Quizzes

Stacks

Shows

Podcasts

Newsletters

Naira Life

Love Life

Hustleprint

Love Currency

Sunken Ships

What She Said

My Bro

So You Don’t Have To

Interview With…

Zikoko Memes

Jollof Road

Cholera Outbreak Update

Follow our socials

  • Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing.

    Need to send or receive money fast? Let’s help you send and receive money internationally on the go. Use Afriex

    This #NairaLife is a grass to grace story. The 29-year-old subject went from hawking pure water to staying in university hostels for the less privileged to being owed ₦5k salaries. Now she’s the main breadwinner of her family. How did she do it? 

    What’s your earliest memory of money?

    Things went south when my mum lost her job as a banker. I was five. I wouldn’t say we were rich rich before then, but we were comfortable. After that, things became so bad, we had to move to an underdeveloped area. Once I turned six, I started hawking pure water after school. This continued until almost a year later when I almost got raped. 

    Oh my God.

    To sell fast, I would go to the sawmill because the men who worked there wanted water all the time. My mum had told me not to go there without my brother, but one day, he didn’t want to go with me, so I went alone. In a lonely alley, a man cornered me, but thankfully, someone showed up and saved me. 

    The older I got, the more I realised how broke we were. My school had children from rich homes who brought coconut rice to school for lunch, and on their birthdays, they brought party packs to share. On my birthday, I could only afford to bring Cabin biscuits. 

    There’s even a funny story of how I kept trying to get hit by a vehicle for two years so I could get beverages. 

    Ehn?

    A vehicle hit my brother, and when he was in the hospital, the people who hit him brought all sorts of beverages like Milo, milk, etc. We never had anything like that before. After he got out, I started looking for expensive cars on the roads and walking in front of them so they could hit me. Nobody hit me. 

    After primary school, my parents separated. First, my dad sent me to stay with a woman who treated me like a housemaid. Omo, I suffered in her house. At some point, I even thought my dad collected money from her in exchange for my maid services. She barely fed me. Thankfully, I fell really sick, so I had to leave her house and go to live with my mum. 

    What was that like?

    Terrible. We didn’t have light for like three years. I had to go to my dad’s place every week to collect money for transportation to school and eat from friends’ houses. 

    After JSS 3, I needed money to buy stuff for senior secondary school — new bag, new shoes, socks — because I’d been using the same things since I was in JSS 1, so my dad connected me with a woman who owned a restaurant. I washed plates for weeks and was paid ₦6k. I was so happy. The money was enough to buy everything I wanted. 

    During my holidays in senior secondary school, I worked as a secretary for my dad at his struggling real estate company. During the holiday between SS 3 and university, I worked as a secretary for one of my dad’s friends. He paid me ₦2,500 for each of the three months I worked there. I was staying with my older brother who was married, and every time I got paid, his wife would collect the money to keep for me to give me back in bulk when I was going to uni. Time for uni came, and instead of money, she gave me her old pots. 

    You’re killing me. 

    I went to uni with only transportation money from my dad, and some small savings I had. An old friend from secondary school housed me for my first three days, and then a random babe I met on the queue for departmental registration housed me for the next two months. I stayed in the hostel for the less privileged for the rest of my first year. In my second year, I stayed in the regular school hostel. Third year, I stayed with a friend. And my final year, I stayed in the school hostel again.  

    How did you survive university?

    The grace of God, LMAO! My dad sent me ₦3k monthly, and the rest was me surviving on my friends. They’d buy food for me and give me foodstuff from their house. 

    It was in my third year that I started writing and posting my work online, just for myself. No jobs came from it, but at least, I was doing it. 

    I finished university in June 2014. And because I needed money for convocation in October, I got a job as an assistant to a man who had a startup for vocational training. The pay was ₦5k. He paid me for July, but not for August and September, and I needed the money to buy a gown and shoes for convocation. 

    What did you do?

    In August, I went for a church programme where I met a man who liked me and collected my number. Sometime in September, after we’d been talking, he told me to come and see him in Abuja. Just like that. Obviously, I didn’t have the money to travel to Abuja, so I told him I couldn’t come, but he insisted he wanted to see me, so he sent me transport money. 

    ₦6k. 

    LMAO!

    He said I should enter the 12-hour bus from Lagos, and then call him when I get to the park in Abuja. I obviously wasn’t going to do that, so I told him. Next thing, this man asked me to send his money back. Money that I needed for a convocation gown? Long story short, I didn’t send it, and he cursed my life, but I used the money to buy material to sew a gown, and used shoes, for my convocation. 

    The month between convocation and NYSC was the worst month of my life. I had to eat eba with water. I didn’t have a kobo to my name. I couldn’t even leave my house to go and stay with a friend because I didn’t have money for transportation.

    By November, I was posted to Zamfara for NYSC. Transportation cost ₦11k, and my dad gave me ₦15k. I called my aunt to ask her for extra money. She gave me ₦5k. That’s all the money I went to camp with. Just like in university, the rest was me surviving on friends I made. 

    After camp, I redeployed to Ibadan where I got my first writing gigs that paid ₦500 – ₦1k per article. Immediately NYSC started paying me the monthly ₦19,800, my parents started asking for money. Towards the end of my service year, I got another ₦5k-a-month writing job with a guy who turned out to be a creep. I had to quit because he was pestering me to come to his house. 

    Whoa. 

    Thankfully, I’d started applying for jobs three months before NYSC ended because I didn’t want to go back home broke and idle. One month before I finished NYSC, I got an internship at a PR company in Lagos. The pay was ₦40k. 

    Finally.

    The job was far from where my family lives, so all the money was going into transportation. After my first month, my dad connected me with a woman who lived just behind my workplace so I could stay with her. Best two weeks ever. I was walking to work, eating her food, there was light, everything was perfect. 

    Why just two weeks?

    She wasn’t married, but she had a man she was seeing. After I’d stayed with her for two weeks, he returned from a trip abroad. On the day he came, I greeted him, and we went our separate ways. The next day, she told me I had to leave her house because she didn’t think I’d be comfortable staying in the house with a man. I didn’t have a problem with it, but she insisted. In retrospect, she was probably the one who wasn’t comfortable with the arrangement. To help me, she found an apartment for me, not so far from work, and paid the ₦120k rent. 

