I couldn’t stop thinking about families with kids still stuck in Ukraine, and who can’t say, “Yes, my child is safe.”

    Do you think you’ll go back?

    I’m surely not returning to Ukraine. I can’t bring myself to return to a place where something like that has happened. It’ll be too traumatic. I packed everything important to me before I left, except my original WAEC result, but I’m sure when I get back to Nigeria, I’ll get an affidavit.

    My plan right now is to transfer to a school in the Caribbean. Studying medicine is cheap there too, and it’ll be easy to transition into America or Canada once I’m done. 


    Hey there! My name is Sheriff and I’m the writer of Abroad Life. If you’re a Nigerian and you live or have lived abroad, I would love to talk to you about what that experience feels like and feature you on Abroad Life. All you need to do is fill out this short form, and I’ll be in contact.

  • February was the first full month we had Twitter back since Bubu and his boys took it away last year. As usual, Nigerians showed how absolutely unhinged they were with these hilarious tweets. Which ones are the funniest?

    1. Modern problems require modern solutions.

    2. Okay, but picture The Weeknd carrying a bucket of water on his head.

    3. Aspire to perspire.

    4. UI/UX Solutions Architect.

    5. How is Waheed so accurate?

    6. Noooooooooo! Now I can’t unsee it.

    7. The way I screamed.

    8. I am that goat, and that goat is me.

    9. After a $1,000 dinner?

    https://twitter.com/kimilokan/status/1493579193585655813?s=21

    10. Basketball slander is always welcome.

    Also read: 6 Supernatural Ways to Break the Demonic Hold of a Nigerian Man

    11. Why are Nigerians so… rude?

    12. Ah, please o.

    13. Equal representation.

    14. These are the real questions.

    15. A perfect relationship.

    16. Flutterwave announces new $3 billion valuation, next thing…

    17. Thotimus Prime didn’t lie though.

    18. Davido started training long before the war started. What does he know that we don’t?

    19. Make Buhari no go dey insult Putin o.


    QUIZ: Which Social Network Will You Meet The Love Of Your Life On?

  • Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing.

    If we had to describe today’s Naira Life subject in one word, it would be “Hustler”. From selling handmade greeting cards in secondary school to running six concurrent businesses in university, then juggling design with everything he could find, this man does a lot, and still wants to do more. 

    Tell me about your first memory of money. 

    I was eight years old when I stole ₦10 from my dad’s pocket to buy sweets. This was 2002, so ₦10 could get me something decent. 

    The concept of getting pocket money didn’t exist for me or my two younger siblings. Whenever I asked my parents for money, they said no. They were only responsible for paying fees, buying books and feeding us. 

    Nobody caught me stealing, and I continued for about a month before I heard a message in church about stealing being a sin and repented.

    Is it that things were hard at home?

    Yep. Money wasn’t easy to come by in my house. My dad was a pastor and my mum was a teacher. My mum brought more money because apart from her teaching job, she also sold items like second-hand clothes, belts and cufflinks whenever she saw the chance. I remember helping her hawk puff puff briefly. 

    Her businesses weren’t for long-term profit-making though; she did them to help us survive when things were very bad. Watching my mum do all that to keep us afloat simplified my idea of making money — I had to do business to survive. I didn’t have dreams of becoming a banker or an astronaut. It was just business. And that’s what I did when I got to boarding school.

    Tell me. 

    In JSS 3, we were given an assignment where we made greeting cards, and somehow, mine was better than everyone else’s. I was so good, my classmates started enquiring if I had any more cards for sale. A few weeks later, I sold my first card: an apology card from a girl to her boyfriend, and I charged ₦50. From there, word spread that I was doing cards, so I kept getting orders here and there. Making that money was exciting.

    By the time I got to SS 2, I found another business opportunity — people were always hungry at night in the hostels. My solution was to buy lots of biscuits from the tuck shop and sell them for double the price once it was lights out. It worked like magic. I sold out every single night and used the money I was making to buy snacks for myself. It was also from that money I started to pay offering for myself for the first time. 

    By the time I was going into university, I knew I had to do business on a larger scale, not just because I wanted to, but I didn’t have a choice. My parents had struggled to put me in a private school and didn’t have the means to give me pocket money, so I was on my own. 

    What’d you do?

    One thing I realised quickly in university was that there were a lot of rich kids who had money to spend. I continued my card making business, but this time, the cards weren’t handmade. They were printed. I was printing so many cards, I decided to get into the printing business too.