    That’s nice of her. 

    After six months working at the ₦40k job, a company reached out to hire me as a content and community manager. This was 2016. Apparently, a Twitter mutual who I’d never even spoken with recommended me and wholeheartedly vouched for me because they saw my articles and tweets on the TL. When they asked me how much I wanted, I told them ₦80k. They offered me ₦110k exclusive of pension and HMO. I wanted to faint. I didn’t even think twice about taking the job. My boss at the ₦40k job was already stressing me by making false promises to increase my salary, so it was a no-brainer to leave. 

    From the ₦110k, I tried to save every month, but black tax was holding my neck. By the end of 2017, I started asking for a raise. It dragged on and on until July 2018 when I quit. 

    Did you get another job?

    Nope. But I couldn’t continue because I was extremely stressed. I’d started my part-time master’s, so I was spending a lot of money on transportation, fees and assignments. In addition, my sister had just gotten into university, and I was single-handedly taking care of her. It didn’t make any sense to still work for ₦110k when I was spending that much money and experiencing that kind of stress. 

    I’d done a writing side gig that paid ₦15k per article earlier in the year, so I just decided to focus on writing five articles a week.

    By September, I started another job at an advertising agency. The pay was ₦170k. All this time, I was trying to save, but black tax, school and rent were taking all my money. I just kept searching for new jobs. By January 2019, I saw an opening for a PR role at a tech company. I applied and got the job. ₦210k. 

    Love it. 

    By the end of the year, it increased to ₦280k. And by 2020, it increased to ₦311k. 

    What was the situation at home like?

    My company makes POSes so I set my mum up with one in 2019. Since then, she’s been making good money from it so my main responsibilities are to my dad and my sister. Sometimes, I have to contribute money to my brothers’ upkeep too.

    By 2021, they increased my salary to ₦350k. I was so angry. 

    Why?

    I’d become a team lead at a tech company, so it felt like an insult to be earning ₦350k. When I confronted my boss about it, he apologised and told me they’d increase it the next year — 2022. The reason for the small raise was that the company was trying to adjust the salaries of the team leads. 

    This year, I got a raise to ₦480k. 

    Mad!

    I also now have a PR side gig that pays ₦250k every month alongside my other more inconsistent side gigs.

    How has your journey with money shaped how you view it?

    I used to tell myself I don’t want to be super wealthy, that I just want to be comfortable. Omo, I want to have money. The more money you have, the more you can do for yourself and your family. 

    I was speaking with my dad sometime ago, and he called me the leader of the family. At first, I was confused, but he explained that leadership is not by age, but by ability. My older siblings aren’t making as much money yet, so they haven’t been able to provide for the family as much as I have. I appreciate being able to provide for them. 

    What do you spend your money on every month?

    Is there something you want but can’t afford?

    A better apartment. I’ve changed apartments multiple times over the years because my comfort is essential. The ones I’m looking at are way above my pocket right now. I also want japa money, and just travel and vacation money. For those ones, I’m a hot babe looking for someone to sponsor me.

    LMAO, please. What’s your financial happiness on a scale of 1-10?

    6. I don’t feel rich. I’m just okay. 

    Need to send or receive money fast? Let’s help you send and receive money internationally on the go. Use Afriex

  • The Nigerian experience is physical, emotional, and sometimes international. No one knows it better than our features on #TheAbroadLife, a series where we detail and explore Nigerian experiences while living abroad.

    Today’s subject on Abroad Life didn’t know a country like North Cyprus existed until 2018 when he met his wife. One year later, he moved there to be with her. He talks about how Nigerians are treated in the country and his big plans to help people get tech jobs. 

    When did you realise you wanted to move abroad?

    The first time was in 2006 when I was doing A-Levels. Some people came to my school to tell us about the opportunities to study in Russia, and they convinced me enough to be interested in them. When I told my parents though, they didn’t agree. Their only son couldn’t just wake up one day and say he wanted to move to Russia. I didn’t put up a strong fight because even I knew it was a big deal to move abroad. I just let it go. 

    In 2018, I got my first job in Surulere, Lagos. As a kid, my mum had worked in Surulere, and I would follow her from time to time. When I started going to work on my own, I found myself facing the same struggles we faced when I was growing up — dirty canals, unnecessary traffic, bad roads filled with dirt, etc. Nothing was better. I think that’s when I decided I didn’t want to stay in Nigeria? 

    Did you make any active plans?

    Nah. Shortly after that epiphany, I met my wife on Instagram. I didn’t know she wasn’t in Nigeria until the first day we spoke on the phone, when she said she wanted to go to bed because it was midnight. 

    I was like, “Midnight?” And that’s when she told me she was in North Cyprus. At first, I thought she meant the popular Cyprus, but she explained that it was a totally different country. A country I’d never heard of before. 

    So you moved there to join her?

    I saw her for the first time when she came to Nigeria in June 2019, we got married in August, and I moved there in October. 

    Was the plan always to join her?

    We had three options — I could join her in North Cyprus, she could move back to Nigeria, or we could move to a different country together. We decided on the first option because she was doing her PhD in North Cyprus, and it didn’t make sense for her to drop it because of me. I decided to just go ahead and get a master’s as well.

    You went from not knowing a country existed to moving there in one year?

    Thankfully, my wife told me everything I needed to know about the country before I moved. I do the same when I find out people want to come here, just so I can prepare their minds. 

    “Prepare their minds” makes it sound like a scary place.

    It’s a scary place for the unprepared. It’s even scarier for Nigerians. In March (2022), the drug law enforcement agency at the Ercan International Airport got a tip that some Nigerians were bringing drugs into the country. Their solution was to stop every Nigerian student coming into the country for the next three days, and throw all their food away. I’m talking 40kg of food per person. 

    For context, I brought 23kg of food into the country, and it lasted my wife and me six months. There was no explanation, no apology, nothing. As long as you were a Nigerian coming into the country, they’d take your food and dump it. They eventually found the drugs, but at what cost?

    Also, a rule here is that if you bring in new looking gadgets, they’ll either seize them or make you pay import duties because they believe you’re coming here to sell them. 