    Two whole businesses in your hands. Bezos is shaking.

    Ordinary two businesses? LMAO. I hadn’t even started. 

    My room in the hostel turned into a shop. One half of my locker was for provisions, biscuits and gala, the other half was for my personal belongings. One time, my friends started talking about how good my noodles were, so I decided to start selling cooked noodles too. People would come to my room, order noodles and come back to get their food. 

    One more thing — because I studied architecture, I always needed to buy new practical materials like drawing boards and other types of stationery. Luckily for the entrepreneur in me, they didn’t sell these things in school, so people had to take exeats to go and buy them. I quickly announced that if people needed stuff, I could help them get it, so whenever people needed materials they’d send me. I even sold toast bread in classes too.

    How did all of this affect your finances?

    By my second year when business was moving steadily, I was making about ₦40,000 weekly. Immediately I started making money, I became the one in charge of taking care of my younger siblings, so I sent them weekly allowances and paid school fees when I had to. I even started paying my own school fees at some point. My parents were super happy. They made it my official duty to cater for my siblings. 

    I was also expanding my business, so I went from having one small printer to having three big ones. Those cost ₦120k each. Amidst all of this, I became the friend people came to when they needed money. So, I had zero savings, but money was coming in, and that was nice.  

    Wait, were you even facing your studies at all?

    Not really, no. I didn’t have time to study, but I’ve always had a magnetic memory, so I made sure I attended every class and then read just a bit before the exams. I managed to come out with a second class upper. 

    One thing I did struggle with was self-esteem. I was a bit embarrassed to sell I had to sell things to survive in a school full of rich kids, but a conversation I had with a friend in my first year changed the way I saw things. We were walking from the place I’d gone to buy a new carton of noodles to sell and had to walk past a few female classmates that stayed near my hostel. When we passed them, I told him about how humiliating it was that they probably knew I was buying not to eat but to sell. When I was done speaking, he smiled, looked at me and said, “Owó ìgbẹ́ ò kín rùn”, which is a Yoruba proverb that roughly translates to, “The money you make from packing faeces doesn’t smell.” 

    As long as it was legal and I was making a profit, nothing else mattered. 


    In my final year in 2014, I picked up an interest in graphic design and decided that instead of architecture, I wanted to focus on design, so I started watching design tutorials on YouTube. 

    How did that go?

    I learnt fast because I was practising everything I was learning in my free time. Because I knew people who were making money from design, I expected to start cashing out soon. At the beginning of the three-month break between when I finished my bachelor’s and when I started my master’s, I got a design job at the place where I did my school internship. It was my first job, so I didn’t know I was meant to agree on salaries before I started. I believed we’d pick it up at the end of the month. After a month, they offered me ₦40,000. I felt insulted. I didn’t collect the money, I just left.

     The next week, I sent them a proposal saying I was going to redesign their logo and give them a new brand identity. I billed them ₦285,000, and they accepted it. That’s when I realised that as a designer, I could make way more money from commissions than from a 9-5. I used the money to pay for my master’s, went back to school and continued business as usual. 

    Master’s was supposed to be between 2014 and 2015, but I had an extra year that meant I had to stay till 2016. Thankfully, I didn’t have to stay in school, so I got another job as a brand designer. We negotiated ₦150,000, but two weeks after I started the job, they sent me my offer letter and it was ₦105,000. After some back and forth, they increased it to ₦125,000. I left after three months because it was both a toxic place to work, and I found a new job that was paying ₦150,000 monthly on a one year contract.

    Were you still doing your other side jobs?

    I was still printing and making cards, and in 2016, I started a new business. A friend was getting married, and I offered to make props for her wedding. I designed them, got someone to print them and they turned out great, so I decided to start making props for events too. 

    I opened an Instagram account and posted pictures of her wedding props and then some other mockups I’d done in the hopes that I’d get more people reaching out to do props. In two weeks, I got a DM for my first design gig worth about ₦50,000. A year later, I was making ₦200,000 on an average month. My design job was the main thing, but card making, printing and props making were also bringing small cash here and there. I started taking care of not just myself and my siblings, but my parents too. 

    By December 2017, I got another job that paid ₦200,000, but I quit after a month because I had to move from Lagos to Abuja — I was chasing a babe who moved to Abuja in January 2018, and I followed her. 

    So you caught flights for… feelings? 

    LMAO. Moving to Abuja ended up being a great decision. First of all, the city is cheaper than Lagos. Then I didn’t have to pay rent because I lived with my aunt for almost a year. I started printing and selling cards here too, but I didn’t completely stop Lagos operations. If an order came in, I sent someone to help me and we shared the profits. 

    Shortly after I moved, somebody contacted me for designs for their social media. It was ₦10,000 per post, and they were doing 10 posts in a month. That was my first ever online client, and that experience opened my eyes to the opportunity in freelancing for individuals, so I started telling people to refer me to anyone who needed a personal freelance designer. The next one I found paid me ₦100,000 to design two pages of a brochure. 

    As time went by, I got many more referrals and my workload became so heavy, I needed an office space to be able to work efficiently. I had two friends who had a startup in Abuja, so I reached out to them and told them to allow me work from their office in exchange for free designs for their social media. They agreed, and I worked from their office until October 2018 when they offered me the head of marketing role at their company. They didn’t have a head of marketing and thought I would be a great fit because of the communication and design skills I had. I took the job but quit after one month. I can’t remember how much they paid me, but it wasn’t great. 

    What was your plan at this point?

    I just wanted to keep doing design as a freelancer. My finances weren’t great, so I was hoping to land a big client. The next month, a friend who was also a designer got a consultancy job he couldn’t take because he had too much doing already, so he passed it to me. It was for an NGO, and I needed to travel to different states to be in meetings. I spent eight days on the job, but it paid over ₦400,000 minus hotel and feeding. These people didn’t stress me, and they paid well. I’d heard about NGOs paying good money in Abuja and here I was, eating their money. The next month, they came again and we did the same thing. It was sweet money. 

    Mad. 

    By 2019, I knew what I was going to focus on — NGO jobs and personal clients. I still did my other hustles but on a more professional level — I had built a website for people who wanted to order stuff. In 2019, I also got married to the woman I followed to Abuja, so we paid rent for ₦1 million, bought a car for ₦1.6 million, and did some back and forth between Lagos and Abuja for the wedding. My wedding was small so I spent ₦674,000 in total. 

    During the pandemic in 2020, I was a bit more settled and had some free time, so I went hard on getting clients, NGO commissions, bulk printing orders, e.t.c. Things were going great, but they were about to get better because, by October 2020, I got a part-time job with the Nigerian arm of an international NGO. The pay was ₦52,000 per day that I worked, and I worked for three days a week. My salary was typically around ₦650,000 a month. 

    Smooth.

    The contract was for three months, but they kept renewing it until December 2021. Now, I don’t work for them anymore, but whenever they need a designer for a small project, they reach out. The rates have changed to ₦84,000 per day. 

    What’s your average monthly income right now?

    Maybe about ₦500,000, from design jobs, printing, selling cards, props and a customised t-shirt business I started with my wife last year. 

    What’s something doing business has taught you?

    Most recently, I’ve learnt that I need to optimise my business to work even in my absence. I do the major running around for my businesses, but going forward, I need to make a few hires and set up a few models for the businesses to run without me so I can focus on doing other things. 

    Can I get a breakdown of your monthly expenses?

    What are your target savings for the house?

    There’s a 45 million naira house we’re eyeing, but we’re still a long way from there. Maybe if I get a big contract, I can allocate some funds for it. Right now, our rent is ₦1 million and we’re okay with it. 

    What’s one thing you want but can’t afford right now?

    My wife wants to travel abroad to enjoy her life. I want to bankroll her. 

    And your financial happiness on a scale of 1-10?

    I’ll put it at a 10. It’s ironic because my finances right now are pretty bad. I barely have any savings, the only major investments I have are in my business — machines and inventory — and I don’t have a steady income, but I’m happy because I have everything I need, I have my family, and I know that I’ll do more business and make much more money in the future. 

  • Everyone already knows what’s happening — Russia has invaded Ukraine over its proposed alignment with the North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO), and we’re all scared it’s going to blow up in our faces and cause World War III. More than 130 civilians and soldiers have been killed, and over 300 wounded.

    As scared as the rest of the world is, we can’t imagine how frightening it must be for people who live, study or work in Ukraine, especially the affected parts. More specifically, we’re worried about the  Nigerians there. 

    What’s happening to them? Are they among the casualties? How are they evacuating affected places? Who are the Nigerians helping other Nigerians?