    Many times, students land in North Cyprus and are taken to jail immediately.

    What?

    Schools are supposed to send a list of the students who are coming into the country to the airport officials. If the school forgets to send this list — which happens more often than you’d imagine — it means you’re an illegal entrant into the country, and therefore, will have to stay in jail until the school can clear you. 

    What about tourists?

    The only two visas available to Nigerians in North Cyprus are student visas and work visas, and with work visas, the company hiring you has to specifically apply for you to come into the country. It’s rare for anyone to come here on a work visa. Most Nigerians in this country are students. 

    Why do people keep going there then?

    First of all, university fees here are generally affordable. Then, there are agents. These people make money by convincing people to go to university in North Cyprus. For every student they successfully sign-up, they get a commission. What this means is that they’re going to lie and paint the country as a beautiful place to be. Many people don’t do their own research, so they fall prey.

    Also, until recently, the universities don’t reply to inquiry emails because they don’t want to get in the way of the agents’ business. So people only had whatever information they got from agents. 

    Did you use an agent?

    Yes, but because my wife had been here for three years before me, she knew everything I needed to know and helped with the process. I didn’t experience any hiccups. 

    You’ve told me what you expected of North Cyprus. What was it like when you got there?

    Two days after I got here, the electricity and water in our apartment stopped working. Apparently, the person living here before us didn’t pay their bills, and to regain access, we had to pay ₦150k.

    If you have money, you’ll enjoy yourself here. You’ll get a good apartment, have a nice car, eat good, go to the beaches, etc. It’s a peaceful country. You can live in a nice neighbourhood and go out by 2 a.m. without any hassles. That’s the good part. 

    What’s the bad part?

    It’s difficult to make money legally as a foreigner. Therefore, many Nigerians don’t enjoy the things I’ve just spoken about. Employers are looking for slaves. They pay foreigners way less than minimum wage, owe salaries for months, treat people poorly and don’t fear the repercussions. To work as a student, you need a student work permit, but employers don’t give Nigerian students the permits because they want to treat them terribly. What this means is that no matter how badly they treat people, they can’t be reported. If you report a wicked employer to the police, and you don’t have a student work permit, they will arrest you. 

    How do you survive financially? 

    Most of my jobs since I started working in 2014 have been remote. That didn’t change when I moved here. I write, design, take on some advisory roles and do some data-related work. Right now, I have jobs in Nigeria and Europe, so I don’t need to look for work here. 

    Tell me a bit about the people.

    They’re called Turkish Cypriot. Muslims make up about 99% of the Turkish Cypriot population, but they’re very accommodating of other religions. During Christmas, there are Christmas trees everywhere, and some schools even give holidays to Christians like me. 

    Are there a lot of Nigerians there?

    Nigerians are everywhere here. Everywhere. Most are students. In very rare cases, you’ll find Nigerians who stayed back after their studies because they found very well-paying jobs. 

    Over the years, people have begun to accept crypto in payment for goods like cars and laptops, especially from foreigners who would rather not hold the weak Turkish Lira. When you walk into shops, people accept e-Naira and even naira. It’s interesting to see. 

    What’s your favourite part about living in North Cyprus?

    The people — Nigerian, Cypriots, and people of other nationalities. I’m extroverted, so mixing with people from other countries and learning from them is exciting for me. I also like the fact that it’s very peaceful here. The police work really hard. 

    What are your plans for the future? Do you want to stay much longer? 

    I’m currently working on a non-profit project, helping Nigerians here access tech-related classes, and for people who already have the skills, tech-related jobs. Last year, a Nigerian was thrown in jail for stealing bread and coke. Stuff like that saddens me, so I’m working with like-minded people to create a community where Nigerians in North Cyprus can have access to education and job opportunities. That’s my plan for as long as I stay here. 

    Hey there! My name is Sheriff and I’m the writer of Abroad Life. If you’re a Nigerian and you live or have lived abroad, I would love to talk to you about what that experience feels like and feature you on Abroad Life. All you need to do is fill out this short form, and I’ll be in contact.

    Fill the form

  • So you’re seeing someone new, and to impress them, you want to do something you see oyinbo people do in movies. You want to wake up before them, cook, and present the food to them in bed. No problem. What’s the worst that could happen?

    Everything.

    Before you attempt this caucasian display of affection, let’s talk about all the possible ways serving your love breakfast in bed can go south. You can decide, after reading this, if you still want to cook for someone that’s still sleeping and technically didn’t send you message.

    First of all, making breakfast in bed for someone means you’re in love. That’s where the problem starts.

    A whole hard guy/gyal like you, waking up early to go slave away in the kitchen so another person can eat? Things are not adding up. It’s at this point you should pack your bags and run away. Don’t even leave a message. Love is for the weak, and you shouldn’t feel it for anyone.

    What if you’ve planned to make them breakfast, but they kick you out by 4 a.m?

    Remember that gist on the TL where people were saying that if someone came to their house to commit fornication, they’d chase them out before the sun rises? What if that’s the person you want to make breakfast for? May God protect our steppings. 

    What if gas finishes when you’re cooking?

    Think about it. You’re up by 4:30 a.m. making food because you’re meant to leave home by 5 a.m. to avoid Lagos traffic on your way to work. Suddenly, gas finishes because you don’t have The Lord’s Chosen sticker on your cylinder. What will you do? Give them half-cooked rice?

    What if the food pours on the stairs?

    Imagine you’ve made pancakes with bacon, eggs, syrup and baked beans, and you miss a step on your way up to the room. Now you’re lying on the stairs covered in baked beans and wondering who sent you message. 

    What if they appreciate you by calling the wrong name?

    “Oh wow, this is so sweet. Thank you, Femi.”


    You, a man named Ndubuisi, wondering when you became Yoruba:

    RELATED: 9 Foods You Should Never Cook for a Person You’re Not Married To

    What if you trigger their mummy issues and they begin to cry?

    POV: You wake someone up with a lovely tray of Golden Morn and stew, but they burst into tears because no one has ever done something so nice for them. They finish crying, eat the meal and break up with you because they now see you as a parental figure, not a romantic partner.

    What if you pour hot tea on their face?

    Last last, you’ll just say it’s part of the surprise. 