    Friends trapped in Ukraine

    First, we spoke with Bela, a Nigerian in Nigeria. She lived in Ternopil, a city in Western Ukraine from 2015 to 2020 and still has friends there. Here’s what she had to say: 

    “It’s scary. All my friends are pretty shaken. We didn’t expect it to escalate this much. They’re all still pretty safe because the attacks have been in Eastern Ukraine, but who knows if it’ll get bigger? I’m hearing stories of other people trying to escape into Poland, but the border is pretty crowded now, both with cars and people trying to escape on their feet. There have even been talks of racism at the borders, but I hope it’s not true. It’s just a mess.”

    Fled to London before Russian invasion

    Then we spoke with a Nigerian who left Ukraine a few days ago because he suspected this would happen. 

    “I’ve been in university in Sumy for almost three years now. Because I read about history and politics a lot, I’ve been very alert in this period. On the 15th of February, there were cyberattacks on Ukraine from Russia. The department of defence, some national banks and some ministries were affected. I remember trying to transfer money to someone and it wasn’t working, then I tried to withdraw and I couldn’t. ATMs weren’t working. Immediately, I went online and booked my flight to London. I left the next day, and I’m staying with family. Russia invaded Georgia in 2008, and there were cyberattacks, so this felt too similar.

    “I have friends who are stuck in Sumy right now. It’s in North-Eastern Ukraine, so the attacks have reached there. There was a bomb blast last night, and many of them have had to evacuate to underground bomb shelters under hostels. In Sumy, there’s a Ukrainian military base, so the soldiers resisted the Russian forces by fighting back. It’s crazy what’s happening there.

    “Some of my other friends who aren’t in bomb shelters are in basements of other people’s apartments. 

    “Even when the war dies down, I’m not returning to Ukraine. I’ll continue elsewhere. The only thing I left behind is my WAEC result, but I’m sure I can live without it.”

    Bags packed and waiting

    One of the Nigerians stuck in Sumy is Shade*, a medical student. After reaching out to her and ensuring she was safe, she had some stuff to tell us. 

    “The place where the bomb blast happened is less than 30 minutes from my school. It’s absolutely terrifying. Many students are underground in bomb-proof bunkers, but it’s not our turn yet. Since the attacks started yesterday, I’ve been with people in an apartment, waiting out whatever is about to happen. I’ve packed a bag and all my documents are with me in case I need to move. If we sense danger, we’ll move to the basement of this apartment. I don’t want to risk going on the road right now to leave this city because it’s dangerous. What if something bad happens? It’s also really expensive. A reliable source told me it’s $300 to get to Poland by road. That’s much more expensive than it normally should be.

    “Because ATMs haven’t been working for a while, many people don’t have cash and it’s been hard to buy food at the few places that still sell, so we’re rationing the little we have, doing one meal a day.” 

    And when we asked about what the Nigerian government is doing for her:

    “In my fear, I’m able to find some anger at the Nigerian government’s reaction to this situation. The only thing that has happened is that we filled some form about a month ago, and we filled the same form yesterday. That’s all. We’ve heard on the news and online that the Nigerian government wants to come and evacuate the students on Monday, but it’s probably not going to happen. Do they want to come and pick us up one by one where we are? If they’re going to pick us up, at least they would have communicated with us to set a rendezvous point or something. We’ve heard nothing. 

    I have Ghanaian friends here. Their president has addressed them and they’re making solid plans to leave. I don’t feel well catered for by my country.

    “As much as I feel in danger though, I’m worried about my family. They’re terrified. My dad has had to receive drips and injections to calm down. Even when I’m trying to sleep, they’re non-stop calling me. I understand that I’m in a precarious situation, but somehow some people have taken this as an opportunity to spread grossly over sensationalised misinformation. The media in Nigeria needs to tackle this ASAP. Families are already going through too much emotional strain for someone to come and be lying to them.”

    Thousands of Nigerians stuck in Ukraine

    Outside Ukraine, Nigerians are reaching out to help other Nigerians who are crossing into Poland to help them settle.

    But we also saw this tweet about people not being let into the country. 

    For Nigerians in Poland, who need to contact the embassy, see below. 

    Right now, there are over 12,000 Nigerian students in Ukraine, along with Nigerians from other walks of life. As more information comes, we’ll update this post and do new posts on the situation with Nigerians in Ukraine.  


  • The Nigerian experience is physical, emotional, and sometimes international. No one knows it better than our features on #TheAbroadLife, a series where we detail and explore Nigerian experiences while living abroad.


    The only reason today’s subject on Abroad Life is still in Canada is because she’s waiting for her citizenship. She’s been there for 12 years and she’s tired of the cold, the boredom and the racism.

    When did you decide to leave Nigeria?

    12 years ago. When I was 15 and just out of secondary school, my mum visited Canada for the first time, came back home and said, “You’re going to Canada for university.”

    Just like that?

    Just like that. My plan was to study in the UK because that’s where I’d been before, and I was more familiar with it. The only thing I knew about Canada was that it was cold. Canada wasn’t even one of the countries anyone wanted to go to at that time, the way everyone wants to go there now. 

    Six months after she told me, I left Nigeria. By that time, I’d turned 16. I didn’t go straight into university when I got to Canada,  I did a year of A-levels first. 

    Expectation vs reality: Canada Edition.

    I expected it to be cold, lonely and boring. The cold part was true. I had to wear gloves and sweaters all the time so I didn’t get frostbite. 

    And the loneliness?

    It didn’t become true until I left university. A-levels and university were not so bad because the schools I went to had a lot of Nigerian students. That helped me settle in well because I still had people around me I could go out to eat Nigerian food with. It was when adulthood kicked in — I got a job and started living on my own — that I realised that I could feel really alone in a place that had lots of people. 

    That sounds sad—

    Around this time I also realised that the trope about Canadians being the nicest people on earth was a goddamn lie. Racism happens very often here too, but it’s just not as “in your face” as in other places. It’s subtle. 

    One time, my friends and I went to a liquor store to get some drinks. All of us were Africans. The guy at the counter refused to sell to us, even after we showed him ID, and when we demanded to see the manager, he threatened to call the police. It’s little things like that from time to time. 

    When I called the company a few days later, they apologised and said they knew the specific employee I was talking about and he wasn’t a manager.He was just a guy who liked to do stuff like that. 

    You don’t seem to be enjoying Canada that much. 

    LMAO. I always want to be back in Nigeria. 

    How often do you come back?

    At least once a year since I got here. First, it started as a mandate by my parents that I needed to be home every Christmas as long as I was dependent on them. I think it was their way of keeping an eye on me. The older I got, the more I realised I liked being in Nigeria, so even after my parents couldn’t make me go back anymore, I found every opportunity I could to make the trip. 

    There are a lot of things about Nigeria that make me want to stay there — the people, the atmosphere, the fun and the sun. The sun is really important to me. There’s something about being in a country that’s cold and gloomy most of the time that just makes you feel like you’re depressed. I grew up in Nigeria where I was in the sun a lot, so being away from the sun is a no-no for me. It also gets really boring here. There really isn’t a lot of fun activities to do. When I’m in Nigeria with Nigerians, I feel more alive. 

    Any plans to move back?

    I was in Nigeria from August 2021 to February 2022. I only came back to Nigeria a few weeks ago because I got a job. Before I left for Nigeria in 2021, I quit the job I had been at for five years, sold everything I had and told myself I was finally moving back home, but somewhere deep down, I wanted some security so I was still applying for jobs in Canada. When I was in Nigeria, I told everybody I was back and the responses I got were confused, like, “You have the life everybody wants over there. Why are you coming back?” Those responses sort of shook me, so when I got a job offer, I came back. 

    When I got back here, everything felt wrong. It’s like I made the wrong decision to come back. I have no strong ties — not in friendships, relationships or experiences — in Canada. I’m just here for the job. 

    I’m curious: why did you stay after university?

    Immediately after university, I did my master’s, and after my master’s, I got a job, and it was just a convenient series of events. And then I stayed five years at that job. 

    That makes sense. What do you have planned for your future?

    Because I came here as a student, the process for getting citizenship takes longer and is much more complicated than it would be for someone who came as a permanent resident. First I have to apply for permanent residency, get that, and wait a few years before I apply for citizenship. After that, I can go wherever I want.


    The truth is, as much as I want to move back to Nigeria, I need to be logical and ask myself if moving back to Nigeria as it is now is a good idea. I currently work in a university helping black students with inclusivity. Will I get such social work opportunities in Nigeria or will I get home and sit in my parents’ house? Is Nigeria as safe and secure as Canada? Are there as many amenities there as I have here? These are the questions I have to ask myself before making the decision to drop everything and fully move back home. 

    I’ve already been here for 12 years, a few more years to get my citizenship won’t be bad.