    What if you cook rubbish?

    We’re not saying you’re a terrible cook o. But what if you unknowingly put too much salt in their tea, and when they taste it, they spit it out because salt shouldn’t be in tea and tell you to get the fuck out of their house before you give them a heart attack? What would you do then?

    ALSO READ: 8 Practical Ways to Reduce the Calories in Your Food Before Eating It

  • Generally, human relationships have rules: don’t hurt me, don’t betray me, etc. But bromances take these rules to another level. Among men, there are sets of rules generally referred to as the “Bro Code”. It probably has always existed, but it was popularised by Barney from How I Met Your Mother. No, for real, there’s an actual book about it.

    Because men tend to take these things seriously, we decided to ask Nigerian men about the bro codes they’d never break. Here’s what they had to say. 

    1. “There’s no bro code I can’t break. Fuck men.”

    2. “Don’t be trying to rough up your bro or make snarky jokes just because there’s a woman there. It’s spineless behaviour.”

    3. “Bros always honour a bet. Everything is easier if I know my bro will do what he says he’ll do.” 

    4. “I’d never use something I was told in confidence to spite my guy if we had a spat. I wouldn’t want anyone to do that to me.” 

    5. “It doesn’t matter whether you make a move or not; once you tell me you like someone, I’m staying away from the person.” 

    6. “I can’t do genital meet and greet with someone my bro has bumped genitals with. It’s weird.”

    7. “Never masturbate in your bro’s bed. You’re not an animal. Use his bathroom.” 

    8. “I can never snitch on my guy for anything. Nothing at all. That’s the only one I can uphold, because when it comes to things like sleeping with my guys’ babes? God forgive me.”

    9. “My bro and I can never fight over a babe — who’ll get her, who likes her better, etc. Never.”

    10. “Talking to, dating, or sleeping with a friend’s ex? Never. It’s weird, insane, and just all levels of wrong.” 

    11. “Flirting with my bro’s partner; even if it’s a joke, it’s out of bounds abeg. That’s just disrespectful.” 

    12. “I can’t say bad things about my bro in front of a girl, whether he’s there or not. I just can’t.”

    13. “Bro codes? I don’t believe in that shit.” 

    ALSO READ: All the Weird Things Men Can Say in the Gym and During Sex

  • Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing.

    The FCMB Millionaire Promo is back and better! You can win up to N1Million when you Spin the wheel, anywhere and anytime. Feeling lucky? Click the link!

    The 23-year-old engineering graduate on today’s #NairaLife was convinced by her friend to start selling perfume oils in 2019. She shares how setting goals helped her go from a ₦50k capital to ₦2m in savings in just two years.

    Let’s start with your earliest memory of money.

    My siblings and I had a fun little tradition as children. We kept whatever money we received from aunties and uncles in a purse. We put money in it for years until the purse went missing one day. Our dad had taken all of it.

    Why?

    He was building our house and needed money to buy some materials. This happened in 2004 when he lost his job as a banker. I was six. I remember that my siblings and I didn’t feel bad. We were happy our dad was building our own house that we’d move into, and technically, that was our contribution. However, we never saved in the purse after that. 

    How did your dad’s job loss affect things at home?

    It just meant my mum had to take over. She’d always worked as a legal adviser, and she’d always been better with money. I knew whenever my dad had just gotten money because he’d buy cartons of frozen chicken and turkey and call people to come and eat. My mum had to pay our school fees throughout university. She also gave us allowances. 

    After the purse incident, did you have any personal savings?

    In secondary school, I got ₦3,000 every month and set a target to save a total of ₦2,000 at the end of every term. When I hit my goals, I spent the money on Korean movie DVDs and snacks. 

    In university, my allowance was increased to ₦25k monthly. By the end of my first semester, I’d saved up a total of ₦55k. I used the money to buy a phone and makeup. Second semester, I was only able to save ₦30k. The plan was to upgrade my wardrobe, but that’s when I got scammed. 

    Tell me about it. 

    I told my mum I wanted to go to the market to get new clothes. When I told her the specific market, she sternly warned me not to go there. She warned me multiple times. She travelled a few days later, so I saw it as the perfect opportunity to go there. 

    I’d bought a few things and was waiting for a keke to head back home when a French-speaking man walked up to me to ask for some help. From what I could piece together, he wanted directions to a place I didn’t know, so I told him I couldn’t help him and went my way. As he followed and bugged me, someone else walked up to me and advised we help him, and since there were two of us, I decided to listen. 

    It’s at this point I believe I was jazzed because everything they told me to do onwards, I did. He said he was stranded and going to a place where he had some money and iPhones he recovered from corrupt politicians, and he needed our help getting there and washing the money. Once we helped him, we’d get our cut of the money and iPhones. In my head, I knew everything was wrong, but I couldn’t resist following them. The next thing I knew, we were on a bus going far away. 

    Whoa. 

    When we got there, he brought a bunch of brown papers and said it was money. He said politicians from his country disguised money as brown papers so they could steal easily. He quickly brought out a chemical and dipped one of the papers into it and right before my eyes, it turned into a fresh, clean ₦200 note. I was beyond shocked. 

    But the problem was that he didn’t have enough chemicals to wash the millions of notes he had. To prove he wasn’t lying, he brought out a priest who told me to spit on my palm. Immediately, the spit transferred from my palm to the back of my hand. Somehow, that meant I’d held bad money and needed to be cleansed. So what they needed from me was all the money I could give them to get more chemicals. They collected my phone and ATM, gave me transport money, and told me to go home to bring all the money, jewellery and valuables my parents had. I was going to become a millionaire soon, so what were some measly jewellery?

    Please, tell me you didn’t do it. 

    I did it o. I rushed home, took all my mum’s jewellery, the ₦30k she left for the carpenter, and went back to give them. They gave me back my phone and ATM and told me they’d contact me when the money was ready. However, if I told anyone about it, seven of my family members and I would die. 

    The next few days were torture for me. I was clearly shaken by something, but when my siblings asked, I couldn’t tell them because I didn’t want them to die. It was when one of my friends came visiting and asked what was happening, and I replied, “I can’t tell you. I don’t want anyone to die”, that they realised what was going on. My friend had been in the same situation before and it sounded familiar, so they explained to me that I’d been scammed. 