    Apart from Nigeria, where else would you go?

    Once I get my citizenship, the plan is to leave these western countries and go to a tropical country where I could get great work opportunities. So it doesn’t have to be Nigeria. There are many possibilities within Africa. I also want to travel a lot and relax for a bit. I know I’m not old, but I’m tired of working. 


    “It Took Me a While to Overcome My Fear of White People” – Abroad Life


    Want more Abroad Life? Check in every Friday at 9 A.M. (WAT) for a new episode. Until then, read every story of the series here.


    Hey there! My name is Sheriff and I’m the writer of Abroad Life. If you’re a Nigerian and you live or have lived abroad, I would love to talk to you about what that experience feels like and feature you on Abroad Life. All you need to do is fill out this short form, and I’ll be in contact.

  • If you went to a Nigerian primary or secondary school, there’s a high chance you were mandated to bring a tiny blue book called Songs of Praise (SOP) to assembly every morning. If you didn’t being that book, you probably chopped a few strokes of cane or served a punishment.

    Songs of Praise songs slapped differently, so on today”s episode of Nostalgia by Zikoko, we bring you your favourite SOP songs.

    1. The OG: “All things bright and beautiful…”

    We can bet you know this one from A to Z even now. It was just that jam.

    2. “There is a green hill far away…”

    Was the plan to make us sad at assemblies? Because this song about Jesus’ crucifixion was just a bit too deep.

    3. “Lead us heavenly Father, lead us.”

    Where this song hits hardest is where it goes, “Guard us, guide us, keep us, feed us, for we have no help but thee!” We sang it with so much passion like we could already tell that adulthood was gonna be the ghetto.

    4. “Praise him, praise him, praise him, praise him, praise the everlastingggg king.”

    Even if you didn’t know any other part of this song, once the chorus came up, you screamed at the top of your lungs. Good times.

    5. “For his mercies they endure, ever faithful, ever pure.”

    This one sounded like a call and response. The response was for the people that didn’t bring their hymn books to assembly.

    6. “Stand up, stand up for — stand up for Jesus!”

    This one was a war cry. The boys loved it.

    7. “Rock of ages, cleft for me.”

    “Let me hiiiiiiiiide myself in thee.” 

    Till today, I don”t know what “cleft” means.

    8. “Amazing grace, how sweet the sound.”

    They’d ask us to sing this one after preaching salvation. Always hit the spot.

    9. “Immortal, invisible God, only wise…”

    “Most glorious, most holy, the ancient of days… almighty, victorious, thy great name we praise.”

    10. “Come, come and worship”

    Come, come and — COME AND WORSHIP, come and — COME AND WORSHIP, come and WORRRRRSHIPPPPPP!

    11. “Oh Jesus I have promised to love thee till the end”

    Do you still love Jesus?


    QUIZ: How Many Primary School Subjects Can You Handle?

  • Every day on Twitter and in real life, we keep hearing about men being pathological liars —  people who live and breathe dishonesty. While we’re not denying that any of these allegations are true, people need to understand that men don’t just wake up one day and say, “I want to spend the rest of my life lying.” No. We’re logical beings with a reason behind everything we do, including lying, and this article will show you seven reasons why men choose the path of dishonesty.

    1. Just for fun

    You have to realise that boys just wanna have fun, and women hate seeing men have fun. If you see a man lying, he’s just doing something to make himself happy. Relax and don’t think too much into it.

    2. It’s in their DNA

    Generations and generations of Nigerian men lying means every Nigerian man today has a lying gene. If your great grandfather, grandfather and father spent half their lives lying, what do you now want to do in your own life? Sometimes, Nigerian men catch themselves lying involuntarily and wonder where it came from. It’s from your ancestors, bro. It’s part of you.

    3. To win elections

    “I will feed your families. I will clothe you. I will make breakfast in bed for you every day. We’ll all share my salary. I’m for everybody. I will actually do my job as president and not become a travel blogger.”

    4. To test women

    Do you really know your man? The answer is no because when he tests you by lying about something you should know, you fail the test and disappoint him by believing. These are the issues.

    5. Saying the truth requires too much energy

    Why go into all the stressful details saying the truth when you can just lie?

    6. Lying is a good form of mental exercise

    Not everyone is like Tunde Onakoya. We can’t all use actual intellectual games to do mental exercise. Chess is boring, lying is interesting.