    What did your parents do?

    My mum cried. She was disappointed, but she moved on fast, and we all put it behind us. 

    In my second and third years of university, I bought a few shoes and sold them for profit. I helped people do class projects for ₦7k each. For me, selling things was less about the profit and more about the fact that I could convince people to make purchases. 

    Had you sold anything before this?

    In SS 3, I helped a friend sell his songs on CDs. I sold them for ₦100. I took ₦30 and he took ₦70. Again, it wasn’t about the money. I just liked convincing people to buy things.

    So did you sell anything else in university?

    In 2019, right after my fourth year of university, a friend convinced me to sell perfume oils. I managed to gather ₦50k from my savings and bought my first batch of perfumes. Because I wanted it to be a proper business, I opened a business account so I could track the money coming in and going out. In three months, there was ₦100k in the account. 

    Mad o.

    Seeing that I was making money was motivational. I promised myself that before I finished my fifth year — I studied engineering — I would have at least ₦400k in the account. By September 2020, at the end of my fifth year, there was ₦500k in the account. This is minus the money I was constantly throwing into the business to restock o. 

    What were your business costs like?

    At first, I bought the perfumes for ₦300 and sold them for ₦800. Two for ₦1,500. When COVID happened, the cost prices went up slightly, so I increased my selling price to ₦1,000. 

    How were you making so many sales?

    WhatsApp stories and Instagram. I posted a lot, and my visibility increased when my sister gave my brand page shoutouts to her thousands of Instagram followers. In school, I carried my perfumes everywhere with me. Even when I spoke to people and they didn’t buy, I let them use samples, so when they got compliments, they came back to buy. I also had to be innovative. What I’d been doing before was buying from wholesalers in Nigeria in small fancy bottles, which made them expensive. During COVID, I found someone on Instagram who sold in large quantities from Dubai. I bought from them in large plastic containers and filled the perfume into tiny bottles myself. That was much cheaper. 

    I also started selling branded perfumes so I could reach more people. 

    A smart woman. 

    In December 2020, I was having a conversation with my friend who sold stuff online, and she told me she saved ₦1m that year, so I set my 2021 goals to ₦1m. When I calculated all the cash I had at the end of 2021, it was ₦2m. This was minus crypto and goods. 

    Wow.

    By then, I realised my business didn’t need too much of my attention and energy to run, so I took out ₦800k, got a MacBook and started searching for jobs.

    What kind of jobs?

    Data analytics. I took some data analytics classes in 2021, so it was time to find related jobs online. After a few L’s, I finally got one in March. The pay is ₦350k.

    How’s it like juggling business and work?

    Challenging. I burnt out last month and took a break from business. I didn’t put out content to entice. I just attended to orders. The good thing is I work from home. 

    How have the exchange rates affected your business?

    What I buy for ₦400k now is less than what I bought for ₦300k two years ago, but I can’t increase my prices too much because I have competition. 

    Let’s take a look at your current finances. 

    And a breakdown of your current expenses? 

    What’s something you want but can’t afford?

    Citizenship to a country with a strong passport.

    And what are your plans for the future? 

    By the end of this year, I want to have cash savings of ₦5m and $500. For my perfumes, I want to get custom scents.

    How many sales would you say you’ve made since you started this business?

    Over 1,500. 

    What’s your financial happiness on a scale of 1-10?

    8. I’m pretty comfortable where I am. I live with my parents, I don’t need a car, I have everything I need. 

    Editor’s Note: The subject of this story confirmed that a figure in the original version was wrong, and so we made a change. The original version said she saved ₦150k after her first semester in university, but the correct figure was ₦55k.

    Now that you’ve made it to the end of this article, it’s a great time to win big on the FCMB Millionaire Promo. Simply click the link to spin the wheel.

  • The Nigerian experience is physical, emotional, and sometimes international. No one knows it better than our features on #TheAbroadLife, a series where we detail and explore Nigerian experiences while living abroad.

    Today’s subject on Abroad Life was enjoying his post-university work life in Nigeria when constant harassment from SARS made him realise he couldn’t stay anymore. How did he process a move to Ireland? What’s it like dating a white woman? What are his plans for the future?

    Read his story here.

    When did you decide to move abroad?

    I’ve been hoping to move abroad since I finished secondary school in 2013. I wanted to go to Canada because my best friend was going there for university, but my parents didn’t allow me — they said they wanted me to experience university in Nigeria.

    What was that like? 

    It went by like a breeze. I went to a school that had lots of rules, so it wasn’t the best experience for me. Most of the time, I felt caged. Thankfully, I was able to graduate in four years. 

    After university, I did NYSC and then got a job as an operations analyst at a bank in 2019. The job paid ₦250k. For someone fresh out of university, it was good pay. Apart from the money, I had super fun colleagues, worked with celebrities, and met my weekly targets. It was fulfilling. But there was a problem. 

    Tell me. 

    SARS. I was a young man carrying a laptop around in Ubers, and those people used my eyes to see pepper. They’d stop me, search me, slap me, everything. I was enjoying my job, but I was living in fear.

    After uni, I’d already tried to do a master’s in Canada, but even after I paid my ₦8m school fees, I didn’t get my visa. Canada was denying a lot of visas that year. They returned about ₦7.8m. Exchange rates. My dad was pissed.

    Anyways, the SARS experience made me intensify my japa plans. I didn’t tell my parents that the reason I was trying to leave Nigeria was because of police harassment because I didn’t want them to be worried. I just told them I really wanted to go abroad for my master’s. 

    When did Ireland come into the picture?

    2020. I did some reading and saw that Irish visas were easier to get than Canadian visas, so I started applying for schools in Ireland. 

    What was that process like?

    I found an agent that did it for me for free.

    Ehn?

    There are agents that help you process your application, visa and everything else for free. They get paid directly by the school when you pay your fees. The only things I had to spend money on were printing, photocopying and the visa application fee. 

    Interesting. 

    I got my visa in September 2020, and that same month, I was out of Nigeria. Two weeks after I left, the EndSARS protests happened. I felt bad I wasn’t there, but I also felt good that it was happening, considering how many times those SARS people harassed me.