    7. As practice for when they actually need to lie

    Yes, sometimes we need to lie, so some times, our lies are practice sessions for the lies that may count later in life. 

  • Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing.

    Today’s subject on Naira Life made one promise to himself since he was young — he would never sell anything to make money. After breaking the promise three times, he’s finally found that selling is his calling, and his monthly income is a testament to this. 

    Tell me about your first memory of money.

    The earliest idea I had revolved around not wanting any efforts I made for money affect my time with my loved ones the way it affected my parents. 

    My mum worked as a high-ranking officer at a bank. She left home before we woke up and came back after we’d slept. I remember being a frustrated nine-year-old thinking, “When I grow up, I won’t let my job come between me and my family.”

    And your dad?

    He did anything his hands could find — from producing soap to selling car parts. His businesses weren’t always successful, so my mum was the major breadwinner. My siblings and I quickly learnt that if we needed money, we went to her to because whenever we went to my dad, he would say he didn’t have it or we should go to my mum. 

    But my mum wasn’t taking care of only my two siblings and me — some extended family also lived with us. So she hardly gave us when we asked. In my teens, her response to my money requests became that I needed to go and make my own. She would tell me to go and look at kids selling things on the streets and emulate them. I absolutely hated it whenever she said that. The idea of selling things was irritating to me. 

    Why?

    In my early teenage years, I was once recruited along with other young people in church by my pastor to sell newspapers. He was going to pay us for our services, but we had to make profits. Omo, that day was hot and nobody bought from me no matter how hard I tried. I didn’t even sell enough to make any profits. That day, I swore I didn’t want to have anything to do with selling again in my life. 

    That’s fair. 

    One time in secondary school after the newspaper event, one of those con artists who scammed people into thinking they could turn money into paper came to our school. They showed us a few demos and then brought a ghana-must-go full of those special papers. My friends and I weren’t convinced to buy, instead one of us swore he knew how the thing worked — the first step was putting paper over a fire so that the smoke darkened it, I can’t remember the next. While I was trying it out, my mum caught me and gave me the scolding of my life. She made it clear that if I wanted to make money, I had to do it legally. After that, I didn’t try to make money again till university. 

    What did you do?

    In the early years of university, I connected students who wanted to sell phones with buyers. I handled the conversation, so I added my own profits. After a few deals, I stopped. It wasn’t easy finding people who wanted to deal that way and handling the conversations was stressful. I didn’t do business again until 2017 when I had an extra year in university. I studied statistics and I didn’t really enjoy it or take it seriously. 

    What business was it?

    I sold popcorn on campus. A friend convinced me that it was the next best thing, and we would make at least ₦2,000 daily. This was in 2017 and I was 23. I got ₦30,000 from my mum and my friend contributed ₦20,000. The business crashed after three months of losses. We bought the wrong corn, expensive milk, didn’t track money, it was terrible. 

    Now, you’ve sold two things after promising to never sell again.

    And both times, I got frustrated by the concept of selling. I only did these because I wanted to have my own money, and not because I wanted to sell.

    What happened next?

    I started NYSC in late 2018. At first, I didn’t find a job I liked. I was attending to customers at an event planning centre just so they could sign my monthly clearance form. Five months into NYSC, my friend linked me with a job at the front desk of a gym that paid ₦40,000. It was on Lagos Island, and I lived on the mainland, so my transportation to work every day was ₦1,000. I only survived because NYSC was also paying ₦19,800. 

    By 2020, I turned 25 and my finances were in shambles. The gym job that had retained me after NYSC cut salaries to half when lockdown hit in April, so I only got ₦20,000 from them. On a few occasions, some of my friends abroad reached out to tell me they needed someone to write school essays for them. I wasn’t a writer, but I took the jobs. That paid between ₦18,000 and ₦36,000. My saving grace was that I didn’t have any responsibilities. My mum wasn’t in Nigeria, but she sent money to feed the family regularly, so I was fending for only myself. 

    Because I was home and doing nothing, by May 2020, I decided to learn Data Science and Data Analysis. Everyone was talking about how it was the next best thing, and I needed skills to be more valuable so I could get a job and make money. I got a few courses online, some free and some paid, and started learning. 

    How did that go?

    It was going smoothly until I was on my way to church one morning in July and someone snatched my phone from the bus window. I was devastated. That was the third time my phone was being stolen in two years. If I was going to buy a new phone, I would need to save my salary for about 10 months without touching it. That couldn’t work, so I started talking to my friends about opportunities for making money fast. 