    Expectation vs reality: Ireland edition.

    My plan was to come here, do my master’s, have fun, finish my master’s, and immediately start making loads of money. Reality? It’s cold and boring here. Because of COVID, I spent my entire master’s year learning from home, so it was difficult to socialise. And for the “loads of money” part, omo. 

    LMAO. Was it easy settling?

    Difficult. Imagine moving to a new country and you have to stay indoors throughout. I first moved in with a friend, and then after two weeks, moved out on my own. I had to resort to dating apps to find friends and potential lovers. 

    Have you dated anybody?

    I’m now in my third relationship since I moved here. The first two were Nigerian babes, and stuff didn’t really work out with them. My current girlfriend is white.

    What’s the difference between dating a Nigerian girl and a white girl?

    White babes are much less problematic. They won’t give you all the unnecessary mental gymnastics Nigerian babes give because they communicate much better. It’s much easier to solve issues that way. They also won’t bill you as much as Nigerian babes. My God, billing is not just a thing that happens in Nigeria o. I even have female Nigerian friends who want to come and visit me, and all they ask is, “Will you pay for my cab?” Why? 

    Even when we go to stores to get stuff, before I bring out my card, my babe has already brought hers out to pay. No Nigerian babe has done that for me.

    Tell me about your work life in Ireland.

    When I was a student, I first did warehouse work. After two months at the warehouse, I found a better paying job taking care of old people who need help. I gave them medications, made their meals, walked with them, walked their pets, kept them company, etc. These are considered blue-collar jobs here. I couldn’t do a white-collar job because I was still a student. 

    Now that I’ve graduated, I’m in between jobs, but I’m looking to work as a business analyst at a well-paying company. I’ve had two jobs and been unemployed for a month now, so I’m just deciding on what’s best for me.

    Nice. What’s your favourite part about living in Ireland?

    Going out and not being harassed by SARS. Also, I can be myself without anyone over-monitoring me. 

    And your least favourite part?

    It’s cold, it’s boring, and there’s no Nigerian food. 

    Is there a solution to the boredom?

    I guess maybe going out clubbing, or eating out with friends. I plan to stay here for the foreseeable future, so I have to get used to it.

    Hey there! My name is Sheriff and I’m the writer of Abroad Life. If you’re a Nigerian and you live or have lived abroad, I would love to talk to you about what that experience feels like and feature you on Abroad Life. All you need to do is fill out this short form, and I’ll be in contact.

    Fill the form

  • You know what I hate? Those videos where a man proposes to a woman, and she’s so surprised, she runs away, screaming and crying like she’s Chicken Little and the sky is falling around her. Ladies, it’s time to wise up.

    As a man, I’ve written this article to tell you the signs men give off when they’re about to propose to you. So that when it does happen, you can twirl around in your high chair and say, “I’ve been expecting you.”  

    He takes you to your favourite restaurant.

    If your man ever tells you to get dolled up so he can take you to your favourite restaurant, just start alerting all the other men you’ve been cheating on him with. He’s about to pop the question and turn you from a girlfriend who cheats into a wife…who’s still cheating just as much.

    If you’re reading this and your man did take you to your favourite restaurant but the night didn’t end with an engagement, it means he hid the ring in your food and you swallowed it. Congrats, bestie. 

    He doesn’t take you to your favourite restaurant.

    Men are sneaky. If a man ever takes you to a place that’s not your favourite restaurant, it means he’s preparing something exciting for you. He’s saving the best for the last and wants to drop your expectations so that when he finally does take you to the restaurant and pops the question, you’ll be excited.

    He cheats. 

    Men only cheat to test women. Your reaction when he cheats on you goes a long way in determining whether you deserved to be called “Iyawo” or not. If you shout and fight with him, you’ve failed the test, and there’s no marriage for you. If you forgive him and encourage him to cheat even more, you’ve passed the test. It means you will stick with him through thick and thin, and support all his decisions. You go, iyawo!

    ALSO READ: 6 Interesting Places to Hide the Engagement Ring Before You Propose

    He stops giving you money.

    Is “For richer for poorer” a joke to you? A man that doesn’t give you money is putting you through the loyalty test. Will you stay? Will you run away? We are watching.

    Also, if he borrows money from you and refuses to pay it back, relax. He’s paying towards your wedding.

    He starts hanging out with funny people.

    If he starts hanging out with skit makers and the likes, it means they’re planning to do one of those surprise proposals. Watch out. 

    He suddenly starts looking at or sucking your fingers. 

    If you ever catch your man looking at your fingers or sucking them during sexy time, he’s trying to measure your fingers. Men don’t know finger sizes, so when it’s time to buy a ring, he’ll try his best to measure them with his eyes or tongue. 

    He randomly buys a suit.

    Apart from proposals, what do men need suits for? No, tell us?

    He attends a wedding or likes a wedding post on IG.

    If he does this, he’s trying to hint at you. Women don’t get hints. We’re trying to help you here. Open your eyes. 

    He looks at you.

    A man? Looking at you? He’s using his eyes to measure your body for your wedding dress. Congrats, babes. 

    QUIZ: Can We Guess When You’ll Marry?

  • Everyone watches Attack on Titan. If you don’t, it means you’re a dead guy who’s been living under a tree for the past five years. This is me telling you to jazz up. I’m looking at you, Zaki. 

    Stand Up GIFs | Tenor

    Well, we got bored today and decided to give Nigerian names to the characters from a show where giants run around and eat people. See for yourself. 

    Eren – Odinakachukwu

    If you know what’s good for you, don’t make the mistake of shortening his name by calling him Odinaka. That’s how problem use to start. Have you ever met an Odinaka that doesn’t know how to fight? This one didn’t know how to fight when he was a child so he was bullied a lot. Now, just manage to vex him small. The way he will beat you, ehn? 

    Mikasa – Mayowa

    On the surface, Mayowas are calm, cute and composed, but I promise you that you don’t want to see their bad side. If Mikasa was a Yoruba babe, she’d be the one to know all the terribly insults and not be afraid to use them once you cross her path or annoy one of her friends. A proper thug. 

    Levi – Segun

    Quick, think of all the Seguns you know. Short and angry all the time, abi? That’s Levi for you. He just goes around with his big head, looking for who to scold and discipline. He was definitely a lesson teacher in his past life. 