    What did you find?

    One friend introduced me to internet marketing.

    Selling again?

    I was too desperate and frustrated to turn down the suggestion. He showed me a course that taught how to sell online, target ads, write powerful copy, put products in front of people who would buy them and all that. The course was ₦40,000. I paid half and another friend paid half. Buying the course also gave me access to a platform where I could become an affiliate marketer — I could sell courses and get commissions from the sales whenever someone purchased with a link I shared. That link was connected to my account.  

    After my first week, I decided to sell a course on working from home because we were in the middle of a lockdown and people would be interested. I put the link on my WhatsApp story and made two sales. My commission was a total of ₦4,500. It was sweet, easy money. After that, I started talking about the course I was doing to see if people would be interested in wanting to learn how to sell. 

    How much was the commission on that one?

    50%. ₦20,000. In my first month, I sold 50 copies and made ₦1,000,000 in commissions, and I hadn’t even finished taking the course. I was just posting the link everywhere on social media and talking about how that course would help them sell and make millions. I wasn’t using the knowledge from the course to sell products, I was using it to sell the course itself. 

    Mad. 

    Luckily for me, I joined the platform when they started a three-month challenge for who would sell the most books. I did similar numbers on my second and third months, and by the end of my third month, I won the challenge. They gave me a car. That’s when it hit me that the past three months hadn’t been a fluke. I was actually selling and making money online. 3 million naira in three months.

    What did you use the money for?

    It was hard for me to keep track of my finances. I was new to making money, so I spent it anyhow. The only good financially progressive thing I did with the money was buy crypto. The rest, I bought a phone, stopped entering buses from the first month, ate out a lot and gave out money. Whenever people asked, I gave. 

    Were you still at your gym job?

    They gave me a one-month notice in August 2020, and I left. Business was bad because of the pandemic. 

    My third month doing affiliate marketing coincided with me getting a Data Analysis job at a tech startup that paid ₦100,000. I still had some knowledge from when I started learning, so I applied because somewhere deep down, I still needed security. What if the affiliate marketing job stopped working? 

    Did it stop working? 

    I doubled down and started running ads to reach more people. I also added a new strategy — if you bought the course from me, I would coach you by showing a few tips and tricks for free. It made more people refer me, so sales kept coming in at an impressive rate.

    By 2021, the volume of my sales slightly reduced because I wasn’t putting as much effort into selling. 

    Data analysis caught up?

    LOL, no. My attention became divided. I was struggling with balancing my Data analysis job, and then I started coaching a lot more because people who didn’t buy the book from me had started reaching out for me to coach them for a fee. The more people I accepted, the more people came, so I split them into general students, cohorts and one-on-one mentees. 

    Wait, how much do you make on an average month?

    Since 2021, I’d say over ₦1 million. I quit the data analysis job in October 2021, because I wasn’t giving it as much attention.

    What’s your monthly spend breakdown like?

    I’ve been terrible with my finances since I started this business. Because the money doesn’t come in bulk, keeping track of where it goes has been a problem for me. Last month, I met with a mentor who shared an excel spreadsheet for me to track my spending so I can be more financially responsible. Before last month though, I spent most of my money heavily investing in crypto. The rest was for eating out, paying for workstations, running ads fixing car issues, and giving in church.

    And last month?

    What kinds of software do you pay for?

    Some are for email marketing, others are for hosting and selling courses. 

    How has making this much money changed your view on selling?

    Immediately I started making money, I realised that selling isn’t about making people buy a product but making a product so attractive people believe they need it. I don’t say, “Come and do this course. It’ll teach you how to sell.” Rather, I say, “See how much this course has given me. You should absolutely do it.”

    Nice—

    Oh, and in October last year, I published my own course. It started at ₦5,500 for pre-order, then went to ₦7,500, then ₦19,500, and now it’s at ₦22,000. I’ve sold over 600 copies and made over ₦5 million in sales. 

    Maybe I should consider sales. What do you want but can’t afford right now?

    Maybe a house. My own house. 

    And your financial happiness on a scale of 1-10?

    I’d put it at a 9 — not because I’m making good money, but because I’m doing it on my own time and terms. I have sales skills I can never lose, I have a sizeable audience of people who trust me online, I can drive traffic and can make people buy things. If I stop selling courses, I’ll always be able to sell other things that’ll make me good money online. Always. My goal is to make $1 million in the next three years.