    ALSO READ: 31 Anime Names That Can Replace Popular Nigerian Names

    Sasha – Zainab

    Every weekend on her Snapchat, Ilashe beach. Every post on her Instagram, “Any money wey I get, na for enjoyment”. Her Twitter bio, “Certified Foodie”. Zainab, calm down. The food is not running away. 

    Armin – Sylvanus

    What’s that? Sylvanus is not a Nigerian name? Please, please and please, let’s be serious. There’s no name more Igbo than Sylvanus, and there’s nobody more calculated than Armin. He’s just like his brother, Sabinus. 

    Connie – Uche

    I don’t know how to explain it, but he just gives Uche vibes. Cool, friendly guy who’s friends with everyone. If you don’t stress him, he won’t stress you. And even if you stress him, he might not do anything about it. 

    Hange – Omowunmi

    The glasses, the nerdiness, the occasional craze, the mummy vibes. Hange is definitely an Omowunmi.

    ALSO: These 10 Nigerian Names Don’t Belong To Babies

  • Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing.

    Between 1996 and 2014, today’s subject on #NairaLife worked as an auxiliary nurse. Her highest salary in that period was ₦12k. Today, she works as a hairdresser and lives on loans she repays every week.

    What’s your earliest memory of money?

    1995. I was 16 and decided to turn my hairdressing talent into money. My parents separated when I was two and my younger brother was 11 months. We first lived with my mum because we were kids, but my dad took us back after a few years. I only had the chance to visit my mum during the holidays after that, and it was during those visits I found out I was a natural at hairdressing. My mum had a neighbour who made hair. I used to stay at her shop watching her. Then one day, I tried to braid a friend’s hair and did a fantastic job.

    By the time I turned 16, I decided to stop making people’s hair for free. I bought a poster and put it outside my mum’s palm wine shop. At that time, I charged as high as  ₦100 to make people’s hair.

    Sweet.

    Because hairdressing brought money, I switched from going to my mum’s place only on holidays to going every weekend. My dad dropped me off on Fridays and picked me on Sundays, and by Sunday, I’d have made ₦1,000. Sometimes, my dad “borrowed” the money. Other times, I saved.

    By 1996, I was in SS2, and I decided to stop and train to become an auxiliary nurse instead. 

    Why?

    I’d loved the idea of being a nurse since I was a child. Seeing people in nurses’ uniforms brought me joy that I couldn’t explain. 

    How did you become an auxiliary nurse in secondary school?

    I had a classmate who was also training to become an auxiliary nurse. She took me to a hospital that had a vacancy, and they took me in. I can’t remember how much, but to learn, I had to pay the hospital. My dad paid for me. On weekdays, I went to work after school, but on weekends, I worked full shifts. My job was to assist nurses, so I treated wounds, gave injections, etc.

    11 months into my training, when I was in SS 3, I got pregnant, so I decided to stop. I also dropped out of school. I moved to live with my mum so she could take care of me during the pregnancy period, and I decided I still needed money to take care of my child, so I used the little money I’d saved to buy raw rice, beans and garri to resell. I made a profit and restocked multiple times, and that’s what I sold until I had my child in 1997. When the child was six months old, I decided to go back to auxiliary nursing. This time, at a different hospital. 

    Why?

    I wanted to start afresh somewhere I could learn comprehensively. The auxiliary nurse training is a three-year programme, and I’d only done 11 months at the first place. Starting afresh was an opportunity to refresh my memory of what I’d learned before. I started in 1998 and graduated in 2001. During that period, I survived only on pocket money from my mum and hawking medicine.

    Hawking medicine?

    By 2000, one of the doctors at our hospital asked me to work at his pharmacy from time to time. Being there made me realise people were always buying medicines, so I gathered all the money I could find — ₦8k — and bought medicines to start hawking. Because I didn’t have a license, I only sold painkillers and common vitamins, but the market moved well. 

    What happened after you graduated?

    The hospital hired me. My first salary was ₦8,000. Every month, I invested a bulk of the money into my business. So whenever I was off work, I was on the streets selling medicines. As time went on, my business grew, but I had to stop hawking in 2002 because I was pregnant. This time, with a different man — my husband. 

    When did you get married?

    That same year.

    Where was your first child in all of this?

    Mainly with my mum. I was always at work, so, she just helped me take care of the child. By the time I got married and moved in with my husband, the child didn’t come with me because she preferred being with my mum, so I left her there. 

    A few months after I gave birth, I started hawking again to complement my salary, which was now about ₦10k. My husband was an okada rider and didn’t make too much money too, so I had to keep making as much money as I could to keep the family fed. 

    By 2008, I left my job for another hospital. This one paid ₦12k. We pretty much lived hand to mouth with nothing to spare until 2013 when my husband passed away. 

    I’m so sorry. 

    Apparently, he was poisoned. Oh, by the way, my mum had died somewhere along the line too, and my daughter was now living with me, so I was a widow with two children to care for. It was difficult to do with my ₦12k salary. At some point shortly after he died, our rent expired, and I couldn’t afford it, so my two children and I had to move to stay in our church. 

    How long did you stay there?

    Two years. So I went to work in the morning, hawked medicine in my free time, and then, started making people’s hair in front of the church building. That’s how we survived those years. I still managed to put my children to school through that period. When they weren’t in school, they were in the church waiting for me to get back. 

    By 2015, I met a new man who I was sure I wanted to settle with, and we got pregnant. We decided to move in together, but housing in the area where I stayed was too expensive. We couldn’t find anything cheaper than ₦160k per year, so we moved to a different area where we found a place for ₦70k. Because of that move, I quit my job.

    When did you have the baby?

    That same 2015. First, we survived on the money from selling the rest of the medicine I had. When that was done, I started making hair again. This time, with more energy. I put posters all around our house, bought a stool, combs, hair creams, everything. The money I was making still wasn’t enough, so I took a ₦50k loan from a loan company when I was about to have the baby. That’s the money we used to buy baby stuff. 

    What does your husband do?

    He runs a Baba Ijebu gambling shop. I try my best not to be the complaining wife, so I won’t push him to do illegal things for money, but he doesn’t bring anything to the table. He makes about ₦600 daily. He uses the money to eat. That’s all. It’s not like he’s not trying or he doesn’t care for the family, but I think he can do better. He gives me money only about two times a month. And when I say, “gives me money”, I mean ₦200 or ₦300. 

    Whoa. Let’s go back to 2015. 

    Between 2015 and now, my hairdressing business has grown very slowly. There are a lot of hairdressers in this area, and people pay much lower fees than they paid in the other area. I’ve had to supplement my hairdressing income by selling stuff. At some point, I’ve sold puff puff, but now, I sell bags of pure water and drinks. I even bought a container for ₦30k to use as a shop one time. But after some months, the owner of the land came and chased me away because they wanted to build their house, so I sold the container for ₦35k. I eventually found a shop where I pay ₦3k monthly as rent.

    How much do you make on an average month?

    ₦30k. This is from hairdressing, and water and drinks selling. 

    Can you break it down into expenses?

    I’ll try. Here’s what it looks like right now. 

    ₦54k for debts?

    I haven’t been able to survive on just my income for years, so I take a lot of loans. When I finish repaying, I take another loan. Between 2021 and now, my first two children have gone to polytechnic. I pay their fees and send them occasional stipends. 

    Right now, I’m repaying loans from two different loan companies. From one, I collected ₦100k and pay back ₦5,500 every week. From another, I collected ₦150k and pay back ₦8,000 every week. 

    What happens when you can’t pay back?

    I borrow from people who have their shops beside me. We’re friends, so they can lend me the occasional ₦2k. 

    Do you have any plans to get out of this situation?

    If I can repay my loans and make some bulk money to stock my shop with lots and lots of drinks, I believe I’ll be on a path to becoming comfortable. I don’t want to have to borrow to restock my shop. It’ll continue the cycle. In fact, the reason I borrow most of the time is to restock my shop, but I never get to it because other things come up and take the money. Right now, there are only two bags of pure water and 2 crates of drinks in my shop. It’s how I’ll repay my loans and get that bulk money I don’t know. 

    What’s something you want right now, but can’t afford?

    Stocking up my shop. 

    And your financial happiness on a scale of 1-10?

    Two. It’s bad, but I’m thankful to God for the little things I can do, like sending my children to school. 

  • The Nigerian experience is physical, emotional, and sometimes international. No one knows it better than our features on #TheAbroadLife, a series where we detail and explore Nigerian experiences while living abroad.

    On Abroad Life today, our subject takes us through his journey from deciding to leave Nigeria to moving to Ireland. He talks about navigating a long-distance relationship and being in love with the city where he stays. 

    When did you decide to move abroad?

    2017. I finished my master’s in architecture that same year, and my friends abroad started encouraging me to move. I’m not one to make hasty decisions, so when they told me to travel, I started my own research. I looked at different countries, what it would take me to move, the experiences of other Nigerians, weather, e.t.c. And it might be a function of the fact that travelling was already looking like a good idea for me, but I started feeling like I wasn’t getting the full value of my efforts here. It felt like every work I did was for nothing. So I decided to leave to get another master’s.

    Why another master’s?

    It’s the easiest way for Nigerians to japa. It’s straightforward — you go to school, finish and legally integrate into society. If I got a job or did express entry, I’d have to incorporate into society immediately, pay tax, etc. As a student, I get to take it easy for at least a year before going into the thick of it. Plus, getting a student visa is much easier. 

    Also, I’m an architect. I need to understand the building codes and architectural regulations of whatever country I’m settling in. It’s just like law. You can’t study law in Nigeria and represent someone in a US court.

    Why did you choose Ireland?

    Ireland was my third option. My first choice was Australia, but it was too expensive and far. Germany was next. I got my admission, and all I needed to do was the visa interview, but for some reason, they forgot to call me for the interview. They forgot! 

    My interview was supposed to be in mid-2019, but they called me in December. By then, the school had resumed, and I’d already started processing Ireland. 

    What was the Ireland process like?

    Omo, my first visa was denied. At this point, if I wasn’t mentally strong, and if I didn’t receive emotional support from my girlfriend and my family, I would have been discouraged. Imagine Germany saying they forgot to call me for an interview and then Ireland denying you a visa. It was tough. 

    Why did they deny the visa?

    Ireland is very strict with finances, so if you can’t explain any money above ₦300k in your account, they won’t give you a visa. 

    What?

    At the time, I ran two businesses — my architecture consultancy business and my family truck-lending business. I didn’t register either of them. All the money went through my personal account. By the time they went through my account and saw plenty of money, they probably thought I was a fraudster and denied my visa. I could have appealed the decision, but I decided not to because I couldn’t explain to them that I was using my personal account for business purposes. Instead, I registered my businesses and used the following year to build the accounts up. I didn’t let any random person send me money because then I’d have to account for it. 

    When did you eventually leave? 

    September 2021. 

    Expectation vs reality: Ireland edition. 

    I did a lot of research before travelling, so nothing really jumped at me. Maybe the most significant thing is that I’ve never heard anyone speak Irish. Ever. Where I stay, all they speak is English. Also, the people here are friendly but straightforward. I don’t know how to explain it. They’ll say hi and talk about the weather, but they’re very formal. 

    How did moving abroad affect your relationships?

    With my family, it’s been difficult because I miss them. But I speak with them often. With my girlfriend, it’s much more difficult. Being in a long-distance relationship is hard enough. When you add that you can’t take a trip to see the person on a whim and you’re busy with school, things are even more difficult. Because I see a future for myself in Ireland, my girlfriend and I have discussed it and we think it’ll be nice for her to move here.

    She’s been wanting to do her master’s for a few years now, so it’s a perfect plan for her to join me here. 

    Thankfully, I’ve been here for a while, so I can help her settle in. 

    Tell me about your favourite part of Ireland. 

    My city, Limerick. It’s a diverse city, so there are many Africans here. It also has many country homes, and it’s very relaxed. I see myself staying in Ireland and settling with my family here, and Limerick is where I want to stay. I love it here.  

    Want more Abroad Life? Check in every Friday at 9 A.M. (WAT) for a new episode. Until then, read every story of the series here.